In the moments before she leaves
When her hands sweat bullets
With full anticipation of the future to be
She looks in the mirror, worried.
She looks out the window, he isn't there yet.
She looks back to the mirror,
Her hair is a mess, she fixes her bangs to one side,
She looks again outside, he isn't there yet.

She's pacing, wasting time in anxious
She notices her make-up smudged
While he's driving down the road
Looking in his side mirror to judge
Why she agreed to an evening
Leaving him self-conscious of his soul
His eyes meet his eyes and in his own gaze
He feels he could swallow himself whole.
Pulling into the driveway,
He inhales deep and says
"Don't let this one get away"

He walks to the door feeling his pulse
She walks to the door trying to breath slow
He thinks she's going to look perfect
She thinks he's going to look perfect
She turns the **** and pulls
The ending, time will only show.

I drove a Lincoln into the park
So I could bleed it out
Filling six chambers, this isn't roulette
Every shot is firing, I don't need the doubt.
You wouldn't like to see my perspective
Manipulating minds without even incepting
Repeating just for repetition,
Check the mission log, we were made to burn out.
Etching average into our blood since day one
Fighting for the chance to pick a different route.

This isn't social poetry, we don't socialize.
To see in my head, I need to perform a procedure
Then jeepers creepers, have new peepers.
Stopped following a preacher in every church
Each one had sins that outweighed my worth
Only to hold onto few, it's true, but for those I do
It's womb to tomb and birth to earth.
Who would take a shot for your being?
A nearly empty room fills the head
Of everyone who thought they had everyone
Still disillusioned, Courtney, get my gun!

Dead house felt like the realest thing I wrote
Only to still feel like I'm blowing smoke.
I judge myself harder than any critic
So if you want a pound of my flesh,
You're welcome to come and get it.

Mania, mania. Let's talk about it.
My gears sputter clear into hyperdrive
I arrive quick at conclusion, no solution
Its amusing, legs shaking, eyes waving,
Fingers quaking, hair pulled.
I'm done waiting!
Give me a task, give me a meaning
Keep moving, keep cleaning
Stop the thoughts, they're hating.

Oh you see? You understand?
I'm not OCD, I don't need to repeat my words.
Repeat my words back to me
I am sometimes stuck in panic,
Running frantic, couldn't plan it,
I just ran my skull into the ground
Then pounded my fists down, every knuckle.
****** knuckles dripping dew like honeysuckle.
Sweep my legs and pray I buckle.


Deliberately dealing with dysfunction
Indebted to the devil's doing double damage
Leaving my body famished, somehow I manage
Like Scott's tots on a college block
Took a long shot and a short drop
Speaking through a door triple locked
Making my mind muffled, it's a struggle.
Put your ear to the door, you're sure to hear me whisper:
"Make it stop"
Mania, let's talk about it.

Everyone loves a love poem,
But they crave to read of heartache
Everyone wants to read of perfection
Yet would rather read what they can relate.
Seeing words of confidence on a screen
Looking at self, wondering what they mean.
While I stay up writing my dreams,
I'm wishing I could write about sleep.
Feeling like I can have everything now,
Knowing I'm just stuck in wait.

Everyone loves to preach peace,
Deep down brewing violence
We all just want to get high
So we don't feel so low
Listening to the loudest sounds
Always seems like I'm hearing silence
Speaking words that don't show
Any action in mind.
Searching for passion in life,
Tell me if it's something I can find
Racking my brain with stress
To find a way to unwind.

We can't accept love for being pure
When all we feel is unworthy
Living life seems just pain endured
Until our bodies are done working

I'm the jewelery behind the cage
That nobody wants to buy
But catches your eye for a minute.
Shining because I was shined
Until within goes dark again,
They pull me out to be cleaned and grin
Then everyone goes home
But in the cages they leave the lights on
So while the rest sleep, my head still spins.

I'm the mismatched socks you don't wear,
Can't throw them out, so they stay there.
Piled under everything new to come
I've got a hole in my sole, threads undone.
You pull to stop the little bleed.
More and more string starts coming free.
Until I'm tangled and you're entangled in me.

I'm the poet that doesn't get read
But continues to write so he might go to bed

Sometimes I talk to this mirror,
That man never talks back
So I turn my back on him so he knows
How it feels to be alone.
But if I'm only reflecting on my own reflection
Maybe I'm stuck having his connection.
Collecting my thoughts without judgement,
Packing up my subconscious like luggage,
Letting it disappear into that sunset.

