I wish today to write a poem
with eleven wishes in it
And before I do that I wish some coffee
to prevent my psyche from split

Such poor handwriting, should then
I wish for better calligraphy
And with all messy impromptu,
I wish to get a new copy

Sipping down the bitter taste,
I always wished to feel better
A wishlist without her mention,
It will just be a fiddle

There are whole lot of wishes,
I wish around and with her
Fitting them together with skip
Other wishes shan't be in hamper

Getting high inhaling nature
my wish further for solitude
How I wish to reach every creation
and fill them with gratitude

The poem just began
if I could wish more
Stupid ending happens
when my coffee is over

More coffee!!!!

के छ र बाकीँ
चाहन- यो मनसगँ
...
दिन पनि त
होस् न केही
सोच्थे सधैं यहीँ
र
राखे मन बांधेर
.
.
.
जबसम्म
तिमी-
ठोकिन आइनौं
.
.
.
मन बाधेर त
झन् खुम्चिने रहेछ
मन त
फुकाए पो
अझ पाइने रहेछ


तिमी ठोकियौ
र फेरी चर्केको यो मन
संगालिएको छ
नत्र अझै कति
कसेर बाध्थे होला
झह कति छिया छिया
पार्थे होला
मन त
फुकाए पो
अझ समालिने रहेछ

I was struggling on my bed yester-night
I was struggling to catch my train to sleep
Trying to make my way through the crowds of reality
I was tired, I felt weak but couldn't still sleep
I had already missed twice, the train
I had reached the station but
I couldn't close my eyes
my ticket to dream was invalid without that
i couldn't board my train to sleep


What is happening!
check check check check
I checked everything
Bed .... check
Cushion .... check
Pillow .... check
blanket .... ummm
too hot
kick away blanket ... check

mosquio net.... check

Anything else????? Check
lights off.. loadshedding... check


I asked with  gatekeeper of dreams
What now? Let me pass


"you miss her"
"text her" easily said the train master
and the gatekeeper of dreams


"Come on..." i resisted


I turned right
I turned left
Turning and turning
Trying to search a loophole to train
I kicked my legs to the cieiling
left one adn imagined of bruce lee
then i cycled both legs
i cursed my day, the boring day it was
with no work to do and no interest as well
I thought about drinking... to numb my restlessness
May be I could do some smoking... to **** my distress
it was already 1AM of the morning
but all i did you just turn sideways
Train master grinned "No Ways"
My eyes were red and bulging
My heart was on fire and burning
My mind wandered from everything to nothing
I was suffocating
I was gasping
panting and
tearing my senses apart
just trying to hack the way to train
but the gatekeep of dreams was not ready to open the chain


I.......gave up
grabbed ny Nokia 3110 classic model
I.............
texted her


i texted her"i am scared to talk with you"


she replied"I am afraid of your poems"


I said"I don't know what to say"


The gate opened, the chain fell down
I boarded  for my train to sleep
I was happy
I texted her
She replied
I could breathe again
I was smiling when I woke up

Hey there!
Love of my life, my pumpkin pie
sweetheart, kneeling down
here i surrender to you
apple of my eye!

you do not need to justify your anger
no need to clear any of my doubts
stupid i am, i understand nothing
were we even supposed to meet
tell me you, ain't i some idiot you met?

talk to me, why wont you?
remember those times, you always talked back ;without reasons
can't reasons hold you anymore?
oh! right , you got brains too!

are you ******* possible?
don't pout and be a emotional blackmailer now
i least care about you, my baby
i am so sick of your swinging desires

why did i ever fall in love with you
i got my donkey brains too

(epilogue)
Sunday lady, shine you as bright sunshine
I shiver when you stop to smile
Was for this we held our arms?
And why love we loved each other
so dear; why not anymore

An abuser in eye painting songs of love
so sharp with disguise
Unrealized mystery of hypocrisy
burns dead skin of my heart
trip down already, isn't late to realize yet?
oh right! you... all smiles!

i loaned few quotes from bank today
a huge interest and whole heap of silence
the loudspeaker also broke down today
see, you, my hunny bunny sweet apple pie
what a pleasant day for my ears
and you.... alll smiles

caress me some like you love the fur
wasn't you who said "life's ours to live when alive"
i dont get it , which is why i hate you now
life is only act of dead people feeling alive
but yeah right.... all smiles

my sweetheart, please die!

