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eliana Jul 28
My eyes close.
I'm holding onto
my memories
and hatred.
My slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.

I can't explain the way
my tears run blood along my veins.
If I let go of my pain,
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...

War is coming,
I can hear it in my heart.
Blood will flow
along the grounds of the innocent.
I can't deceive
the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...

you beat me down,
so low and now
I'm crying my soul.
I'm losing control.
You led me to
a place where I
can't feel my face...

Death is just an anesthetic
for what's to come.
A body left behind with no face,
feeling numb.
All alone, I cry here,
fading into nothing.
All alone I lie here
dying...

...losing myself...
i dont wanna be here anymore.
eliana Jun 21
I am over you.
Then my eyes meet yours once more,
and I fall in love.
cant keep my eyes off of him
eliana Jul 31
Wouldn't you miss me?
If I dropped dead.
Wouldn't you kiss me?
If this 's all I said.
eliana Jun 20
Help me design my garden of life
Full of iris, crocus, and lily
With daffodils that shine so bright
Like the sun of the greater deities.

Make me a path that curves around trees
Of stepping stone, wood chip, and moss
Varying in array of colors
Causing one's mind to venture in thought.

Make me a garden so rich in hue
That the sun will fight not to set,
Where merely viewing its beauty
All differences one will forget.

Make me a garden like people of the world,
All different in culture and view,
Contributing to the person I am
Without your prejudicial few.

A garden of only one color, it seems
Would be dull and so very alone.
I want my garden of life to be filled
With every color known.
one who knows different cultures only broadens their horizon.
eliana Jun 21
I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night,
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears,
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying,
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then, I'll keep on smiling,
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here...waiting.
eliana Aug 23
Oh night, dear night. Don't you see the moon shine?
Even as the sun rests, light can still be found.
Stars scattered like diamonds in the dark.
Dancing like fireflies, glowing like sparks.
Don't you see me when you look up the sky?
Faintly beaming with light that isn't mine?
Comforting you until dawn, gentle and warm.
Healing all the ache, soothing as a balm.
But my dearest night, the glow does not last
The moon cannot provide the blaze it lacks.
Time and time again, it becomes dark once more.
Gone, banished, no one glances back like before.
All the lux from the warmth of a burning star.
Not mine-- only a vessel from afar
I smile like I mean it, show what they want.
No frown can be found. A reflection, a front.
The stars look down at shattered glass on the ground.
A mirror and a recorder that imitates sounds.
I will never be a bright celestial above.
When I only copy the smile they know and love.
Who am I when I am not the guide at dusk?
Or when I am not the reflection they asked?
Am I the ball that shines only with the sun
Or the mirror that only shows you the fun?
eliana Jun 5
You say you understand.
Oh do you now?
Do you know what its like to feel abandoned or betrayed?
Do you know what its like to be the one out of billions as a  mistake?
You don't understand, you just don't.  You don't know what its like to sit at the dinner table eating steak, acting like I am not about to just break. I try so hard to act like i'm this happy jolly kid who has an incredible life and family. But deep inside, Im this teenager who is falling apart day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Do you not realize what you've done to me? What you are doing to me? You keep me away locked up like im a cage without a key. Why cant you just let me be? So many questions i have that you can't answer, so many things that i can't fathom.  
Oh if only I wasn't a mistake.
i wrote this right now. i had some feelings i had to get out but ik  its not my best.
eliana Aug 2
Love.
How simple that word is except it has been misunderstood; illused,
Media portrays it everywehere.
So much so, it's shoved down our throats.
Some say love is forgive and forget; blood runs thicker.
But what about the one who manipulates, anillates, and isolates this thing.
This little thing called love.
L-O-V-E
it puts the L in "love me just as I am,"
the O in "Over and Over please forgive me,"
V in whispered in the "Very unpredictable challenges that come" and E.
E as in"Every day remind me with those sweet tender nothings. "
We wish for the old timey love but instead we now wish,
for the love where we grow old, and it doesn't matter what time makes us look like.
The love where we don't want to get the phone.
The love where we pursue through the tough times.
Where we don't give up after just one fight.
Or we misuse our words.
Kind of like the word love.
I've heard it gets misused a lot.
eliana Jun 23
My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear thought in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed
i inherit some traits from my mother who is bipolar and as i am a little bipolar myself, the constant stress from others is tiring. There are emotions and feelings i cannot control but some don't seem to understand that.
eliana Aug 5
As the pressure rises, my shoulders fall.
Unable to carry the weight of it all,
I shatter - like glass -
into a million jagged pieces.
I become an impossible mess.
You try to clean me up.
you get cut.
you retreat.
but you can't stand to just leave me there.
I am inconvenient now.
No longer the vase that held your pretty flowers,
and ugly secrets.
So you call me ugly.
But ugly is subjective -
and I am trying
my best
to pick up my pieces
and become
mosaic.
eliana Jul 18
Often we can't see
The beauty in the pain.
Often we can't see
The treasure we gain.

