The thirsty throat of my thought never lets me think
It swallows up each idea into the dead mass of depression
Selecting what joys to **** dry each day
Headaches and hangovers help me forget my forgetfulness
The remiss panic attacks assist my fugue state
Then my own failure and impending irrelevance does me the honor
Of piercing the center of my skull like a rhino's horn
Grateful I feed it my fears and futilely fake freedom for my family
They can’t know, they have problems I know, I wont let it show,
Friends, whether fake or “for real” worry for me,
Disgraceful
Im not some sappy sonofabitch looking for sorrow
Just wake me when I’m already late and disappointing you tomorrow

A free portrait! Imagine that,
At no charge this troglodyte
Decided that I deserved a rendition in pulsing crimson, me!
He effortlessly sliced the curve of my face,
And then holding true to brute form,
Let his fists do the rest of the painting.
In a breath’s thought I fought the idea
That this strong browed man was a fan of
Yves klein, but then he caringly guided my sight
Floor-bound and I noticed that he was a
Monochromatic *******.

Now, I wasn’t expecting Monet,
But in truth the elegance of the lazy red river
Careening down my cheek and neck got my hopes up.

And then further was impressed by his liberalness
With bottomless black crimson
Where he’d only previously flirt with young pinot noir
As he took a break to wash and massage his stained hands
I clutched at the hope that perhaps he was done with the
Onslaught with such blunt tools,
As such methods could ruin the whole piece
Unfortunately, he returned
And his care for each swipe was becoming more

More impassioned, but less precise,
I asked if he perhaps needed a second break?
Perhaps I could assist him,
I wanted to give it a try myself, but my hands were
Tied.

In vain,
I tried to tell him that,
Perhaps,
His bearish skills and appearance,
Would be better suited to a life of leather, whips, and Oedipus Complexes,
But his response was,
Cutting.

You should never laugh at an artist
Especially the bad ones
Because then their work some how finds a way to get worse


I asked if he’d learned how to work from his father,
And whether his father had worked him in any
Other
Manner, and that’s when I became dizzy
I think.
Apparently struck a nerve.

You look me in the eye, and slowly turn the knife,
And im sure you have the best intentions to antagonize my life,
You throw the knife and use your hand terror in your eyes,
For you cant see your tries to help, is what makes me want to die

Im lonely
But
The wind has come to comfort me
Perhaps not in
"reality"
Or whatever you people to tell me to snap back to
But i'm glad I don't feel alone.

I can watch the pretty girls' funny shows on Netflix all night
Who's words weren't written with them in mind
Or any mind for that matter
Or who's shows aren't even "theirs"

Hopefully my puffs of bright beaming teeth breath
Fuel these winds onward
To someone else with worse problems
Or better
So be it

Sitting next to a girl as unknown and distant as Poe’s old wife,
The elegant back road curves of her figure alluring,
Her hardened wit to rival the stone she studies,
Hands close to soft affection,
I scarcely believe our mutual attraction,

Tumblin’ Bi-latterial bumbkins
Smirk of untrustworthy salutations
Tribes with terabytes of tirades
Engaged in bipartisan relay races
Delay until faces grimace

They really forced our hands on this one

The fat men falling from heights
False winters
And radiation reproduction
Healing blemishes of backwater beasts
Who’ve grown oh so much since
And now silence for ***** sake

Foreign plants and fibers
No more human hands
to tear and manufacture
For cheap and foreign brands,
Granted,
She won’t care we’re gone,
She’s always been
Will be
Back to a blue blip
Little blue dot
On a mat black background
Grant no sound to the camera
Watching while zooming
Slipping and tumbling
Lonely but still working
Sending pitiful postcards
Of galactic grasses
To a dead receptor
Whose data’s been full for eons
Further and  

Each day

I try to cry but reality shows my fears,
As though i try i can find no tears.

Meticulously making milestones,
Don’t chase me,
Dripping dropping side roads of thoughts,
My train is racing,
Until it's up ended by life,
Hum’or’catastrophe
The beat and time I’ve worked for entirely,
Dies

Your stream of thought pleases naught,
And swirls your mouth in toilet style,
It spouts your bile through your smile,
Where we all wish it would not

I walked outside,
Closed the door behind me,
And signaled to clear out.
The fireplace inside,
Casting shadows through the window,
The shadow of my soldier holding two civilians at gunpoint
Them
Sitting apathetically playing cards,
Him
Mourning the loss of his two older brothers.