I've been hunting for good mental health,
Tracking the prints before the snow did melt,
When spotted, I speared it and skinned it.
Now look at this beautiful pelt.
Hands drifting across it's skin
I developed a deep understanding
Of why killing mockingbirds is a sin.

They say we dream of a perfect soul,
I think we just dream of feeling whole.

I don't have much family that's real,
We don't need many seats to all share a meal.
I play like I'm angry at my father but honestly,
Always just disappointed he didn't want me.
That does lead to anger,
Push away everyone when I'm in danger.
That does lead to a feeling of failure,
Because all my pride, all the demons I hide
Come out from the closet,
I ask them to slow up so they play possum
But only for a moment to surprise.

I have a crumbling support system,
No one wants my issues,
So I just smile big when I'm with them.
Dismiss myself because I don't want my issues.
I burn myself out like Roy Mustang
Blind to the world lighting Lust up in flames.
Created from stone at the start
Stuck a homunculus looking for a heart.

In person, I laugh it off like a clown
In these pages, I tell all my internal sounds.

I built a house of cards as a child
And smiled looking over the structure,
The perfection of each placed piece
And the integrity it held standing tall.
Then at the bottom I pulled
The ace of spades from where it stood,
Suddenly the whole building did fall.
In awe, I looked and sat,
The entirety had now gone flat.

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry
You should not be sorry that you are.
I apologise unapologetically for well...
For the nothingness of everything,
For the dead who truly lived,
For the living living dead.
For the glass half full I drank,
For the glass half empty I will have drunk
For all the things I wrote
And those ones I simply had thunk.
I'm sorry that I'm not sorry
I hope you don't accept.

I might be just a distraction
Like flowers during hard times
Giving a funny quip to obtain reaction
Then falling back into line.
It's a bit obnoxious, leaving me a lack of real
I can only imagine how everyone else feels.
The goofy kid who opens his lid
just to laugh at himself and what everyone else did.
That's how I play it in my mind
That's how it plays in theirs too.

A one note joke spoke is funny
Until it's being told the hundredth time
It was quirky and a little punny
But best to leave a dying joke to die
Don't laugh, it encourages attention,
Walk past, leaving me no mention.
It's humorless and rumor is
I do it for self-defense and deflection,
The room is heavy and I hate the tension.

I might just be a distraction
Like an ice cream cone,
A sometimes treat worth a smile
But you don't miss it when it's gone.

The thoughts I jot are for my own being,
The ones I show are for you to know
You are not alone.
My brain feels like it's being pulled, in two.
The pain is dull but growing, emotionless.
My hair's a mess as always shown.
I'm not together, it's for the better,
Forward the letters, leave the keys.
I wish I was holding worth for someone to see.
The looking glass shows my real imagery.

If this is a standoff in my own,
Each side isn't bluffing
As the tumbleweeds go drifting by
We both have guns to be blown.
We say ten steps but only take five
Lying to ourselves to make the other die.
Then the dust settles to show nothing
Just a Russian roulette suicide
But the barrel was empty
Too much of a coward to really try.

Haven't you taken enough?
It will never be enough

This is a story, they say I'm a character.
Can you tell me the ending, I'm asking
Because I don't know where I'm going,
Are we just simply showing an adventure?
One man's struggle left unmentioned,
Always seen blurry due to the world's hurry.

Is this it? Existing in the subtitles,
I thought I was surviving to perform accolades.
Instead, I feel mostly in the way
While they perform accolades.
I don't want to pass away but,
Why did you keep me here?
Just for everyone to pass my way?
I was built for greatness, I know it.
I feel it like you feel the wind blowing.
If I'm a character, show me what path to take!
No? It's three a.m. I lay awake,
Hoping for anything to say.

This is a story, anyone have an ear for lending?
I know the truth but, I won't ruin the ending.

I'm not a nobody or no one
But I'm not much a someone either.
You'd remember me at a mention
Yet forget me just as quick.
Saying my full name, rolling off your tongue,
Like an old sticker, still I don't stick.
When I'm needed, I'm convenient.
When I'm not, I simply fade.
It's ok, it's probably for the best that way.

I'm not a nobody like Emily
But I feel we would see eye to eye
She would be a nobody and I would be an I
If the public were all frogs,
Maybe I would be a fly?
We wouldn't be a pair, that's fair
But quiet, banish us? They still might.

