What do you do when your smiles gone south
for the winter and you can't find the words to describe with you mouth
how you feel, when you get kicked while you're down
when every time you've come out of the shadows, something, or someone, knocks you down
Now I know I haven't been the perfect saint
I've been around, I don't pray much, I curse too much for goodness sake
But try as I might I can't get back up
I've given all I had, my body wants to give up.
My soul is crying after years of insecurity
Lord, please, I beg you, cast it from me.
All my pain, all my inequities, all my hurts and my wrongs
I know life isn't easy but I've carried them far too long
Please, give me the strength, the will, to get back up again.
I'm through going it alone, I need a friend

We may be a long way apart
but you still are an angel and dear to my heart
when others held knives to my head you nursed me back to help and calmed the demons running around in my head
Do I even need to say it? without you I probably would be dead
Aura the Angel I'm crazy about you like I've already said
You're my kind of crazy because we're both cuckoo in the head
Our bonds stronger than Krazy Glue more reliable than my favorite shoes Converse all stars you're my shining supernova I've fallen for you harder than a rock off of the white cliffs of Dover

I look at the sketches i left in my notepads
I wonder what would these works say if they
Could be brought into corporeal exsistence
If they could be animated, the things ive created.
If the words I'd written down in my phone and in various notebooks
I stop and then i look
Rattled again, im still shook
I had this happen again
The dreams end when i put down my pen
And my heart, yet again decides to soften
...

What are the souls of the creative and awkward to do when...

The brightest days
Are after the heaviest rains
The greatest pleasures
Are after the greatest pains

The funniest laughs
Follow the most passionate tears
True moments of courage
Follow the deepest fears

Life's funny, you know?
When it's dark and suddenly good comes to the light
One thing that I'm proud to show
Is that I made it through the wilderness, and I'm feeling all right

They say that team work
Makes the dream work
Well... if that's true then boy do I have a
Surprise for you
My head and mouth couldn't get on the same page even if they were two periods in a book.
And it's far from a good luck. Matter of fact it could crack a mirror purely out of frustration in my case
I feel like my will for making this work has been debased
I can't even find the strength to debate this with what's left of my self, oh well...

-Neroamee Alucard

About 6 blocks east of Mars
There's a heavenly body amongst the stars
And if you look very closely
It's identifiable mostly
It's obviously you, that cosmic wonder out in space
With galaxies comprising your eyes and supernovae making up your face

An interstellar beauty beyond compare
How I wish I could fly amidst the stars, and met you there

There's that stinking
Sinking feeling
In the pit
Of my brain

"You're a burden.
Dead weight
Carry your load
You're better off
Being nothing
But vapor in the air"

I've run from this feeling
By writing
Escaping into the page
Expressing sadness, lust and outrage
Into these words Instead of a shameful display
But how can you run from something
That follows you night and day?
Try as you might to escape...

There's a disease infecting the churchhouse and surrounding community,
It's putting the bible behind personal opinions and political policies
Obviously we're all human and as such we have opinions that differ but you'd think we'd have learned by now that the pulpit isn't the place for issues
It's you that I'm talking about if you find yourself offended by this
And before i go on I'll be the first to tell you that I'm far from perfect
I'm no rocket scientist but as a kid i learned
That people who live in glass houses and throw stones are liable to get burned
So if you're reading this and find your nerves on fire and your stomach had churned
Then tell the "Christians" in the world to go back to the word

Well today was rather exciting
I was sick and my sinuses keep fighting
my medications of course
I keep coughing myself hoarse
Because yeah my lungs are inviting

So that's why stuff hasnt been great
although to some that may be up for debate
I'm my own harshest critic
but then who isn't
so I loathe my work at a very fast pace

but thinking in limerick is hard
like getting a log shoved up your ****
so I'm through with this post
I hope you get the most
laughter out of it you whimsical bard

Now I didn't wanna have to through you under the bus
but it's like now your heart is dead and you're living on sour spite and rotten pus
it's torturous to be so loved and hated the same time by my own family no less I guess that's why they say blood makes you related but loyalty is what makes us family it's sad to be the victim of your cruel jokes and biting sarcasm I can only take so much before my brain starts to spasm at this point I'd drop you into and endless chasm before ever even thinking about you again you hurt me too many to times to try to smooth things over with you again my friend go **** an egg and crack the shell then you'll know what you do to me everyday can't you tell I'm a different human being, I'm my own brand of crazy
what I call organization you call lazy

I'd say that i love you, but I've forgotten what that is..
wait that sounds so cliche can we try again?
Okay let me breathe
eeep...ahhh

I'd say that i love you but i can't bring myself to try to love again
my hearts shattered and i have trouble even calling someone friend.
I'd tell you that you mean the world to me but then you'd fly away from my orbit,
I'd be a lonely planet once again, a more pathetic wretch than Norbit.

