It's midnight,
and my pen and I were wondering,
wondering if you see me in the same light,
as before,
reflecting in the same beautiful eyes,
as before,
read my poems with the same smile,
as before.

He wears many faces,
and tells many lies,
and I don't end up sleeping,
and I waste all of my time,
thinking of all my choices,
now that you aren't mine.

We all yearn for talent,
but the burden of potential is great,
the expectations of those around you,
can take you higher,
or drag you down,
so far that doubt takes over,
a beautifully cruel mistress,
poisoning you,
but it is the expectation you have,
of yourself,
that is fatal,
in my case,
if I don't make it,
I choose to die.

Oh, my fair lady,
what a surprise,
the angel of thought,
may meet her demise,
love is her savior,
love is her crutch,
love is the one,
that's broken her trust,
will he betray you,
how will you know,
love is a cruel mistress,
beautiful though.

Oh, my fair lady,
I think you must know,
The path you will take,
will cause you much woe.

Oh, my fair lady,
don't go with him,
maybe just maybe,
he still loves her within.

Oh, my fair lady,
he did not see your worth,
he will come back,
as you were his first.

Oh, my fair lady,
beware of a man,
you may be so lonely,
confide in your friends.

Oh, my fair lady,
he may be the one,
he's taken you places,
you've never gone.

Oh, my fair lady,
prophecy fulfilled,
he confessed his feelings,
are you so weak-willed?

Oh, my fair lady,
you feel betrayed,
this is how stories,
of unfaithfulness are made.

Oh, my fair lady,
he offers his help,
maybe you  love him,
the feelings you felt.

Oh, my fair lady,
he's lead you astray,
seems like this time,
he came to stay.

Oh, my fair lady,
angel of his thoughts,
I pray he won't hurt you,
hope you have a plan,
one that's well thought.

Oh, my fair lady,
I think he loves you more,
you both are not the same,
as who you were before.

Thank you, my love,
I wish you were mine,
my heart longs for you,
alas, there's no time.

Your pain and kindness,
is a love I once knew,
the taste of your lips,
is something I never knew,
the kissing and touching,
is something new,
but not to me,
or you.

What do you see?
when you look at me,
is it the same as what you say?
Tell me what you saw,
that made you love me,
or not,
Tell me,
girl of my dreams,
maybe it was true after all

What do they see,
when they look at me,
I wish I could hear what they said,
I just know it's not the same as hers,
I hear no love in their voices,
love,
is the difference,
they are blinded by the evil,
but what is shrouded in mystery,
born from fear,
shall stay hidden,
I wish I knew what they saw,
It may be true after all.

There are times when I’d hold you
But your air was cold
You haven’t taken a breath in so long
My love
Are you my love,
Is this place in your heart for me?
Perhaps for her,
Perhaps no more,
Maybe let inside,
Renovations and furniture
Amendments and repairs,
You look to the future with hope,
Hope for us
Our children,
I hope too
That I am your plan,
You’re one as you are mine.

To the one that disturbs my peace,
the angel of my thoughts,
your smile a constant reminder,
of our brief infidelity,
it was enough to fall in love,
unknowingly,
it pulled me back,
after I hurt you,
I came back,
After he killed you,
I'll save you,
if you let me,
I warn you,
of nothing at all,
I hope,
you are ok,
I'll wait,
I know you love me too,
I wonder what you see,
because
I am not him,
or them,
or us,
or me,
I will show you my truths,
that's what my love is.

The day I met you,
was the beginning,
of my endless dream about you,
where the taste of your lips,
is magical,
and your beauty,
the result of wonderful imagination,
is this a dream,
this is a dream,
or a nightmare,
since i still lose you in the end,
lose you once again.

Close your eyes,
I whisper in your ear,
when you think of forever,
what do you see my dear,
or rather who do you see,
right through your tears,
through the uncertainty of time,
and the path you will take,
who is your partner,
your guide as you are theirs,
I asked you this question once before,
a rainy day on the second floor,
tell me your answer once again.

I Melt my eyes
My flaws don’t exist
In a separate dimension
My vices thrive
There I am perfect
My envy runs rampant
My pride unchecked
And I eat to my heart's content
But my soul starves

I've Burned
I've Drowned
I've fallen to a place
where there's no sound,
no light,
explored the ruins of my loves,
leading me to wallow in the darkness of regret.

Will it weigh on your mind,
will it weigh on mine,
what happens when unfaithfulness goes unpunished,
it happens when you love from a distance,
couple that with time,
do feelings remain?
probably will fade,
you'll love another,
forget about me,
don't lie,
I've seen it happen,
multiple times.