Often we can't see
Pain has an ending.
Often others can't see
Our hearts are breaking.

Often we just see
The mountain of blame.
Often it's a journey
Full of lies and shame.

Take heart, dear little one.
The scars will heal in time.
I know it weighs a ton,
But you'll be fine.

Listen, my love.
The mountain is strenuous.
There comes hope from above;
Take heart and be courageous.
We have all been through tough times: break-ups, fights, deaths, etc. It hurts too bad or it envelopes the mind... but take heart and hope for better days. Your mountain of inflictions will soon pass.
eliana Jul 22
Music comes in many different ways.
It has a way of healing. The magic
it holds to change a person is
unbelievable. Music soothes
the soul                 but it also
can bring            many other
emotions                   as well.
It can                     take you
to another                          world.
Every song is               different, with
each its own          stories, relationships,
feelings                                    and
i made a concrete poem in 4th grade as well, we were doing poetry in class and made a variety of poems and types so heres this as well. (its supposed to look like a music note i promise it looks better on paper 😂)
eliana Jun 26
Sometimes I hate my body
But sometimes I feel like a hottie
It's unpredictable how I feel
The feeling of hated can easily steal
It feels like such a crime
But I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time
To relearn to love myself again
Maybe I'll feel like a ten
Having something of my own
Wishing I didn't feel so alone
To feel more confident in that bikini
Sometimes I wish I was just a little more skinny
It's hard for me to see other girls look the way I want to look
But in the end I don't want jealousy in my book
They say the prettiest thing a girl can wear is confidence
I wish I had more of that.
havent had much energy or whatever to write but i wrote this. some people struggle with how they look and how they look to others and I sometimes feel like that so I understand.
eliana Aug 9
I've been blessed with this curse to put my thoughts into words
Yet it feels like I'm heartless as i put my heart into this verse
These words tumbling around and round
Never making sense as they beat me down
Curses from blessings
Yet the pain that I've gained from
This game called life
This pain that'll cut sharper, harsher, deeper than
Any Knife
A pain called lessons derived from
These sticks and stones that mold me
Shinning a brighter than bright light for the world over to see
Yet over and over again like Autumn i
Shall fall
Tripped up and caught up in these
Words that i say
Even as they torment me from day to day
I showed you one side now I'll show you the other
As these miscellaneous thoughts branch off to the deepest depths of my mind
Showing a darker side yet to be revealed
Yet has yet to be sealed properly
Trust me when i say I'm offering this once in a life time chance more rare than winning the lottery
To show what has plagued me
From a day to day basis
eliana Aug 7
If you were to ever look at me, what would you really  see?
I am not a typical person. I have a dream.
Society tells you to be a perfect person inside and out, but they need to see who we are.
Society tells you not to be gay or atheist.
My dream, is to make you see that you are not alone in the fight for acceptance.
Society will put you down, but the real fight is to love yourself.
Tell the people putting you down to *******, because you love you.
You need no recognition of who you are to be happy.
Look in the mirror and say get the hell out of the way because this is me.
A true dream, a fight, for pure happiness will never end.
But it all starts with you.
eliana Jul 30
Deep within me
I have a wish and
I pray that it may
Someday come true,
I wish every boy I meet
Is just like you,
Handsome,
With every feature
Perfectly shaped and wonderful,
I wish he has your smile
And that twinkle in your eye,
I wish his voice
Is as lovely as yours
When he talks
And pleasing to the eye
When he walks,
I wish he has the power
To make me smile
The way you do
When I look in your eyes,
‘Cause even from a distance
Boy, you make a girl blush,

