In the Depths of My Heart, You Reside

In the depths of my heart, you reside,
I wish to be with you, leaving everything aside.
I cry for you, don’t know why,
Maybe the reason is simple — you are mine.

I wonder if you miss me too,
The way I ache, the way I do.
You're in my dreams, my sleepless nights,
A silent shadow beneath the lights.

I want you to feel my breath, my pain,
Know my love isn’t just in vain.
You're in my prayers, in every plea,
Even when the world can't see.

I live with him, but my soul stays true,
Every beat whispers — it belongs to you.
I hate your ignorance, but I understand,
There's a reason you hold back your hand.

But a day will come, and I’ll be strong,
You’ll confirm what’s felt all along.
You'll say the words, and I’ll become —
The one you love, the one you come.

— For the love that waits

He asks if I can

cry nicely, the comforting --


will be better then.

I think this time I’m crying,
Not for the many people I have lost,
but for those I have never had to begin with.
My mother is somehow on both lists,
though I’m sure she doesn’t think so.
My father’s name sits next to hers on the list,
As he always sits next to her. By her side,
And on her side every time, every day.
My grandmother was on the first list
until the day she revealed her soul to me.
Her heart had wrinkles and scars more
gruesome than her youthful smile could hide.

I think this time I’m crying,
Not for the mistakes I’ve made,
But for the memories I didn’t.
My childhood sits at the top of the list,
A foggy blur of grey and white.
My mother’s genuine smile is beside it,
A beautiful sight I think I’ll never see.
My birthdays are each lined up neatly,
Each one a day set aside just for me.
The last thing on the list is scratched out.
Someone I swear I knew once, but don’t
Remember even the song of their name.