My head like
My heart
Open and
Confused.
Willing, scared,
Excited

I feel like I
Was tossed into space
Drifting through stars
Completely lost
On my way too you

"Everybody's talking at me,
I don't hear a word they're saying,
Only the echoes of my mind,
People stopping, staring,
I can't see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes,
I'm going where the sun keeps shining,
Through the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes,
Banking off of the northeast winds,
Sailing on a summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone."

-Harry Nilsson

Frightened to be fractured,
gentle genetic structure,
overwhelmed by emotional power,
rational thoughts seize to exist.

Armor coated armadillo,
left with no love,
crashing over tall spiked hurdles,
left crawling inch by inch.

Faithfully loyal and humble,
innocently in confusion,
Drifting along to find his way,
his love is a vast infinity to explore.

Steady my breathing.
Slowly drifting floating.
Close my eyes while
I'm dreaming.
Thoughts in my mind
can you see what
I'm thinking.
By looking without
blinking.
A fragile soul still
holding on strong.
It's when life unvolds.
When things can go wrong.
Leaving scars on our heart.
Fix them fast so you
don't fall apart.
We all have our highs and lows.
It's how we deal with situations.
Shine through dark nights.
Sometimes we have
to let rivers flow.

It's been too long since I heard that sound of your sails blowing in the breeze.
We were once a friendly band of brothers, but now I'm just lonely company.
Lonely stifling-
Steady lonely drifts down memory lane
As I try and recall how it felt before the rain,
Before you and I became a lullaby
That I have to sing to close my eyes-
Before death and life were no surprise,
Before I felt the hope inside me die-

Before the storm came passing by
I used to fall in love.
I used to sing with all my heart and dance before the burning sun!
I used to watch the waves go by, as I loved my company of two!
But after dark I close my eyes; I doubt that I'll ever see you.

I doubt that somewhere there might be another sunlight,
Another star sight!
Another love's type!
Another blue sky!
Another bird's cry!
Another new life-
Another memory left for you and I-

-No,
I can't imagine what it'd be like
To hold your hand, to hold it tight-
Shut my eyes, shut my eyes,
Before I start to realize
That nothing can ever be right!
-I want to imagine you again!
Another memory to share with a wonderful friend!
Another dream to be told, another lifetime to spend-
I would give it my all!
-I would do it again-

If it meant I'd see you up ahead

While flipping sheets this morning
Dust flying in sunlight
Thinking on the reason why
I have these words to write

I stumbled on a sudden thought
Blowing past the rest
Making my arms tremble
And an aching in my chest

I thought of what would happen
If you were not here today
If the blankets were all folded
And the hoodies put away

If the house was never settled
And my closet was all clean
If you had never joked about
The off brand coffee cream

If I never did the dishes
And I'd never seen your eyes
If we were only strangers
walking under sullen skies

If I was still a loner
And you were still alone
The hate from others vanished
No pictures on our phones

If all of me was searching, still,
For every part of you
I would never understand
I would have never knew

As I situate the pillows
Run my fingers down the side
And picture every memory
I never want to hide

I'm thankful for our minutes
For the happiness I've seen
The bottle pressure issues
And the change still in your jeans

The hugs on colder mornings
When I just want you to stay
The beauty of sunflowers
On an unsuspecting day

I've never felt and never loved
Like this in life before
I want to do your dishes  
And pick clothes up off the floor

To make your lunch for work
Play cars with your cute boy
Make dinner for our friends
And put away the toys

Because you make life worth it
adventurous, insane
I'll ride with you and die with you
While sideways, in our lane  :)

I love your taste in music. It's  strange and something I would never find myself listening to by myself but with you it seems like second nature. It feels like something I've been meaning to do my whole life. I love when you hold my hand. How you  twittle our fingers. Our thumbs rubbing against each other a reminder that maybe you actually cared. I love the way you looked at me. It made me forget all the other looks I've been given by anyone. Its not the same with you. Your looks have me dying inside because you won't look my way now. The glimmer of something in your eyes as you check over your shoulder as you drive to see if I'm still paying attention. I was never one to fall asleep in the car but with you I just might. I just might because I would love to give you the opportunity to look over and see my sleeping face but now you won't look my way. I love the way that I still love you and I never said I love you and I never felt like I "loved"  you this is how I know I loved you. Because it never felt like falling. because it felt like  drifting asleep as you looked at me and in the car with your music blaring and our hands intertwined I never didn't trust you. Not until you didn't call. Afraid of my own insecurities and that I would never get to feel that feeling of drifting again I push you away and now I can't see past the walls that I put up. I can't tell if you're still standing there waiting for me or left. I love your smile and your blue eyes and the smell of the sweatshirt you here nearly every day. I like you more then I thought and I know I let you in quicker than I have let anyone else in but that's because I'm so tired..and drifting was just so easy.

Our time together is slowly,
Becoming more and more like a dream.
Turning into something vague and intangible
Its nature makes me wonder if it was ever real.

I’m forgetting so much of what I wish to remember.
Your face, your touch, your presence.
I want to embrace it all, to never forget;
But it’s becoming a task too difficult,
*I know now that it will never last.