Of course I want to see you again,
That's the one thing I want the most.
Even though you recoiled from me, and left me lost.

Them butterflies in my stomach will torture me while I'm thinking on you appearing,
And won't go away even after you're gone.
They'll end up filling me whole.
Then overflow.

I think I can handle them butterflies,
But what I still can't do, is dealing with the thought of you.

That one instant
When I made you blush with my words
When I got you nervous with my look
That one sweet hug in the street
That one tender peck in my cheek

That should be enough to fill all my longing
Enough to fill many lifetimes with joy
But my greedy heart is never satisfied
Can never have enough of you
And wants to extend those instants for ever
So those memories and delusions of what could have been haunt me
And afflict this hungry heart
Because all it wants is you

I'm awake again, looking in my solitude at the midnight sky once more.
There are no lights coming from above, but a canopy of thick grey clouds that keep the starlight away.

And again, you've awaken me
Though you never meant it
Though you'll never know.

Was I dreaming?
Or was I thinking?
Or just remembering?
It matters not, you were there again, inside my head.

It seems I think and dream so much of you that I have unwittingly carved your delicate face in the inside of my eyelids.

Well, that's bad news for me,
I thought I'd get my mind back,
That somehow I'd disenchant myself.

Now it seems that's not to happen,
Now it seems you've bewitched me for ever more.
Though you never meant it
Though you'll never know.

I had the perfect plan
The perfect route, the perfect places
I traced the path, I thought of chats
I readied myself, I thought of jokes
I prepared and saddled my bird
And everything was in place.

I would have shown you where the squared ones dwell
I would have told you where the Laputians work
We would have crossed a jungle in rain
We would have gone through the lowest places to reach the highest
And we would have had a bird's sight
And a majestic sunset as the sun said goodnight
Just for us.

I would have taken you through beautiful deserts with exotic flowers,
We would had jumped off cliffs
And descended slowly

I would have taken you back to the noisy city,
And we would have taken refuge 'somewherelse'
A haven which is also a cafe
There I would had asked you the strangest questions,
I would have unveiled a little more of your deep mysteries
And I would have learnt you.

Everything was ready, all was in place,
Only you weren't there.

I can feel it, my heart turning blue.
Inspiration comes and the words flow.
Not without tears, not without pain.
I see it taking shape, on the blank paper, in front of me.
What I feel exactly, turning into words.
It is beautiful, it is horrible,
These words mirror my heart.
I have to get it, before it escapes.
I must ****** it from the æther
Before it's gone forever
And does the poem come out,
I bear it, a painful birth for both it and me
And so it comes out
Through my eyes with tears.

We who like poetry,
We who read these heartbreaking tidings.
We are quite the voyeurs:
Witnessing the silent struggle of our fellow poets,
While they wear their "heart on their sleeve".

While they open their heart and pour their suffering
Too honestly to be good,
Too ambiguously to be known,
Too blue to be shared,
But strong enough it can be felt.

It ain't easy to write of your own demise,
And yet you will only talk of these things to the blank page:
Who won't judge, nor bring advise.
Just a release, just a way to express ourselves, that staring page,
Expectant to be carved with our confessions, with our heart:
A love vampire.

And as a friend of mine says:
"Unrequited love is the best food for a poet's soul"
Yet it's bitter no end, yet it's saddening no end.
As a friend of mine says:
"Poets are faded blue"
Yet it's hard to lose all joy, be colorblind.
You don't write to feel good,
You write 'cause you feel bad.

And we who like poetry,
Seek in those lines ourselves,
We rejoice on finding there
A phrase or two that tell
That we're not alone
And that others
Suffer too.

When I'm with you you're my whole focus of attention.
My universe spins around you, you're all of creation.

Last time you were there, I was there, but I was not with you.
I was high, then ******, I was gone.
I was struggling to think, to breathe, to take the world in.
And wasted a precious chance, to know you in my trance.

Today I can't get you out of my thoughts, and I'm not sure if I want you out at all.

Black coffee and cigarette, are my breakfast for the day;
they hurt my throat, clear my mind, ease my thought.
But you're still here, always present, haunting me.

My ashes rain up, my smoke dissipates,
night comes, then day breaks;
and the moon is come and gone,
she waxes, then she wanes; and you're still here, for how long?

I'm in pain, in shame, I'm hurt.
I've lost my bet, I never affected you, nor caught your thought.

My mind shall again be mine, but for now it is with you, on the other side.

Your waters are dark and treacherous.
Your waters are deep and lethal.

They seem calm yet are not.
They seem comforting yet are not.

And I dived carelessly, into your abyss.
And I plunged, into my damnation.

Seeking freshness, comfort and loving.
Seeking desire, passion and longing.

And in your murky, bitter waters
I drowned a million times.
I was spun, I was desecrated.
I was murdered, I was obliterated.
And I couldn't see a thing,
I couldn't learn a thing.

Yet my purpose was due,
I emerged anew.
Exhausted, devastated.
Utterly spent and violated.
Deceived, betrayed.
Ridiculed, humiliated.
But anew, and all alone.

My approach to you destroyed me,
and I made myself again.

Waiting for you
Every movement is you
Yet is not.
Every sound, every one is you
Yet are not.
Your music blasting through my earphones.
This anxiety destroying me.
And them wicked butterflies I thought I could handle
Eating me alive from the inside.

It was never you
Playing with my mind
It was always me
Stabbing my own heart

I want this to be as cathartic as possible,
I need all of you, or I need you out of my head.
I think I'll just go mad otherwise.
I need my mind, that's all I am,
And you've just invaded all its insides.

I don't blame you, and I never will
As anything that happens to me, falling in love is my own fault
Although your free spirit, your witty mouth and your butterfly wings did play a hand.

I wish I had come before your demise,
Before that faded blue prince of yours had stolen your heart.
We are but fate's marionettes, little creatures tumbling in the dark,
Loving one day at a time, dying one day at a time.
Arriving two minutes too late, just the same as an eternity too late.

I wish I could heal you, I wish I could take away all the pain,
I wish you would give me but one chance,
So I could show you the big heart of a seeker of light.

But this wishful thinking is lethal
My burning desire will stain my soul,
So I've decided, that you are to go.

You'll always be my moon far away,
You'll always be the one star astray.
You'll always be my my muse in the sky,
Those things and all I can't reach with my hand.

I've tried to busy my mind in many many topics
I've tried to endeavor myself in novel things
But my heart keeps on finding you
My dreams are still with you
No matter how far I wander

My glass heart keeps on falling
Spiraling towards you
Towards an inevitable breaking
And I end up composing blue phrases
Hopeless attempts of poetry
All dedicated to your beauty and freshness
And to the faded blue butterflies swimming in my stomach
I know they come from you
And I know they won't let me be

All I ever wanted has just gathered in you.
All I have admired, longed for and loved.
I've finally found you in this ocean of time,
That I've been wandering in for so many lives.

So am I to let you go?

Well of course, that is a must.
For I am not to cut your butterfly wings.
For I am not to take away your marvelous dreams.

You put the time and the place
And I waited for ages,
That they will count as hours.

At least there was smoke
And my eyes.
And my pen.