Have you ever felt like
all you wanted to do was listen to music
yet your head hurt

and the world would spin and spin
but all you wanted was to stand still

and the sun didn't shine on a day where you wanted to be blinded

And the branch didn't break
when you tried to die from the aches of life
so you had
had to let go.

Have you ever felt like the chocolate is never just right.
Either too milky or too strong, never balanced out.
Have you ever forgot to feed your pet,
remembered, and still layed in bed?

Because I, I,
understand it all
but life just isnt easy like that
for life
doesn't just give you the lemons,
it makes you find them
and work to
make
the lemonade.

In my head it's 2 a.m. and you're as awake as I am
heads against our pillows and we're both thinking of each other but neither of us know it
you're missing me
and you're unsure of whether you even knew me well enough to have the privilege of missing me at all
but you miss me for the things we never said
and in my head you're thinking of how you never really got close enough to wrap your arms around my waist
to tell me everything I made you feel and everything you saw coming
that never quite played out how you wanted
In my head even your fingers are sad when you think about my skin
even your lips burn at the thought of never kissing mine again
but it's probably just in my head

knowing there is no way
i can meet you
being aware of
the distance between us

makes me think
about
how i have put you
in a shelf
where you might not
belong

dreaming about
your perfection
and wishing to meet
someone
like you

like you
there is no you

“you”
is not real


we both know

i made “you” up

I bury my head below the tide to remind myself that I am alive

When I was small, carefree and young
I would laugh, giggle and have so much fun
Who would of known or ever could see
What I would go through what I would be

The roads I would travel the things I'd go through
I had love and friendship that never seemed true
Break ups and make ups, good times and bad
I lived through the fights and the memories I had

I believed in that prince on a white shinny horse
Will he still come and sweep me up of course
I'm still so young and many years are ahead
But at times I feel alone and in side so dead

I have worries and dreads and flights of fears
Its my demons and emotions that I mostly fear
The nights bring no comfort the day no peace
I wish this battle I face would just ceace

I can't explain and I don't know why
Sometimes I break and all I want is to die
I try to reach out and speak from my heart
But then the pain and emotions restart

You'll never know or understand if you tried
The mental agony and pain that inside I hide
Now I'll be fine and all seems so well
Then in an instant I pull into my shell

I know you worry I know you wonder
How can you calm my raging thunder
You cant help me you can't heal me
Cause I cant explain, I so wish to be free

It comes from within and it blows in an instant
Then from the world I keep my distance
It's emotions and worries and panic attracts
When you think it is over it's suddenly back

Where do I turn to where can I run
I wish to be happy carefree and fun
It raises in an instant and stays for so long
Then there goes my quietness like distant song

People try help and give there advise
They tell me to stand up, they tell me to raise
They say I'm stronger than what I believe
I must try harder and to advise give heed

I have tried this and that so many times
But it doesn't help cause it's more than my mind
Its deep in my soul my gut and my heart
If only I could figure out from where is all starts

How to control it so that it won't last
Maybe it's hidden deep in my past
I've dug and I've dug and pondered on things
All that it does is another one brings

It doesn't help me when you stare at me
You think I don't know but I always see
The whispers and giggles and ugly remarks
Don't be back stabbing take of your masks

It's a constant battle to keep it together
I'm even effected by the change of weather
But I keep on going and pray to keep standing
And always on my two feet to be landing

So next time you see me distressed and ranting
Tears in my eyes and heavily panting
Try to be loving, understanding and gentle
It hurts me more when you are judgement

I know that you battle at times understand me
Do you stay away or reach out and hold me
I wish I could change and be more stable
Believe me I would of if only I was able