I wish I could feel
The warmth in your hands,
And see my face reflected
In your lens,
I wish I could come
Closer to your ear
And whisper to you
Words a boy like you
Should hear,
I wish I could take
Long walks in the township,
Hold you by the hand
And answer your every question
I wish every boy I meet
is just like you
I wish every song I hear
Reminds me of you,
****! I wish
You were that song
In my life,

I wish I knew you so well

I wish I did
I wish you were my man.
haha something i rarely write about. Boys. 😅
eliana Jun 16
Roses are red, Violets are dying
Outside im smiling and inside im fighting
With all of my fears that keep telling me to stop trying
And all night long i have been crying because im scared of hanging and dying.
Cutting my wrists like its nothing but i just wanted to feel something
My family doesnt care but i think i just found someone who might dare.
Dare to tell me to stop all this sadness and finally feel some real happiness.
eliana Jun 21
Never stop caring about the little things in life.
Never stop dreaming, and don't give into strife.
Never stop wondering are we on our own.
Never stop thinking has your spirituality grown.

Never stop building bridges that lead to better tomorrows.
Never stop trying, and don't give into sorrow.
Never stop feeling amazed at the beauty that surrounds you.
Never stop hearing the music, and don't give into the blues.

Never stop pushing away negative thoughts that make you feel sad.
Never stop looking at all the miracles we have had.
Never stop loving the ones you hold dear.
Never stop giving, and don't give into the fear.

Never stop smiling, but look forward to each new day.
Never stop shining in your own special way.
Never forget that all storms will clear.
Remember brighter tomorrows are always near.
keep moving forward.
eliana Jun 21
Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left you there...

Nobody knows I am crying.
They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing,
I wish you were here...

Nobody knows it's painful.
They think that I am strong.
They say it won't **** me,
But I wonder if they are wrong...

Nobody knows I miss you.
They think I am all set free,
But I feel like I am bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery...

Nobody knows I need you.
They think I can do it on my own,
But they don't know I am crying
When I am all alone...
longing for a lost love.
eliana Aug 7
I listen to the rain falling down
my eyes fill with tears but I don't know why
The quiet sound of silence illuminates the air as the feeling of sadness emerge from my heart
A midnight crow sits on my window staring back at me
A creature so misunderstood, whose beauty lies past what the eye can see
The rain reflects the piercing moon that surrounds the midnight divide
A night so beautiful, so divine
How nostalgic it is to be here
This place where I can embrace the fear
dwelling in the abyss of my deepest sorrow
eliana Jun 17
We live in a generation
Where the lack of verbal conversation
has made all of us blind.
We all hide behind
our shiny, protective screens
where what words truly mean
is blanketed by lighthearted connotations
followed by a lack of punctuation.

But those lighthearted phrases
Cause others to go through phases
Where the light is stolen from their hearts.
They see what others call jokes
as simply a hoax
to disguise with lies
the darkness hiding behind their eyes.
It is intended to hurt,
to prove their worth
and to unearth all your insecurities.
While some go through phases
others get caught in mazes
that drag them ever deeper
into the fiery flame pit of self hate.

This self hate, they do not appreciate.
They let themselves bite the bait
instead of getting the story straight.

We live in a time where the muscles of our thumbs
are stronger than the muscles of our minds.
Enough so that our eyes are blind
to the downfalls and issues of mankind.
“If I can’t see it, it isn’t there.”
Oh, but our satellites, those things up there?
And the tectonic plates below us where
some of the greatest destruction brews without a care.
...Those exist, right?
You can’t see those.
So you shove those away,
like a box of old clothes
and make way for your own
delightful fantasy you call your own.

