all we have are
all those stolen moments -

late nights and
wee hours of the morning

long walks and talks
that got me wondering
are these all we're ever getting -

the laughter in the backseat,
and little exchanges in the crowd
you showing up unannounced
or driving by late at night to hang out

the casual arm around my shoulder
or your guiding hand on my back

when you peeled me off the sidewalk
and drove me around campus

sat down beside me
on the steps
of that hallowed hall
at three in the morning
after everyone made sure
to have me remember them

and so I was kept more than drunk
when I gave you a hug

then the world spun around me

out of alcohol,

or perhaps the end swirling around

and as I made my way inside

I kept your eyes on mine
even as I closed the door

because I had this plane to catch
while you, your plans to draft

and between us our entire lives

so, maybe, all those moments
are all we're ever really getting

north
&
north

we pull
each other
in,
always a little
more
towards
each
other

yet just when we feel -

we've come
too close
we

push
each
other

away

to circle around

the inevitable,

the lofty,

all things up there -

mighty

and dancing

right above our heads,

making us
a little
less

possible

with each

turn

and
twirl

and
the steps

forward
and
back

we just can't seem
to take
altogether

now,

north
to
north.

the world is

s p i n n i ng

madly,
around us

and I'm down
to my last puff

in a row of shots
the last drop

but let's linger
a little
longer -

we'll play our songs
on repeat

and sometime later,

maybe when we think
we're done talking
and telling
and recalling
all those moments
that got us

f a l l i ng

I'll get up,
take your hand

and pull you up
to your feet

I'll reach out to you -
put my arms around
your neck
and let yours
embrace
my waist

I'll ask you
do you
remember
how we swayed
together
and
will you
even after
this is

over

or maybe,
just maybe,
I won't

perhaps
I'll ask you this instead
close your eyes
count
one
two
three

I'll tell you,
make a wish

leaning in,
I'll whisper,
you can always
ask for this

and right before
you're about to
finally
believe,

just as how
you had me

r e e l i n g

I'll

slowly

slip away
and

leave

There we were, side by side
With our arms around each other

Wearing the 1am madness
Of flushed cheeks
And tired feet,
Weary hands
And tainted breaths

That can only come
From fiery drinks
And fancy words

That we danced with in the streets

Skipping around
In
Random
Beats

Illuminating the darkness
Under the faint glow
Of faraway street lamps

With our stories in the sun
And dares in the dark

Together we while the worries away

And never wish
For the hours to hurry and say

That we've got to get up and leave

And put all those behind us

Because there lies an honesty
In the tales told at dawn

That is elusive during the day

When there is more light
As we speak in riddles
Masked in mirthless giggles

So we raise our glasses -

In the face of this madness

To the wobbling of knees
And falling face flat

As we collapse in heaps of uncertainty
That beholds the realm
Of storied infinity.

Most nights
I don't spend sleeping

I lie awake

I don't feel,
It doesn't feel
Like I'm here -

Lying on this bed
For hours on end
Thrashing and turning
And thrashing again
Left to right,
Flat on my back,
On my stomach,
Then on my back

Staring

At whatever darkness
I could make out of the ceiling

And beyond, whatever hovered

Right above it

I wish I could lie
Swear it
By the stars and the sky

Say -

I haven't got a clue
As to what's keeping me up

But I'm past the point of untruth
And I've already come too far now

So this one I'll let out

I know as much

It's everything -
***** dishes in the kitchen,
Bills that need payment,
Reports to be written
Letters to be sent
Dates to be set
My parents' health
My siblings' texts
A friend who needs my dress -

And off my mind wanders

Farther,

Much farther

Than I would want it to
Than I know it should

Up north, down south,
West to east and back again -

Wherever you lie at night
Or sit during the day
Wondering about

How tall is that skyscraper you're building
Still no cheese in your popcorn
Sunday Star Wars marathons
And James Bond impressions
Three cups of coffee
And a steaming mug of tea a day
Are you still the same
That pub that had our drinks out
Before we even got there
Does it still stand
Two blocks away
Like me
Do you still
Lie awake and
Think most at night

But
More than a different place, is
A different time

I cannot keep up

One of us
Could still be in 2008

Replaying every single moment
The day we met,

Lost

In the littlest details -
The green of your sweater
Hair right above the shoulder
And the faintest of crinkles
Your eyes showed
The first time you smiled -