I'm not much of a someone like you.
Not to say I wish I was.
I'd be too nervous to tell the truth
Trying to do the things a someone does.
While everyone knew how to be,
I left to leave, simply being a me.

Four lanes of traffic,
busy all day.
Everyone is running late,
no one is set to move.
Staring out the window,
breath fogging up the glass.
If you get lost in thought,
you'll never know the time that's passed.
Everyone has been stopped for a week
While a stray cat is crossing the street.

People leave their cars running hot
Needing food and supplies
Walking to a farmer's market lot.
We all have places to be,
We all have things we want to see.
Yet no one is getting angry.
Three hundred people watching
As a stray cat is crossing the street.

Nobody tries to move him,
We all just watch and gaze
It's so simple, we all just look amazed
Forget our lives and jobs for days
In the future, we all chose not to speak
About watching a stray cat crossing the street

It's barely noon and I've felt myself
Falling apart more than ten times
I'm floundering but no one is casting lines.
I'm sorry I'm not strong like you,
I haven't built a shell without subtle tells.
I've thought about numbing out
But all this will rush back,
Fake smile until I can't,
Until I can't.

"Hey Ryan, how are you?"
I'm fine.

Sally, dear, I'm glad you're here.
Do you remember Christmas town?
How silly, of course you do!
That magical tree I fell through,
Well Sally, last night I sat on Spiral Hill
As the wind sang beautiful chills,
Curiosity filled me right to my core,
I've often questioned, what do you suppose
Is behind all those other wonderous doors?

"Now wait, but Ja-"
"Please, Sally, we should have none of that
Imagine the lands, the towns, the sounds
And frankly, I know where I belong,
But in this town, I am still just a little bit bored."

I heard of a place where everyone would chase
Little men wearing green,
As strange as it seems, for reasons untold,
Each little man held a *** of gold.
Lock, Shock, and Barrel, while planning my peril,
Found a giant bunny they accidently stole
And although I offered no applause,
For the Hopper was no Sandy Claws,
I bet that basket of eggs plays a devious role.

And Sally there was one more...
In that circle of trees, one with a heart on the door,
With you, that one, I want to explore.
I've heard no rumors of it's contents
But we should see, together, what it has in store.

They say that the best heroes
Always hit an early grave,
The ones fighting for freedom
Spend their lives being enslaved.
Only the darkest tragedies
Open eyes to real change.
Pay attention to the little things
Like a soft smile on a face
Or the sound of crashing from the waves.
The best advice I ever heard,
Live life like it ends today.

They say that the best heroes
Fought for someone else to feel brave,
The ones fighting for freedom
Removed everyone else's cage.
Only the darkest tragedies
Make everyone see we are all the same.
Pay attention to the little things
Like the warmth from being embraced
Or the sound of calming rain.
The best advice I ever heard,
Change is never too late.

The best advice I ever heard,
This life is what you make.

While I sleep, I see
Things as bright as can be
Where flaws and holes have grown,
I'm taken whole, existing.
I breath air tasting of potential
Instead of the stencil I've come to fit.
The people there support my world
Softly saying not to quit.

While I sleep,
I swear I can smell success,
Sweet like honeysuckle, smooth like cocoa
It's pulled through my airways, so close.
Still nightmares creep that I'll never know.
In the instance of dreamless insecurity
I am left breathless.

While I sleep, in the stillness I lay,
Wishing this was reality.

I smile when someone reads my work,
I drown in happiness with a "like"
A clever comment makes me smirk,
But what really fills me inside,
Is when someone sees my face
The one I hide behind my words
And simply relates.

Sitting in thousand year rubble,
Just yesterday felt like a home
A whole city sat here that no one knows
This is my story as a summoned ghost,
A fayth to break the sin and begin
A calm to last forever. Forever for all.
But me.
It's ok from me to you, I catch your gaze,
One green, one blue
I hold the crest and sigil of sun
But I'd burn out without my moon.

The city was massive, a sight seeing to believe,
The lights and sounds roaring from the ground.
Memories too vivid to conceive.
Telling everyone it was toxins
But I remember them watching as I played,
Cheering as I slayed and scored
The blitzball dome, each seat had shown
A fan within my reach.
But now...