“Life is hard.”
You don’t know hard,
until you see the scars
someone gouged into themselves
to escape the iron bars
weighing them down to life.

You don’t know hard
until you see someone’s mutation
from normalization
to one of pure starvation of love,
and devastation,
because they were a victim of miscreation.

You say you’re not bullies,
but you destroy someone’s life with relative ease,
tearing down their fragile shield of protection
and steering them in the wrong direction.

Just a simple word, directed towards someone,
“Stupid.” “Fat.” “Ugly.”
Can remove a person’s life completely of glee,
make the light vanish from their soul,
and make their life seem like the Dust Bowl.
There is no “making amends.”
So the next time you open your lips
and put your hands on your hips,
before the words roll off the tip
of your tongue,
Look into their eyes
and be willing to compromise
because you don’t know how they feel inside.
Sometimes it is better to be silent than to be heard
because the tragedies caused by the spoken word
are better left unheard.

Everyone has dreams,
and everything is not what it seems,
and before you see the streams
of tears running down their face
as they scream in frustration
that their life is a state of desolation
you’re better off being silent,
than violent.

And just as everything is not what it seems,
I…
am not what I seem...
eliana Jun 27
As I stand on that muddy grass field,
The roar of the cheering crowds
Is all I seem to hear.
No specific voices; it's all just a blur.
The only person I really notice
Is the yelling of my coach.

As I go to challenge the ball,
I think, "I want my coach to be proud of me."
The ball is at me feet, I have to be quick.
I dribble up the side of the field,
Cut in and cross, one touch,
From another player, and goal!
I know my coach is proud of me
From just one look.

Walking to the car,
Ball in hand, covered all in mud,
I receive compliments on a great game.
I say thanks, but all that matters
After the game winning goal
Is that one look from my coach.
feels like my life is over. only a a year to recover but thats a year of doing nothing. injuries ****.
eliana Aug 5
The voices I heard in my head are so loud, discombobulated, overbearing,
That it makes me wonder how you can be so sure about what the hell you are talking about!
eliana Jul 15
Pain is a lot of things.
Pain is falling off your bike and scraping your knee.
Pain is being bullied by the cool kids.
Pain is having your first heartbreak.
Pain is feeling left out.
Pain is not knowing how you feel but it makes you angry.
Pain is losing the thing you most cherished.
Pain is knowing you can't go back in time to relive those happy memories.
Pain is getting injured.
Pain is being taken away from your family.
Pain is not being able to show your true self to others.
Pain is being scared.

But one thing pain isnt
Is that it doesn't last forever.
For all the pain you are put through or have been put through,
Is a day you will live to see and heal.
A day to remind you that your pain doesn't define you.
A day to show you that YOU are STILL living.

You will feel pain, you will be at lost for hope, you will feel all these things but someday, somehow
It. will. all. make. sense.
i felt like writing so i took the chance to as idk when i will feel like again. not my best but i needed to make sense of whatever is in my mind. love it, hate it, i tried my best <3
eliana Jun 23
Pain told love I'm not here to stay.
Once I've taught all I can, I'll be on my way.
It might be tomorrow or next month or year.
Each lesson is learned with every new tear.

Pain told love she needs to grieve.
Once I've done all I can, I'll take my leave.
These tears that she sheds won't be here for long.
She'd hoped he would live, but I guess she was wrong.

Pain told love she feels empty inside.
It's not something she can easily hide.
A short time ago all she did was smile,
But now that he's gone, she won't for a while.

Pain told love she'll be okay soon.
The sadness she feels lessens with each new moon.
She looks past his death to the memories they made,
And with each new day, her despair starts to fade.

Pain told love my job here is done.
Her shadows fall behind as she faces the sun.
The girl steps forward and starts to smile.
She hasn't felt this way for a good long while.

Love told pain you're no longer needed.
I'll take over from here as your lesson was heeded.
The feelings you gave her, they tore her apart,
But it's time for me to piece back together her heart.
pain doesn't last
eliana Jul 15
Time is slow, time is fast.
It never stops, but it always lasts.
It's time for bed, it's time for school.
To waste your time is to be a fool.