As we walked, I wanted to stop,
I wanted each stomp
                I wanted to loose my eyes from my head
I wanted to telescope my eyes back
I wanted to reach into my sockets
                I wanted to feel smooth bone
I wanted to crawl blind of body
I wanted to be cast into the envied innocence
I wanted to sit in town,
I wanted to be festering in the pit
I wanted to be splayed apart
I wanted to have my tracts tangled between two others
I wanted to embrace any warmth as my own dissipated
I wanted to run far from the front
I wanted to run until I died
I wanted to run because
I wanted to beat the ground for allowing us to happen
I wanted to never **** again
I wanted to crush a calf’s head in my fists
I wanted to throw myself into a furnace
I wanted to swallow burning tar
I wanted to scream my name loud enough
                I wanted to burst eardrums
I wanted to etch my name into every piece of skin
I wanted to grind my teeth into dust
I wanted to crack my canines
                I wanted to rip out the roots
I wanted to ****** every person responsible
I wanted to puppet their decapitations
                I wanted to apologize
I wanted to drink their blood
                I wanted to jail them within me
I wanted to tear apart their chest
                I wanted to hollow them out from inside
I wanted to wear them as a suit
                I wanted to undo all of their dones
I wanted to steal back my eyes from their stomach
I wanted to form them in the crucible of my throat
I wanted to throw them up
                I wanted to finally be able to use them again
I wanted to be able to weep
I wanted to be able to see
I wanted to lie dead
I wanted to feel the worms under my skin
I wanted to hear the ants walk into my nostrils, out my ears
I wanted to be carrion for the wolves
I wanted to loose my heart
I wanted to lose my voice
I wanted to be completely forgotten
I wanted to be erased from my history
I wanted to wake up the next morning and work
I wanted to feel the sun bake my back
I wanted to subjugate the plants under me
I wanted to get on my hands and knees
I wanted to untangle the roots of trees
I wanted to push my hands into the earth
                I wanted to pull out my child
I wanted to watch her tear apart everything I have built
I wanted to feel her scorn upon every word I’ve written
I wanted to capture her soul
                I wanted to steal it for myself
I wanted to give her my name
                I wanted to give her my possessions
I wanted to leave her with my world
I wanted to see her already building her own
I wanted to tie myself into a box
I wanted to have her dump cement upon me
I wanted to be the first block in her foundation
I wanted to be uniform with the rest
I wanted to be forgotten
I wanted to sit on top of a mountain
I wanted to breathe in the clouds
I wanted to breathe out the dew
I wanted to get drunk upon the rain
I wanted to dance with the moon
I wanted to streak with the meteors
I wanted to connect constellations
I wanted to name my scars constellations
I wanted to have streams upon me
I wanted to hold anything nurturing within me
I wanted to feel the thrall of the stars
I wanted to jump
I wanted to beat gravity
I wanted to spring into the air
I wanted to feel crystals on my lashes as I flew
I wanted to ******
I wanted to trust enough to fall
I wanted to fall into someone completely
I wanted to embody unconditionally
I wanted to be embodied
I wanted to grip upon flesh for life
I wanted to feel at risk
                I wanted to feel at peace
I wanted to close myself off
I wanted to be in one moment
I wanted to die in that moment
I wanted to be slick with sweat
I wanted to harmonize my moans with another
I wanted to cleanse my body as I wash another
I wanted to lend my brain to another
I wanted to be told they would like to use it again
I wanted to attach my lips to someone’s ear
I wanted to have them attach them there again later
I wanted to look at someone as I’ve finally only just awoken
I wanted to hoard smells from my senile brain
I wanted to feel someone languish in my arms
I wanted to be held with two hands
I wanted to be crushed by them
I wanted to be only remembered in solemn reflections
I wanted to be brought up in uncanny appearances
I wanted to end comfortable conversations
I wanted to watch others suffer without me
I wanted to carefully extract my heart from my chest
I wanted to watch it beat
I wanted to sink my head down to its level
I wanted to touch my eye to its side
I wanted to hold my heart in my mouth
                I wanted to feel my blood in my ears
I wanted to feel the throbs upon my tongue
                I wanted to bite into the meat
I wanted to break everything it cares about
I wanted to tarnish every sensation of being
I wanted to hold my skull in my hands
I wanted to compress until it cracked
I wanted to lift shards of bone
I wanted to pluck out my brain
I wanted to dig my nails into the mucus fat
I wanted to reveal the coward
I wanted to mash every inkling I’d ever considered
I wanted to plug it into the radio
I wanted to blast my thoughts into every home
I wanted to control your every action
I wanted to tell them how I masturbated
I wanted to tell them who’ve I lied to
I wanted to tell them who’ve I protected
I wanted to scream myself into audio
I wanted to lose my form into your ears
I wanted to sail on frequencies above melodies
I wanted to drop into bass notes
I wanted to escape
I wanted to get far enough
I wanted to be close enough,
        I wanted to be able to tell the difference
                                         Between a flickering fire
                                                        And two muzzle flashes.

Write between the lime juice lines,
And basil blood,
On the cutting board
To the rhythm of cooks' kitchen knives,

Write between the wet mop tendril trails,
On the reused restaurant floor,
As you carried to clean
A mistake some rich man made,

Write to the beat of the press,
Punching out the steel form,
In accordance with the curriculum,

Write in the silent moments,
Chewing homemade sandwiches
Through the cigarette smoked sunrise

Write between stun grenade blasts
After cleaning tear gas attacks

Write in between ****** boot prints,
The shape of the state seal
Congealed to the street.