The raindrops fall over me as the flowers calls for spring
I watch at the tip of my nose; since how long
Since how long have I been staring, I know not
And I carry with my thoughts - your thoughts
I carry in my heart- your heart
You, Your tiny bits of memories
You, your heavy bits of silence
You, your sparse bits of words trying painfully to pull yourself away from me
And as I move backward
I get to see hollow sentiments
You see selfishness
How strange can love feel
How regretfully can these hearts fall apart
If only someone would give me anything
that could put my heart at ease
That would be the only thing you deny
Won't you love me too?
In this cold autumn rain, won't you take me home?
Will there ever be my heart that won't carry you

As the clamor in the room grew more intense with high pitched curses and defenses against it, I could see my reflections lying shattered into pieces.

The first day it was brought in,I had felt some very unnatural anxiety circulating with every flicker of my light. It shone with me and inside it showed me. Had I ever thought that my reflections would be so clear to me? Not until I saw it for myself. And in it, I could see the whole world shining under my light.

She would get ready under my light asking her lucid image if she looked any better with the ear-rings he gifted her today. I could just stare at the sharp beauty that shone. Next day, she was extra joyous and had some pretty dresses for outing.

Days passed and may be years, Me with the mirror, we shared all the happy moments growing inside the room once filled with dilemma of solitude. Noises have started turning to moans and kisses flowered over the mirror. I was always available to ease things up. Under my light, love started to turn their emotions to actions and we grew fond of new member of the room who showed up every night and then who was there all the time.

I shared all these changes with mirror and in utter silence, we grew fond of each other. When you start reflecting yourself in someone else you, that grows into you as your own part. Every reflection is a turn back at the memories that string you life. We shared rushes and pushes, bends and highs, jokes and promises, smiles and fondling ; all as a silent audience but I was now more into mirror than myself and I chose things left to right than it actually appeared. Love makes you do silly things with utmost care.

But love gets infected with what should have never got into room of love. She was lying in total mess that day. Not that we hadn't noticed once lovely caress turning to curses but such things generally ended with some fondling and moonbeams that washed them away.

When he entered inside with a thud, we just shook with vibrations that traveled through wall. As the clamor slowly ceased down, the story began with my reflections shattered to pieces. I was searching in every pieces for one complete me and the story ends with me trying to collect my own pieces.

We were always made of same thing. Something is never realized until we are broken.

You don't like people only when they are nice to you. Sometimes nice is not enough. Sometimes, you need someone who can bring out the wildfire in you and in that wildfire is where you get to burn your self-deceit and reveal your true colour. That keeps your heart in calm at times and That's more nicer than nice.

She is no heaven
She brings no hell
A tender mess of earth
She smells of pure mud

Up at the sky, I look at myself
Burning inside with zillions stars
-Just to light her up
-Just to see her shine

She revolves in way
-such mystifying
Alluring with those twists,
swooshing her hair of curly forest
,eyes with reserved invitation
Refusing to shine on my lights

Its not mere coincidence
when stars fall on sky
Its me , my egos falling
its me, my gods getting high
its me, falling on my knees

pulled by desires of temptation
to smell the rain on mud
to get drowned in ocean of love
To whisper under her hair
close to her eyes
at her dimples
swirling round- dizzy and elated
With time stuck
all stars at brightest
moons lost
heaven crushed
hell forgotten
vanishing
anihilated
with breath that will take forever
I whisper words... to be forever true
aahhyi lloveee yyyyyu

what is that you make me feel
you rip me apart and fix me
with same words and voice
with silence and with time
and sometimes I think
is it the peace of afterlife
or just chaos imposed by your ways
you are the sculpture of goddess
that I was taught to worship
and why there demons on your breath
why is that I found you
what was there in losing me
what is in the love you blame
if you find pleasure in surrounding me
why didn't you just hold my hand
what is that you feel of me

you give me pain of repentance upon ***** fragrance
and why do I smile when you speak inside
You took me and my darkness
is it just to fill me with new

why did I find you
when did I lose me
what is that you gave me
why are you paradox to me
sandwiched I am in between
is it just one final desire to hold you
is it the eternal flame of search
what is that you make me feel
a radical transformation
or am I just lost within

Standing here like a child long left in oblivion
Staring into the deepest abyss of the hole-
Stuck like my most important part, now
Created after quick perforation of emotions
One quick tumble down the street - Astray
Think back, Think one more time ; vertigo!
Drop down to unconscious limbo - trying!
Eyes still open to illusions around vicinity
Yell a silent disapproval of praxis- moving on!
Hold me! The fall comes back!
Pull me up ; my hand stuck to my heart!