If the time is right, the timing will be perfect.
Having the time of your life will always be worth it.
Some spend their time mad,
Some spend their time sad.
For some people time is all they ever had.

Some spend their time and some people save it.
Some love wasting time and some people hate it.
People waste time being in jail
People waste time being mad when they fail.

Some people have lots of time to spare.
Others spend their time not having a care.
It's time to stop, it's time to go.
Time can move fast or it can move slow.

You can lose yourself or lose your mind,
But as life goes on you will never lose time.
been thinking about time and passing. (draft)
eliana Aug 6
You're too…

There is nothing wrong with you
You are kind
You know just what to do
You're too…

Your not “too” anything
I don’t know what to think
You're too…

I am not pretty enough for you
But when you talk about your life
I want to be part of it
You're too…

I’m too…
You're just…
I'm not…
You are just…
You're too…

I don't know why
you look into my eyes like that
Are you trying to make me fall head over heals
In love with someone who could never love me
You're too…

When you talk I want to get closer
What is wrong with you
Thats just it there is nothing
You're too…

I am mad
But I can't be
You are just so wonderful
To get mad would be like getting mad
At an angel
You're too…

What is wrong with me
I don't know how to look at you without blushing
Without feeling like I am an ugly creature
I want this to stop
You're too…

Stop this now
I hate it
I hate…
I could never hate you
Even if you left me to die
I don't think I could
You're too…

God help me I’m falling into temptation
This man is breaking my heart
And making me happier than ever
Stop asking questions
I don't want you to know about me
I…
I want to know about you
You're too…

I hate the sound of my voice
you speak don’t make me please
I love your voice more than life itself
Uuggh
You're too…

Please don't look at me
Please don't look away
Stop staring
Please stare
You're too…

Don't ask me to dance
Please don't let me dance with anyone but you
I don't want to be in your arms dancing
Because I might make a fool out of myself
Don't let go
You're too…

I despise y…
I desire you
I dont ever want to see y…
I want to see you every day
You're too…

Stop looking at me like that
What did I do wrong
Don't touch my face
Don't move the hair away from my eyes
So I can see those eyes…
You're too…

Would you…
Could you…
Please…
You're too…

You're just too…
You are too…

You’re too perfect
gosh. this boy is sending me mixed signals i hate itt.
eliana Jun 20
Perfection was created
to make us feel imperfect,
but imperfect, of course,
is the perfect thing to be.

We spend every hour of every day,
every day of every week,
trying to be different,
trying to be unique.

Our nature is to search
for answers to life's questions,
concepts we don't understand,
like "What is perfection?"

You strive to be "perfect,"
a term you don't understand.
You should be yourself
before it gets out of hand.

Surely happiness is of priority
over a word like "perfection,"
so ask yourself this,
who looks back in your reflection?
eliana Jul 30
Single, stained, steel wall,
It holds me here,
Alone.
Only time seems to crawl,
As the air itself has died.


There is a knock at the door,
I will not answer.
Alone,
Red seeping into the floor,
I silently long to be free.


The door shakes,
I cannot answer.
Alone,
My heart aches,
To be free of this cage.


I hear it now,
The footsteps, the voice.
"Alone",
It whispers, mouth against my brow,
"That is how it always will be".


Someone stands over me, the door wide open.
I cannot do this,
Alone.
Though the door they have broken,
I now might be free.


The world starts to fade,
But I know now I am not
Alone.
The mind I thought was made,
Seems to shatter.


"Please don’t leave me,
I can't live without you,
Alone."
Their words set broken hope free,
But the scythe had claimed my soul
eliana Aug 5
I want to be brave.
I want to be smart.
I want to be saved.
I want a new start.

I'm constantly being pushed,
Pushed to the edge.
Knock me down, now I'm crushed.
I'm falling over the ledge.
People tell me it's going to be all right,
But how much longer do I have to fight?

I know I have a purpose in life,
But how do I reach it when I'm trapped?
Nothing to do but wish into the night.
When I ask, it's never too far from being denied.
Save me or join me; just don't say no.
I promise I won't let you go.