It's all rubble, everyone smiles but struggles
The fans still stand and cheer
But only as a distraction from here.
As I look through the ruins at hand,
I know why we keep moving,
Through my home in Zanarkand

I wonder what it's like to not "good morning"
Passing out without a "good night"
Some days the world will feel more lonely
Some days your head won't be on right.
The sun may hide behind those clouds,
The stars may not shine so bright.
You just need to keep going,
Everything will be alright. In time.

The **** clock is stuck on the seventeenth hour
A cold shower to wake up your mind
Eating ninety-eight packets of oatmeal,
It's the only breakfast I could find.
Nothing feels real without "good morning"
Tell me how to start this day
Stuck in my head so here I lay.

I know what it's like without "good morning"
I bet a lot can say the same
Put on my clothes to slave away,
I'm trying to keep my world all right
Until I put my head down
Passing out without "good night"

We hide in the saddest places
Because no one looks there,
Under the stones that have been left alone
Never to be unturned, I've learned
Its better to never open the bottle
They'd rather I wallow in waste
Because that makes me convenient, that's fair.
I'm the substitute even in the stories I write
So why would any other have any other sight?
Isnt that right, Claire?

Its easy to dance like no one is watching
When you know no one is watching.
Where's the auction I turn back on my body
The auctioneer is stuck, no one's wanting
The ghosts populate my cranium space,
The poltergeists are not done haunting
I want to taste real emotion instead of taunting,
I'm just a host for a past still walking.

They ask for real answers but my written tongue
Can spread darkness like cancer,
Can give hope to the hopeless
But some don't know what hope is
Can give hope to the hopeless
But maybe you noticed, now I'm the hopeless

I hang my head down low
When the mask falls and everybody knows,
Don't look through my windows,
Shades closed, I'm ok because they say so.
I'm not ok but I make those jokes
So they don't see real pain,
They don't see emotional strain.
Tried to fix the engine but it blows up.
Back on a clean slate, inside ready to erupt
No look he's normal, he must be great.

Don't talk about it, just walk around it
Look how happy the little clown is
I pull these balloons so they go loose,
Blow them up and tie my noose
Hung up until I deflate too soon
Playing that pop goes the weasel tune.

Grab my hand for a minute,
I'm ready to rip you into my element.
You want to dance, here's a chance,
Sweep the bones from the floor
Skeletons galore, oh I'm sorry.
You don't want to be here anymore?
That's a shame I locked the door
Lit the fire at my very core.
Welcome to my mental house
Let's venture in a little more.

Look at the walls, they're crumbling
Look down the hall, more nothing.
My head is busting, imagination rusting,
Haven't been dusting, confidence mistrusting.
I tell myself that I can make it
But every part of my life, I fake it.
Stuck in work, passion unawakened.
Oh wait, it's this talk, let's inflate it:
"It's really great you still write, Ryan.
I truly mean it, I don't read it.
I'm glad you're still trying after a decade,
Still laying your soul for all to see,
You must really believe in that hobby
I'd have been stopping a long time ago
Anyway, that's great for you."
Thanks for the encouragement, ******* too.

Let's go to my bedroom where the day starts
I've spent most my time in this part
Too angry at the cards birth dealt
Every day I wake up seeing that hearse
Feeling cursed, suffocation hurts,
Couldn't swallow so I thirst.
Get the adrenaline pen again,
Inject, inject, keep it flowing,
Keep him going, blue skin showing,
No one knowing that mental tolling
Like the tides I just keep flowing.

I get a queer eye for trying to help,
Most get their rocks off for hurting someone else.
I'm a ***** up, so I recognize that pain
But I'm looking to help others from going insane.
I'm not narcissistic, more masochistic,
Self-sadistic, lost myself, where is it?
No one wants to stay and play
So I guess I'll just keep this house locked away.

The prettiest smiles
Have the most broken minds
I say this as I keep my grin wide
I say this as I tie my tie
Looking into the mirror asking who am I
As if I have some truth to find
Just a guy who learned to write,
Searching for something that feels right
While I type on a screen I hold tenaciously
Thinking of the next line too long
The screen decides to turn off
Then it's me staring back at me
But in blackened version barely seen.

I stare at stars and wonder who's looking too
Reflecting light from me back to you
That's a lengthy light-year way to say
We are connected everyday.
It's chilly making bones brittle
Flicking my wrist to crack a little
I should really make my way to fire
Just a spark, the flames crack and spittle
Turning ablaze to something to admire.

The hardest nightmares
Can lead to the most beautiful dreams
I think this when my head screams.
Something wonderful awaits in time
Retracing my soul in every line
Searching for myself to find
I'm just a human with a creative mind.

