मैले लेखेको गीत

तिमीले कुनै दिन
मलाई भनेका कुरा अझै याद
नआउने हैनन्।

गोरेटोमा सगैँ चालेका
कदमहरू
दोबाटोमा अल्मलिएर छुट्टिसके
तर तिम्रो निम्ति, तिम्रो नाममा
मैले गीत अझै कोर्न सकिन

तर अवश्य गाउनेछु
तिमीले भुन भुनाउने धुनमा मिलाएर
एकदिन, कुनै एकदिन
म मनबाट गीत

सायद त्यो गीत जुनमा अल्झिएर
तारामा पिल्पीलाएर, चम्किरहेछ
र म खोज्दैछु तिनका
समुन्द्र भित्रको अस्पष्ट छायाँमा

सायद कुनै सखाप हुँदै गरेको
वन पाखामा मैनाको आवाजमा
लुकेको छ त्यो गीत
र म शहरको कोलाहलमा हराएकोछु

सायद कुनै मादलको खरीमा
सायद  साउने झरीमा
लुकेको छ त्यो गीत
र म हराएको छु माघे एकान्तमा

अनि सम्झिन्छु त्यो मैले
आफ्नो सिरानीमुनि राखेको तिम्रो तस्बिर
जसको पछाडी मैले तिम्रो नाम कोरेको थिए

तिमीले गुन गुनाउने धुनसँगै
त्यो शब्द कति मीठो सुनिन्छ।

Subtle beast within thy beauty sleeps
Your gentle smile hides the smirk beneath
Tenderly your movement blocks my wind pipe
The poison of your kiss gives me desire to live

I wanted to get drenched
as you were evaporating
I wanted to roll over moss,
as you gathered seeds of clouds
There, watching up
I was all this time waiting for you
to fall as rain
I was all this time waiting for you
To drench me in your raindrops
of love, shining like vinyl of rash
To fill my eyes - dry with desires,
of sparkles, twinkling with sun after rain

But you made me realize,
after seeing you today,

I was only a grain of sand,
gliding recklessly over mountains,
desperate to catch you
feel you
touch you
hold you
reach inside you
and then just falling down to the sea
with no moss, just salt, all salt
sinking down, gradually

We were never made for each other
May be.


Deeper and down,
In dark, there I find you
I am inside you.
you are all around me.


(A stone can't set the sail, but it can reach the depth)

१.
ग्रीष्म शहर
धुलाम्य प्रतिक्षा-
अनवरत आशा

२.
टुक्रो कलम
निसास्सिएको मन
आधा कबिता

३.
उठेको काल
भरपेट आकांक्षा
चैते चाहाना

एक दुई घर हुदैँ
टोल टोल छिर्दैँ छ
बिस्तारै कोलाहल मच्चिएको छ चारैतर्फ
सन्त्रास छाएको छ, सारा गाउँमा

बुख्याँचा त पहिले नै भन्थ्यो –
"गाँउमा आज सर्प पसेको देखेँ!"
तर त्यातिबेला न अरु कसैले देख्यो
न बुख्याँचाको कसैले सुन्यो।

गाउँमा आज हिड्ने बाटो छैन
न त कतै बस्ने चौतारा बाकी छ
लुसुक्क पसेको सर्पको आज
जताततै गुड देखिन थालेको छ

देख्दैछ बुख्याँचा, सक्नेहरु झोला बोकीँ हिडेको
कोही गाई निचोर्दै सर्पलाई दुध दिरहेको
बुख्याँचा भन्छ "सारा गुडमा आगो झोस्देऊ!"
तर आफ्नै घरमुनि मान्दैन कोही आगो लगाउन

सर्पदंशले आजित हरेक जन
घायल बन्दैछ बिस्तारै सारा गाउँ
कैयन त मरिसके, अनि वेवारिसे सढिसके
ओखतीको पर्खाईमा आत्तिदैछन् बाँकी सबै

जेठा वैद्द चिन्तित छन्, नसकिने हो की भनी सबलाई
बचाउन ,पालैपालो घाईते बोक्दै आउदैछ  बुख्याँचा
अन्तमा वैद्दकै लाश दोबाटो भेटियो
त्राहीमाम गाउँलेबीच अन्योल चुलियो

वीण बजाउँदै झुल्किन्छ गाउँमा नौलो अनुहार
सगँसगैँ देखियो सर्पदशंको ओखतीको विज्ञापन
वाचा गरियो सबैलाई ओखतीको
अनि भगाईने भईयो सबै सर्प

चिच्यायो बुख्याँचा - " यो सब यसैको काम हो, केवल नाटक हो।"
घाईतेको आहत अगाडी उस्को चिच्याहतले पारेको देखिन्न
केही फरक सशँकित गाउँलेको
लामै लाईन लाग्छ, अब बाचिने भईयो सायद

त्यसपछि बिते कैयन रात र दिन
सारा सर्प गुडबाट महलको कोठीमा सरे
अनि अझै हरेक दिन कोही न कोही
घाईते बन्छ सर्पदंशबाट, लाईन अझै लामै छ,

एकदिन, बुख्याँचा
तेही लाइनमा देखिन्छ, हारेको मुहारमा

तर हार्न पनि कहाँ सजिलो छ र!

