Am I growing or is the world becoming smaller?
Where did I leave my childhood behind and when was it really over?
Is there a way to predict the future or does it completely depend on our choices?
Am I the one to calm my thoughts or is it out of my control?
Why did they do this to me and should I be sorry for their actions?
Do I try too hard or do I just not care enough?
Am I too less or too much?
Why did I never get to say goodbye when I knew it would happen?
What is the reason for the birds to leave south and come back again if it'll just get cold later?
How do I rescue myself before it is too late and will it ever be too late?
Did I hit rock bottom or can I continue to dig further down?
Is there a specific purpose for me in this world or are some of us perhaps not destined to anything?
Are we walking in circles or are we actually moving forward if not backwards?
Does it get better with time or do I just get better at swallowing the pain like it was bitter medicine?
Will this end and how did it even begin?
Why do the covers feel too hot but the world around me too cold?
Am I scared of monsters or people who pretend to be angels?
Do I get deceived to believe or is the feeling about this real?
Do I want to go back or is it worth to keep moving?
Am I scared or am I excited?

Sometimes I wish I could throw with rainbows
To share some smiles
to give out happiness
as if it was just chocolate bars
to grab and eat, and you would become
but everytime I try catching the rainbows
or share the smile while handing the happiness
it's like they disappear in my hand
I will never understand
but I will always keep trying

Happiness come in small amounts from
the ability of letting yourself be happy

It's funny how a tower you used so much time and energy on to build
can by a single blow fall to the ground and break again
And you're often left at the top of the ladder, looking down
-helplessly observing the fall you're about to take
Not knowing how to deal with it when you hit the bottom
and desperately looking for reasons to not believe that it is happening to you
You might come to believe you are a bad builder
and you will therefore swear to never build again
In fact you might even get reasonable and safe-looking chances
but then again you might mess up as you always do
because you are after all the worst builder
You might look at other peoples' beautiful creations where many almost reach the stars
then you look back on your building spot which still stands bare and naked
The ladder might even still be lying on the ground from the fall long time ago
But maybe one day you'll get the strength to build again
and maybe the tower won't be that tall
but your bravery will be and that is what counts
Someone will one day walk by your small tower and find it magnificent
And you will be glad you in the end never gave up

I think the only and best reason
to why I cannot dare to be fully myself around people
is that I tried too many times that people have pointed it out
and made me feel like the drunk person at the party who took it too far with the striptease
And then I am cooled out from any other of their great parties
because nobody likes the person who is too different

I came to a conclusion that I do no longer want their acceptance
nor their invites to their social gatherings of ”who can be the biggest ******* without being the real *******”
Because I simply think the right people will come to me
and even if not, I can always get a cat or a dog

Well let's see
It is 6am
Did I sleep?
No I did not.

I can hear
my sister walk
towards the bathroom
at 6 o'clock.

After this
In one hour
everyone
will be up.

But at that
time I will
be fast asleep
time will stop.

While I am
in my dreams
please don't
wake me up.

Because it
never lasts
long -so it's
all I got.

Being alone doesn't mean you're on the edge to disappear
I believe that trees do make a sound when they fall to the ground
and nobody is there to hear
I don't think you being alone means you're any less you than
any person is them.
And if you still wonder why it feels like it is the case
it's just because it is all so new to accept for the humanrace

I sometimes get moments, just like this one
Where I think back
Back on something someone said
Told me about life, that I thought I understood
But suddenly one day really understand and realize how wrong I was back then


The time I spent in the hospital, finally accepting help
I came to think
That it is not as scary to be here
It has made me feel stronger, capable of trying again
But it has also led me to this place where I must make a decision


The decision of what to do, two paths to choose between
And I have been thinking
Weighed the options against one another
I have come to a decision, not sure if it is the right one
But I cannot walk without looking at the ground anymore


Someone once told me, that life is full of parting ways
Of having two different options of which way to go
Sometimes it is a good and a bad option, where the obvious is to choose the good one
Sometimes it is two good - or two bad ones
And you might find yourself wondering what to choose
Spending so much time not making a decision because you are scared of choosing wrong
But sometimes you just have to take a random pick and go with it