"Hey Ryan, it's been a while
About two years by my count.
How's it going, how's world your growing?
You seem to be writing a bit more often,
Trying to write up a story that's rotten.
They don't believe in you, they don't need you.
Nobody would search if you fell off,
Nobody would be calling the dogs.
Burn up all your thoughts with one Molotov.
You're the most optimistic for all you knew,
The most pessimistic when it comes to you."

Do you blame me? You can see it too.
No one has to believe but myself.
Everytime i was put out on a shelf
I'm the one who let it happen,
Continue to write for sanity,
While they all laugh, until I can see who's laughing.
You want to try to hold the stress I'm handling?
We've been through a lot, you're tired too.
When I'm looking at me, I'm looking at you.

"Acting like a noble writer, you just want fortune"
I wouldn't mind it after carrying you, being tortured.
"Torture. That's funny,
you keep acting like everything's fine."
I smile to help others deal with their minds.
"No, you smile so they don't know you're dead inside."
Fine.

This is social poetry,
The words I let everyone read.
These letters won't cut very deep,
I could write them in calligraphy
Elegantly displaying for all to see.
Look how pretty they sit with me,
A pluffy little piece of parchment
That really said nothing, like a plaque
Purchased from a proper place
Wrapped with lace saying
"You miss all the shots you don't take"

This is social poetry.
The message falls short with time,
Generalizing emotion, pretending to be genuine.
Here's a five word statement, now base it
On life choices, calm the voices, noiseless.
No sir, we are not simple, basic, face it,
We want something real to read and feel
Like we exist in present eyes
And leave that one verse of Corinthians
That people love to quote to be crucified.

This is social poetry,
Where thoughts come to drift
A simple limerick when you need a lift
But when you want to know
About what makes the walls really tick,
I'll hand you my heart in pages to flip.

Ryan drew a monster,
The monster murdered Johnny.
Ryan erased the entire scene in time
To let him hide the body.
Where the chalk lines outline
A crime they never found a sign
Or direction to get a lead.
The chalkboard had a crooked smile
Silently speaking of its feed.

Johnny said he drew a monster,
Once upon a time long ago
Said he spoke the words to me
But those are lies and we all know.
Had he seen the monsters he left
I bet he would've tamed those beasts,
Instead, in present, now they feast.

My thoughts are building like legos
Head burning like el fuego del infierno
Life is calling me, stuck waiting on my turn.
They ask me about passion, what happened?
I'm getting back on track, hadn't you heard?
If all I do is write when free, I hope these words
Will someday sprout me wings
Like birds who talk but we hear them sing.

I linger with my fingers rewritting what I've written
Been called a failure, unrealistic.
But I truly can't be quitting, sadistically
My mind comes back to a poetic side
That drives the rest to put down
What's on my chest, investing time,
To tell, without a sound, this story of mine
In hopes you see my heart in every line

All things in life can be so fragile
Make or break the worlds we know
Entering the darkest days hold up a candle
Reaching light for a path to show
If any were to enter where stars could be rewritten
Can you imagine where we would go?
Anywhere, I know.

Some days it's really hard to exist.
Wake up, turn on the figurative light
Blurring colors with awakened eyesight
As my reoccurring thoughts resurface,
You won't be here for the holidays.
**** my father, I'm not him, I am.
My hair looks a mess, get dressed.
"You've got this" I think to a mirror image.
Hand to the glass like art not finished.
My self-esteem feels diminished.

Listen to an instrumental to gently let the words flow
Out of a skull that's crying too deep
Anymore I've just been straight faced, lost,
My life has a price, tell me the cost please.
What's the number they wrote on my head
I need to know if it's more alive or dead.

Let's let it spill tonight, let's really tell them.
I'm not doing ok, the cuts on my arm
Are not representation of any self harm
But a child I feel I'm failing, I'm failing.
I had a dream that I sunk in too deep,
Felt a push and that sprouted to a leave.
Screaming names like any can be worse
Than the ones I already call me.
I'm still afraid I'll suffocate, not metophoricaly
My lower back is still killing me
But I don't tell because it's just not worth it
Go back to work, the only thing making me not worthless.
I wish my words held any worth at all
To anyone reading, don't fall.

Somedays I wish I had the words
For what makes me feel the strongest things
But I'm afraid they don't exist.