I'd say that nothing bad would happen while you're in my arms, but i'd be a lying ponce. i'm trapped by romantics and having to keep myself from being hurt with my stone heart. dark and void filled like an endless wormhole

I'm not sure why
I thought of this rhyme
But in all fairness we must really learn
Again, how to cry

Some days it's just too much
We feel like a car trying to shift without a clutch
Sometimes even writing doesn't help me much

So if I'm in a deep enough rut
I'll not be ashamed, at least not much
To let my tears hit the pillow as my eyes redden and crust
And just spill my pent up feelings out into the open air, in front of no one

HeLLO GentleMEN I am your creator.

BRANDON?!

Yes Orion it is me BAcK From the GRAVE you sent me to in middle school.
so now I've come to sell my vengeance so without further ado I've come to **** you

A lengthy battle raged for hours on end,
until finally, after more than 5 years, OrionThaReject, a persona I created years ago was finally dead and gone,

Now he's merged himself with me, NeroameeAlucard,
because he learned that just because he was a reject at one point,
doesn't mean you have to be one for life.

Okay Nero let me handle the narration and begin the Explanation,
see in middle school I was transferred out of my home town into an entirely indifferent area obviously I was off guard and it hurt me to the heart that people I had known for most of my then young life I'd never see again I had no friends so I developed the persona of a reject to own up to my outcast status

This doesn't have a title bit just hear me out
There's hostility in my head I need to clear out
I'm not the only person here that's felt and succumbed to pressure, of that I don't have doubt

It seems like every time I open up everybody smells blood in the water
It's a pain because I want to open up because it's tough here in Chicago
I hate bottling up my problems but I can't take the stinging welts of others

You treat me as if you hate me, but you claim to be a lover

Can anyone tell me
Where I'm supposed to be going?
Even the humble plants on the ground
Grow without knowing
I've enjoyed this journey, ups and downs and all
And I still don't know how to fight through life's fog
And the more I try to find answers the deeper I go into the smog
Can you tell me where I'm supposed to be going and what I need to be doing? Because I'm tired of being a nomad with no cause

One thing that ***** is getting crushed
by a crush especially if you two were friends but it's your heart that goes bust

I still care even though it may seem strange
I still try to talk, inbox, whatever even though you'd think I'm deranged but I liked her as a human being before my romantic side kicked in

what hurts more. getting turned down or turned down by a best friend?

I want to cry
but I can't shake my pride
I'm supposed to be emotionless and cold
not crack at the first sign of life going downhill

I Want To cry
but I can't bring myself to break
I can't stand being weak in front of anyone
This is so hard to shake

I want to cry
but I feel so stupid
Why didn't I see this coming
**** it why do I still take everything so hard

I want to cry...
but **** it
I'm going to break if I don't
so If you see me in the rain making the tears in my eyes

I got my wish I finally cried.

teaming up with someone close to you
can do some wondrous things
having someone introduce new flows to you
inspiration, this is what it brings

Some new ideas and concepts
start bouncing into my head
reactivating those strange parts of my brain
that I thought were long long dead

maybe this why I'm writing in a traditional fashion
I'm used to writing with such internal rhyme
most would confuse for rapping

but anyway to my loving writing partner
thank you for reawakening part of my twisted head
for revitalizing all of those parts of my slowly breaking brain
and all of the cobwebs to the gulls they've gone
done done. six feet deep. dead.

Why do you ask questions
I don't have the answer to?
Why do assumptions fuel your gumption,
Because I don't feel comfortable doing what you want me to?
Can you just leave this be?
I'm having enough trouble working through this.
I'm in a position more awkward than a 7 10 split.
So stop with these ******* questions please,
Because I'm already ******* sick.

