you will never
be more important
to them
than
sipping
smoking
snorting
substance

tell me

how can you call that love

s.s

how many dead kids will it take
before our system realises it’s corrupted

how many slit wrist will it take
before our system sees that peace has been disrupted

how many meds have to be prescribed
before our system notices hate has erupted

how many hurting people will it take
before our system admits
the way it raises its children is destructive

s.s

my heart was soft and golden
but you've turned it hard as stone
and now that you have turned away
it will be stronger on it's own

s.s

a new boy told me i was beautiful as his eyes traced my body
i cringed at the words because his tongue didn't wrap them the way yours would

a new boy grinned at me when i approached as he spoke hello
i barely managed to smile back because his eyes didn't light up in the way yours would

a new boy hit my phone up trying talk about anything
i left it unopened because his conversation felt forced and he didn't speak the way you would  

any new boy could be good, this is true
but here i am uninterested
because they just aren't you

s.s

i am sick of it
i am sick of waking up
only to feel utter emptiness
completely numb to the world
i am sick of talking to “friends”
who couldn't care less
and don't give a **** about me
i am sick of looking at my loved ones
only to see the disappointment i have caused
staring back at me
i am sick of being a failure
when i am trying my best
and somehow doing worst
i am sick of the nights
when i cry my eyes out
feeling worse than ever before
i am sick of living
i am sick of people
i am sick of breathing
i         am        sick

s.s

i could write books about you
novels solely of your existence
stories surrounding your being
but i wouldn’t dare
for the second i write it down
it becomes real
in black and white
right in front of me
staring back at me
and i can no longer pretend
that what i feel
isn’t real

s.s

she whispered weary words
to the walls
late at night
so they absorbed her broken breaths
storing her somber stories

and my god
your heart would ache
if these walls could speak

s.s

i truly do love you
that’s the hardest part of this
i feel guilty for what i'm thinking
for the blood stains on my wrist

you say you care about me
i don't know why i don’t believe it
you ask me how i'm doing
i’m doing worse, but won't admit it

i want better things for you
than the chaos in my mind
i’ve put you through too much
but for some reason, you've stayed all this time

my head is spinning
things are getting worse
i contemplate leaving
and this isn't a first

i don't tell you enough
how appreciated you are
life is tough
but you make it worth it by far

i’m doing my best to fight it
as my skin turns black and blue
but there’s one thing i can admit
i truly do love you

s.s

frankly,
i miss you

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

i should forget you
better off without you?
why can't i shake you
i need to forget you

but i don't want to
it's something i can't do
soon i'll unlove you
but right now, i miss you

s.s

we are fire and gasoline
hurricanes and hot waters
shifting plates and the ocean
earthquakes and skyscrapers

we are lightning and metal rods
sharp turns and slick streets
recovering alcoholics and free *****
no water and high heats

we are two perfect ingredients
for inevitable disaster

s.s

are you two back together
how should i respond
when i don't know whether
you still care or not

you might say that you do
but you are the one who left
and i really don't believe you
no matter what you confess

and i've got people in my ear
saying you're bad news
but it ******* hurts to hear
when you're still who i want to choose

so i'm not sure what to say
when people question about us
because it hurts at the end of the day
and it's not something i care to discuss

s.s

i still see you in my sleep
maybe that's why i refuse
to close my eyes

s.s

being around you
makes me feel
ecstatic and elated
yet
unfathomably forlorn
and undeniably broken

ironic isn't it?

s.s

love is chemical
it's not my fault
i can't rid myself of you
your name is dopamine
your eyes serotonin
your voice oxytocin
you are chemically threaded
in my veins
flowing through
a heart you broke

s.s

the devil
is a pretty lover
with kind eyes
a warm touch
and a hypnotic beating heart
who says they love you
but then leaves
and takes your fragile heart

s.s

i've compared you to
oceans
drugs and
storms
to light
water
love and
more

i've crafted a million different metaphors
just to try and capture your beauty

but the truth is
you're just a boy
a boy i found perfection in

in every breath you took
and every atom in your ******* body
i found a reason to love

s.s

hit your child
get hit back
leave their skin red
i'll leave your skin black

keep your hands off
bodies that aren't yours
hit them again
and we're going to war