What would I do for a million dollars?
How much time would I let them have?
I could tell you it wouldn't be worth anything,
But security, let's talk maturely, I'd do anything sir.

You want a man killed? Sure.
Who is it I'm wacking?
Sell paraphernalia to people?
Okay, how much are we packing?
Give them all my integrity
Give them everything that makes me, me.
Chain up these arms and pretend to be free.
Sell them my name, Ryan Maroni? I use to be.

I thought about it all for a bit
With a pen in my hand, a chair where i sit.
Looking over the contract, riddled with clauses.
Hand stutter shaking, making my grip tight
I put the pen down and paused.
Then riped up the paper with all of my might.

That look when you say everything is fine
And you're lying with every fiber
Call me a lier, surely I'd deny it.
Don't even try it, look deep in my eyes
We hide the truth, really we don't hide it.
People like the version of a complete person
They just gloss past an aversion
Written on their lips pursed,
Just never spoken by the person.

Listen, you don't even need to listen
There's pain written on expression,
The real thoughts we don't mention,
Those are the ones, no one pays attention.
Singing loud in times of screaming,
Reality slipping so then speak of dreaming.
Writing out the pain instead of bleeding.
His father died, he says his father's fine.
She's knows but lets him go in lie.

This is not the first time I wrote these lines
But how are you?
I just say I'm fine.

Pack up the tree before Christmas
I won't need it this year, that's clear.
No tidings, no big wishes,
Santa isn't coming or Saint Nicholas.
Watch a virtual fireplace to escape
The silence, crackling fake firewood.
I couldn't hear sleigh bells,
Milk and cookies, they aren't laid out
Carolers caroling please just stay out.

I won't be home this Christmas,
I don't know what home is right now,
So how am I suppose to decorate with holly,
Play that part and feel all jolly,
Push the feelings down, wear this smile around
Listening to the cheery sounds
But I'm not feeling cheery now.

I'm not stalling, you get it from the words I've shown
This Christmas, I'll spend alone

People get odd when you're nice today,
You must want something,
What's your angle to a compliment
What's the meaning to the time spent
Picking someone up even if they aren't down?
Spreading hate, I just don't relate.
There's enough of that, here's a smile,
Feel free to spread it around.

I'm only weird in the sense you made me that,
Ok fine, I am weird but, not for being polite.
The problem is good people sat back
While hate spread like a shadowy night
They don't dance, they look to destroy lives.
Hate your self image, make you feel worthless.
Clean off the mirror, you are perfect,
To each their own, you are perfect.

Imagine if we made love normalized
The same way we judge each other's eyes
In present tense, I'm a childish believer
But the air is getting way too dense.
Shake a stranger's hand and take a chance.
They might need it more than you know.
They might need it more than they show.

I'm sick of you, you shackle me
Metal teeth that lock still laughing
But don't break, it's unsafe, you see
Have to take this thing to hell and back,
Its dangerous, they do insist.
I'm chained to you like a sick Saw game
With a rusty blade, I cut right through.
Only to still have you glued.
Right here.

When your limbs did break,
I would push them back if still attached
That double latch that wouldn't clasp,
My fingers couldn't bend like that.
Call some help, a medic stat!
Forceps push into a snap.

Now that I have you mine again,
I want to rip you right off and then
Show them I can live without your chains
Tell them I could find a better way.
I'll show you just to leave you in this grave I made.
You aren't my demon but I still want you slain.

He's been down for a couple years
An understatement, he had downed a couple beers
He strolled into the usual place around two,
Saw a new face ******* pop as he sat down
Waving to the crew, sitting at his bar stool.
He liked to talk of the past when he was low,
Lend him an ear and he'd let you know.

A second drink, but each was ordered double,
In came the usual young couple,
He knew the young man pretty well,
A new girl a week as far as he could tell.
He played the first date lines many times,
Memorized compatible astrological signs.
The girl seemed nervous, heart in race
Should he tell her, her date's a snake?
It probably wasn't his place.
Another empty glass to waste.

This place was home to his homeless world,
The same men squabbling in quarrells,
The same broken parents trying to raise
A child in the life he'd come to know a maze
Lost men and women feeling down,
He took his drink to numb the sound.
As the stranger at the table stood to go,
He wondered if this was a face he'd come to know.

"Table for one", he replies with a smile
The waitress sighs and leads him to a seat
He orders a soft drink, sipping slow to think.
An old man sits down at the bar while his ice cubes sink.
The man speaks about wisdom he hoped he knew
About a life that he just walked though,
How money made wealth but not riches
How he thinks back and just wishes,
Speaking to a lady in back doing the dishes.