Dreams cone as one
under the lights of city
of city hustling inside mind
Rustling breezes of letters
seeking stairs on your service
under the night of city
of city bewildered so high
here, dreams cone as one

the beauty gasp under the bridge
praised under suffocation
On sale for shillings
while truth flowing out of town
seek solace beyond moutains
and shines under moonlight
we hold hands with smile
with dream of our own
there, a star falls for each dream

Love~
Today the wind whispers
Air wet with showers of endearment
and...I sing your name
blended in echoes of euphoria

Oh Love! So red and tender
Hands over heart,
Come gently.
Lets go,Me and You
Lets Fly
On our wings of Smile
To land far away
To kingdom waiting in zest
Eagerly for its King and Queen

Oh Love! So white and serene
Trembling with silence
Come heartily
No more to us we belong
No more distinct we remain
Lets vanish in this mysterious void
Lets surrender to this stillness
You hold my hand
You have my heart
and ...I kneel before you

In this quiet breeze of passion
We have bound the future
To love we surrender
In love sweetly forever

Never - the love - we spoke of
Went crazy when detached from

She is the cup from which I drink the thoughts of excitement. She thrills me with her words and I go inside out with fluster. Respiration becomes mountain climbing. The easy beating heart goes on marathon. Her actions deludes me and pampers me at the same time. she was not the person I was looking for. But she has become the one that ended my pursuit. Never did she speak of love but love floods out with her every words and action. Never could I speak of love but I go baby when she is around and I go high when she speaks. She is my dope. dope..dope...!

What do you reflect in here, oh boy
with gentle spirits flying over your eye
What mysteries in here do you find
your eyes goggling confusing your mind
Scan it slow, peruse it mild
Regard it kindly, without going blind

Is it a desire waiting for chance?
The fire rising high with every glance
Do you see a person glaring at you
A graceful smile to reduce anger to few
If you see a mister gaping at wonder
Enjoy the questions surrounding in ponder
Fixate your stare, mine harder with glimpse
rubberneck your blinks, fly over realms

If that you must be ogling with greed
Let the bell ring to control your need
Be honest if you are leering at space
Contemplate your reflection, do not outface
Is it right, I think, you trying for peep
But there are mysteries shining deeper than deep
You can't just dip, You shan't just skim
Let mysteries glow real befo' you gloat in whim

Travelling Lady Smile with me
Blow my winter away
Stay for while when eyes drip
Give this heart a break
Come down, rest a while
Raise your light and shine on me
look at all these scars left on
Dress them all and sing lullaby
See me sleep before you leave
I shiver with your pain
Cold I feel, Colder I grow
Kiss my winter away
Travelling lady stay with me
hear me gasp your name at last

You can be sure of one thing
I want to be in love with you.

But my love for you
shall not be ordinary
My love for you
might neither be extraordinary
somewhere in between
somewhere beyond both

My love for you is like my love for starry night.
I can't have it every night
But its all I want when I am looking at it.

Like rain that turns to snow for the love of mountains
Like snow that melts on the warmth of sun
I want to be in love with every inch of your existence
Even if it means losing my own

I want to love you the way I am in love with loneliness
Alone but fulfilling

I want to love you like the way I am in love with destiny
It keeps me moving forward forever

Have no doubt about my love for you
You are the sun I love ,
that shines the light out of my soul

Like moon can't have sun and  still dances on it light.
I want to be that moon with all my dark sides hidden by your light.

I want to be over mountains,
just to see you,
with no veil in between,
to have no clouds between us.

I will write your name over snow
knowing-- it will melt down as river
down the plains of valley
where flowers of your name will blossom

I want to love you the way bees are in love with flowers
Without one, both wouldn't exist.

I will close my eyes laying down on your thoughts.
And my love for you ,
I will let it blossom...

I want to be in love with you
like silence loves music
I want to vanish in you just like that.

Act Anonymous
Put on the mask of your true self
Jump of the window and-
Talk with strangers

The true color of humanity is shining-
under the rags of the dumping site
where the dogs of the heaven made are-
mating . the cycle must - go on!

