you may not
believe in god,
but your body
is a temple
and deserves
to be treated as such.

she plunged her words so deep into my soul i'll never find myself again.
how do you escape the hell you've made yourself into?
trapped in my own home.
no where to turn, no where to hide.
no where is safe from her stone gaze, from the tales of her tongue.

i crave the solace of the blade,
the kiss of the cold metal.
quick, sharp movements
across the savanna of my body.
vintage dress and mangled flesh.
mirror, mirror, what do you see?
"a sinking ship"

she'd found a reason to keep going
for the meantime anyways
but the months are ticking by
and I think she's lost her way

see, her eyes they've stopped a-sparkling
and her skin is growing pale
she walks around half cloaked in smoke
and reeking of cheap ale

~

she met a boy
who did her wrong
she doesn’t know
how she’ll go on
without him, there’s something lost
but how can you lose what never was?

why cant i forget you
i thought i’d finally put you out of my mind
i don't love you anymore
i wish i could leave your memory behind

i think about you more than i’d like to admit

when will i stop dreaming of you?

will i be homesick forever?

i don't mean to sound bitter
but
i hope one day you wake up to realize
just exactly what and who
you gave up on.

all the memories we made,
and planned to make,
slipping through our fingers like sand.
loss engulfing slowly, then all at once,
like lapping waves at my *****;
and i feel that familiar Heaviness return.

drowning in these flooded thoughts and flashbacks of happy memories
that will never see sequels.
i've been struggling to reach the surface,
the constant [online] reminders of
"What Could Have Been" swirling around my mind like an endless whirlpool
of heartbreak and disappointment.

these are all just a bunch of words and ways to say my whole sense of self aches as the time continues to pass.

i try my best not to think of you as
'the one that got away'.
i stayed;
i stood by your side;
i waited.
you're the one who stopped loving me;
you let go of my hand; and
you walked away.

we were only kids
thirteen and twelve
you'll never understand the grief you caused--
i lost myself

adrift in a world of nightmares flashing always, never ceasing
you had me on the run
from everything that i was feeling

tracking calories and body weight to regain control
spiraled into darkness with drugs and alcohol

topo chico clinking in the backseat
reminds me of when i found the
empty something-else in your recycling

(sheesh)
how many is it now  
bottles to help you sleep
to quiet intrusive thoughts
and darker fantasy

there’s somethin funny going on up in this house
check the front, now the windows, see? the lights are out
no one’s home, just us voices, extra extroverted noises
just the other people in your head making you regret your choices
it’s just us bonus mouths to feed and sometimes hands to hold
we hope you hear us when we say this covert thing is getting kinda old