His plate is brought out hot,
He sticks a fork into a bite
As a couple sits down to his right
They've only been dating for a week,
She speaks and he holds onto each word
He's nervous beneath the surface,
Sweating bullets but holds on with a smile,
She feels the same, pulse pounding all the while
The man takes another bite wondering
Where they would be a year from now.

He looks around to see,
A mother talking with a child about two feet tall
Why it's not ok to draw on the walls,
A woman on her phone who is lacking self-esteem
So she cries at night while she's alone,
A couple of men discussing sports
Getting too rowdy so the manager has to escort
Them out the door, he'd seen enough.
He pays his bill and heads for the door.

Nobody's want to take blame,
I've got a trigger finger itching to shoot
Spitting out a paper that says Bang!
Push down the weird kid,
Until he steadies himself and takes aim
Then we label the child insane
Maybe everyday he would get knocked down
The teachers all watch, the kids all watch
Nobody is making a sound.

Retaliate and they recalculate their attention
Get punched, nothing, punch back it's suspension.
Expulsion, they revolted. The other child,
He's been wild but his parents donate so he's got pull, kid.
It doesn't matter the matter, let ethics shatter
But dont be surprised when brains splatter.
And write a news story,
How could this happen?

Everyday they say, how could this happen?
Kids are brutal, resistance is futal
They march like militia to hit you
With just enough to hurt but not enough to snap
But once you lose sanity there is no going back.
Tragic.

It's a countdown, whats the count now?
Do you know? Is it in your head?
Is it trapped in your pillow as you lay in bed?
You say run, I'll do laps until I collapse.
Until I relapse to the same spot
Where my legs drops, keep my head up.
Keep your head down like a soldier
Fighting through a war, getting older.
What's the count now? It's a countdown.

Eighteen shots rang out across the field
Eleven more then each side did yield
The commander speaks out in code
Like he has a plan for that unknown
Guerilla warfare until the cover is blown
But they dont plan for worst scenario
Passing the past like it's buried now.

Each one would take a shot for America
Right to the chest, right through the heart
This is raw thoughts, I'm not wearing a vest.
The pain could drain any in the path of this shooter
But I'm a soldier looking into the future
It's a countdown. What's the count now?

It's getting worse. Breath.
I don't want to speak. Breath.
They don't know and I can't say
My body is becoming weak. Breath.
It doesn't help to speak out,
No, keep calm, don't freak now.

In a second, my head goes light
In a minute, my insides go tight
Keep it chill like venom fangs
Don't run your brain into worst scenario
You're alright, you're going to be okay.
Swallow deep, throat walls inflamed.
Breathing but, barely though.
Get the steroids deployed.
Adrenaline gives time but doesn't destroy.

In case of emergency, call my contacts.
Where's my mom at? Benadryl 50 mgs on stat!
Heart racing, eyes dielating,
Mind orchestrating scenes of death waiting,
Body shaking, veins pulsating.
I'm alive ******. I made it.

I'm a ******, I'm the oddball
My style defiles piles of pop culture ads
While I bounce off these rubber walls
With a hamster running in my head,
Until around two a.m. he goes to bed
Typing a tapestry of insanity
Pouring all the demons from my edeitic memory
Blaming the insecurities on my pedigree
Then destroy all the evil like a heroic entity.

I keep peace without a peacekeeper
I fight reapers hissing like creepers
In a secret lair, Kronk pull the le-ver,
Slashing male stereotypes, aren't I cleaver?
You wouldn't want to try to battle my wits
You'd ball your fists, I'd spit at you, sir
And let my vernacular blast your brains
This isn't a Robert Frost work, stay in your lane.

You'd take the path less traveled,
I'd pound the ground until the earth unraveled
Leaving nothing but the gravel to grovel
Like a duck without grapes you should waddle,
I drink coffee by the hoddle,
Never stuck in stop or stall, keep it rolling,
I'm a Katamari, oddball.

Teach the future compassion,
Teach them that everyone struggles.
You don't have to understand everyone,
Don't need to comprehend their demons
But a friendly hand can make a difference.
Kindness can bridge the world,
An open mind allows hate to subside
In the hearts of old time thoughts
Where such distaste is learned to reside.