यदि पाउने भए म माया गर्नेथे
मायाको अर्थमा मै कविता कोर्नेथे
ममा लेखिए शब्दहरू धेरै
प्रेमी देखि प्रियासम्म म पुगे घेरै
मेरोसाथ हिड्न फुल चुडिए धेरै
यदि हुने भए म आफै फुल्नेथे
यदि पाउने भए म माया गर्नेथे

जब मेरो निर्जिवतामा उनी सजिवता कोर्थे
म माया रैछु भनी म सोच्ने गर्थे
म बुझ्थे म भित्र दुई- एक बन्थे
लाग्थो मायाको मोल म बढाउँथे
यदि पाउने भए म माया गर्नेथे
लेखिएका हरेक वाचा म पूरा गर्नेथे
हरेक जुनी म उन्लाई नै पाउथे

तर, मन हुनेकै माया बिक्दो रैछ
अनि हरेक प्रहर सगैं यहाँ माया सुक्दो रैछ
हिजोको हासोँले आज पोल्दो हो क्यारे
कोहि माया सुकाउन नसकेर मसगैँ जल्दो रैछ
माया गर्न बरू मैले नै पो जाने,
म हरेस नखाई माया हरपल गर्थे
यदि पाउने भए मै माया गर्नेथे

माया मात्र कागजमा हुन्छ भनी लेखियो कतै
तर साच्ची , यदि पाउने भए म माया गर्थे
मुटु टुक्रिदा म आफू च्यातिन्नथे
बरू टुटेका हर मुटु म जोड्नेथे
रड्डि कागजबाट पुनः सदाबहार प्रम पत्र बन्थे
यदि पाउने भए म माया गर्थे
वियोग हैन, सम्योगान्त हुन्थ

Loud Silence

The beating of my heart has changed suddenly
Breath become anxious
Past has gripped over my realm,
one more time
There has been time when
I wanted nothing of past
I can remember myself claiming
"All I live, I live for now"
I am naive. I fail to judge myself
Had only love been some algebra!
Take me home through this lonely road
The yearning beats inside me
the heartbeat like never before
Why in future we dream
How do we live for now
When time and again past haunts us
If only love had been some equations
I sit by the corner,
which each day totally feels new
with my friends laughing over drinks and chicks
and I, laughing over tragedies
The beating of my heart has changed aggressively
maddening the evening
If only a phone call would clear away some sentiments
I lose myself every time
I give up so easily these days
It feels like all my energy is being spent only to
guard that small dark chamber
you created for me
to hide all that you left behind
Why is sun not bright enough all the time
and why do moon shines keep me awake
All I drink I drink for you
To fight with the world, kick myself out of here
To helplessly laugh at these ruins that never fades away
but stays there silently
like some war memoir
Shall I be proud for keeping you alive in memories
While I kneel down with this loud silence beneath

There, I whisper quietly
Words that make no sense
But have deep meaning
At the empty cup
of which I sipped the last possible drops
of my morning tea
Now all there is left in it -
The future built in healthy past
All the possible pasts
And the most deranged present
Probably,
The reflection is not true to me anymore

All these grounds of reality have sunk too low
And my expectations have rose so high
Sometimes I wish I was DC Comic Character
with flying abilities
and for some reason I am high
since few days
not because of some hallucinogens
No, Not the tea
of colourful thoughts painted in black and white dreams
The birds outside chirp in a strange tone
Like some mechanized toy
Its already hard to find a bird in my surrounding

The cup was long gone
Realizations failed to realize this event
Until I got off my  chair and
got a piece inside my skin

Dreams are just like that
They fall off without getting noticed
and they get shattered
You fail to realize until you start walking
after a long sigh, out of apprehension
after a short rest
and you have already missed your way
You get back just a piece of memory
Every moment redefines you
Every morning tea is a memory
Every cup is just a moment

dream -
or was it blurry memory
bright side of dark she was
up up higher she flew
like an angel from fairy tales
blazed she and dazed me
never noticed her go away
blurry memories in the morning
and that laughter...

