You begged me to make you whole but you left me empty.
Should you support someone who broke you?
You can try and be bigger than what they left of you. To treat them like they aren't the monster you remember. Like they were the only ones hurting and that make it ok. That now they are going to change. Now it'll be different for them. Now they can be happy and you should be happy for them.
I don't believe it
This was not the life I chose.
I swore I was on another path
One where no one could stop me.
Maybe I was just too young and too naive.
Everything I thought I was escaping was waiting for me at the other end.
No, I never chose this but it sure did choose me.
You know it's funny, to be back here. Posting and feeling similar to I did last time. Maybe I'll feel better if I just keep letting it out.
She spoke to me in poetry
I was just too young and illiterate to understand
You wonder why I never seem to love you as much as I do my mother.
You wonder why I only attack and put up my defenses in your presence.
You think your 'jokes' are funny.
You think you should always be in control.
Well ******* and your mentally abusive bulllshit. I see you try and degrade my mom and she is much stronger than i. She tells me why marrying a man like you is wrong yet she can't follow her own advice...she won't just leave
You are the reason I don't trust men. You are the reason I push people away. You are the reason I can't see through these pessimistic glasses. You are the reason when a boy says he loves me I run. You are the reason I don't know how to love.
You have NO control and that's why you play my mom like a doll. You aren't smart enough to see what's in front of you. You are a bigot and part of me hates you.
I've spent most my life calling you dad and now I'm old enough to understand that THIS is NOT love...I don't even know who you really are.
I'm disappointed I'm not rich.
I'm disappointed I don't come from a wealthy family.
I'm disappointed I'm not white and beautiful.
I'm disappointed I have depression.
I'm disappointed in everyone I fell in love with.
I'm disappointed I didn't get into the school I had been working my whole life for.
I'm disappointed with all the failures I've had I'm my life because they are practically my life.
I'm disappointed I had to be strong and disappointed.
And I'm just so sick of being disappointed that I'm sad.
I never planned to kiss you that night.
But your sleepy eyes hold this unexplainable power that in that moment it was the only thing I wanted.
I never meant to play this game.
I put up walls, I became cold and hard, oil promised to never not know where I stand with someone...to always be straight forward....silly me for thinking you understand..you were the same.
I never meant to fall in love with you.
But in this hellish world you found the right time to enter, you put in effort, you stayed when I was my worst...when I was terrible to you...
So yeah I fell in love and I think it's a no...but I still can't tell if you feel the same.