We're not too far behind now.
A little further up is where our future lies.
Change is something I want to allow.
From here on out, all I'll do is rise.
Lord, I need the faith.
I need the strength.
I'm always trying to please people around me. I feel alone, but now I want to do something for me. I want to create a purpose and an inspiration for myself. I ask the Lord to help me, and I know he will. I have to find myself when everyone puts up obstacles in my life. Now is the time. I'm tired of being fake.
eliana Jul 31
Rain is my scattered mind, in pieces on the window
Pane of my life.
As the rain falls, in an array of broken thoughts,
I feel my soulful embodied heart may fracture.
My eyes grow distant in the gaping sullenness of oppression.
Thoughts race randomly down the glass, on a path to desolation.
The heat of the fire within
My body falls away.
The walls of this fragile being break with pain. I say
I love him, I’ll love him forever,
But lonely is my name, with no light around my soul.
Rain-droplet dreams
Of love collect into pools, and a lake of
Sorrow forms, holding tears of my recent past.
Through my pain, I claim love does not exist.
It is a bright sun of hope around which meanders a desperate heart;
The sun that doesn’t shine in this heart of despair.
As the sun sets around it,
Into the night, my love,
Shall perish
eliana Jun 23
​I am
Cold to the touch.

I wanted
Too much.

The world in my hand
I was hoping to clutch

I was searching for meaning
My demons convening
In need of the feeling
That kept me from healing

AND SET ME APART.

The only thing beating,
Inside of me, screaming,
From choking to breathing
My heart was left, bleeding.

Collapsed on the pavement
Cement of the basement
Writhing,
I repent.

On this linoleum floor
My angels are dying
And still,

I want more.
pt 2.
eliana Jul 19
Painfully aware of all my peers
The pain, the pressure creates real fears

Trying to escape so many eyes and ears
Overthinking so much, my mind is seared

Afraid of the judgment, so my voice has no sound
Dodging harsh eyes, so MY eyes find the ground

This lingering emotion, I cannot define
They say mind over matter, but I say matter over mind

I'm running from something; I jump into my dream
In that happy place, I can be exactly what I seem

I finally understand what this emotion must mean
Because I figured out what I'm running from...

I'm running from me
eliana Aug 8
have you ever felt like you were in a hurricane?
or losing a fight that wasn't a fight after all?
or feeling those feelings that aren't your's to feel?
drowned by the weight of the world and caught in its spinning wheel?
they'll say that you're not alone
they'll say that you're not the only one
but how do they know how it feels?
how can they tell you it's not real?

until they've...felt for themselves what its like to have your world cave in
suffocate on the words you can't say to the people you love and who love you most
they can't tell you that you're wrong
they can't tell you that you need to be strong
because they don't know how it feels to see the light you need to be alright
but not be able to reach, for safety

have you ever wished for something bad to happen?
cause pain is all that you know how to feel?
Guilt comes with the joy and comfort the darkness you appeal?
they'll say that you're not alone
they'll say that you're not the only one
but how do they know how it feels?
if they say it was never really real?
cause it feels so real

they need to see for themselves how it feels to be stuck in a glass box
everyone that you love is standing around
watching the world that you built burn to the ground
and as you run out of air, they say "we'll always be there"
because they don't know how it feels to see the light you need to be alright
but not be able to reach, for safety

and eventually
its like one, two, three
you'll wave that flag
let somebody in
and you'll keep telling yourself
its just a matter of time
before they see inside
and go to run and hide
from the skeletons
you hide with pride
cause for once you tried
to see the light inside
and reach for safety

how does it feel?
to know it was real?
eliana Jul 30
Why do I feel so separated from life, so separated from myself, my soul?

I feel like I'm alone, yet surrounded.

What is this feeling of sorrow, the feeling of water in my eyes?

Why do I feel so guilty, for living?

I feel as if I'm separating, from everything and one.

In this life, as if there is something wrong.

Because so far, we have all been broken and separated.

Yet I don't want that for us, I want you to stay.