*you are voice inside my head
you are voice
inside my
head

At times like this
When I slowly vanish
within me, from me
I feel her love and -
our love, (our)

Her voice, such dope.
The song she sang
when I first met her.

Not long after that
I approved all the cliches of love
in my own way, and took pride
on my new found zeal.
How sweet! (how sweet)

And in the blink of eye.
"Blink" like blink of eye!
The world which I forgot
Never turned back, but
I had to return back.

Thank you lady.
You left me words to write.

I lie down on my bed
with a book, I am not reading,
in front of me
There is a clear knock from the door
and I know, someone wants me
to open it
but I will not
I have not lied here to please people
I am in my regular
mood swings
contemplating about issue
which may appear so oblivious
to real eyes, but not
and this can result in another
end of world
Its not easy to deal with people
and there is hardly anyone
who can deal with my mood swings
But they are still mine
I open the door in the calmest way
with a grusome look
there is the person
that will make you go
all back in love
but I cannot understand
why is love such a beautiful thing
when all it offers is pain in the end

I was so sure of she being Jasmine.
Whereas in her soul, she was a dandelion.
And today I sit here watching, her flight.
And today I sit here inspired, by her flight

The lady dandelion on the flight,
flying across the oceans and height
granting wishes with warmth and grace
was I just a fool trying to hold to her pace?

I do not remember my dream from last night
or nights before
I do not even remember if ---
I have been dreaming
Since days and past, i have been sleeping late and waking early
****-a-doodle-doo then
I try to remember unconscious or
semiconscious activities happening around when i was deep with sleep
...My memories do not agree for me

What happened to the dreams
of my childhood--- what was my childhood dream
or those dreams of achieving something-- something
I wanted to buy,  something very bad
something I do not quite remember now
Where was the place I was destined for
My brain is losing its nerves
What was it I wanted to become!

Pinch me!
Pinch me--- Oh, reality!
I turn my pages of my private dream journal
Someone seemed to have robbed my letters off the pages
I panic and I slap myself
I panic and I bang my head
I panic and I scream out my lungs
I panic and I call for help
I panic and I ask
"Why are you all laughing at me?"
I panic for now they are declaring my mad
I panic trying to run around and hide
I look at the mirror to find no one inside

Why me? .............................!
Is it me who forgot my dreams?
oh me!
or my dreams who abandoned me?
****!
Or were they just snatched away?

Who was searching for whom
Still shivering
in certain madness
An agony burning but in ice
when was it that eyes met but
never did dreams

Who were you when
we crossed our way
In quivering desperation
Still falling under the feet of fate
we crossed and only I noticed
I noticed and never did you

Under the dustless sky
Stars fall under your eyes
and only I noticed, never did you

It was you so strange
A stranger blowing hollow horns
and only I noticed, never did you

And what was it that got crushed
and only I noticed, never did you

who is who and who needs what
what was it when everything turned to dust
noone noticed, breaking right in two

In darkness, you prevail

Tripsy illusions caress sweet lies
Fondled by night, smile my eyes
Cannot beg you more than a touch
The gravity of moon is not enough
How shall I fly, How do I rise
Ghostly allusions feeds me surprise
Crippling occasions haunts me
Why shan't it, tranquil havoc thee
With your incomplete memories
Anxiety hovers over my skies
As dark gets thicker by every moment
cover me warm, another longing thus spent


sun shines beyond the cloud
at night its different story though

I named you moon
And Stars , Also Flowers
I named you with everything I could
Touch, Hear, See and Feel

Night after Night
The moon is wanning out
Like the splendour you once had

Day after Day the snow is covers the green
Yellow,Red and colors of life
its cold in your absence

But it just gets warmer
the eternal flame you ignited
with every smiles crossing my mind

जीवन- जसरी म सोच्ने गर्दछु
म आफू मात्र समेतिन्छु।
ऐक्लै एकान्तमा रमाउदछु।
साच्दछु माया केवल आफ्नो
,आफ्नै निम्ति ।
अनि मित्रता गास्न म आफै भित्र
गुहार्छु आफैलाई
जीवन - जसरी म बाच्न चहान्छु
म मौनतामा संवाद गर्न चहान्छु
मग्न भइ तारा र जुनमा भुल्न चहान्छु
म यसरी हराउँदछु, म छु म मात्र।

तिमी कसरी फूल्यौ ? कहाँबाट-
लाली छर्दै उदायौ?
आफू भित्र रमाउँदा रमाउदै
तिमी भित्र हराए॥
म बाच्न किन तिमी खोच्न थाले?

Failing in love
is overrated;
over-hyped.
I write
Not because I am sad
Not because I failed
I wish to settle
my poisons.
I know my demons
better now.
I fell for no angel
Which I fantasized as a teen.
You are the black curves
of smokes from cigarette.
I try to inhale much of you
And you tease me more.