******* and your fist
it's wrong what you've done
there are no excuses
not even one

s.s

she carried reminders of him with her
memories in her head and old keepsakes of the past

like a promise ring on your hand
polaroid in your wallet
his old clothes with his scent lingering
a love letter in your back pocket

these little reminders
that love exists
she kept them close
so she wouldn't forget
that love is there
beyond the struggle
and no matter the outcome
it will live eternally
in the memories
created

s.s

i would **** to know
if i’ve been on your mind
because for awhile now
you’ve been running through mine

s.s

kiss me
slowly

let your mouth
drift across my neck
sending chills
down my spine
as your lips
meet mine

let your tongue
take control
and your eyes
drift closed
touching skin
left exposed

kiss me
like i'm yours

s.s

i should have kissed him
last time i saw him
held on a little longer
grabbed his face
to look into his blue eyes
i should have hugged him
and soaked up the love
breathe in the scent
with my face buried in his shoulder
stared a little longer
at his perfect smiling face
but i didn't
i didn't and now its over
and i wish i had

s.s

she reassured herself
“i don’t miss you”
as she traced her skin and empty bed sheets
both would feel better with him
she made herself grin
ignoring the empty feeling of an empty room
“i don’t miss you, i don’t miss you, i don’t miss
you”

s.s

i believe
i wasn't ready to let go
because i felt oddly close to him
i felt a comfort i hadn't experienced before
like being with him was safer than being with myself
and a connection like that
doesn't come along every day

s.s

i lose myself
like a ship in a storm
but you're the lighthouse
bringing me home

s.s

remember the boy at the window in the white button down?
and the girl grinning from inside?
remember the two of them sitting under the moon covered in bug spray and each others arms?
remember them talking about a future they claimed they wanted?
remember the look in their eyes when they saw each others faces?
remember how happy they seemed?

turns out, they're liars

that boy called her outside to taste her skin and kept her in his back pocket so on his bad nights he could take her out and pour himself into her to forget his problems. he did not love the girl, she was simply an addition to his body count.

that girl wrote ****** poetry and told everyone she was great to hide the fact that she wanted to scream and burn every reminder of that boy from her memory because she knew she was just an object. she told the stars she did not love him and her subconscious filled her dreams with his face.

they were filthy liars,
hooked on the idea of love


s.s

i see nothing in myself
but empty eyes
and a broken shell
so when you say you love me
i think impossible
there's just no way in hell

i can still smell you on my clothes
and see you burnt into my eyelids
and you still trace my dreams
so to avoid you i don't sleep

my hands are shaking
because i can almost feel you holding them
and my skin itches
where they used to be

i can taste you in the smoke
i’m breathing in to forget you
and i'm not sure if i'm choking
on the fumes or your name

but no matter what
the thought of you makes me dizzy
because ******* memories
flood my head
with tears drowning
everything i could cling to

s.s

relapse on the regular
prescriptions pass the time
too many thoughts crowd my head
can barely make this rhyme

searching through the dictionary
stored inside my brain
maybe if i put a bullet through it
the right words will pour out like rain

then i'll write my pretty poems
with the blood on the bed
to forget even prettier memories
stuck deep inside my head

then i'll laugh at my ceiling
let the blood trickle out
i am just hallucinating
there's no way to figure this out

s.s

i once knew a boy
who kissed me
because he needed to be kissed
not because he loved
the taste of my lips
or the laugh that escaped them
and he did not love me
for the person i was
he simply loved what i was to him
an outlet for his thoughts
he loved to use me
because i said the right words
and kissed the right places
but you see, that's all i was
a puzzle like himself
just a game to keep him busy

s.s

it drains you of everything you have
when you lose someone you love
you forget how to function
and it takes ages to relearn how to live

you will spend so many nights
clutching your knees screaming into tear soaked pillows
racking your brain for some reason as to why
you just weren't good enough
that when you finally have a night
where you just lay down and sleep
you will wake up in confusion
feeling uncomfortable without streams of sorrow
but even then the nights are still restless
because they lace your dreams like drugs slipped into unwatched drinks
more than ever

you will spend so many days
walking to destinations with no purpose
following a meaningless schedule
but you won't remember a minute of it
because your brain is constantly hazy
like the loss of them is a thick fog settling on the world around you

you will fight so many times
not to breakdown when you hear their name
constantly taming tears biting at the back of your eyes
taking deep breaths to loosen your tightened throat
you will fall to your knees on the bathroom floor
staring into the porcelain bowl in front of you
as your vision swirls with the water
and you sit in a pain you could never have imagined

you will be heartbroken for too long
with a piece of you gone
knowing there is nothing you could do
to fix it

s.s

all the words in the world
are incapable
of describing
the way
my heart breaks
but still beats

s.s

losing you
was like losing a limb

i made you a part of me
and depended on you
for so many things

so your abrupt departure
feels strange
like i'm missing
a piece of myself

and i can almost feel
where you used to be
but now there is just empty space
with nothing but pain to see

you dont have to be a writer to be a poet

you write poetry with the tears that glaze your eyes at three in the morning
you write poetry with the sound of your laugh and how your lips frame a smile
you write poetry with the eyelashes you bat at your lover
you write poetry with the words you whisper into their skin
you write poetry with the way your chest falls and rises with every breath you take