Sometimes you have to let go of control

And just try

I'm a very colourful person
but I can be black and white if I need to be
yet only few people get to see my grey zones

Yes, I am a thinker
But it isn't always a blessing, because
my thoughts are like the sea: Keep pulling me down
I can't help but question every little thing
Sometimes I'm in need of air
Wanting to reach the surface
but I am not a good swimmer

We live in such a shallow closed world
Where feelings are told to be shared
yet we keep them behind bars
so no one can tell

I suppose it's fear of judgement
because who wants to be vulnerable
and show their inner soul
when others so easily can rip it out

If you choose to be open
you are either frown upon
or you get the big eyes and the gasps
”You are surely special”

Oh am I? Why is that?
I don't believe to be
because just like you
I have feelings

The only difference on you and me
is that I choose to show them
because I am not scared
And my feelings deserve their freedom

in a world we are
but alone we are as well
humankind is odd

animals and us
but why do we difference
when we should be one

Life, you say to me,
is magical because of
what we get to see

I do not ask you
trusting blindly you I do
but do you do too

ticket in my hand
walk the invisible path
where are we going

Ensomheden er
et fortrængt skrig indeni
kun én kan høre

Poetry is my
heart speaking its feelings through
more than just heartbeats

I look at Haikus
and see a simplicity
that relax my mind

but say, who is that?
you it is you, you do say
but it is not me

Happiness
is it a feeling
is it a state of mind
is it even real
Are we real

I got too used to be on my own
that I no longer know if I am lonely
but sometimes it does hit me: my own isolation
and then without a warning, I realise
How alone I really am

I can't help but let my thoughts run wild
I can't keep up with them though
because they take me to places I wish I had never seen
Places I didn't know existed
I always stand with the same unanswered question:
”Why am I here?”
But do they listen?
Not even once do they turn around to answer,
they don't even look at me with the intentions of even thinking of an answer
Some just grin at me, while others look at me with expressions full of panic
Their emotions are somehow contagious so after a while I find myself
full of shame
full of fear
full of anger
full of hate
I somehow come back to where I was all along;
In my room on my bed, crying without knowing when I began
All I know is I can't keep up

"I don't really know anymore"
seems to be the best thing I can tell myself
Because so many times before
I found myself trying to find an explanation to it

Answers and explanations
have turned out to not be what I need
While questions and relations
seem to only make myself utterly confused

So I stop searching for them
then I don't need to be in a never ending hunt
They're not like a gem
that I need to find filled with my lost treasures

There is no significance
in the meaning of answers I think I find
The only one importance
is that I try to accept that this is my life

I want to say hi
but I can't make myself say the words
as if my tongue burns itself on them while I taste them in my mouth
-I'm sorry

I want to reply your smile
but somehow it frightens me of how it will come off
I panic but forget to smile and now I stand here looking rude and mean
-I'm sorry

I need to ask something important
but asking is bothering, I do not want to bother you
I will just seek for guidance in my own sea of selfhatred
-I'm sorry

I want to talk to you
I think you are interesting, but I better stay away
maybe you will think I am boring or I will seem like a creep
-I'm sorry

I don't want you to think I hate you
I truly think you are a great person but I know I send out grumpy & judging eyes meant for myself but accidently pointed towards you
-I'm sorry

I really want to go there
"there" means school, class, work, a party or some kind of something
but hey I might ruin it for everyone.. I better call in sick -use an excuse
-I'm sorry

We should not let our brain interfere with our mind
because what good comes there out of thinking
when you were somewhere inbetween floating and flying
in somewhat a third dimension of wonders, without moving an inch of your body.
We have the power to become and be nothing at the same time by just letting our mind go on adventures while our brain will distract us with thoughts and do we really want those when we at last can get a break?
We should allow ourselves to sometimes let go and let the fantasies take us to the inner places of space.
Our inner galaxies will speak louder to us than any thought that reminds us of what we now forgot to get at the grocery store or how we did not do our work properly enough.
The responsibilities are binding us forcefully together so we mentally can't move comfortably.
Inside our own universe we are only bound to be free.