And after writing
all these
time
All I remember
is just two words
-Try Again.

I can ****
any woman I want
I will love you but
**** her
I will curse you and
**** another
I will hold onto you
and Play with some other ****.
I did not fail you
I just loved you.

All this time
My demons tried
to find halo
behind your horns
And secretly I Whisper
"Witch like she is all I need "

Do not Giggle at me.
For I write.
My demons,
They are so  over sympathised.

के छ र भनी बाकीँ, मेरो सामु आई उभिन्छौ
मेरो मन रेटेर, भएभरको माया निचोरेर
थोपा थोपा सबै चुहाईकन
मेरो दिल तोड्ने अनुहार बोकेर
किन फेरि के खोज्न आईपुग्यौ?
तिमी मन पर्न छाडेको जुग भईसक्यो।

ती दिन सब भुलिसके
जब तिमी मलाई अप्सरा लाग्ने गर्दथ्यो
तिम्रो आवाज मात्र सुनेनी मेरो पेट भर्दथ्यो
डाईटिङ् साईटिङ पनि गर्न छोड्यौ कि कसो
बोली नि के भा' हो कोरेको चक्का जस्तो
तिमी मन पर्न छाडेको जुग भईसक्यो।

नाम तिम्रो रिता कि गीता नि बिर्सिसके
खासमा त तिमीलाई म चिन्दैचिन्दिन
अब जति बाटो छेके नि छेक
नेपाल बन्द चक्काजाम जे गरे नि गर
अनसन बसे नि तिमीलाई बाल दिन्न
तिमी मनपर्न छोडेको जुग भईसक्यो।

Was it fun to dip you fingers in my pain

Pretty face with hideous intention
Warm smile with razor sharp officiation
Gifts wrapped with high pressure conation
Enough could never mean Enough
Drag me slowly to your cave of hedonism
Ring me with jingle bells
**** me with television tales
Quench you hollowness
Fry my ignorance and feed your emptiness
Your dripping desires of spicy pleasures
You drag me for a hand to hold
You carry me in my time of gold
and you surely know when to run

well well
I was never late to know the time to curb

When was the last time we were friends
Truth began when friends outspaced

Desperated soul rising low in crude hours
In dance with tunes of discarded symphonies
I know its time with parasitic inception
Time which can never change again
You may think this was all meant to be
I may smile and walk the other way
But the interwined souls are never on release
None has seen the solitude that watches both
Lonely hours in parks, I spend today
The giant of giants setting its sail
Innocent breeze filling me with malaise
The benches broken and the weeds uncut
Old couples reliving their prime in solace
New sailors of the sky with splashing eyes
How everything points back to time together
Clueless how everything relates
All the curls and turns ending right at you
I may say, this was all meant to be
You may smile and walk miles away
Do onto others what they do to you

I have seen you wither
in the spring
When I was sweating
Or was it just me
drowning in my own feelings

I wanted the love we wanted
What did you want
Please tell me

Love waits to grow
And I wait to show
my heart bleeding

Will you just come back
and hold the pieces falling
apart
Should I fly to you
with the pieces falling
apart

Can love wait to grow
when the heart waits to stop
Can you wait some more
and hear me say good bye
But I will wait
sliding down the rainbows
Waiting for you to fall

Never get drenched in rain
when the sun is bright
behind clouds

Not the eyes that would blink anymore
But see as the image shuffles across them
Wide open drips red as you stare
Things you desire to learn crawls beneath

Wouldn't it be nice to drop few tears
the moment of pleasure would grow so near

Watch the tension as he ties the world
Decaying world that has fallen apart
Fluttering hands embracing two dead souls
Wrecked pieces sprinkling upon his brow

Wouldn't it be nice to buy new dreams
Happy wouldn't look ragged anymore

As you pry, diamond turn to coal
Can you care enough even to know
As jigsaw flies away from place
deafening words sings of new found love

Hit him with frisson of new found love
What got him lost; which never he found

I hate you
because I cannot love you anymore
From now, you are not my star eyed girl
Nomore I will see your image on moon
I am burning all the love I bought for you
Its cold like your heart which I broke
Or vice versa
I will not love you anymore
The season has changed
It hardly rains
But only you will lack my love
The dog in my neighbourhood
still wags his tail at me
The girl with braces smiles
at me, everyday, every morning
I smile back and I wait for her to
remove those braces
Now I hate you, I can kiss her too
I do not write love letters
which you said classic affection
I hate classics like I hate you
I am back to myself
only without half of me
But I do not miss you
Because the parrot in my home
still calls your name
My mother still thinks you will come
to see her
after you return to town
She still loves you, not knowing
you never left the town
Not me, I hate you