you dont have to put ink on paper
to be a poet
you just have to live

s.s

all i can say
is that we tried
but even the strongest hurricanes
can dissipate among the ocean
before they ever taste the ground

s.s

we are all born addicts
        addicted
        to love
we crave those chemicals
coursing through our blood
beating in time with our heart
engulfing our mind
love tearing us apart
letting sanity unwind
but it will all be worth it
if we can just get our fix
that sweet taste of love
and the pain it inflicts
because we are all addicts
        addicted
        to love
and once we get a hit
we can never get enough

s.s

pull you close
grab my waist
rest my hands
on your face
kiss you slow
close embrace
lift me up
wearing lace
hands will drift
press and trace
melting with
the sweet taste
love on lips
time to waste
you and i
in this place

s.s

sometimes we fall in love
with the wrong people
but we never know
until we fall out of it

s.s

you look so lovely
when you lie
keep saying you love me
till the day i die

s.s

i could tell you stories
of sweet little girls
holding the hands of boys
who make their hearts twirl
of boys bringing roses
to girls with sweet smiles
of couples that last
and walk down the aisle
or i could tell you the truth
the brutal reality
where love is cruel
and far from a fantasy

s.s

i was in a lowercase kind of mood

s.s

lullabies laced with lies
i sang them everyday
convincing you and everyone else
but i let the truth decay
said i no longer cared
and at the moment i really didn't
but deep down inside
i knew i couldn't believe it
because at the end of the day
i really did care
but i knew it would hurt you
and it was a truth i didn't want to bear
i wanted to push it away
and appear the perfect person
but after so many mistakes
it's about time i learn my lesson

s.s

your arms
are the return address
for the broken heart
i created
because you are
the only place
i want to heal

s.s

come
make me forget you

just
you
and
i
step close
look me in the eyes

see the fire in them?
it still burns your name
prepare to put it out

lean in
close
just close enough
to get my heart racing
and whisper
"i don't love you anymore"
like it's nothing
matter of fact
mundane
because that's all it is
right?

s.s

sing lullabies
in between her things
and she will moan hymns
from pleasure within

s.s

you were the one that hurt me
you were the one causing all this pain
you were the one that made this happen
yet if you were standing in front of me
with soft eyes and open arms
i would melt into your embrace
with tears you caused dripping down my face

s.s

a sad soul whispers
i wish i never met you
to the demon in the empty room
and it replies
with a voice that flows thick and sweet
almost suffocating
but darling you created me
and it laughs as her tears hit the sheets
and it sounds just like him
you do this to yourself
she can smell his cologne on its breath as it leans closer
he doesn't care and neither do i, no one does
it blinks and it's eyes turn as blue as his
she tries to look away but it grabs her cheeks so she gets one last good look at what she tries to forget
it won't let her forget
he won't let her forget
then it dissipates into the lonely space
but the weight never leaves the air

s.s

i swear
that smile can fix everything

with just that one look
i can feel all the collapsed pieces of my life
forthcoming from the rubble
but then you leave
as you always do now
and that gracious grin follows

then i remember
you're not mine to keep
and unfortunately
it’s a merciless existence
without you

s.s

i hope you’re reading this
with your toes in the sand
melt into the ocean
with skin sun-kissed and tanned

i hope you’re reading this
with joyous sun filled eyes
every grain of sand is
reason to be alive

i hope you’re reading this
as the sun slips way down
the water sighs with nightfall
a day you did not drown

s.s

my mom is yelling about something so miniscule it shouldn't be an issue and how dare i speak up but i'm getting fed up but she's on this constant emotional rollercoaster you never know when she will crash or how the alcohol will react

my dad is getting frustrated with the nonsense and stress is consuming him every day threatening his health but he can't confide in his wife so he goes to his daughter instead

my sister is getting **** at school from kids who are insecure with themselves so they feel they need to take it out on soft souls like herself and there's nothing i can seem to do

my boy is not my boy anymore and he used to be one of my best friends but now i can barely look him in the eye without beginning to cry and right now i wish he were hugging me rather than ******* up my head

my friends are unreachable at the times i need to talk since there's no way to contact them when the night marches on so i sit alone and try to figure this out myself, i'd hate to bother them anyways

my head is ******* spinning and i feel dizzy and sick like i'm going insane but i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit the walls or lay still in bed unable to move at all

my life feels messy and i don't know what to fix first, it should probably be myself but i just can't be a priority

s.s

being in love
but not being together
is like chasing a mirage
in the desert
the hope keeps disappearing
moments later reappearing
is it really there
or are we hallucinating

s.s