I saw the red flags. I ignored.
You were what this heart is yearning for
I tried to stop, override it but it said error.

Now I'm filled with ache and terror
Coz I know you're not meant to stay
I'm only your temporary fix
Someone you can call when you've got nobody.

My heart beats twice its regular speed
I couldn't calm it down nor ease the ache
I can't stop the tears, the fears
I'm addicted in this sad unrequited vice.

A temporary fix, a temporary fix
That's what I am
It hurts but it's the only way I could reach you, touch you.

I should walk away but my heart wants to stay
In this setup where the high is all about pain
Where rains on my pillow's won't stop
For loving a stranger who doesn't know how to value me.

Phantom of the night
Hides in plain sight
Pretends to be alright
Goodnight

Peeping gold afar
Amidst the blue undertones
Sun's about to come.

Embraced by the mist
Kissed me goodbye as it lifts
Left me heartbroken.

Brush on one hand
Paint in the other
Poured a tint of green
Unto a pint of white.

I wanted more green.

You said stop
But it was too late
I already poured myself in
There was no turning back.

I wanted more green.

Instead, I got mint
Cold, cold minty hue
Now, I had to make do
With whatever green is left.

I wanted more green.

Green, green growth
And the best of my youth.

The fire still burns
The heart still yearns
But lessons were learned
Yours was an approval I shouldn't earn.

You still haunt me
Midnight, daylight.

Feel your arms wrapped around me
Feel the tight grip on my hand
Feel your soft lips on mine
Feel your breath on my skin.

Memories of you still haunt me
Midnight, daylight.

When cold nights come
Wrapping the world in darkness and
Word from me is unheard,
Remember.

What I cannot speak in person, I
Write with the dews
On obscure glasses
Under a blanket of stars.

It does not hurt.
Not anymore.

It's been half a year since that incident.
It's been half a year since my kokoro was scythed.
It's been half a year.
It's been half a year.

I smiled.
Jived.
Laugh.
Socialized.

I did my best to remain composed especially when you were close
'Coz the pain I felt was too real
and I'm still stuck spinning back Time's reel.

Despite my inability to comprehend it,
I did what I can to face it.
The pits were deep and dark and seemed endless.
My days were dull and seemed changeless.

But now that the storm has passed,
I'm trying to face its aftermath.
Contrary to the bilateral friendship agreement,
I'm feeling the pact's 180 degree turn.

O, glory be that pain
Coz of it wisdom I gained.

I kept a list of things that you dread and like
Colored the first black, the other white.

Back then, I only know one to cite
Now, it has a ninety-nine items in plain sight.

Wrote the 100th note after the talk yesterday
My name is finally on it but the color is gray.

STARS
They remind me
of the song I love to sing
of the movie I love to watch
of a car ride
of an unexpected night when you showed up.

Now, I truly wish we could rewrite the stars.

A lot of times came
when you questioned the possibilities
If you can reach your dreams
If you can spread your wings
If you can even fly.

You can.
You CAN.

I am a person of contradiction.

I love and hate. I open and close. I move and halt. I laugh and cry. Both at the same time.

I am the epitome of utter imperfection.

I happy and not happy about it.

There is duality in everything that I do — dark and light. It's never black or white. It's never gray. It's both at the same time.

I was walking down the street of rainbows and sunshines. The very street where everything seems possible and life is a fairytale.

Well, there are little rains and sometimes downpour but every chapter ends with a happy ending.

The time came that I had to step into a new world--- full of strangers, of darkness and cruelty. However, I saw it almost like a utopia. I hid the royalty in me and choose to start from scratch.

One day, I came across a stranger along a dark alley. Aloft, alone, and bringing dark clouds with him. I smiled at him but got no reply. I only saw ice and sorrow in his eyes.

I remember that time,  I was glowing with light while you were stuck in the dark pits of brokenness. I heard your cries and stories of hell and how you attempted to end it. You asked why such a fresh, innocent soul glows with much optimism.

I told you that life is the very reason to continue living. I told you there are more reasons to live: that there's beauty, there's happiness. There's love.

Wind roars angrily
As rain drops start to fall
In a cold May dawn
I walk alone to home.

Step, step, step
I pace forward
My core is breaking
But I must move.

With shoulders down
and a face of frown
I try to struggle
Not to succumb.

Dark emotions lurk
Everywhere I look
My body shakes from fear
Even if it has known ache.

And I still kept the rose you gave me
to remind me of love
and how temporary it could be.

Of course, it died.

This where it began
where it was affirmed how important you were to me
where I held you like I didn't wanna lose you.

This is where it prospered
where we let our feelings grew
hoping we can be bestfriends 'til we grow old.

This is where it ended
where I took out my heartache
after you left because I unintentionally broke a part of you.

