You shield yourself with silver and gold,
I see right through.
What I'm seeing,
is empty space.
Have fun being chased.
Running is entertaining for a while,
until you run out of breath.

The spot that you were
was the spot you could've stayed
my feelings got the best of me
you got the best of me
what kills me was
the best of me
wasn't enough
now that spot is empty
and all i want back
is the best of me

How many voices are behind yours?
Who speaks for you,
Who are you speaking for?
Who are you if not you,
And only others who have invaded your mind and left fingerprints on your heart?
I'm looking for someone I once knew.
I miss you,
Come back home.

It's ironic really,
How you like me because I don't want anything from you,
Yet all you do is take from me.

Her petals were always the first to be noticed,
their sweet smell and softness distracted strangers' eyes.
She managed to blossom for a while,
entertaining their idea of her perfection,
but after a while,  
her thorns would ***** the flesh of those who dared to come closer.

All have ran at the sight of blood.

Will anybody ever stay?

You came to me like a dream when I was sound asleep,
In the milliseconds between my heavy breathing.
You took over my unconscious and took my world away from me.
I was a slave to my addiction,
I was a slave to you.
You were a constant feeling of never wanting to wake up, but knowing I’ll one day have to.
Waking up too early would leave me longing,
Waking up too late would leave me dead.
The place you took me was magical, filled with never ending warm breezes and sandy beaches,
Blankets and your soft hands up and down my spine.
You were never one to speak, but I felt I knew you well.  
You swayed me to sleep, and for a while I thought you never slept yourself.
Your eyes didn't close, you kept them on me.
Some days when I woke up, I caught a tear in your eye,
You’d wipe it away thinking I never saw,
I pretended I didn’t,
But I never knew why.
You had secrets, a book I could never open.
Slowly I realized,
You who I thought I knew, was more like a stranger I gave all of my secrets to.
I thought that’s how love worked.
You were my home.
That was the point I should have woken up.
My mind shouted at me to listen but I never did, I was stubborn, as feelings so often make us.
We sat, and you swayed me.
You told me in that dream you’d love me forever,
How quickly once dreams seem now to be nightmares.

I said goodbye to happiness a long time ago in hopes
It would come back to me
But I've learnt
once you say goodbye to something
even if it comes back
It's never the same.

I wish I could show you what you look like to the outside world
I wish I could let you know how someone feels about you
How each word you write fills my insides with warmth
How you inspire me to use words that I would never touch before
Like love sick and awe
How before you I was jaded, and might still be
But you showed me a glimpse of light
A morsel of hope that there are real people still out there
Who see the world like I do
Who long for a companion, not only to lay beside, but to share their lives with
Even though I am without you, you have forever touched me
By not even touching me.
That is something that never happens
You are something that never happens
You are my once in a lifetime.

I hope you come back,
but I will carry you with me forever.

Your lips touched mine
and just in time
I pulled away.
I almost fell,
but the thought of you catching me
scared me half to death.
Just because your lips are filled with good intentions,
doesn't mean your heart is too.

timing told us we were wrong
and we tried anyway
my heart told me you were wrong
and we tried anyway
it's always felt wrong with the ones who ended up leaving but
I can never force myself to walk away first
I don't like giving up on the people that I love
even if they don't love me back

If I reach out,
hold my hand,
and don't let go.

do not put me on a pedestal
i am human
put me on the ground
can you still love me here?

this was
your chance
to show me
who you were
i learned i knew all along
i just didn't want to believe it.
this was
your chance
to prove me
wrong.

The love you share
Is one i want
One i dont think ill ever get
Not that it is out of reach
Just that
Everything i end up grabbing
I squeeze too hard
Everything i end up grabbing
Crumbles.
At least
I can watch the people around me
Maybe that will be enough

Some nights you just have to spend alone with your thoughts.
Breathing them in and out.
Feeling them all come, and feeling them all go.
Sometimes it’s the easiest thing to do, and sometimes it’s the hardest.

Tonight it’s hard.
Tonight I can’t get you out of my mind.
Tonight I want to scream and hold my breath so long that your feeling will never leave me.
I know once I exhale, you will leave my body,
and slowly, I will forget what you felt like.