I am always asked to
Stop it. Let go.
People are kind and open
at asking to do things
impossible, undesired
without leaving other options
I am asked to stop
Love, I wish I could
Love, I wish, I really do
I should have never
loved the one who would
try to block my fountain of joy
Love, I wish I could
After all, I owe you
You made my heart
do the best it could
feeling the worst it ever should
You made my heart jump in flames
You made my heart shrink in melancholy
You make my heart desire more of your denial
Love, I wish I could really
Stop loving you
I wish to let go
Love, once love was all I needed
now love is most uneasy conversation I have
Everytime they talk love
You make me realize
How bad
I am in it
love, if only I could
I think I should
erase all that carries you

कुन्ठित वेग्रताको लगाम फुकाउदै
सल्केको चित्तमा वरफ जमाउदै
थोपा थोपा पानी पानी
तप्प तप्प जानी नजानी
सारा सृष्ति चुहिदैछ
उन्मादको घैटो रित्तीदैछ

न यो माया न कुनै संकल्प
न भूतको कोलाहल
न भविष्यको तत्परता
परिचय केवल क्षणभर निमित्त
उम्लेको पशूत्व पोख्ने आतुरता
प्रतिबिम्बित एक झलक शुन्यता

अनि फेरि मोलका कुर
अनमोल क्षणमा वेमेलका कुरा
संसारिकतामा फर्केको विकेकको सुरमा
समाजिक संस्कार र भगवानका कुरा.

I am null lost in chaos
chaos of motions and emotions
I am chaos lost in null
null in absence of idea and will
I am lost in between chaos and null
I have befriended nonsense
sense doesn't make me good boy anymore
I was good at maths
I wasnt good with words
I am not me anymore
I am a small area without dimension
I was happy with what I got
I don't have me anymore
I am sorry to myself
I want to blame everyone for me being me
for me not being me
I want to cry and swim in pool of my tears
I want to roll down the hill and hit my head
I was a tree
I was a baby
I was a something
I am just nullness of chaos
I am me and I can't be me.......

गर्छन्! बादलले धाकेको अौँसीझैँ रित्ता
रित्ता वाचाहरू,
एक योगीले हरेक नव प्रभातमा साधना गरेसरी,
टोलाउँदै मेरा आखाँहरू
फैलिदै गएका भित्ताहरूमाँझ
क्करिदै गएको त्यो  एकलकाँटे सिलिङ्तिर।

सिलिङ्मा कोरिएका सपनाहरूको डायरी
पल्टाउने क्रममा
साउनको झरी सरी वर्षिने गर्दछन्
मनमा सजिएका अनेक रहरहरू
र बुन्न थाल्दछन् अदृष्य भोलीका
अस्थाई जीवन रेखाहरू

सास बिस्तारै फुल्ने गर्दछन्
हृदयलाई ढुक्क पार्दै
स्वप्न बगैंचा चहार्दै
म पुग्दछु एकान्तमा ती गल्लीहरू बीच,
जहाँ भोलीको सूर्योदय  पश्चात
फेरि हन्डर नखानु छ
एक नमिठो यात्रालाई विश्राम दिदै
म हर रात सपना सजाउछु
संकल्प सङ्गाल्छु, म यात्री बन्छु।।

हरेक बिहानको सुरुवात सगैँ
फेरि
त्यो पल्लो घरको भाले भुक्न थाल्छ
गल्लीका भुस्याहरू मेरा सपनाहरू लुछ्न खोज्छन्
खाल्डो बीच हराएको काठमाडौंको सडकमा म यात्री नभई बौलाहा बनेर भौतारिन्छु,
म यो जीवनको अतिथी
वर्षातमा हिलोले पोतिन्छु
अरू दिन मैलोले लेपिन्छु
बस् चल्दो हो त ... तर दोष कसलाई दिऊँ
यो साधुहरूको देशमा?
आफ्नो हिलो पखाल्नै पर्ने हुन्छ
मैलो मेटाउनै पर्ने हुन्छ
यसै साथ,
म हर साझँ सङ्कल्प र सपनाको सङ्ग्रह बाग्मतिमा सेलाउने गर्दछु
राती सिलिङ अझै क्करिएको पाउछु
भित्ताहरू टाढिएका हुन्छन्
फ्ल्यासब्याकमा अनन्तसम्म एकै दिन दोहरिन्छ
तरपनि हरेक रात सास फुलाउदै
गर्छन् ! सिमलीको भुवासरी उडी बिलाउने वाचाहरू
मेरो खोक्रिदै गएको मन,
टोलाउदै
क्करिदै च्याउरिएका रित्ताे सिलिङतिर
रुझ्दै
सपना र सङ्कल्पको वर्षातमा
थाम्दै
मक्किएका हिम्मतका जगहरू
फगत एक फ्ल्यासब्याकको निम्ति
अनि सायद बहार बोक्ने
भोलीको निम्ति