This is a poem for those that think we have it easy,
So I'm giving you warning. These verses may make you queasy
Mom, had you wondered why I took up writing
My feelings down in metered rhyming?
It's because there have been days when I desired dying
Days where I had to put on a brave face, and continue silently crying
There were nights that I couldn't bear to see the morning Sun
Fighting my insecurities and trying to iron out my flaws, I felt like I was the only one
There were times when I fell into a hole and all anybody did was laugh or make fun of me
So I dug the hole deeper because no one wanted my company

There were days when I was sure I wasn't good enough
For anybody to care about or even consider knowing, my living was for naught
But every single time that desire became too great.
When I held that knife to my wrist or throat and my heart began to race
A voice in the back of my head would say
"Brandon, what would your mother think,
If she walked in and saw you bleeding in the sink?"

So I forced myself to get up and keep going, at the very least for your sake
And it wasn't easy with somebody judging or criticizing every step that you take
I'd have thought that saying, "I've taken 19 years of life what more can you bring?"
Would be enough to make the angels in heaven sing
But I guess I was wrong, like in Bart gets an F
No matter how hard I tried it seems like my destiny is to never know happiness, like at the bottom of a well.
So thank you Lord, for keeping me with a reasonable portion of health
And thank you mom, for keeping me going through my own personal Hell.

I don't get it
Out you leave for some time
And i find my way back into a rhythm in life
And continue down my path laden with rhyme
It seems sometimes that you even manage to escape my mind
But then as i hover over the edge of sleep, my heart finds time to weep
And all of a sudden i cant escape your burning flame
Of passion that i crash into, knowing you feel the same
It's harder than concrete to explain, so I'll try to do it in Passin
You and i have something called a Phoenix passion.

Every time the flame between us is reduced to ashes and dust
It sparks and burns again hotter than ever, seemingly endless and in whatever kind of weather
Our storms seem to cross paths and we once again find each other

The most valuable resource that we possess is time
And I'm so very glad I developed a love for wiring together words that rhyme
Because making that investment of minutes of your life
Can be so impactful to somebody who needs it,  we poets sometimes don't realize
The power that comes with words,  whether spoken or written
We created something,  we brought it into existence

I'm depressed and deflated because it seems like it's either to lose or get shot is why we were created
Idve remained encouraged but this point can no longer be debated
How are you going to stop someone who doesn't even see a future staring them in the face misplaced patriotism stops you from seeing the tears and hopelessness on our faces that's written
Despair in the air because no one not even ourselves can find the strength to care optimism is a long lost memory
And even then our memories aren't pleasant by any means it seems all we are are muscular commodities fit for athletic endorsements and earning people but ourselves money but we can't use a platform because it would he like trying to preach to Vincent Van Gogh

I'm writing all of this from my perspective you know

you know what's strange?
it's like for every friend I gain
I lose two more
especially when you ready give a **** about someone it makes you kinda bitter to the core
Why is it this keeps happening? I already listlessly wander, now I have reason to wander more
Since no one seems to want me around I'll just go find life and see what it has in store

I mean I know I'm not perfect but don't just leave with no reason,
I guess they were right, for everything, and everyone there's a season

God Only knows
what I'd do without my rose
The light of my day
With her I'll stay

I love her
the stars are above her
I don't know what I did before
but this girl I adore

I know I'm getting redundant
but fate has provided me a new subject
to write about think about,
worry about and pray about

I know she's going through her trials and I hate when she gets sad
I told her I'll be her crying shoulder
because she's the best thing I've ever had
I love that I can call her my own
I'm giddy like a flower who's seed has been sown

They say love makes us do crazy things
but God Only knows what to us life will bring

The greatest love
Comes from the deepest heartbreak
The greatest trust
Derives from the bite of the harshest snake

The wisest people
Were forged by the dumbest mistakes
And the greatest leaders
Know what it means to hold that place

These are just observations
From a poetic inclined mind
I know many works are like this
But this one is special, for its mine

I'll start this off  I'm lost, I'm misplaced in space  My head is wandering through the clouds  And my suspicious subconscious is trapped on a rainbow... heroes reborn left me in the dust, still feeling like theres no one to trust, the loner and the outsider, i claim myself as the storm rider...Every planet I've reached is done, dead... Finished and completed  I'm picking up my great sword and resuming wandering journey to nowhere... Not traveling over seas of the undead I'm here I'm exposed, the book that will never be read. I'm no stone I just wear a crown  No flesh no blood no bone  Just selfishness in silence, No sound... I fought my demons and they still Chase me  I've destroyed those monsters that drove me crazy... as the insanity of bloodshed runs through my veins, i lose all composure that seems to remain, red eyes, faint cries, i settle into my lucid demise... I'm sick of being the one with blue eyes I'm not the meaning of dust  I'm not the symbol of the skies I'm the only one that's disgusted By the living injustice...

