I wake up.
I took two pills before I blacked
I forgot I did,
I'm on autopilot.
You might worry,
The circles around my eyes
are a tell-tale sign
I assure you I'm not fine.
I am not in control of my life
I'm living in strife
everyone I know has left me
You see,
You don't see
And that's the thing
I don't want you to see
But why doesn't anyone see?

Webster’s dictionary defines 'jaded'
as “made dull, apathetic,
or cynical by experience
or by having or seeing
too much of something.”

Let me tell you about my divorce.
Left me destitute with no remorse.
Thought it was a match made in heaven
But how could it be when it was forced?
Three months living in a blissful hell
There was no way we could tell.
My wife left me, abandoned me
In our apartment by myself.
She said she didn’t love me anymore
As she walked out the door
She filed for our divorce
Using $200 I had saved up, of course.
It seemed like she unraveled my universe
And as if things couldn’t get any worse
She was pregnant with my daughter
And tried to keep me away from her.
It seemed like every day I was cryin’.
I didn’t even care if I was dyin’.
Pain was so bad it’s like my heart
was ripped out of my chest by a lion.
Yah, and it’s like...

I just got tired of carin’
And I just kept starin’
At my hands and my feet
‘Cause I got nothing in between
I am jaded
I am jaded

We were driving 95, thought we’d stay here for the night
In Bay Shore.
The party waits til I arrive so we start the night off right
In Bay Shore.
Summer nights keep rolling,
And the night is ours, we own it.
All my fears and regrets postpone it,
Just hold it, for a moment.
Is it the salt air deep in my pores
That allures me back to the shore?
There’s something so real about Bay Shore.
Oh Bay Shore…

These city lights on the skyline
Keeps calling me on the hotline.
I’m not coming home.
At least for the week but I’m feeling guilty.
‘Cause I can’t admit I’m cheating on Charm City.

I’m just following the beat
To the beach right up the street
In Bay Shore.
Take the boat out for the day
While the sun’s out on display
In Bay Shore.
And I know I’m being bold
But I could see me growing old
In Bay Shore.
And the whole city’s my friend,
How could anything contend
With Bay Shore?

Melody’s from the ocean
Always seems to entice my emotions.
Thinking how we left words unspoken,
And we really got nowhere at all,
So broken.
You and Charm City left me so jaded
While my feelings became so faded.
Whatever I lost I’ll find it
But I’m reminded

These summer nights on the shore line
Soothes my senses, keeps me inclined
To call this home.

Little beads,

Jaded by time.

Bouncing.

Roll on the floor.

The end is here.

Fire Blooming in lungs,

Burning out what once was,

Creating fertile ground for the new.

Flowers weaving through veins,

Bursting through the heart.

Badum Badum Badum.

Excavating the chest,

Tearing through skin.

You see me there,

Rotting on a cracked floor,

Moss seeping through;

Long forgotten.

A smile on my face,

"Thank you for coming"

drifting apart
like two sheets of ice
my love.
isn't it lovely?
what once was mine
is now not.
is it me?
am i the problem?
am i ever going to not be
alone?
i'm drowning.
i'm drowning and i can't see the light
that once was so bright.
i'm blinded by darkness
yet my eyes are open wide.
when did i become so bitter?
so jaded?
facing problems i've never faced before
has made me weary.
she is forgetting
me, our memories, everything.
i want to flee.
from this town, from this world
from life.
isn't it lovely?
what once was mine
is now not.

elusive-wheezing though
some traps are permanent
they cling; i drift away
can never be a whole
a dreamt-up version of
however flawed i am