१
म एक पुत्र
एक पति
र एक पिता हुँ
२
एक न्वारान
एक विवाह
र एक चिता हुँ
३
म एक होटल
एक बोतल
र एक प्याला हुँ
४
म एक श्रम
एक उत्पादन
र एक ज्याला हुँ
५
म एक इन्टरभ्यु
एक लामो क्यु
र एक क्यान्डिडेट् हुँ
६
म एक खाली बिल
एक खाली विभाग
र एक खाली पेट हुँ
७
म एक सभा
एक श्रोता
एक वाह
र एक ताली हुँ
८
म नेताजीको एक गीत
एक भाषण
र एक गाली हुँ
९
म एक जुलूस
ए उफ्र्याइँ
एक नारा
र एक झण्डा ह

My number is blocked
I am restless
helpless
sleepless
I am already sober
Nothing worked
14 whatever
**** this ****
I can't even seem to make any sense
I can't write when I need it most
jdfkydymhfdkh

Devoid of further desires
We melted together and
in spirals we connected
swirling swiftly up and above
getting connected with what we always
sought for - heaven as being said
we stirred each other with
love and with flavour of vacuum
we mixed, we blended
we turned to stardust slowly
with every passing seconds
I held you; you held me. tighter!
It was a moment for-ever
We - still smile when we
recall our first kiss
Everything ended there
And everything began.
Do you remember how 'it' began?

After remembering you
for all these time
I have just forgotten you
I am happy for nothing
and I am sad for nothing

I try to remember
the eyes that swallowed me whole
with awe and ardor
and I remember eyes with tornados
where I lose myself in despair
I try to feel your lips
that tasted something like
soft cotton candies slowly melting on my mouth filling me with all the sweetness
and leaving marks on me, red and raw
and I feel my lips dehydrated n dry
like ancient ponds at the end of our locality
I feel my hands which feels like
it has at some point felt something
and I donot remember that touch

I have forgotten how you look
and every next lady walking down the street resemble you
Everyone smiles at me for nothing
I sit around the corner of the old broken bus stand
waiting for nothing
Just trying to remember if
we had ever shared any love here
My shoulders waiting for someone
to rest their head on it
My fingers trying to tiptoe over
arms n thighs, I suppose
I have forgotten you nice and well
May be this was the place where
you kissed me last time
before I started to forget you
But I do not remember who you are
I forgot you hard and bad

मन उजाडिएको महसुस हुन्छ
अनि कतै जकडिएको आभास हुन्छ
हावाको गन्धमा पनि वाक्न मन लाग्छ
मनमा अनौठो भारी छ, कतै बिसाउन मन लाग्छ

भावुक छु, तर कसैलाई म देखाउन सक्दिन
यो भावहिनता मेरो भावना हो
म बोल्न खोज्दा खोज्दै म लाटो बन्छु
मेरो शब्दहिनता मेरो चित्कार हो

अभिव्यक्त गर्न नसकिएका भावहरु
शब्दको साहारा लिन खोज्दा अझै लाचार बनिदिन्छन्
भावनामा डुबेको छु म, डुब्दै जादै छु गहिराइमा
तर... तर म डुबेको छु सुख्खा मरुभुमिमा

म अन्धो भइसके, आफ्नो खोज्दा खोज्दै
मलाई पागल भनिसके, बुझाउदा बुझाउदै
सबैको भावनामा आफ्नो भाव मिसाउन खोजे
तर... मेरो भावना कतै सुख्खा दलदलमा बिलिन भए

मैले सकिन, म सक्दिन होला अब कहिले
बरु म भावनाको अभावमा बाच्न चाहन्छु
म बिना मुटु रमाउन चाहन्छु
शुन्य भइ शुन्यमा बिलाउन चाहन्छु!!!