Einhander.
One hand in German
As a reference two a one handed sword
But said sword falls before the might of the pen
My friend,  the pen truly is the mightiest weapon on this earth.
You could end careers and start up new ones, all in how you arrange your words
So poets, remember to use the pen with cadence and care
For though a wound from av sword may heal, the writing will always be there

My city has 4 sides and those sides have millions of people with two eyes and a nose and a brain that gives them the power to decide the future and look to the past for lessons but staring in the rear view mirror will cause you to miss blessings

Why are we so in denial when we're clearly unhappy. And then we're hesitant to change,
I swear we as humans (especially me) are all kinda twisted and demented

I wish I could make her toes curl like the end of fitted sheets
But i'll probably disappoint then like Fox's casting of Mystique
I wish I could command attention without saying a word
But to do that I'd have to have charisma, wait... what's that a bird?
No it's a trait that I don't possess.
I guess you can't correct a problem you don't know how to solve
The truth is i'm so easily worn out I don't know what to do at all
Not physically but socially, that batteries drained
I'd complain but my lack of confidence weighs enough on my brain

But let's get back on track with this train
I hope that I can make her squeal with a kiss and spill passion with a hug
But I'd actually have to be desirable, unlike, say a Chagas bug.
Hell the bug might have better luck than me
I guess that's why I have to express myself lyrically
Because my head goes one way and my mouth another
Just forget it I'd be hopeless as a lover...

Why do the words find my pen so appealing and my mouth the opposite?

Why can my Writings express my feelings and my speech barely even scratch the surface?

Where can I find a happy medium between my pen and my mouth
Because it's really killing me to have all these thoughts swirling around in my brain, and not being sure about how they'll come out

Sometimes one moves faster than the other
And it's annoying, not funny like undercover brother

So if anyone knows how, please tell me what am I to do?
Because my head is wired more chaotically than the San Diego zoo

Early on in my creative endeavors
I wore my status of a reject proudly like a sweater
I grew acceptive to my crazy side
while I was on that cosmic ride
I fell in along with others who saw the world through the same eyes

Now I'm NeroameeAlucard
now that part of my life is over but it holds a place in my heart
My lifes gotten
much better since those days
my own personal haze
benefited me
substantially
I couldn't do anything right
but now, after going through hell
I've learned how to fight

I can smile again,
I can feel the weight
Lifting off my shoulders.
The tears I cried now dry on the concrete

The memories fading with the setting of the sun
I'm going to be here, still. Like the half circle in the missing piece just rolling along

I'm not done. Far from it. In fact I've just begun.

I can smile again.

Why is it that as a black man
I'm automatically supposed to date only the ladies with melatonin in their bodies when I'm lonely?

why is it that both ladies and fellas can be shallow jerks
but if a guy says I like curvy women or skinny women it's offensive
but if the ladies like tall or short guys it's simply a preference or a quirk?

why is it that society is plagued with double standards
why is it that I'm a target because I'm Brown skinned?
Why is it no one can be truly happy?
Why do people get off on being ******?

I usually don't put the church in my verse so to that end I'll bend over backwards abd try not to curse, lest I end up in the back of a hearse
Now I'm not a bible specialist but somewhere in there it said "Come as you are, without Pretense"
And I've been battling judging eyes and subtle remarks from the older guard at my church so forgive me if I seem mentally spent

Come as you are

Come as you are means enter into the house without mental prison bars
So stop giving me that kinda shade throwing eye and try to empathize
If I was running late one day and wore my favorite hoody that Sunday (it's oversized) instead of a three piece suit I don't feel comfortable in one and I look ugly in one anyway to boot.


Come as you are

Now this sounds like a minor issue to address but every time I'm there my family has to throw a comment on how I don't look my best
And now I take bows after events I announce with a judgement proof vest,
So let me grow, I'm doing my best

Come as you are

I started to stare up at the pale blue sky
Allowing the clouds to help care for the shards of my mind
And as the green grass tickled my skin, back into the dilemma I'm facing my thoughts went back within
The breeze gently kissed my face as the smile transformed from a grin to a grimace
I started off so well and fell back into overthinking like a man imprisoned

So I guess I should let my thoughts fly as I stare at the sky and let my instincts take over

Feeling like a lost
Investment in times gone
No one fills the void

Duped into a large
Mental war against
Everyone including self

Some days I feel free
Others trapped, like a dog
Maybe I need help

Even my pride can't take
Being beaten badly
On the daily

Delete my history?
You can't start again so
Try to move on please!

