it’s been over a year
a year of being apart from each other
ever since we called it quits

the past year without you
was a year of growth—
learned things about myself
and improved on me

I learned to move on from what we had
Since you moved onto another
At first, I questioned why you didn’t wait for me
but I figured that if that’s God’s plan for us
then so be it

Here we are a year later,
back in each other’s lives
but this time as friends
I knew I didn’t want you out of my life for good
So I hoped for this time to come

I thought I would be contented with that
but why do I suddenly get this feeling
that maybe I want you back?

I keep trying to hold myself back
from smiling whenever you talk to me
I just want to know what’s going on inside your head

Do you still think of me?
Do you miss me?
Such thoughts run through my mind

Maybe it’s just me
but one thing’s for sure:
after all this time,
you still mean something to me

Sometimes I just need a break
A break from this crazy life
Wanting to go to somewhere peaceful
With nature all around
Instead of flashy city lights.
Is that too much to ask for?
With all that’s going on,
Each day gets overwhelming and frustrating.
Told to do things I'm not interested in
Yet I still do it for them.
Wherever I go,
All eyes are on me.
Always expected to do my best
Even when sometimes I can’t.
I always ask for forgiveness
And think I’m never good enough.
With all that’s going on,
All I need is just a break.
A break from this crazy life

if you're reading this,
im sorry that i gave up on us
and that i wasn't strong enough to keep holding on
everyone's telling me that i made the right decision
but why am i hurting even more?
it kills me to see you everyday
and i miss you
i just want to hug you tight one last time and tell you that I love you

why can't i help,
feeling so blue,
whenever you're near?
it's so hard to forget you
but why is it so easy to forget me?
i gave you my whole heart and trust
why didn't you do the same for me?

the love i had for you felt so strong
that it ended with intense pain
i could not bare

gone too soon—
you have lived all your life
making others happy.

now that I think about it
what a selfless person you are
always putting others needs before yours

you believed in me
more than i ever believed in myself
you were the one
who pushed me to reach my full potential

i wouldn't be the person i am today
and still be the shy girl I used to be  
if I didn’t have you in my life

i thank you for everything
you’re in a good place now
and you will surely be missed.

stuck with the idea of you and I
always want you here by my side
do i actually have feelings
or am i just here for comfort?
yet here I am
willing to accept for who you are
even your flaws,
your flaws that i hope to turn into something beautiful.
maybe im just out of my mind
do i actually have feelings
Or is this just caused
by the idea of you and i that i have made up in my head?

here i am
longing for your affection
makes me feel so gloomy
when will this ever end?
i cant stand seeing you
yet i want to talk to you so bad
my mind goes crazy
whenever you're on my mind
i just want you here by my side
im longing for you
and your love

i still feel that comfort when im with you
but at the same time i feel nervous when you’re around
I’ve always had the idea of you and I on the back of my mind
don’t know if i should just go for it
or even believe if this is for real

is it right
to laugh at someone
who's pouring anger
towards someone
for hurting?

is it right
to tell everyone
that she's crazy
just because she's angry?

is it right
that I feel bad
because i was once in the same position
and being angry was my only way
only way of telling everyone
that i was hurting?

is it even right
to bring you back into my life
now that i'm witnessing you do this?

i can tell you've changed
but deep inside
are you still the same person i fell in love with
over a year ago?

here i am
always confused
my indecisiveness
just doesn't help me
move on or go forth with my life

so is it right
to have you back in my life?
is it right?

it’s been a while since I last saw you.
how have you been?
you’ve been on my mind lately,
now i’m wondering
if you still think of me.

i wonder;
do you hate me?
do you miss me?
do you still love me?
such questions just cross my mind.

now i’m not sure if I’m longing for you
or just reminiscing—
but i’m hoping that someday
to have you back in my life
even just as a friend.