Needless to say,
the mask-
is the true identity

The star dust nebula swirling around
under every passing wheels
gives me chills under my anonymity

Still under the watch of divine intervention

and under the subject of my free will
"Please god close your eyes"

on the ride
i meet strangers with smile and
humans who don't care
there are turns of wormholes
and strong pull of black holes
the star dust nebula strikes again but-
its just a ride.

take a break now. the red signal means it.

-
-
* Break time Story*
Here is story I wanna tell . Just to keep you occupied.
I once met me on the turning of time travel.
I was horrible human because I defamed love for god
and few centuries ago, I was celebrated engineer
I happened to create the god. that was it. its a ride.
-
-
-

honk the horns mr. my man! start your engine, kindly.
Move on forth.
I have strangers to meet because they are with smiles.
Smiles.

The horizon deemed to turn black from blue pleaded with its faith by disposing all its secret in orange hue and cry. Aghast by the spectacle, I felt very discomforting breeze trying to peek inside me. Should I let it?
No! i felt involuntary resistance build inside me.The stare of the imploring horizon filled my sentiments with gush of paranoia. I closed my eyes, right then and there. As I opened my eyes slowly after saturation of my daunting breath, I was surrounded by black despair. And the moon still shined with its borrowed light just to display its caged dark hare. There were no stars that day, I  pulled them down to makes uncountable amount of wishes.

What faith decreed for horizon have been my own reflection.

There is something incredible about
the moon tonight
Its bright , beautiful and all
But today its not that
As the moon drift hiding and showing through the clouds
My heart is gradually tiptoed by sadness
an incredible sadness
and I know its you again
It makes me sad how the moon still shines with such luminosity
But we failed ourselves and our promises
Was it the same moon we sworn at
Was it the same sun that reflects through that moon
I do not understand why then we enjoyed our lies
danced at tunes that faded so abruptly
Floated around blue mimosas that fell with rain
why now the truth seems not right
why those mimosas blooms as ghost at night

But I tell you again, and for ages more
I still love you like certain dark things
liks breezes calmly gluing your memories to my mind
like the stars alinging with great art
to write your name in my heart
and the incredible sadness the moon brings
Because its you
You bring the best out of me
even the sadness.

जसरी तिमी मेरा पहिलो
किरणहरूसँग सम्मोहनमा रमाएको देख्दैछु
यो केवल सुरूवात हो
ना कि कुनै सुखद् क्लाईम्येक्स
बिस्तारै म तिम्रा आँखा
तिर्मिराउने गरि उचाई छुनेछु
तिम्रो शिरमा तापको फोहरा खस्नेछन्
अनि जुन किरणसँग तिमी मितेरी गास्यौ
मेरो उचाइ सगैँ त्यो साइनोले घोच्नेछ,
चिड्चिडाउने छौ तिमी
परिवर्तन नै यात्राहो जीवनको।
र
सोचौँउला तिमी यो कथा किन?
जे पनि हुनसक्छ
यहाँ छैन केही सदा सर्वदा हराभरा
म पनि सधै उचाइमा रहन्छु कहाँ
जुन वादलले तिम्रो प्यारो घाम छेक्यो
तिमी तेही खोज्नेछौ फेरि शीघ्र
जुन वर्षाले तिमीलाई हिलो छाप्यो
तिमी कुर्नेछौ उसैलाई म देखि पर
कुनै छहारीमा बसी
र यो सब
मैले बुझेकु छु
किनकी धेरै पहिलो घामहरू
अधेरीले निलेका छन्
र चिर्दै औँशी झुल्केकाछन्
हरेक बिहान नयाँ घाम
भोलि कसले देखेको छ र?

(So Ya
Thought Ya
Might like to Go to the Show)


When night glows with smiles
The youngs looks up to old
And we bow down and we clap
and we dance, tears sneak down
And the clouds are all drained
The sun could never be gone.
Seasons change, dreams are forgotten
The band was the sun.
Such warmth only with their rays.

The crowd revived the town
Closer we are more than ever now
The sound smoked with lights
The band was twinkling somewhere out
Sleepy eyes in my head
I was there and somewhere
I could feel me in sweat
I was marching high and
could hear chanting of Om.

I exist
Do I need to prove it?
I exist
*Isn't that more than enough?

