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Nadine Mar 2019
Thank you God for blessings
And your loving tender care
For everything you give me
And your love with me you share

Thank you for the hardship
And the suffering I endure
The trials and tribulation
You'll pull me through for sure

No matter what tomorrow holds
Good or bad or sad
I know that you will be there
Like a true and loving dad

Through my fears and darkest times
Through suffering and through pain
You wipe away my every tear
You take away my shame

My tears before where very tough
With many ups and downs
But at my weakest moments
You took away my frown

You always walked beside me
No matter where I went
And when I wondered and got lost
Your Holy Spirit you sent

Your love for me is endless
With good plans for me I'm sure
You have it all worked out my Lord
It's love it's kind its pure

I am so very weak you know
And you so very strong
And yet you take the time and care
To forgive me for my wrong

You polish me and neaten me
And cleanse me from within
You make me bright and shiny
And wash me from my sin

I could never find a friend like you
Someone so dear and loving
That to the cross did go for me
And freed me from my sinning

I love you Lord and Saviour
My father and my friend
My Gracious God Almighty
My king until the end
Nadine Mar 2019
What is anxiety it makes me cry
I'm very withdrawn and so very shy
I keep to myself and I pull away
Far from all people that want me to stay

I don't know why I don't know how
I thought I'd understand long before now
It hides way down deep with in my soul
And in the depth of my heart it burns a hole

It's something that no one can understand
Because we are liabeled we are always band
We not like you we all stand alone
We never choose it how could we of known

There was a time that all seemed ok
But in an instant it was taken away
Then we were faced with a life of hell
And only find comfort inside our shell

We are different not quiet like you
But the sad reality is if you only knew
We are the same just so loving and caring
But something inside is frightening and flaring

It's a horrid mixture of emotions and fears
And we are tossed around in a violent oceans
Of panic and stress and deep down depression
With endless hours of endless sessions

We are stuck on an endless roller coaster ride
With demons and dragons deep down inside
Its ups and downs and mental torture
My mind and emotions is my books author

The anger and agony I keep deep inside
It always comes out I wish I could hide
Away from the world the ones I love most
The ones I love dearly the ones I need close

I live in a world of unimaginable horror
Please make it stop make it go till tomorrow
My emotions keep swirling my mind is a mess
I battle to breathe I have tightness of chest

I clinchs and I murmur I stumbled and stutter
I hurt and I scream and I cry and I mutter
I walk to and frow and I groan and I cry
Oh please someone just help me know why

It comes in an instant just out of no where
My emotions of anger once more does flare
I feel like I boarder on mental insanity
Even my hands are wet and clammy

My head is a whirlpool of fear and frustration
It hurts and it screams am I in damnation
Why can't it stop or subside for a while
Am I been punished it's so evil and vile

What have I done what did I do
Why can't I be normal just like you
Where is my peace and quiet I once had
What went wrong that it ended up so bad

There's no one to turn to there's no safe place
No where to run so the house I'll just pace
I sit and I rock and I cry and I'm steaming
The voice of reason gives me no meaning

That little voice that should guide right
Like all my energy again took flight
Now I'm just left with the voices of evil
It's like my body belongs to the devil

So again I'm hurting I'm ripped apart
Another ones about to start
I close my eyes and try wish it away
But like the rest I know it will stay
Nadine Mar 2019
Shes was so little and small but today bold and tall
She wanted pretty things and go to the mall
She met someone and for him did fall
And my eyes out I did softly ball

Thinking of her as a little child
On bicycle she always used to ride
Shes pretty she's lovely she's my pride
I wish her from the world I could hide

Today she is big and so far away
I wish close to me she could always stay
Never to loose her I always pray
Each and every single day

I love you my baby forever and more
If I ever lost you my heart would be sore
Oh how I wish your pain and hurt I could store
Deep in the ocean or under the shore

The road you have traveled, pain you've been threw
What life would bring you, what you'd go threw
My special angle if I only knew
All of them will get wat is dew

No daughter more special ill ever find
You sweet and you gently and deeply kind
What life has delt you is so unkind
All that I wish is happyness you would find

The choices you make
And the roads that you take
Cant you see is always a mistake
Now your happiness you have to fake

He was not yours to have or to hold
By everyone this you where told
His love and his heart belonged to another
Who for 28 yrs was better other

You came in the picture and marriage fell apart
After the love of thier life from this world did depart
All that they built fell apart from the start
You where to young to hold up your part

Now he has passed on to another place
And his ex wife you must look in the face
Now you must move from your home from your place
She's taking everything even her estate

I can not advise you I can not get through
If you could go back and only knew
You have to move on the time is dew
These relationships fail except for a few

The path that awaits you will be long and hard
But if you play your hand right play the good card
Don't be a fool don't let down your guard
Don't just give away to anyone your heart
Nadine Mar 2019
Why do I feel like this what did I do
Is it me past ....or is it you
You'll never understand stand me
How could you.. you don't see

I'll never be relaxed, calm or carefree
because fears and confusion surround me
I'm ok for a while
and I put on a smile

But my worries and stress
Makes me feel worthless and less
How can I explain
Im so tiered and drained

How can I refrain
How can I feel plain
I fight mental battles
And I'm tided down in shackels

From thoughts in my mind
That my peace always finds
It haunts me and taunts me
And my past always finds me