Oh I would if this
Life would let me go to
Other things in life

Vicious are the hands of
Ever moving time it's
crazy how life shifts

I don't know why this popped into my head
Don't blame me I'm just doing what my pencil said
Every meadow in life I seem to reach is dead,

Why?

Why do my personality quirks have to be ironed out?
Why is all the stuff I like considered ******* and tossed out?
Why does everybody have an opinion about my life?

Why do you try Brandon what could you hope to gain?
I honestly don't know the answer to that question anymore
Mom I love you but there's only so much I'm able to endure

So you want to know why I spend so much time with dad?
It's because he never judged me for quirks and flaws that I have
We do things we mutually have an interest in
Whether it's going to be guitar shops or staying and chilling like villains

You mean well, I know but you always force your ideas of perfection down my throat
With no time to digest them my personality chokes
And I hate that I become so liberated
When over the weekend you and I are separated
It hurts me to even write this, honestly it does

Me not wanting to do something to you is like an affront to the above,
I do believe in God, you've known that for all my days,
Do I not express my faith enough to you?
Would that brighten your days?
Well ill end this now, and possibly go cry,
I'm not sure what caused this rift, or better yet why
But I love you mom, just let me be me.
Whether it's showing up to church on a Wednesday evening,
Or playing guitar wearing my gloves and jeans

Wouldn't it be nice if I could curl up in my warm bed without the voices that plague me Night and Day in my head they said I'd be dead two years ago so why don't they just go away

AWAY I SAY LEAVE ME ALONE I SHALL NO LONGER BEAR YOUR BURDEN YOU UNHOLY BEASTS SHALL CEASE TO RESIDE IN MY MIND ANY LONGER

Anyway back to the subject at hand I'm glad I once found my sunshine in a bag but she's gone now and the only color I see now is gray like it's in my Genes Or something the one you once new as A Reject Once long ago has molted and grown into another tortured being


My gift of verse is also my greatest curse as every bullet people shoot at me hurts harder and bleeds deeper than you think I've tried to hide it but the mask I can't take up anymore after your third heartbreak you know the score


NERO STOP WRITING POEMS AND GO BACK TO DRAWING LIKE A SPASTIC CHIMP

SHUT UP ORION AND DIE IN MY BRAIN STEM THEN FINALLY I CAN GET SOME PEACE

AT LEAST THE CREATOR DIDN'T GIVE HIMSELF AN AGING REESE'S CUP WHEN HE SUPPED FROM THE LAKE OF IDEAS AND BUILT ME!

(to be continued)

I remember as a kid,
I'd daydream like others did
I'd drive an empty box and play with my toys
And that was my ticket for a fantastic voyage
I'd be in dimension X or on Jupiter's 3rd moon
And I wouldn't have to leave the sanctity of my room
And while I was battling evil monster number 9
I could walk down the hall into the living room for dinnertime

So call me old, call me a nostalgic freak
But before they put me in a coffin and I float down the creek
I'd gather all my plastic friends, stark and unique,
And go on one last trip, to give myself peace.
And on my deathbed I'll be clutching comic book toys,
In my head I'll be on my final fantastic voyage

I'm Clay but I'm difficult to mold
you can't just shape to fit your perceived goal
you see my body but not what I keep locked in my soul
You can cut me open, bake me in an oven and attempt to sculpt me into your idea of perfection,
but I'll simply melt, or fall apart, it's like I'm a pile of clay with a scarred heart

No this isn't a Clint Eastwood movie
I'm just saying what's true about me
and maybe some other people besides
Go ahead find one person to which this doesn't apply
All I'll say is that if you decide to pursue me
you're going to have to deal with the good. the bad and the ugly
I have a past, I've made mistakes and I've hurt and been hurt before
I'm hard to love, and I don't know what my life has in store
if you can deal with all that, then I promise you this
I'll Love you like nothing else, I'm faithful down to the last wish

Okay here goes.