But the other, already

Ten, twenty years down the road

Pieces picked up along the way -
How you liked your steak
The bed you never make
Oreos when you're up at midnight
Beer for conversations
And ***** for celebrations -

Now just tucked away

In a tiny box you keep
Under your bed

Or perhaps,
In one of those storage spaces
You now rent
For all those trinkets
That no longer suit
Your sharp, new apartment

Or maybe
(I especially like this theory)

Thrown away

Never to be found again

Oh, really, I wouldn't know
And there's no way how

After all

It's five in the morning
My time

And in yours,
Wherever you are now
Do they still
Keep track of time
The same way they do today
In 2008?

The way I would take, say,

Contraband

Something I'm not allowed to have
But best administered in small doses
Not even on a regular basis

Drawn to you, like faint, bright lights on a dark night
Blinking at the far end of the road
Waiting, but
I'm not even sure if they're real

I'd take you all in
Clear waters I would drown myself in
And never having to come up for air

I'd rather breathe you in
Sweet familiar scent of 3am walking around the city,
Endless 2am rooftop conversations,
And the 4am anticipation of sunrises
In last night's clothes of drinks and dancing
To the music of our laughter filling the air and
Shots of attraction that burned our throats,
Quenched our thirst

But left us still

So parched and wanting more

Than electric shocks of desire quickly coursing through our veins

Giving me nostalgic chills twenty years down the road
In tomorrows we won't share
Because we'd rather fall off cliffs now and

Dance around the inevitable

Tonight
And all those nights

As we break free of all our memories

The photographs, little notes in library books, restaurant receipts, and movie tickets
All the little snippets of all those moments

We'll always have

But can never take to
Tomorrow and
All the way down that road

So here we'll part

Sometime
When you're lost
In another long story you're recalling
In great detail, for my sake

I'll take a left

And you won't even see me disappear

Hey,
I'll tell myself
Over
And over
Again

At least I get to keep you
In the faintest of afterglows.

Let's take it to the sunset
Give me something I can get
Why don't we make a bet

And for a few hours just forget -

That we're not supposed to be here

Dancing right in the middle of nowhere
Smoke drifting through our hair
And our laughter tainting the air

These few moments we have to spare

Drawing up theories

And living in stories

So here we build our own tiny skyscrapers
And paint the walls our favorite colors
Like those of sweet surrender

While walking down that road to forever

Maybe we won't even be together

After all these, tomorrow
We return to time the moments we borrow
When the sun paints the horizon with its promise
So tonight, we revel in this happy demise

I ask of you a simple wish

To give me something I can get
Something others do covet
Like your promise of an escape to Neverland
In the morning we'll return hand-in-hand

And even if I don't get both

I'll still be wasting another lifetime away
Trying to forget (imagine) that one night we came to stray.

We all have a place we frequent
Like the upscale coffee shop down the high street
Where (pseudo)intellectuals like to meet
Over coffee, books, and (as they claim) their wit
Or the small dingy pub tucked away in small corners
With little light, a low ceiling and limited seats
The odd crowd, cheap drinks, and a hangover guaranteed
Some, it's wide open spaces like parks
Set up a little picnic and watch the stars
Or sleep beneath the faint afternoon sun
Others seek the therapy of retail
Cashmere sweaters and preppy coattails
With evenings downed in fancy cocktails
Sometimes I feel like standing on the edge and flying high
With the world so little around
Lights blinking and dancing in the distance
Skyscraper silhouettes barely recognizable in an instant
But mostly, there is a place I frequent
When there is real cause for celebration
When it feels like nothing could go wrong
Almost as if the stars were placed in the sky
So I could reach up to pluck them
Save myself a little of their glow
Whenever the times feel like hitting hard
On nights that feel empty and alone
When there seems to be no way out of misery and doubt
And all the questions go unanswered
It only gets better
Even without beer
Or long drags and puffs in between
Because being in that place
Seated on the steps
Has become the sole real cause for celebration
There is that feeling of a fleeting, momentary escape
Almost as if actually slipping away
Into the night, away from the worries of the day
I have learned to recognize that feeling of escape
Seated on the steps
And staring at the sky
Right there, down the hall past the heavy metal door
In the fire exit.