I can't sit still and I battle to breathe
Calm, quiet, peace that's all that I need
My mind won't stop screaming
My tears just keep steaming

I live in my head
While in my heart I'm dead
My soul is in shatters
And my life is a tatters
Nadine Mar 2019
What have I done I wonder why
I'm gentle soft and very shy
I was not the man I am today
But anger hatred has come to stay

I'm really fun and so kind at heart
But others ripped my heart apart
I learnt to fend and fight alone
My body ackes my heart does grown

When I was a little lad
I was happy carefree and never sad
I did the things that small boys do
How I'd turnout no one new

As my toddler years went by
I realised my life was but a lie
Violence, anger, abuse and pain
Would make me hang my head in shame

The happy life I knew before
Had suddenly gone out our back door
Our happy home had disappeared
It looked like evil it's ugly head had reared

Been a kid so young at heart
Like every other kid does start
Had to learnt to grow up fast
And try to run far from my past

But as my teen year went on by
I became more withdrawn and shy
I made wrong choices did wrong things
One night stand and many flings

Drugs, ***** and deep dark things to
Took me to a place so cold and blue
Relationship that never last
Oh if I could just return to my past

As I aged and became much older
Tried to be strong and much bolder
But the past that hunted me
Wouldn't go away you see

I know deep down in side my heart
Everything of me was ripped apart
I'm but an empty shell inside
At least it is my place to hide

Ive pulled so far within myself
All's affected even my health
Im falling deeper into a blacken hole
Ive lost myself and I'm loosing my soul

The ones that are my near and dear
They can not see and do not hear
How could they ever understand
Not even I this was never planed

I can't show love and gentleness
Will my life ever change and be a bliss
I mask my breaking heart inside
Behind smiles and laughter I do hide

I sit alone so many nights
Thinking back on all the fights
I've become my dad you see
The one that totally destroyed me

How do I get my self untangled
When my mind is a mess and mangled
I blame the world for who I've become
At time I wish it was said and done

I lost the ones I loved so dear
Because I caused them constant fear
I never planed to be this man
I should of taken a firmer stand

Face my demons and my past
Then mabye I'd be free at last
But I cant I don't know why
Maybe I'm scared so I live a lie

What I want and what I need
I leave to others and there selfish greed
I never make my own decision
And I have fall into total depression

The ones that think there doing good
If they only really understood
What I yearn for deep inside
My needs my wants my silent cries

I'm at a place so far away
On this earth I don't want to stay
I've given up but still holding on
But the gentle me and selfworth is gone

So in my mind Ill retreat again
Blame the world for all my shame
Tell myself it's not my fault
It's just so hard and difficult

Maybe one day all will change
I know this all sounds very strange
But maybe tomorrow all will be well
And I'll at last come out my shell
Nadine Mar 2019
I run to fast
I climb to high
Deep with in I want to die

The days are long
The nights are cold
Oh how I wish that I was bold

I want to stay I want to run
I want to hide
Within myself abide

I look to heaven
I look to hell
Where will I go please do tell

Sold my soul long ago
I've been lost
On the waves I'm tossed

My head is pounding running wild
The sounds are deafening
The screams confusing

My world is crumbling
All around me
Do you hear my silent please

Lost and confused
I'm in a daze
Im in an endless mental haze

Torment and anguish
Has taken control
Wish I never sold my soul
Soul, lost, confused, voices, screaming,
Nadine Mar 2019
Oh Lord help me find away
In my head to be ok
Let my emotions and my fear
From now on please disappear

Let your Spirit always stay by me
Never let my demons find me
Let me have a day of peace
Let my emotions and anger cease

Help me be like all the others
Like my sisters and my brothers
Let me please have days of laughter
And my night with rest here after

If again I should elapse have a fit or an attack
Please hold my hand Lord bring me back
To calmness and a place of bliss
You know my Lord that this I miss

Bring me to a place of normal reasoning
To happiness and no more screaming
Happy moments gentle kindness
Take away the evil blindness

Help me Lord to make it through
Help me Lord to say near to you
May I stay stead fast and determined
To follow you and not be blinded

Forgive me when I'm at my worse
And have my moments full of out burst
To the ones I hold so near and dear
Because I'm lost and confused with fear

When my mind is running crazy
And I lay crying and I'm so lazy
When I'm like a spoilt child
Throwing tantrums and going wild

Let me feel your arms around me
Let me always pull towards thee
Thank you that you paved the away
So one day by you I'll always stay

Let me never loose my meaning
Even when I'm asleep and dreaming
When I'm in a rage and temper
Help me always your word to remember

When I'm in my place of anger
And to myself could be a danger
Let your presence and your peace
All this evil within me release

I do not understand my anguish
Forgive me for my out burst and language
Help me not to be so cruel and nasty
Full of hatred and so craftt

I don't want to be like this
I just want to keep my wits
Only you can see with in me
Oh Lord Jesus please do help me

I know you see the bigger picture
Your my helper and my fixer
Help me Lord to stand my ground
When the evil one is abound

Give me strength and stamina
To leave it to you Lord my only planner
Give me faith and understanding
When voices in my head are rambling

Give me courage and determination
To face my fears and my delusion
Let me stand fast hold my ground
Till the quiet and peace is found

Lift me up and carry me through
My nights and days of utter blue
Thank you for your life at calvery
Thank you Lord for your life you saved me
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