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clairevanya Jun 2019
Have you eaten?

Love lost, isolation.
Mediocre conversations that lead to lies.
Eyes pouring, mourning.
Hold your breath, count to three.
Losing grip of your sanity.

Baby just spend the night?
Dig me out.
Crack the casket.
Have a coffee with me.

Is there any reassurance in resurrection?
  Dec 2018 clairevanya
Em MacKenzie
People walk on by and only glance in my direction
unaware that I am suffering from a deep rooted infection.
For don't you see that I'm painfully dying
and in the future you'll know that I could've been saved,
all it took was a simple moment of trying
and to hear the things that I always craved.

They tell you a drowning man will drag you down
but I've always been a strong swimmer,
we can easily take on another pound
just focus on the waves surfing glimmer.
Keep going, keep rowing,
don't inhale that salty sea.
The wind's blowing, exhaustion is showing,
I'll hold you up even when you can't hold me.

People walk on by and only glance in my direction
they aren't the slightest bit shocked at my self inflicted dissection.
For I desperately need to remove my organs of rot,
these days feeling just takes too much of a toll on me,
and they're so badly damaged that no customer has bought,
even when I offered them up for free.

They tell you a drowning man will drag you under
but I've always been gifted with a swift stroke,
how I made it out this far truly is a wonder,
or maybe just another sad tasteless joke.
Keep going, keep towing,
don't you give up so easily.
The wind's blowing, pace is slowing,
I'll hold you up even when you can't hold me.

So call me Ismael 'cause I'm lost at sea,
was caught up in a current very swiftly,
and my white whale has lost all interest in me,
I guess there's some other place it would rather be,
than stuck in my sad excuse for company.
Do I glimpse land's salvation or am I just succumbing to insanity?
  Dec 2018 clairevanya
Em MacKenzie
I see you everywhere but beside me,
the one place that I need you the most.
I don’t know if you’ve just felt like hiding,
but it feels like I’m being stalked by a ghost.
I think of my life consisting of just time biding,
with parasitic emptiness and I’m the host.
This hits me like waves I am meant to be riding,
and it follows me persistently from coast to coast.

The grass didn’t seem so green back then
I guess all that constant rain did pay off,
‘cause now this little future’s just a casual friend,
and my god looking back the past was soft.
It’s not like I always want to be drenched in sorrow,
I find I look much better in brown, blue or grey,
you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I hear every voice but yours in my ears,
the deafening noise has made me forget that sound,
since I’ve heard that sweet melody it’s been too many years,
and every other pitch makes my static brain pound.
I’m always biting my lip but now I’m fighting tears,
I shake my head side to side and around.
I’m quickly losing stamina from battling my fears
and now looking forward to my hole in the ground.

The skies never seemed clear and blue back then,
it turns out that I was the creator of each cloud,
I’m hoarding past calendars so that I can pretend
that I’m back in time and making everyone else proud.
If you’ve got a hour or two that I can borrow,
I swear I’m good for it and whatever price; I’ll pay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I feel you all over, laced in everything,
if it wasn’t such a curse, it’d be a gift.
You’re the peace in winter and the hope in spring,
you’re the summer sun and autumn’s winds so swift.
I’m relieving every memory, looking for a place to cling,
I remember all of the details but the clarity is now adrift.
Side to side, back and forth, I constantly swing,
it pulls and drags me down but it can also give the highest lift.

The sun never seemed to shine right back then,
but maybe I was just too busy looking for artificial light.
I was never one for second looks but I should’ve searched again,
because everything I wanted was already in my sight.
So I plant a seed hoping it will eventually grow
and I sculpt all I wish for with clay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.
clairevanya Nov 2018
I hope she tastes magnificent.
She makes fire burn in your belly.
You are the sand, while she the ocean.

I always preferred kissing your morning mouth, never partially liked the sea.
clairevanya May 2018
Ursula you don't need to be soft voiced nor slim.
You are an empowering beautiful creature, leave the cave.
Don't let them dictate to you, you are magical without your witchery.
Let the child give her voice for a man.
You can not be silenced.
You was suppose to be the hero, but society seeped deep into your skin.
You let them turn you into the villain.
clairevanya May 2018
I found soil, I swallowed it.
I made myself a flower bed.
I picked seeds, I squeezed them in my hands.
I watched day and night as the stems grew from the creases between my fingers.
I soon realised my feet had rooted into the earth.
I looked to the sun and smiled.
#selflove #pure #free
clairevanya Mar 2018
the girl is broken
saddened inside

the fight wore on her
callus covered

holding onto the fragments
soothing herself

crying in the mirror
to show shes human

only as strong
as her flesh feels

riddled with disease
doctors cant prescribe inner peace
#pain #fight #giveup
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