दीपको उज्यालोमा अधेरीको हुरी चलेको क्षण
लाग्छ एउटा आशाको समाप्ति लेखिदैछ
हातमा लागेको चोटको बदला आत्माले भोग्दैछ
तरपनि अधेरीकै बानी पर्न शुरू हुदैछ
दीपको शिखामा अतीत जलेको उन्माद चल्दैछ मनमा
बिहानीको शीत सहने अब सास बाकी छैन न रहर
म मरेको नाटक गर्न चाहन्छु
कृपया तिमी मलाई माया गरेको अभिनय गरिदिनु
म मर्दा तिमीलाई पीडा भएसरी आँसु बहाईदिनु
अनि जब म नाटकबाट थाकेर फेरी होसमा आउनेछु
तिमी मलाई सुनाउनु, कति असह्य पीडा थियो म मर्दाको क्षण
अनि भन्नू " अब कहिले नमर्नु"
म सोचमग्न भई फेरि त्यो दीपमा टोलाउन थाल्नेछु
सोच्दै यदी साच्चिकै यो दीपमा तेल सकेर
मलाई अधेरीले निल्यो भने...
तिमी बिलाईसकेकी छ्यौ
मलाई पनि निले, ...
म विचार गर्न थाल्छु

एउटा आशाको पालुवा पलाउदैछ

तिमी र म बीच केवल दुरी
केवल दीपको उजेलीको॥

In my dream today,
I seeped into your sphere
But was there you to find?
I floated inside my unconscious
To seek company of your conscience
Was there you to find?
I am locked inside this limbo.
You are nowhere to be found
Yet your fragrance exist all around
You soared high inside me
With smells of jasmine love
You grew inside my poignancy
like lotus of the mud valley
Yet where are you hidden
I don't seem to find
Who are you in my imagination?
Who are you existing in real?
Can this dream be my reality?
Can this limbo be my real life?

For once I thought I lost you
I was sure , it's time to let go
you or love or sanity
I thought you shall
never occur again
and I was
wrong all the time
all this while

How can one be in love
and still doubt like this
may be ---
love never occurred, until
you were ready to leave
too late - to fall in love now
too late - to not

तेज सडकमा कुदिरहेको छु
यत्रतत्र छरप्रस्त लासहरु छरिएको म देख्छु
यहाँ कुकुरहरु मरिरहेका छन्

कुकुरको लासको के मोल?
तिमी सोधौला मलाई
मलाई नसोध, समय बिती रहेछ
मोल गरिहाल,लासको लिलामी चलिरहेछ
यहाँ कुकुरहरु मरिरहेका छन्

दाहसंस्कारको संस्कार छोड अब
कुहिएको लासकै भाउ बढिरहेछ
त्यो दुर्गन्धले व्यापार फस्टाइरहेछ
भुक्नेको खर्च जोगिरहेछ
जता ततै लास बिकीरहेको छ यहाँ
यहाँ कुकुर हरु मरिरहेका छन्

घाँसको कुरा नगर तिमी
भोलीको लागि नकुर तिमी
अरे! भेडा पनि मास मै रमाइरहेका छन्
यहाँ कुकुरहरु मरिरहेका छन्

सासलाई लासलाई घेरिरहेछ
यो चिहानमा जिन्दगी मेटिदैछ
न यहाँ कोहि जिउदोँ छ
न कोहि यहाँ बाचिरहेछ
केवल लास छ, लासै लास छ
यहाँ कुकुरहरु मरिरहेका छन्

यो चिहान रमाइलो छ
मरणमा नै जीवन रमाइरहेछ

के शब्द कोरू तिम्रो यादमा छाडी गएपछि
सगैँ पाईला चाल्दाचाल्दै टाढि गएपछि

हिजोका ती मिठापनि तितो लाग्छ आज
बोल्दा बोल्दै मौनताले घेरी दिएपछि

पुर्णिमाकै जुन पनि कालो देख्छु म त
मायाले नै यी आखाँमा छारो हानेपछि

अझै म त दोबाटोमै आशा गरि बस्छु
आशा पनि मारू कसरी माया लाएपछी

My love,

I heard people saying
Life is a roller coaster
with ups and downs
with turns and bumps

I believe, With you beside
Life is a merry go round
It rotates through everything
but centers the bliss!

Face to face,
Across the table with some complementary drinks
Anxiety clearly dancing at our legs
It been hour or so
talking about our favorite writers
the music that gives us solace
the taste of today's morning tea
how I ended up having boring day at office
how you had nothing much to say
the preparation for careers
our ex
our parents
our siblings
and the world in middle east
and some gossips from west
How we both hate Korean flicks
and Indian TV serials
but...
all these are delightful distractions
seems to work weak today
because the temperature have risen
the level of mercury beyond limits
and with my mouth talking whatever
finger tapping to hide some unknown violation
my eyes is glued at the tiny peek from
your low cut tops
My mind plays violin synchronizing
with the movement of your tight jeans which
gracefully captures the swaying hips
Why does your lips appear extra luscious today?
and why do I think I am someone else today?
Gasping at the breath I finally mutter
"let's talk about *** baby;
lets find some place, may be"
The question mark on your eyes gives a stare
Which was all needed to pull out the animal in me
I wink at you with the unique expression of lust
You know what I mean.
The desire fires the way it deems.