This is where I'll start
where I will reflect on what has been
and let it all go so I can move forward.

This is where I've totally moved on.
This is where it ended.

The moon is full
Shining behind mountains tall
Cold wind sends shiver down my spine
I know, I know
I don't have much time.

Underworld's Grim knocks
on my heart, not the door
Be still, my heart
Be still, don't want more.

Here, the inevitable comes
Puts a sickle on my throat
I have lived. I have lived.
I am content. I am ready.
Take me now while I am happy.

Now, time will stood still
Like the sole tree on the hill
Bid goodbye, bid goodbye
For the time to die is nigh.

I'll stop asking if I matter
I weigh nothing to you
Nor occupy space in your heart

I want it all to ******* end.

There. I've said it.

Agonizing.
Pretending.
Fixing.
Shaking.
Breathing.

I want it all to come to an eternal halt.

Then maybe, just maybe
They'd stop ignoring the obvious
Confront the demons that haunt us
Learn to live with deep wounds
And turn scars into badges.

Tick tock tick tock
I listened to the clock
while sitting by the dock
and waiting for the flock.

Tick tock tick tock
Time flies so slow
I just keep on scratching my sock
Maybe they'll be here when the tide's low.

A poet needs pain and all other feelings to write. If there's none, it's nothing but writing empty words.

Love me because you love me and not because I love you.

It's not really the words that I love.
It's the feeling and meaning
that came along with it.

I'm looking at the same sky you're staring
The same moon, the same stars.
They remind me of you
And of an us that never was.

We're like them:
The moon and that star
Side by side;
Together but not together
So close yet out of reach
Glows but never sparks
Beautiful. Parallel.
Never meant to touch.

I'm the moon
You're that star.
My lovelight is young and cool while
Yours is burning magma hot
Yours is raging mine's calm
Yet both are silent and unheard
Both are told without words.

The night is young
And so is my love.
Young but true
and somewhat faint
It radiates faint light just right like a beautiful night

In your eyes I'll forever be the moon
You'll forever be my star
We'll never be
But we'll always be.

I look at you.

I see
my past,
my present,
my future.

Always.

And I ran under the rain
Hoping to wash away all the pain
Tears weren't enough to cleanse the vain,
To erase the memories of bane.

I ran, skipped, turned
Cooling the soul with third degree burns
Gentle drops from heaven calmed my nerves
Temporarily, agony was shunned.

You scare me.

The difference between our worlds is bright as day and I'm afraid should you move away like a space rock subtly touching and only passing by; when you could be my Earth and me your moon — different but inseparable.

I'm taking the blame
Sorry I've set you on flame
Burned along with me.

I'm tormented by the fact
you're broken. Don't act
you're not.

I was wrong when I said
"Let's keep things the way they were."
I should have known better.

I realized,
It was me who was afraid
of losing you all along.

It was me who posed a facade
I was composed
though trembling inside in confusion.

More than half a year has passed
Writing this may do nothing
but trigger a memory.

"You're crazy about your boyfriend," mom said.

I don't deny it.
I'm head over heels,
like a moth forever attracted to the oil lamp
ready to burn just to get close.

Mom was right.
Only, you weren't mine.

Remind me again that mornings
bring new hope
that basking in the light won't burn me.

Remind me again that mornings
are exciting
that there is an unexpected surprise ahead.

Remind me again that mornings
reveal a daily life purpose
that each passing day adds meaning to my insignificant existence.

Remind me again that mornings
are for rising up
that it is neither for bidding 'goodnight' or 'sweet dreams'.

Remind me again that mornings
can be beautiful
Even if I won't find myself waking in your arms anymore.

You're killing her
With that beautiful smile
With your sweet words

You're killing her
With that sweet embrace
With the taste of your lips.

You're killing her
Coz' it was never gonna be hers to try.

I remember that night when we both stared the same sky,
The same fireworks;
Heard the same waves,
The same laughter
And ended it with a shutter.

Now, all that's left is a shatter.

Just as a glimmer appears in the dark
Earth has blessed me with a new spark
To guide me out of the void
Help me get up and start anew
Embrace the wonders of a world I barely knew
Rebuild myself and stop being blue.

You knew she was in love.
It's in her brilliant smile,
her soft giggles.

Her eyes glisten
as she listens
at the mere mention of your name.

This could be a fairytale
only you didn't feel the same.

I wanna shower in the rain.

But I know I shouldn't
For sickness awaits at the end remain.

Heavy downpour will be too much on my weak shoulders
Cold drops will further chill my broken soul.

But even so...
I wanna shower in the rain.

For a chance to get high with temporary bliss
For a moment of shutting all noise but of the rhythm of the heart.

I wanna shower in the rain.
I wanna shower with you in the rain.