I do not wish to complicate it with more words
I cannot put it properly in words
So, if you want to know or feel, then read my silence
feel my eyes which tries so hard to hide
and hold my hands to feel my heart.
When you feel , then you know;
The feeling is simple, ---------------- I miss you
More than the dry lake misses the drops of water
The mountains that took pride on crowns of snow
- Now which stand barren and brown
I miss you
like flooded desert misses the dust
like barren land longing once more for green
like blue sky waiting for stars
like dark night waiting for sun
Without you, no place is right and nothing is okay
Like the autumn season regretting for leaves it has shed
I miss you and you know the feeling is really simple
You are like spring and the summer of the west
I miss you for nobody shook me so hard with the touch
Nobody could stir my heart ever with so much love
if you can feel, the distance should not matter.
Interest will make no difference
I miss you and that is all.
I love you and that is why.
That is why I keep scratching the cuts you leave, every time you cross my mind.

Strangers' Privilege


Feel bad for the silence?
the privilege of being strangers?
We couldn't make it.

When I stare at the infinity,
there is only one thing I see.
And it occupies me,
The more I stare,
its turbulence  turns me up down
inside out.

not once not twice.

Carelessly you whisper
lullabies in my eyes
Slowly I lose control leaving the hell outside
You crawl right out of me
Straight into my arms
Straight into my dreams


Not once. Not twice.

I question my sanity.
my morality and your beauty
There is How.
Then follows how long and why.

Look down at me.
look inside you.
I couldn't pull you in.
You cannot force me out.

Don't we enjoy the privilege of being strangers?

Upon the winter melancholy
Shimmers effervescent sparkles
of blue dew drops edging on grass
the sun is here. so long again

my hazy eyes had a glow, subtle
A deep inrush of woeful air
polluting my blood reached my heart
The sun once shined, so long!

she is the filthiest, her words profane
she offends me with rejection, her desires insane
can I ever find her? her - who is not hers anymore

I can say
I will be dying any moment from now
And so, my heart races
To meet all your expectation
To meet the stars and to bloom among flowers
To flow down the brooks and float over the ocean
My eyes blinded by flashbacks
Of childhood engulfed by adulthood
And love eclipsed with uncovered realities
Your broken chains of laughter
Like these soft spider webs
Entangles my conscience
And I wait to die
And my heart races
To meet all your expectations
Before I fall off
And you will call me no more

बिहान उठेदेखि नै टोलाईरहेका
एक जोडी नयन
पर कुनै क्षितिजमा, यो दुनियाँबाट अलग
धमिलिएको आकाश पारी

गौठलीको गुँड भन्दा पर
धुपीको सिरान माथी
साँझसम्म तोलाईरहेको, नथाकी
बिना झिम्मिक्क , ती एक जोडी नयन

ओइलिएर झरेको फूलको
वासना खोज्दैछन्
हिडेर बिर्सेका पदका
निसानी खोज्दैछन्
भग्नावशेष भित्रको
ईतिहास खोज्दैछन्
डुब्दै गरेको घाममा नयाँ
बिहानी खोज्दैछ्

अनि भेटिएका छन्
धुलाम्य स्मृति बीच सधाझै
बादलको सिरक ओढेको
त्यो सफा दाग, जून उदाएसगैँ

The last Love letter


****** up inside this night
I strive for my escape
The darkness it bleeds with my every scorn
screams and apathetic shrills
The darkness goes on filling ink to my blood
My eyes encircled with blue rampart
Wrinkling skins over memories growing weary
I stay sinking down being ******
Spilling blood over my inks

The paper won't stay blank
it will play melencholic tunes of love
While I don't see the end to this engulfment
My desires will perish before light sees me
But this letter shall be my gift
to haunt you with my presence
for all suns and moons you swagged
Till you get your life crumbled

Barren like the salty dead sea
I crawled protecting myself
Stirring my path with just dust to collect
Among the crowd of Snow clad mountains-
mystical, magical, magneficient, cool-
I played symphonies of sorrow
with dead poetry salty to swallow
You came along to swim in my salty
ambience
my passion flowing down the gutter
started fluttering above moon
Girl, you became the metaphor
My poetry found solace in salt
With your mention all the dust I collected
turned to gold
of heaven made,Thy, prudent with smiles,
Be my angel
So sick of crawling beneath, you can
Make me rain over mountains

एकदम अनौठो शून्यता फैलिएको छ शहरमा
यो अनौठो शून्यताले त्रसित छन् यहाँका मनिसहरू
घर छन् तर छत छैनन्
खाना होलान् तर भोक छैन
सास छन्, निस्सासिएका

ज्यानको मायाले हैन, देशको मायाले बाचेका छन्

आकाश निला र खुल्ला छन्
कालो बादल कतै देखिने वालामा छैनन्
तर पनि झरी पर्ने सम्भावना उत्तिकै छ

.
.
.