As each breath gets more pure, you will be washed away in the little air particles that float around my room.
You will make your way out of the door, and into the streets where you will fill the night sky with your wonder.
I will fall asleep in sadness just hoping,
that maybe when I wake up tomorrow,
I will step outside and the wind will have brought you back to me.

Maybe you will find a nice corner to wait,
and then one day, without me noticing,
You will re-enter my soul and I will feel life again.

I can only hope that as the time passes in between,
I grow numb to feeling the pain that this emptiness has caused.
So that I can feel like you never left me at all.
So that when I do breathe you in again, we can forget about the hurt and the pain that led me to walk away.
So that we can be in eternal bliss.
So that I never have to hold my breath again to try and keep you.
So that we can breathe the same air.
So that you can hold me and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
I will be basking in your breath, in a sea of you.

I don’t even know how to swim,
but I’m not afraid of drowning.

If only you had given me a flesh wound.
Something easier to heal.

If only you had stabbed me a few times in the gut,
One to the leg, one to the arm,
Left me with a couple bruises,
I could have dealt with that harm.
You ****** me up right,
Not only ****** my mind but
Taking your dagger and dragging it up my spine.
You saw me in the garden, growing about my days and you
Ripped me out of the ground in nothing but your spiteful haze.
I wish I had something, to offer to anyone I meet,
But I feel ****** dry,
Can’t even balance using my own two feet.
If I could leave an automatic message to those who come my way,
It would be *“she no longer lives here, go about your day”

people know what they are capable of
you knew that you would ruin me
before you even knew me
and yet,
that didn't stop you

Sometimes,
you just have to,
dance naked,
in your room,
cuz no one else,
wants to.

the scars will remind us
of where you came from
and why you are here.

i know something doesn't feel right,
you know it's got to feel right.

i wish it felt right,
but no one ever taught you how to wish.

so maybe that's why I'm still here
and maybe that's why you're not.

If only heaven had a mailing address,
Maybe then I could send all the letters I've written to you,
Maybe then you could know how much I've been struggling living in reality,
When my thoughts of you seem so real.
I'm hoping that all of the things left unsaid,
Are sitting in the space between here and there,
Between where you are and where I am,
And you've read them all a million times over.

each page of our story
gave me paper cuts
by the time i was finished
my hands were sketched in blood
reminding me of every time i tried to turn a page
and you refused.

I felt at home with you but
Home to me meant broken
And I didn't want to love something else that could break into pieces
If home is where your heart is
Mine is scattered throughout history
It's never been altogether at once
And I don't think it ever will be

I don’t know what hurts more, you moving on or my inability to.

Resistance. You don’t even realize you’re restraining yourself until one day you wake up and haven’t had an emotional connection in you don’t know how long. You associate *** with repetitive motion. You thought you knew who you were and you thought you were this passionate being. You look in the mirror and hate what you see so you avoid mirrors altogether. You want to cry but that’s the worst part. You can’t even shed a tear. "What a terrible thing to have to feel things so deeply". What an even worse thing to feel nothing at all.

You may have disconnected yourself but the thing is,
this shell of a person is who you are now,
and you can't even bring yourself to care.

I can't think of a reason why I love you,
But I think that's exactly why I do.  
I'm not sure how something could be,
Certain yet so uncertain simultaneously.

... I'm willing to silence all but one question to walk with you.

             Will you hold my hand?

I hope their lips
Aren't as soft
As mine were
When we first kissed.

Missing you
Has become my way of breathing
Everyday, always
I am missing you.

I thought I knew myself in the city but everything I knew turned out to be everything I hated
Now I'm just alone and a shell of who I used to be
Staring at the streetlights
Hoping they will guide me home

Sitting here
Biting my lip
Eyes glazed over
Half awake
I miss you

Everybody needs to run around,
But I'm stuck on third,
And all I want to do is run home.
So I fill my days with mindless games hoping I can forget how I felt,
But saying goodbye was the worst I've cried and all I want to be is back in your arms.

I was wondering why
The other day
Why they were ten steps ahead when
Last I checked
We were heading down the same path
On the same train
We had seats beside each other
Didn't we?
That's when I realized
We were standing still.
I stared at you for a year,
And when I finally came to blink,
Everything had changed.

