It hurts

Even after all this time
After telling myself I'm fine
It still hurts

I still feel it in my heart
Emotions out of my control
Tearing my apart
Taking its toll

Why do I still feel this way?
Why do I still care?
Maybe I need more apathy
Maybe this isn't fair

I enter my room
And close the door
And start screaming
"Everything is gonna be okay"
No....
"Everything is okay"
"Every....thing... is... okay..."
As my tears starts flowing
"E..ve...ry... thing.... is....o..kay..."
I keep saying that to myself
But why?
Why is it so hard to lie to myself?

Go away
                                                            ­                                           (Don't go)
I don't want you
                                                             ­                                      (I need you)
I hate you
                                                             ­                                       (I love you)
I'm fine
                                                            ­                                       (I'm broken)
I'm strong
                                                          ­                                            (I'm weak)
Don't worry about me
                                                              ­                   (Please care about me)
I don't want your help
                                                            ­                             *(I need your help)

How long have I been broken for
Can I even be fixed?
When did this all start
Or have I always been this?

Still here, still alive
Still not happy
Still can't cry

Still here, still alive
Still no meaning
Still can't try

Still here, still alive
Still dead inside
But still can't die

Finding a reason to live is hard
When the weight of it all can leave you scarred
Happiness is often just a dream
One that some people can't quite gleam

Life may have its ups and downs
Sometimes it feels like we're going to drown
But through it all, we must carry on
As time passes, we'll find a new dawn