कति पनि संकोज हुन्थेन
जब हामी भेट्थ्यौँ

कति पनि कुरा लुक्थेनन्
जब हामी बोल्थ्यौँ

त्यो ति दिनका कुरा थिए
जब हामी , हामी थियौँ

तर  आज यो के भयो
म म भए, तिमी आफु भयौँ

कति नजिक भेकनपनि
कति टाढा थियौँ

कति चाडैँ भयौँ आफ्नो
कति चाडैँ बिरानो

Strange way how the life works
Or may be just I think a lot
Sometimes I just want to thank life
For all it has bestowed me with
And there are times like this
When I want to smother life
For one thing it didn't make happen

Chain reactions or desperations
Lots of wind has blown
Clouds dusted and cleared
Snow fell and flowed down the valley
And there is always one "you"
If only life was little kinder
....

Memories pinches like heart burns
Regrets are not the right thing now
I ruined my thoughts for someone else's
There is a shadow behind every laughter
There is fear under the blanket
There are thoughts that keeps me forgetting my present
Dragging me to the past
....
All I am writing this
Because only pen can relief me from all these

She was not real when she first came to me


She was not real when she first came
There was not she
There was not her desire
I was too tired already when she came
She felt like dream
hidden behind haziness
her eyes intensely gazing at my physical state
and me utterly lost among my own ruins
she wrote she was searching for real
she said she couldnt find real on me
I do not understand if
I am real or not
may be there is no me, as well
I always made things on my mind
And If I am real I must have made her up
or just her desire
but she was real when she left
and she was there
going back deeper into the haze
haze that gave her birth
and haze that has left me with atonement
engulfed with terrible silence
still suffocating


she was terribly real
I was terribly lost in search of reality
I know not
where things went wrong
and we were never real together
and I sit here feeling bad
I have felt bad for too long now
feeling bad doesn't feel bad anymore
this bad is not real, may be

and love it can come in any emotion
a torturing apathy or eternal devotion
for love is not a moment or two
love is forever, right inside you

I cumber into invisible *****
at the corner of my solitude
When I see my path ahead
so full of crowds
waiting for me to bring them
the flower of heaven
they seem so happy
and I can hardly smile looking
at their eyes
There is a wild mushroom
inside my head
everything seems so beautifully frightening
I feel why Plath couldn't ask for more
Courage feels so heavy
that comes naturally with spines of belongings
and there is so much darkness ahead
if only I had a light of in my dreams
a desire that outshines my fear
Can't just forget this warmth
blowing out the clouds from mouth

For love that mourns


The news parks over me
an uncomfortable silence,
such pity, void of reasons
and the worst comes as
all the cracks get filled up
with smile and modesty

Just this afternoon, I
was preached about the
beauty of mortality, the
peace death bestows upon
life rippled by chaos and
choas piercing inside us the
needle of silliest phobia-
of dying, of peace that is
eternal, for real.

The breezes denies its movement
The sun hides behind clouds and
her smile still peeks at my silence,
which fails me under its gravity
I wonder mourning upon the real loss
If this is beauty of death, tears
hidden under cracks of helplessness
smile that lies of things being Okay

okay! such beauty ,the death
leaves for the livings, to kins
and friends who will still deny to
carry that breathless corpse..
thesilence won't speak up
this is just circle of life
ending nowhere but just here
right here under tears
burning down to ashes

With the smoke rising up, I
pray and hope its true, all
soul that rises up turns to star
they will never leave us and this
particular soul, do watch upon her
forever and more.
But still those stars that shine
burns hearts which beats

For Her,
As it may seem its just you
You may have chosen the hard way
believing you are on your own
I offer you my silence and me ,
who won't mourn but hold on
The star may seem to have fallen but
it will be eternally gazing upon you

With every loss, a new kingdom
of peace is founded
I am not grieved more than you
But the cracks dripping tears will still
be more beautiful than plasters of smile
Let the heaven sing for eden he will find
Let you be what he truly desired

(This is sad but this is how it is)

I was standing there, beside you
with a huge gap of silence in between us
and it seemed like it would take ages to reach you
creeping
                walking
                               running
                                                flying
                                                            through that silence
.........................................................­.....................................                      
There were no questions....................................................
...­...........................................but answers were sought for
.............................................................­................................

And you were so far away
You couldn't hear my loudest of silence
the face of desperation I wore
the smile of frustration I decorated as improper blithe

My questions almost inaudible
But the answers were sought for
.............................................................­......................
I answered myself of what you would have said
...on my head, if you have heard me "...I can't"

you turned to me with a faint smile
you turned other way, may be tears were on your eyes
you still on a far distance of silence
the answer of your part still unanswered