A lot of people ask why I put my pen to the page
Put my heart into words that don't inspire or engage
Well I write because I know I haven't had the perfect life
And I know others out there can attest to that tonight
But to get to the point I picked up my pen
I was the tender young age of 3 years plus 10
I had a crush on a girl, and it was killing me inside
I couldn't take it anymore, my feelings I could no longer hide
I finally got my nerve, and told her how I felt
I didn't know the rough hand I'd be dealt.
I got teased relentlessly, with no qualms on the matter
my heart was ripped out, against the floor I felt it splatter,
ever since I've found it hard to open up,
except through these words I've found solace and as such
I dedicated my pen to those kids that ever got picked on or hurt
NeroameeAlucard did it, you can drag your name from the dirt

If i could travel
Inside my mind
I truly wonder
What would i find?

Would the dreams I've had
Come back to haunt me?
The figments follow
And successfully stalk me?

Would i hear the music i
Listen to constantly
Or would i see these poems forming
And being put together miraculously?

Would i see Animals, my emotions, my
Opinions and most wretched thoughts
Personified and take horrific shapes?
Or would i remain an imagination fueled man,
And simply drive myself to be great?

Up on melancholy hill
There lies a plastic tree
But sitting underneath that plastic tree crying
Sat a broken... Hurt... Me.

Until up the hill 
Came the Jill to my jack
We talked and all my walls came down
We connected thru our writings
And she changed me to all smiles from frowns

Where once stood anger came calm
I saw an angel in her purest form
Now I can hold her tight and say she's like a sweater, she keeps my heart warm

So if you're reading this and I'm pretty sure you are
**** the fates for making us live ever so far apart
But I guess that strengthens the bond between our hearts
:)

Why did i learn not to cry?
Instead covering up my leaking plasma with mild mannered sarcasm and a half years worth of jokes that take pokes at love and deprecates what little self worth
I even have at this point, but i guess i could only tell you this story if you rolled up a joint
So go ahead and spark away, let your sensibilities fade... I'll wait.


Now that the good stuff is in the air i know you won't care but it goes back a few years and i feel tears fall down as into the mirror i stare
When was the last time i put all i had into the one i cared for? A few years ago and all of a sudden she dissapeared, my faith in love went with her i guess, i was blessed to have even been able to call her mine and she inspired countless rhymes of mine.

She was special, one in a million like a worthwhile investment
But like the stock market in the 30s we crashed and i was alone and shapeless like dust in kansas
So for the sake of myself and others i spent time alone
Rediscovering what self love is and stitching myself back together as my heart and head still recovered like a small town from harsh weather

I guess part of me is scared that that will happen again, even among friends.
But where one chapter ends another must begin
The hands left the wall and the writing is written
My past is my past and that's dead now. Though I'll never forget the harsh lessons.

Looking into a blank page is one of the most harrowing experiences you can undertake
The whole thing changes with every line you write, every brushstroke you make
Every risk you take on the page may not always be indelible
They can be erased from the paper but not the mind, aside from intervention that happens to be divine
But the mind twins spins twists and does the splits for the creative... maybe it needs to rest once in awhile as it spills like lactating... even though mine is far from the best.

Ever see a face and see nothing but reassurance?
I know it's an odd sentiment but i'm going to need you to let me explain
This thought that's on my brain
It's insane I know, but when I see your face
Im reassured somehow, that things will be alright
When I see your eyes somehow I find peace only rivaled by chamomile tea
When I see your smile I feel butterflies and feel hope in my chest and nothing but thoughts reminiscent of beautiful music take residence behind my eyes...

I know it's a strange sentiment but I hope you understand the compliment

Time marches on
Like an never ceasing slog
But as I travel through life's bog
I never repeat the scenery

As I journey through the rolling pastures
Rivers valleys and canyons rapture
I always stop and try to capture
What lies in front of me

So my advice to other travelers
Is to sit around and begin to gather
Memories, or would you rather
Make the journey dull and forgettable

You ever have someone you care for try to be there for I do and I know that she's a good person, not my girl friend but Someone that I'm close to but she's on a self destructive path and I'm trying but nothing seems to get thru to her I hate her boyfriend fir what he decided to do to her i tried to play surgeon to suture her wounds and be a good friend because I'm dutiful but all I asked is that she meet me halfway and I'll go in the rest but **** it she won't help herself and rest and unless she changes I'll lose one of my best friends I'd hate myself if I didn't try and her life ends