ऊ!! आयो!..................... ऊ! आयो!!!
त्यो शान्तिको भक्षक
जो आफुलाई थान्छ न्यायको रक्षक
शान्तिको अप्रभङ्सित कोलाहल मचाउदै
बर्साएर जान्छन् बेमौसमी झरी
(यहाँ पहिले झरी पर्छ अनि बल्ल बादल देखिन्छ)

अब यो झरिले बगाउन बाकीँ के नै छ र?
सिवाय रित्तो आशुँ र सघंर्षको रगत

ज्यानको मायाले हैन, देशको मायाले बाचेका छन्
र बाच्नेछन्, त्यो बेलासम्म
जबसम्म यो माटोमा त्यो आशुँ सुक्कदैन
त्यो सुकेको रगतको कालो टाटो लुक्कदैन
झरी परेको यो दिन म मरेपनि, मेरो देश मर्दैन!
यो देश झुक्दैन!

You flash like light
Your diamonds shine
But what else can make you- smile
Your tears are slow
And your laughter blow
Like sands in the storm
You love crowd of crows
You forgot to talk slow
What else seems to please you more
Thinking I should bring you flowers
Thinking If you would love in plastic
What have you become, my love
Distant feather scripting your old name
brings me back home.

Flames eat you. Flames warm me.
Your diamonds left just ashes for me.
Can you still bring me back home?

The strings of soft dusk breeze
connects your thoughts to me
And I vanish from the life

Shiny moon smiles low
Pretty stars fail to show
I am marching with my lies

You fly above the clouds
oh wind, fly me there above
The lights are all gone

The quilt of eiderdown
Covers my sorrow but mind
quickly dreams your face

I see wings on your arms
you call my name and
Lovely things of my eyes

My love by my side
Pleasant sights
walking down the lane

Candle blows, rooster crows
Sun rises over the realm
No more wings, no more you
the dream falls soft like snow

Baby,
May be you are the only one
I can dream of
or May be its you I choose.

In my dreams.
'I' am real
'You' are real. 'We' too, sometimes.

As you slowly dwindle
Reality ***** me. hardships.
I hear them saying
you. are my greatest mistake
if so, i say to myself,
i would repeat it till forever.

my destiny takes pride on you
my greatest mistake.
And I still go back to times
we made mistakes together.
to cherish forever. estranged.

Well!
Dreams are made in heaven, just saying.
So are far from reality.

उदेकलाग्दो कोलाहलबीच हराएको अस्तित्व
चिच्याउछ मन, अदृश्य श्वर गुन्जाइकन
फेरि प्रश्न तेर्सिन्छन हरेक कोणमा
कता हराइस् यति बेर, कता खोजिस् र आफुलाई
म अवाक् नै हुन्छु, केही बोल्न खोज्दाखोज्दै बिलाउछु
एकपल उदाएको अस्तित्व पनि,
म सक्दिन अमर बनाउन
सायद सिकीसके अदृश्य भई रमाउन

अर्को मन सम्झाउन खोज्छ र भन्छ
कल्पलोक तेरै हो, तेही लोकको राजा होस्
यता शून्य अस्तित्व उता महलमा रमाउदो छ
संवेदनाको जगमा ठडिएको कल्पकृति
फुरुंग भई आकाश तिर हुत्तिन्छ
अनि म यता नराम्ररी पछारिन्छ
यो चोटको पिडा विशम छ सहन
सायद सिक्दैछु बिस्तारै आफुसंगै हराउन