I am so grateful for you
For making me the happiest I’ve ever been
For making me feel loved
For making me feel safe
And for always reminding me how special I am

I have never loved anyone like I love you
You keep me going
And inspire me to do better

You’re the answer to my prayers
You are the one
The one who I want to build a future with

No matter how hard it may get
I will love you unconditionally
For you are
The love of my life

it's twelve o'clock and i'm still thinking about you
somehow i can't get you off my head
the thought of you makes me happy and sad
i wish you knew how i feel

it's been months since you left,
but i still find myself thinking of you
it's been months since you left,
but i still feel the pain you gave me

what did i do to deserve this feeling?
when all i wanted was to love someone
who will love me just as much
and accept me for who i am

the time came
when i was ready to love again.
you came into my life
like a blessing from above,
i was so grateful for you.

you brought me high up.
showered me with your love, attention and all
but now,
now you left me here hanging.

i thought of you as someone to be with
for a long time,
and even for a lifetime,
but i guess we were never really on the same page.

it hurts to know
that i poured my heart out for you
because i thought you were different
but i guess it’s just one of those situations where
im the only one trying to make it work

how nice would it be
to have everything your way
and not worry about
what they would think

how nice would it be
to do anything you want
once in awhile
without them stopping you

how nice would it be
to be here with you
and look at the stars
until the sun rises

i'm just a person
that's wanting to be free
how nice would it be
to have that fulfilled

im at the point of my life
where im just going with the flow
im neither happy or sad
i just feel alone

everyone around me
seems to have it figured out
yet here i am
just trying to get by

this isn’t the life i imagined to have
my anxiety is taking over me
and making things harder than it should be

i just want someone to tell me that it’s going to be okay
but here i am alone
facing everything all by myself

im alive yet i feel so dead
ive never felt this way
uninspired and so unmotivated
i feel like nothing’s going right

i am lost and alone
in this big world full of people
this is not how i imagined life
can someone please tell me that everything is going to be okay?

unresolved feelings—
is this what it is?
the reason why
i still cling onto you?

i thought i was over this
but now
the possibility
of you and i getting back together
still runs through my mind

am i crazy to think that?
or is this all just caused
by my unresolved feelings
that needs to be answered?

why do I get this feeling
that maybe there's still something there
but I also get a vibe from you
that you don't want anything
I'm so confused
can you please just be straight up with me
and not leave me feeling confused?

The voices in my head, brought me to this place
A gloomy surrounding, everything looking lifeless and sad
I question myself, “Why am I here?”
But as I look ahead, I see a beautiful mountain; covered in fluffy snow,
Almost looking like the clouds.
Now, I am yearning to see the mountain up close,
But how do I get to see the best view?
With no one around, not even animals
Who do I go for, for advice?

I continue to look and walk around,
Still clueless, not sure what has drawn me to go on this journey
“It’s only a mountain,”
I tell myself.
Trying to figure out where the voices in my head came from
My mind is blocked
Can’t think straight or
See clearly
Everything is a blur.

Could this possibly be a dream?
I continue on with this journey
Trying my best to find a way to get to the snowy mountains
Tired and lifeless,
I pass out in the middle of nowhere
Flashbacks start to come
You were the voice in my head
Your harsh words,
Harsh words that brought me into this dark place
Left me feeling helpless and burdened
I get up and try to find a way out

Here I am standing, standing where I began
Looking at the mountain,
From where I’m standing, I question myself:
“Which way do I go?”
There’s the stream
A stream that’s aligned with the mountain
And the mountains with a path cleared out
Directing me to the snowy mountain.

The voices in my head
Preventing me from moving forward,
Drowning me with sadness.
The longer I’m here,
The more it overwhelms me
I’ve got to get out of here.

ive been told that love is a choice
and ive also been told to know my self worth
but if i choose to love, I'd get hurt over and over again
and if i choose to leave, I'd be heartbroken
at this point i don't understand what love is anymore
i am a person that believes in the magic of love
but with all that's going on
i feel like love is just a big question mark to me
all i did was give my all
but nothing ever comes back to me

i know i hurt you
but am i that easy to forget?
seeing you with that girl
and that smile on your face
torn me into pieces
wanted to cry so bad
and tried so hard to calm down
had to show everyone i was just fine
yet deep inside i felt like my whole world fell apart
i tell myself; why can’t i let you go?

This burden I feel, will it ever stop?

With you gone, everything won’t be the same.
You with a smile, I’m left with a teardrop.

The words you promised, just put you to shame.
Who are you to make me feel such a way,
When all I did was just be there for you?

I feel so lone, having so much to say

Knowing you won’t care, leaves me feeling blue.

Tell me how must I get rid of this pain,

Without having you present in my life. 

This burden I feel now, makes me abstain

All of this, that started by a small strife.

Everything does happen for a reason,

Someday I will be free from this prison.