Learn that new and different is not bad
Every tradition is meant to be altered
In the sense of inclusion, I want solution.
"Why should I change my ways to help others?"
Why wouldn't you, friend?
Who hurt you in such a hard way?

I don't know about you
But in my mind when I look out
Love is amor is amour is liebe
Is liefde is kärlek is love.
Anything else that has been taught
Should not exist, what says you?

When I was little, I would go to church each week
Sit in the pew and listen to a priest speak
He painted a picture like an artist
Describing a beach with hundreds of starfish
A boy was throwing them back in the ocean
When a man came and motioned
That the boy just couldn't save them all,
The boy replied he could save that one.
I've resonated with that story since I was small,
Something about the story seemed undone.

The man never helps the child,
Never offers to see his goal.
One child can save some starfish
But with some help, couldn't we save them all?
It just ends with a boy saving one
Like he's doing a good deed and I agree,
Yet no one still sees what that boy sees.

You're drowning in a week from now,
Can someone lend a leg to stand?
I hope they do, everyone needs a helping hand.
Inconvenience is only convenient for an excuse,
Pay no mind to a reward.
Let's throw every starfish back,
It can start with me and you.

A moment of silence for all the poetry
I never show and let no one read,
The rejects that sit in my skull,
Too controversial so nobody knows
Too unfinished, too selfhated
Let's just face it, you would not have related.
But maybe in time that mindset will have faded.

A moment of silence for those in rehabilitation,
Working hard to make real changes.
That journey is an uphill battle and the part I play?
I give them pills keeping their minds to rattle
I might catch some friction but,
Most days I feel like I'm giving them a new addiction.
Shut up quick or big pharma will make me a work of fiction.

A moment of silence for anyone in it
Whatever it is, we don't have to say
Just keep your head on for the day
With all the spinning disarray, get through
And exist as you.

He throws a shot to clear his head
Full of clear liquid quickly fed
Down his throat to process the process-less
It burns his belly like fire flames
Churning up his spine and through his veins.
It lingers like paresthesia with purpose,
To some a gift but, to the frequent goer,
They say it curses.

He takes two more down,
Each time the glass makes an empty sound
As it hits the tabletop, his vision drops,
The blurs turn words slurred
Until it's loud talking but nothing heard.
Until it's no thoughts, nothing heard.
That's what he's searching.

About eight deep, he calls it a night.
His mind turned off all the lights.
Staggering to bed in drunken bliss,
No pain from a life path missed,
Nothing gained and nothing wished,
That's his last slur barely said
As he crashes into bed.

Everybody is looking to be something
Where they're heartbeats make sense
While people lose dreams like nothing
Leaving them to never know what they meant.
Stars align like skies without a cloud
Stars collide but we don't hear a sound.
Are we really listening?

In a fast paced life where a dollar sign
Is what makes happiness arise
I don't know if I can push aside
The pendulum that makes my ticker tock,
I walk astray from most the others way
Afraid I might lose the key to my lock
Trapped in a dead end job, never leaving the box.

Everybody is looking to be something
Real passion left to be unfelt
Craving anything that makes us feel real
Laying up, hoping to be something else.

Are you reading this?
Is it loud enough to reach you there?
What time is it? It's getting pretty dark here.
The stars are bright but there's clouds tonight,
Small talk all about the weather,
Only lacking something better to say.
There's so much more to say.

Keep it simple, good morning.
Take a picture of all the surroundings
Show me your day, show me your world,
The things that make you tick,
The ones nobody sees but secretly,
They really mean everything.
The stuff that makes you smile without trying,
The dreams you're on while I'm writing,
Show me that world.

Tell me all the things you think,
The thoughts you hold back
because someone might laugh.
Someone might cut you off
While you're sinking your soul into a thought.
I won't interrupt, tell me all of it, I insist.
I wonder, if you're reading this.

We walked out into the quiet night,
Down the streets we knew
Following the dim streetlights
Seeing the shadows cast that grew.
Turning corners to a darkened place
Turn back, as your heart begins to race?
No, we have to walk straight through.

We walked onto a road of dirt,
Where the trees hung at each side
Feeling the trail beneath our feet
The ground worked from each car that had passed by.
It was calm, only nature making noise
Only thoughts to keep us company
Where nothing need be said
We walked without society talking in our heads.

We walked to the edge of the earth that night,
Looking out into the outer space
How small we seemed to it all
A couple people lost in hate and waste.
But if we could change something,
As small as the world made it seem,
To someone it may mean everything