cold methods into questioning
but there is nothing that i did
your injurious misleading actions
my wrongful punishment
your lies are the corrosion
my heart of copper is resistant

That night, the back of your head was such a sight to see. Your worn-but-new sneakers slamming against the pavement was a symphony, the volume decreasing with every step. Your hands running through your hair in angst after being gelled to your forehead by sweat. Lastly, you throw your head over your shoulder for one.
Last.
Look.
You were the devil in disguise under the muted yellow street light. Your expression sent a thousand messages, but mine only expressed one.

I’m free.

This elastic band has stretched as far as it possibly can
Now is the time to cut the cord
Over enough is more than enough
It's time for the narcissist to be unveiled
Oh bride of Satan
For the wolves in sheep's clothing to be called out
Your time is up!
We've had enough!
People are not as stupid as you'd like them to be
That spoiled little brat of a child inside is to be silenced for good
Singlehandedly you have destroyed your relationships
Systematically you have ruined your friendships
Over enough is more than enough
The true meaning of loneliness you will now encounter
Your fragile mask has shattered into pieces
The protective cover has blown away  
Exposed you will stand
Finally everyone will see you for the serpent you truly are
No one is buying the lies you have so generously been selling
No matter how great a bargain
Your mind games and tactics have become stale
Over enough is more than enough
The reality which awaits you is harsh and bleak
From your put on laugh to the fake compliments
Both come from the same dark and empty space
A bottomless pit of deception in which you lurk  
Hollow vase you are
Collage of fabricated personalities
You model yourself on others
But can never hold down one character for too long  
Over enough is more than enough
Like a blank canvas you are vacant to take on any shape or form
You wear a fake smile and your eyes are dead
You destroy like a bull, but hurt like a baby
Your brain is corroded and your spirit is ill  
Your own medicine you will drink
It will consume you from the inside out
Implode you will
Troublemaker and schemer
Over enough is more than enough
You are driven by your severe deep-rooted insecurity and shame
You prey on the empathetic
Virtual vampire, always looking for someone to drain
You do unto others as you would NOT have done unto yourself
A conscience you were born without  
Quick to quote a scripture or two
But slow in applying it to yourself
And even the devil knows the score
Over enough is more than enough
Your condescending eyes will be plucked out by a ruthless crow
You will burn in your own defeat and your perfume will be sulphur
Down you will tumble from your pedestal
You no longer have a place in my life
You no longer have a place in my heart
But more importantly
You no longer have a place in my mind

Dear Dad,
That’s all I ever wanted you to be. A dad, my dad. I didn’t expect you to be a great dad, or even a good dad, but you never made any attempt to be anything close to a dad at all. You did try to be other things to me though. A dictator, a manipulator, even a ****** partner. You may say that I wanted it, you might even actually believe that, but I assure you that my compliance was not an indication of my enjoyment. Compliance was simply the only option you gave me. I saw the way you looked at me long before you ever put your hands on me, but you waited. You waited until you’d pushed me to the brink of insanity. You made me question my reality so much that I’d believe anything you told me. Then on top of that, you found a way to make everyone in our family question every word that I ever uttered in preparation for the day that I’d tell them what you’d done because you knew that eventually, I would. You planned out every piece of what you did so perfectly. Even after I’d come out with the truth you made sure that the walls around me crumbled before yours did. All I ever wanted was for you to be my dad, but you couldn’t even give me that.

open wide
as filth falls with slugged flow
putrid lies fog our eyes
the stench clinging to nostrils
infiltrating minds
altering our reality

Scenario

"Hey man where did you get this bud at"?
"The guvnah"


Marijuana is federally illegal. Marijuana is illegal in West Virginia.

Unless you go to the local Dr Khan, and get a permission slip from the American Medical Association. $150
CASH ONLY

Then take that permission slip to the West Virginia Department of Health and Human Services, who will give you another permission slip. $75
CASH ONLY

Then you must take that there permission slip to the Government *** dealers. $$$$

You can purchase your Marijuana there $$$$
CASH ONLY

No shirt, no shoes, no service!

Please don't be afraid, the Government *** dealers don't ride Harleys, or have tattoos. These are clean decent people, with actual jobs. We don't even eat pork or smoke cigarettes...or believe in Jesus.

Scenario 2

"Hey man where did you get this bud at"?
"The guvnah"
"I get it cheaper"

Scenario 3

"Hey man where did you get this bud at"?
"The guvnah"
"I get it cheaper"
"How much"?
"$50"
"You are under arrest for conspiracy to sell drugs"!

How do you measure the once-was?  The invisible?  The void?  

                                 The ache in my heart is not physiological,
                                   although it may feel like it sometimes is.  

I can measure the words I write,
                       the words that get stuck in my throat.  
The boxes of belongings left over.  (You can narrow down a person’s
                                                               physical life by how many trips it
                                                                ­                          takes to Goodwill.)
How many songs can I now not stand?  
How many scents are now trigger trapdoors?  

Shall I count the number of times I’ve thought of you today?  
No ******* thank you.  
                                          Measuring is for the birds.  
                                                        ­                                    The doctors and
                                                                ­                                the scientists.  

I keep reaching inside and pulling out my still beating,
                                          but rotting and decaying heart
                                        only to be told it’s perfectly fine.  
I refuse to be gaslit on my grief anymore.

you did nothing for me
and yet i'm still here immortalizing you
why can't i give it up?
i held on to loving you for so long
but now i'm just holding on to hating you

let me let go

all the poems i wrote you were exaggerations
to make up for the love you never gave me
i can admit that now

sure, the 'i love you's were on your lips
but your kisses tasted like, '*******'s

you never listened to me
you never listened to the songs i asked you to
you never set up your ******* voicemail

you broke up with me over text. while i was with my family. in utah. having panic attacks every day. telling you about them. see above: you never listened to me.

i'm sick. sick of you. sick of this.
you're over it. my mind is over it. why isn't my heart?

i'm done coming up with metaphors for you
for how much you took and never gave
i'm done making excuses for you, and taking the blame
and i'm not going to do the 'just friends' thing with you
if you're going to tell our friends to cut me off
and smile at me like nothing happened
smile like two years took nothing from you

and i guess they didn't