So please stay and, don't separate from me.
eliana Jul 30
Maybe it’s time I disappear,
Maybe then things will become clear.

Nobody cares and I know it well,
Maybe this is my permanent Hell.

I’m done reaching out,
I’m done with the doubt,
All I want to do is scream and shout.

Maybe it’s time to depart,
Maybe it’s time for a fresh start.
Where nobody knows me and I can be free,
Because my mind is on a killing spree.

Killing my confidence and killing my hopes,
Maybe it’s time I hang up some ropes.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter,
Got me feeling crazy like the Mad Hatter.

Maybe it’s time for my body to expire,
But my mind is nothing but gunfire.
Firing at my positive dreams,
Tearing me apart at the seams.

This is it, it’s time to retire,
This is it, I’m going in the fire.

I’m already decaying,
My demons they’re preying.
My soul is paying,
And I’m done praying.

It’s time I disappear,
I’m tired of the tears I shed.
Maybe I’ll give a cheer,
When I’m finally dead.
eliana Jun 21
How hard it is to heal a broken heart.
Everything seems so dark,
And it seems like the stars even lost their spark.
Loneliness just pulled me apart.
It even killed the dreams I have in my heart.
Now I see the light because I learned to write,
Giving the silent healing I need to free the sadness I was hiding inside.
everything that i cant voice is written and expressed through writing.
eliana Jul 30
Can't you hear my silent screams?
They are so loud they echo in my dreams.

Behind this face that carries a smile
Lies a dark road that goes on mile after mile.

My silent screams have been going on for years,
But it always falls on so many deaf ears.

How can they hear these silent screams in my mind?
They can't hear my thoughts if I keep telling them I'm fine.

What can I tell them? These silent screams carry no words.
It's just feelings of sadness and darkness that come in its herds.

How can I explain so people understand this?
It's like walking around in a suffocating black mist.

It's holding on to happiness like holding water in your hands.
It just trickles between your fingers and disappears into the sands.

I can't explain how this feels; it's so extreme,
So I hold my mouth shut to cover my silent screams.
trying to tell myself im not the voices in my head but it doesnt always work.
eliana Jun 19
Someday you will cry for me
Like I cried for you.
Someday you'll miss me
Like I missed you.
Someday you'll need me
Like I needed you.
Someday you'll love me,
But I won't love you.
eliana Jun 21
This ink, it runs.
This paper is stained
Tears run free as
I'm stuck in a daze.
I put this pen to paper,
To write the words
This voice can't deliver.
My heart is heavy
With pain and despair.
Can't breathe.
I'm fighting for air.
My mind is spinning
At the speed of light.
This pain in my life
Has clouded my mind.
The thoughts are deafening
Of my life you took away,
But after all my
Heartache,
Someday I'll be okay!
you can lose everything in a blink of an eye, and be lost trying to find the answers to why.
eliana Aug 6
Scream
Cry
Call your best friend and vent
Vent
Rant
Let it out
Don't let it in
Don't let negativity take up space
In that precious precious brain
Your brain
It's incredible
It keeps you alive
Even though sometimes you wonder why
Because no matter what
Something is always
Always
Always
Going right
It doesn't always feel
So right
But trust me
When I say
There's something.
Because there's always
Always
Always
Something to be happy about.
Don't let the dark clouds take over your brain
Don't let the sunshine be covered by rain
You can't let negativity feel like a chain
You must allow happiness alone to reign
Over your mind and that precious brain
Because there is always
Always
Always
Something positive
So find it
Embrace it.
eliana Aug 7
Sometimes in life you hit the numb zone.
It's like you don't know where to go from here.
There's so many places, so many opportunities,
And yet you still don't know which to choose.

Sometimes in life you just want to go back to that time.
The time when everything seemed at peace.
And you don't have to worry every night,
About who will be there for you tomorrow.

Sometimes in life you wish you hadn't said those things.
That maybe if you hadn't everything would be okay.
And then in come the "what ifs" and "then whats",
And you come to realize that nothing will ever change.

Sometimes in life you wish you could be someone else,
Because you feel like you've messed up enough already.
And you think about all those people,
The ones you miss and you wonder if they miss you too.

