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clairevanya Dec 2017
AA.
Do you remember the carousel you took me to, on our first date?
The twists and turns still taunt me.
Round and round, as obsession started to leave a rotten taste in my mouth.

A severe sting, chewing sandpaper like candy-floss to erase your name from the tip of my tongue.
You had already made it into my blood stream, love drunk.
On Budweiser served in plastic bottles, I flip filthy ride tokens like they're gold coins. You became treasure to me.

Darling, the ghost train has nothing on you.
I fell for you hook line and sinker, unfortunately you continued to play. Crashing, I no longer gave myself time to recuperate.

We moved like clock work, to feed on the exhilaration we desired.
As I grind to a halt, you stubbornly carry on.
Until rusted exhaustion kicks in, misshapen and misused.

I hold my breath to **** the yearning in my throat, make the butterflies drop dead.
Paris Nov 2017
I...I want to sleep yet thoughts run through my brain...
I can't...
They prohibit me from gaining rest..
Loosing those I care about
The hatred of myself
The hatred of this miserable life
Thoughts of just emptiness
Thoughts of fear
Thoughts of anxiety
Thoughts of wanting to run
Wanting to just scream and cry until my vocal cords are shredded and torn and worn
Wanting to just lock myself in my room and never come out
The urge to just shut everyone and everything out and just wallow in my sadness and despair
I can't do half the **** I do normally right
Not even ******* walking
I can't speak right
I can't act right
I can't ******* write right
I can't walk right
I can't do a lot of things
I'm to much of a wuss to get anything done
I can't do a ******* thing to save my life
Vivid mental images from suicidal fantasies roam my mind
its all coming back to me
Even with those who bring me joy and happiness it never lasts
nothing ever will
I understand this and I have for a long time
Bottled up emotions and thoughts have been ready to burst for years
Leaking out only to be filled and shut back in by my fear of collapsing and breaking
i can't do what I want to anymore
i am forced to put up this happy facade and I'm sick of it
Yet I must
I have someone who cares about me and that I know won't try to hurt me
I have some who have tried to take their own life that I almost can't live without
I have to keep my fantasies in my mind and never enact them
I must keep to myself
Keeping the bottle sealed until it shatters under its self brought stress and fear
that fear
that stress
that anxiety
all of it
keeps me from sleep
My boyfriend wrote this when I was forcing him to try and write poetry
sankavi Apr 2018
and at that moment
i looked at you
and i froze
i looked at your dark brown eyes
and i didn't know how to speak
i looked at your smile
and i couldn't breathe
i heard your voice
and i was lost

i was lost in you
suddenly i didn't know where i was
or who was with me

i just knew i was there
with you
and thats all that mattered

suddenly,
it was all about you
Megan Apr 2018
I tried to take a picture
Of everyday I was with you
I tried to take a picture
Of all the happiness you bring

I tried to take a picture
Of the flowers that you sent
The ones that were red
With that very strong scent

I tried to take a picture
Of the day that shined so bright
The way the sun radiated yellow
Giving us its light

I tried to take a picture
Of the nights by the lake
Where we sat in the blackened dark
Smoking getting baked

I tried to take a picture
Of the smile on my face
But I turned the camera around
To hide the clear but staining tears that raced

I tried to take a picture
Of the love around me,dear
But an uncompromising flash burnout
Causes me fear

I tried to take a picture
Of the happiness you bring
But what I captured
Was the truth and its sting
Itunu Apr 2018
Home is where the heart is they say
My heart is with
Him.
Again.
Him.
When I’m with

I feel at home.
Safe.
When our hands are together I feel safe.
At home.
His eyes are home, pools of brown.
In his arms a sense of security
Protection.
His love firm and solid, unshaking
Steady.
His lips perfect, carving perfect lies
I believed.
His mind, cunning master manipulator
Me falling for it.
Like the vicious cycle that love is
I took him back.
Forgetting the torture, seeing the love
Putting myself though that emotional roller coaster.
And now I’m a wreckage. Fearful and paranoid.
How one bad egg spoils the cake.
6 years.
I don’t trust that guy, the one who said I was pretty.
I was fine. Then. I saw.
_
Him.
Beautiful in sunlight. Smile masking his loss.
Me.
I was his muse and he lost me.
Wrecked me.
Destroyed me and left me picking then pieces of myself blinded by the illusion of love.
And so he sees me and comes to me.
Staring im unable to move.
Stuck in his trance
And so he hugs me.
And I feel back
Safe at home.
How many of us go back? Let me know x
blushing prince Apr 2018
I am alive in a home-made dress that was bought for two dollars at a yard sale
there is domestic bliss in routine
in the inching of my hand on a knife that will be used to slice the
tomatoes growing outside
there in no harm in loving you eternally
I think about everything often
about the way I tried for years to soothe my fathers’ psychosis
and my mothers’ sadness
I think about the temporary loss of my body and the way I absorbed it in sweat
my bones constantly caught in bushes of bramble thorns  
and I wish you could see how far you have to go to come back home
Jas Apr 2018
A shoe box filled with borrowed song lyrics
About two cups of gel pens that still smell like hot glue and cardboard
Probably 8 Fiji bottles of water with about 3 swallows left in each
And a basket of hair supplies that are seriously lacking in bobby pins.

I love
A lot more people than I have room for
And each one of them believe they hold my entire heart -
I love
A few indie movies here and there, a few artists here and there,
Myself here and there -
Maybe I love
Reminiscing and trying to recreate the things I've lost
Because I always lose.

I wish for
Traditional objects of desire: happiness, excellence, definite love -
Shoes that don't have socks wedged where the toes should be -
About $10 more in my bank account to spend on chocolate,
A clear throat, a throat that doesn't always hold dissatisfaction-
A better singing voice because music soothes the sting
And I want to be irrevocably, singlehandedly responsible for healing myself

Most of all,
I want to continue to smile.
I should be writing my essay. ****.
Jack P Apr 2018
more than a few shattered bulbs
for the muse with the bloodied face
and broken nose.

at the end of the rope
i am merry, masochistically, asking him
"spare an original thought?"

and he can
but as soon as he agrees to let me use it
it evaporates

so i go back to punching holes through the drawing board.
why am i so middling at this oh my GOOOODDDDD hope you're all well
Karisa Brown Mar 2018
Wishes on for hours
Ending bliss
A stolen kiss
Envious glares
Becoming unaware
That there's a signal
To the stares
That keep her there
Unprepared for
Rushes of sin
Sparkling tokens
Lost,
In an effort
To change
The way it's
Always been
Marta Mar 2018
I don’t write
That implies some creative act
Instead
I catch the thoughts as they pass by
Bottle them into shapes
And display them
Hoping for the oohs and aahs

I don’t write
That’s too peaceful
I  stalk the words
I wrestle with them
Hold them down
For posterity
And for fame

I don’t write
I beg
For acceptance
For appreciation
For validation
For me
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