They all hate me,
                                     fear of the unknown,
She'll hate me,
                                      wait,
She hates me,
                                     Love,
She'll leave me,
                             ,         ask
She doesn't need me,
                                        You need her,
They don't need me,
                                       make them need you,
I should go,
                       Stay

FOR THEIR SAKE

I thought they loved me,
                                           fake,
I think she loves me,
                                            think back,
I thought she loved me,
                                            infatuation
She said she'll never leave me,
                                                        LIES
­I need her,
                                             SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU
they WANTED me,
                                                             ­     NOT ANYMORE
You said I should stay,
                                                           ­                  We were wrong

You should go,
                                        FOR OUR SAKE.

Dreams,
where I reside,
that's the only place I can love you,
It seems,
that sleep wants me no longer,
So I turn to eternal slumber.

Thoughts are blue.

Dreams,
that I despise,
they were nothing but lies,
I lost you when I found you,
My realizations are always late enough to hurt me.

Thoughts are red.

Dreams,
that I envy.
Someone had you first
he will have you last.
How long would I have occupied your heart?
I had you there and now,
but you were never mine.

Thoughts are green.

Dreams,
that I flee.
A world that I don't see you again,
you perish; I follow suit,
The reaper smiles,
Love is a cruel agent of death.

Thoughts are purple

Dreams,
where I am truly alone.
I long for you,
and her.
My heart the only Sun,
in this eternal blizzard
our failed love,
It burns until it turns to ice.

Thoughts are grey.

Dreams,
where I am truly at peace.
troubled by the sins of my past
in the future
I hope you'll move on
I hope you find out why

My thoughts betray me.

Dreams,
I'll see you soon.
My one true love,
I write this to you.
I stayed up for our doomed infatuation,
my eyes fail me now.
I'll miss you,
Girl of my dreams.
As I rest my head
on my pillow of broken promises
The reaper masked as the sandman
fulfills my dreams
of peaceful anarchy.

My thoughts are blank.

Alone he sits,
in the field,
waiting for the birds to migrate,
from an eternal winter,
he hears their song no longer,
except when she smiles,
only when she's around,
does the sun fulfill its duties,
warms him,
for he is cold from the rain.

What if we met again,
faceless and nameless,
strangers to everything but our words,
would you look at me the same way,
with the same eyes,
would we find ourselves again
would we love,
once more.

I came to the realization
Shocking as may be
I’m not a kid anymore
Despite how it may seem
The rain comforts me
And Santa’s but a dream
The tooth fairy’s retired
And so is my innocence.

My favorite memories of us,
were never with you,
sleeping took forever,
cause I was dreaming of my lover,
planning a life ahead,
reminiscing of the day we met,
hoping I'd see you tomorrow,
knowing i'll need you tomorrow,
but one day the tomorrow never came,
never been so dependent on someone,
to be happy,
my favorite memory of us,
always used to be about you,
I miss being excited about love,
i miss dreaming of the girl that was mine.

I refuse to sleep
I’m enslaved to my emotions
Hurting myself however I can
I’m tired of it all.
I stay in fear of my tears
The river flows endlessly
Out of respect for my blood
I stop the never ending bleed
I stained the carpet
Stained our love
Stained all that was sacred
With the sins of my past

I hope you'l need me one day,
wondering how I'll react,
to my phone shaking with excitement,
as you show up in my notifications,
perhaps for a cup of tea,
so will I smile,
or will it ring,
serenading me with that perfect tone,
a satisfying silence falls, as I watch,
your name,
leave my screen,
tell me where we're going,
tell me which it'd be.

They are around me,
Their love surrounds me,
I know this,
I loathe this,
I can see them,
clearly,
at night I can not feel them,
clearly,
when I live in fear,
of myself,
when my thoughts make me shed tears,
for myself,
I feel like,
I wonder,
I wish,
I hope,
I am truly alone.

Tell me why
When I’m drunk
And alone
Your name keeps me grounded

Dreams where you're still here,
living through,
sadness that cripples,
anger towards myself,
I bargain with my conscience,
depression hurts my health,
I've accepted our dying love,
mourning our fallen love.

Alone
For the first time
you're a bit too distant

She lives in my daydreams,
stealing me from reality,
from the one that looks like her,
that is her.

How can I love you?;
                                       Teach me.
But I leave you;
                            im back.
                    Now
In the water,
you are  swimming with me,
                                                    where?
Dr­owning beneath the waves;
                                                        I beg
                              Water
I am dying from thirst.

Went for a walk with the love of my life,
dreaming,
thinking,
of all the wasted time,
coping,
loving,
we laugh but eventually cry,
regretting,
forgetting,
what it's really like,
losing,
hoping.