People don't seem to get how I feel at all
and no matter how hard I try to explain it it's like continually walking into a wall

I tried telling them about when I see people outside
and I get the urge to talk to them but it gets overruled by the bigger urge to hide

Or how I could feel like buying pizza or chocolate
but then I remember I have to talk to the person behind the counter and I figure it's better to wait

I get excited about a party but when I have to go out of the door
I always somehow end up staying at home, no wonder I never get any invitations anymore

If I see people I recognize on the street
I tend to back off and run away if it is possible instead of just greet

I have to call doctor? Oh no!
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, I don't really need to go

People usually don't understand my fear
and just because it isn't visible to you doesn't mean it's not here

But I understand why they don't get me
because who is so excited about being around people yet too afraid to actually be?

Yeah that's true, it's sadly me

It takes time
It is hard to explain to them
that you are not easily adjusted like a roadsign
you can't just push away the hands cribbling over your back
remindind you that you are not like them

It took me 6 months to open up to a friend
It took me 1 year and 5 months to accept, that I had fallen
It took me years to tell myself that THIS is not the end
It took me my entire life to remind myself that life is better than
leaving to be in the world above

It took me 12 years to realise I had anxiety
It took me none less than a week to realise that I had a problem
It took me many tearful years to realise I was not the problem
It takes me forever to adjust back to a life worth living in a world
where I always believed I was the definition of the word "problem"

It took me 12 years to decide that I should fix my broken pieces
It took me 1 year to realise that this is not easily done
It took me painful deeds to find something other than a knife that eases
It took me the realisation of lies to realise that being lonely was actually
okay since all my friends with masks had gone

It's still taking time to find the places for my pieces I repaired
It's still taking time to tell myself that I am worthy of being happy
It's still taking time to take back the confidence that disappeared
It's still taking time to fix my broken self and begin to act alive
and remind myself that it is okay to sometimes still feel ******

So when they tell me "Get over it"
I now know, that it will be yet another thing
to take the time, and though they don't get it
I won't let them make me hurry my life to begin

Because it takes time

I feel it all building up inside of me
Having nowhere to let it out because where would it be safe?
Even if I could I wonder if I'd even be able to find the words
Perhaps all I could say was nothing at all
Maybe silence is all there is to say

They may pretend, with their swords looking of pure gold
Saying they fight for the good because of the colour they dress in
the uniforms standing for righteousness
But don't be fooled
If you look closer
You will notice that the darker shadows of their armor are not delicate sewings but the blood of innocent
and their emblems on their shirts are nothing but blinded praise for their cruelty

Life goes on
And I don’t know if that is beautiful
Or incredibly sad

How a life can pass
But somehow the world continues
Untouched

It feels almost as if
Life does not even have meaning to itself
Even when gone

Maybe I look at it wrong
I see it as a big puzzle where each life
A brick of its own

Maybe life is like rain
The drops fall and disappear into the ground
The rain continues even so

Maybe it’s a give and take
Maybe life takes from death and reversed
An endless cycle

I don’t know what to think
But to think how important it is
To make my own life matter

But just to me
Because after all, life goes on
Even when gone

She sat alone in her room again today
Had no one to talk to
-nothing to say
She thought to herself ”Oh well, just another day”

She sat in the classroom with her curious eyes
The girls were over there
-not a surprise
She thought to herself ”Oh well, I guess it's 'cause of my size”

She walked home while the rest stayed there delighted
It was a party
-and she wasn't invited
She thought to herself ”Oh well, but they all looked excited”

She cried alone in her room again this night
Falling asleep hugging
-her wet pillow tight
She dreamed by herself ”Oh well, this place seems so bright”

She woke up with a new hope from her rest
It wasn't amazing
-But it was worth to test
She said to herself ”Today I will try my best”