Affection draws me to you
your every part and every moves
and shatters me to pieces
your hair that falls like lightening
sparkles with thunder on my darkest night
like routine, these days
and shatters my conscience
like all those trees falling
helplessly, grotesque and broken
constellations shines in your eyes
and in my eyes are phosphenes
of your images blurred by shadowy lights
floating down the drain of my brain through my heart
as i slowly lose what was once so dear to me
i fall miserably in the salty tears
unable to swim across the dimples that forms in your cheeks
when you smile
i try to stretch my lips from ear to ear
in vain
i am not under my control these days
i have forgotten to love me
since you declined all the love
i showered over  you
and that love now flows down the gutter
like monsoon rain
my once big bright enthusiasm now floats around
teasing me to despair
together with smokes of cigarettes i have just begun to smoke
i have been such a reckless lover
you have been always been the better one
my favourite lines of love poetry
which i seem to relate has turned to some
crazy language i can't understand
all those days i sought to hold your hands forever
i dreamt  you by my side
brought you all my life, i could't lose
i fed to you, affection so annoying
now life devalues day by day
you have been a chain
even with regret cannot be undone
i wash my hand time to time
unable to wash you from my heart
i turn back and look at you
splitting me away...
from morning to night
as i barely survive
residing on the corner.. dark..
waiting for lightning
thunders, flood... silently
extinguishing the light of my life
with the candle dying over the note
i used to write love poems with your name at the end
does it even sense

As I pedalled around the Garden of Peace
I could not deceive me anymore
....I just wanted to feel alone in crowds
I was never alone all this time
I am man of impossible desires
I am man of star shaped fires
I realized I am better not alone
Strolling along the bicycle I rented
As I reached temple of Mayadevi
and I realized its not peace I sought
All this time, I wanted to run from crowds
So full of admiration and esteem
Not for Peace, but from their love
I cannot repent the love I have forsaken
...And in the garden of peace,
I suffered from turmoil of love

I like writing about only love,
almost love and beyond love
No love is greater than my love
No love is harder than my love
Because my love, I have always failed you
Am I asking much when I say
I am working on the plan to **** you
or if I say
I loved you once when your eyes
were blue
You came quietly to my surrounding
But you brought earthquakes and volcanoes together
when you entered my house
I failed you once and twice
But you failed me everytime
my love is hardest
because I never loved the idea of love.
of love, more than once
But I loved everyone except you
And not loving you killed me
and I am so fond of eyes on blue

Leftovers, scattered as grieving memories
Tragedy of to-be-happily-ever-after ending
When trying to hold what was once dear
The sensation now burns with apathetic melancholy

Shall I wait for you, or will you see me go
May I hold your hand, or you wish to let me fall
How long will you possess me with dichotomy
How far shall I long for the consummate singularity

Quest now halts with contemplation and questions
Blazing ardor now freezes cold with paucity of purpose
Open eyes dreams on the heat ; And what exactly is love
Trembling tears of midnight weep; And what exactly is hope

tick tock tick tock
the night ticks in its own pace
my eyes blinks in synchronization
seconds run, minutes walk and hours passes by
"tick tick tock tock " the clock now changes sound
and my eyes, i notice , are open wide!

silence
desperately
told nothing;
perhaps silence is a sadist!

I am a bad sleeper
and a terrible dreamer
I am lazy like no other
still I have people
praising me for what I do
and what I do not do
because people do that
and I listen to them eagerly
chants of my awesomeness

Smile sticks on my face

My daddy is the only person true
he knows me
How terrible I am at everything
How ****** up I am
How I know nothing except
except-------eating
sleeping
and gluing my eyes on my laptop

and he is the best dad on the world
because he is true at what he says
and I trust him since I was infant
a superhero--- I first met, only met!

And My mom is bad too
she supports me against dad
but I know dad
You are right
I am terrible at carrying out
responsibilities, duties, progress
because I am a bad sleeper
I sleep and I sleep and I sleep
I sleep late and wake up even more late!

He is the best dad
I am his favorite son
We are a team of super-dad and super-son!
he shouts to wake me up
I groan back to sleep
Its hard when two super powers collide
and I usually win
because my dad is bad too
he loves me and I love you, dad!

Feelings are easy thing to deal
Remember when the young sun shone
the luster which it possessed, bright charming gentleman
scramble your memory and open your eyes to mirror
gone. like speck of gold dust.
Feelings are easy thing to deal
hard is not to feel.
when the old guy sam asked
"when was the last time we kicked some *****."
scratch your head to find no blood to spill.

CLOSE YOUR EYES
Take a deep breath in.
HOOOLDD!
Breath out!
Declaration:feelings are dead.only memory lived!