I take a moment
To thank
the authors authors of my soul
As everyone we meet,
Contributes at least a word,
Others have chapters
And some our main characters
In the story
That is my life
Only our mothers
Only my mother
Has been a part of my story
From the prologue
To the penultimate full stop
For that I thank her
For my story would be forever be incomplete
Without my mother’s love.

What is it about sad poems,
or poems about love,
which are often melancholic,
that I love so much,
well for a non-alcoholic,
I need an escape,
cause I sin,
and I bleed,
and it's always my fault,
but when I'm writing,
my pen bleeds,
and these lines don't judge,
the page has no choice,
but to love me,
why would I come here when I'm happy,
no need to comfort someone with a smile.

There are some poems I refuse to write,
hidden away,
but always presented to me,
in my search for inspiration,
The words are hidden
but on the tip of my tongue,
the feelings forbidden,
or simply ill advised,
for it has been so long,
since I've been honest with anyone,
including myself.

What did we talk about,
before,
before you forget me I need to know,
know,
know you want him though it's none of my,
concern,
concerned bout how you're doing,
though,
I know you're more than ok and that,
hurts,
hurt by the things that I told myself about,
you,
you're the same girl I've always known but we're,
distant,
distant in the sense that I'm running out of topics to start a conversation with,
you,
you and I used to flow,
where has our river gone?

Knowing you has been a song,
familiar silence,
as we become aware of existence,
but no form of friendship,
complete empty instrumentals,
the start of us.
beautiful vocals set in,
in anticipation of what's to come,
as I fell for your smile,
only then do lyrics form,
as our story unfolds,
our song isn't finished,
but it's so distorted,
so empty now.

I fell in love with her,
cause I got lost in her world,
that she creates with all of her words
and everything she writes,
so when I look into her eyes,
realize that she must be mine,
A future with her,
A future with more,
maybe house with three living there for free.

No one knows me,
like the pages of this book,
the tears that fell,
the tears that wanted to fall,
the meaning,
the feelings,
in each letter,
the intent,
in every word,
the surprise,
in the end,
good and bad,
poetry,
is my escape form life without pages,
because I don't know when my story will end.

I’m damaged
I point to my wound
Yet cover my pain
I’m fine.

I outline my scars
Each with its own story
Yet I refuse to tell
I lie.

I reveal my trauma
Only to you
As I deceive those around me
With nothing but a smile.

Why do you love the dark?
and run from the sun,
it does not make you shine any less.

I wish you were a full moon,
can I see all of you?
So that I can show you all of my love.

Why do you say I shouldn't wait,
You always come back,
in pursuit of the sun,
I wonder,
when will I be your sun again,
you promised,
it will be night again,
I can bask in your light once more,
when no one is around,
and the rain makes me feel,
show me your blood,
show me your love,
it's all the same,
you shine,
whether you acknowledge the sun or not.

A silent drive,
s i l e n t,
lights blind me,
before darkness finds me,
no one in the passenger's seat,
not a soul in the back,
only things for company,
are the skeletons in my trunk,
on this long road trip,
we dreamed about,
it's a long,
long drive of despair.

Sometimes we heal,
Disingenuously,
How does one know,
If they're ok again,
Or it's a scar,
waiting to reopen,
unhealthy addictions,
I'm waiting to relapse,
Disasters in waiting,
So I numb the pain,
with substance,
One of the worst lies ever told,
this alcohol isn't clean.

Hey,
what's up,
it's not the same,
this way,
I can read what you're saying,
I can hear what you're saying,
but I can't hear you at all,
the look in your eyes is silent,
the pain in your voice is silent,
your laugh is silent,
I can't love in silence,
I cry when I realize that,
I may not hear you again.

Silent letters to you,
empty messages,
hoping you'll get them,
with no clues,
cause if I tell you I love you,
as I've done every night before,
I'll realize I love you,
more than I have before,
so spare me the torture,
and acknowledge my games,
since we're not the same,
my writing must change

I still hear your name,
when I'm in a dark place,
comforting to think that
I'm on your mind,
wishful thinking,
without action,
I can't say I love you,
left of my own accord,
so I write silent letters to you,
with no postal stamp,
no to,
only from,
your one and only,
I still write numerous poems about you,
knowing you'll read them,
hoping you'll feel them.

The rainy night
The sun light
When I close my eyes
The feeling of longing
Multiplies
As I wonder if you dream of me too

The field was all he'd known
admiring the flowers
the butterflies
the snakes
they poisoned the field
the snakes.

The river is all he knows
Listening to the hum
of the river's flow
the trash
it polluted the river
the trash.

The field is all he needs
longing for the rich harvest
Of knowledge
the snakes
do not scare him
the snakes.

The river is the one in pain
the fish mourn
their home is dying
the river
it must be cleansed
my river.