It would be nice
if our eyes
never ran dry,
I would have never
had to blink.

before i met you
i deserved better
now,
you do.

I see the stars in your eyes and I forget,
That this is what darkness looks like.

My eyes are still wet from where you used to be,
I'm not sure they'll ever be dry.
The only way I think I could accept the fact you're gone,
Is if you come back.
So I beg of you,
In a dream,
Tell me that everything is going to be ok.

I put a piece of my heart away for a long time,
You know after a while,
You forget where you put something?
Until one day,
When you're not even looking,
You find it,
And you promise yourself you will never lose sight of it again.

I replay that night more times than I'd like
I kiss you in my mind more times than I care to count
And all I'm left with at the end of the day
Is this pit in my stomach missing you
And the feeling I can't do anything about it
You're out of my control
And that is the most frustrating thing I've had to accept
That we could work out in an alternate world
The one where you would want to try
The one where you would love me
The one that isn't this one
The one that I'd rather

I dont know how you could see my heart
See how it beats slow
And still make me run to you
Out of breath
Just to see how far i can make it
Before it stops beating
All for you
I think im done chasing other people
Who want to see me die

You don't want anything from me
Im not used to that
Normally someone wants something.

Not having to give
Is a nice feeling.
I finally have time to give myself
All of the things ive been giving away.

How can I please you?
How can I please you?
How can I please you?

By losing myself.

Taking it slow is one
Type of relationship
But what do you call
Not moving at all?

I woke up today not thinking about anything,
or that's how it felt at first.
I moved my hand,
and it was as though it belonged to someone else.
I looked at this foreign part of my body,
and closed my eyes.
My heart pounded inside of me,
I can't get out.

I still am terrified of the flames
I've always been
But maybe if you held my hand
I wouldn't be.

This life has taught me a lot about goodbyes
They either come now
Or later
In every I love you I'm silently letting go
So that when goodbye comes maybe it won't hurt as much as the first time I lost someone.
I can only try my best to live as unattached as I can
Because this numbness feels better
Than the pain I refuse to remember.

I love you how I'll leave you,
With all of my heart.
I have nothing left to give,
So they remain strangers.
My heart always belonged to you,
I'm not sure why I tried selling myself to anyone else.

I'm in a race with myself and I'm not winning.

There are feelings I have left in the corners of my mind.
If I let them make their way into my heart,
I’m not sure I could handle them in the way they should be handled.
Sometimes, I can hear their silent screams wanting to be let out,
but I distract myself with sweet nothings to pass the time until they quiet down.

I distract myself with feelings my heart can handle,
with feelings you can handle.
For if I showed you my mind,
I’m not sure you’d see me the same.

I’m not sure my mechanism is right,
but anything that keeps you in my life longer than yesterday,
is my only end goal.

So the thoughts will stay silenced,
and the love I feel will be tamed.
Until one day you’ll be able to handle them.
Until one day we combine our strength.
Until you can latch onto my palms and intertwine our fingers.
Until you stare into my eyes so deep I won’t even have to speak for you to see my soul.
Until you can touch my chest and feel the beating of my heart,
the pounding of my heart when I look at you.

You will be my peace.
The balance between these corners and my heart.

Although I feel that this time may never come,
at least for now I can control myself to keep you in my life.
And at least for now,
that’s enough.

You'll find a girl
much simpler than I,
much softer to touch,
much sweeter to smell,
but I don't know
I will find a boy
fiercer to love,
or nicer to look at.
When I look at you,
my world stops,
my heart opens,
and there is no place
I'd rather be.
I know you'll be able to find another,
but I'm just hoping,
that maybe,
you'll choose me.

I'm just a cloud in a dark sky and
The only stars I see are in your eyes
The more I stare,
The darker I become.
I said I didn't want to lose myself but,
I feel like getting lost in you would be worth while.

I'm not really sure if I meant anything to you.
I'm not really sure you cared.

A piece of me wanted you to tell me to wait,
to tell me that I was right in waiting.

You probably think I'm just like everyone else.
You probably have no clue how many times a day I thought about you.

You don't even realize how much you mean to someone.
And for that, I kind of resent you.

Sometimes I think I'm helping make you happy
But then I remember
I don't know what that word means