And then sometimes in life you just realize,
Realize that the ones who love you are already here.
And that everything happens for a reason
That those other people hurt you.

But if they hurt you,
What makes you still miss them?
I guess sometimes in life you miss the memories,
Not the person.
eliana Jun 21
The days go by, then a month, then a year,
and still through the days I see not a change.
No matter what happens, you still aren't here,
and how you just disappeared is what's strange.

No explanation, no warning, just gone.
I wish I had just some of your courage
to go leave one rainy morning at dawn,
to leave one day without any message.

How I long for somewhere to be renewed
or to just disappear, just not to be,
not to see, not to feel, not to hear you,
the ghost that you are, which I long to be.

But as many days that I want to go,
there are more that I want to stay and know.
eliana Jun 23
I think Im rotting from the inside
A feeling of constant suffocation
A need to be wanted, loved
The beauty of it is on the outside
It's not a disaster
Embrace the fake smile
Force out the laughter
To scared to embrace flaws
That made you lose it all
From friends to family
I hate the late nights when I cry and ask myself what is wrong with me
After a while you learn
That picking fruit from the forbidden garden can't be the root to all your women problems
That your just an issue beyond the point solving
There is no point of solving
The sun can't hide it's tears from the sky
Eventually it'll rain
But as time passes
Strawberries grow from pain
eliana Jul 19
Stress is feeding on me,
******* out my soul.
I feel my body weakening,
it refuses to let go.

I'm going kind of pale,
blood is dripping down my arm.
Tears are falling from my eyes;
a pain pierces my heart.

I'm confused
and don't know what to do.
I want to end it all,
but you don't want me to.

Living life is fine,
but stress makes it tough.
Your smile used to make me happy;
now that's not enough.

Stress is killing me,
putting me to rest.
But I'll try not to leave you,
I'll try my very best.
eliana Jun 25
The sun is out.
The children scream and shout
All about.

There is no more school.
Everyone in the pool!
No more looking like a fool.

They run outside,
Find places to hide
And bikes to ride.

Everyone is having fun
No rush, no places to run.
Relax and play with anyone.

No one is stressed,
No more weight on their chests.
This is why summer is the best
freedom of finally being out of school and being able to do anything. Going out whenever, not having to wake up early, hanging out with friends. These are all things I think of when summer comes to mind.
eliana Jun 25
The feeling was one of being forgotten.
The air stagnant, almost rotten.
The ceiling was a tonne of stone.
Beneath the foundation, I feel prone.
Sorting through the ration, and the emotion.
The pain. The rain.
A malfunctioning drain.
Overzealous. Overflowing.
The treacherous creature, furiously rowing.
Water on the stony floor,
from the Storm above the ground.
I never heard the thunder sound,
from the cell, where they dwell
in the dark.
And have never been to Sunset Park.
And never heard the rooster crowing
before its light.
Because they know it's not their fight.
In that case, it must be mine.
Is it my responsibility, for the sun to shine?
Did I paint the clouds of my own free will?
For people to sit on their window sill,
and glumly look upon the Grey.
Was it only me who had a say?
The truth is it was your day,
as much as it was mine.
And it was your crimes
that you did in your primes that shape the world today.
And then there were those who hid when they should have lived.
And thrived where I would have died.
We're threatened by light.
Found freedom in a lack of space
and victory at the end of every race.
I couldn't keep me safe, even with mace.
For I was dazed in the sun that blazed too hard in certain places.
But disappeared at random phases.
It is for them to bite the dust.
And lust for god knows what.
That will help me stem the rot
in your spine.
Even though you tell me everything is fine.
draftt .
eliana Jun 21
If I could take a brush and paint the mountains and the moors,
I would splash the hillsides yellow and cover them in gorse.
I'd take the finest needle and the darkest thread of green
And sew a line of bracken along the landscape. In-between

I'd lay a purple carpet of wild heather in the dells
And fringe the edge of all the woods with their pretty lilac bells.
I'd merge the bracken with the heather, mix their colours like the sea,
A green and purple ocean on my own rich tapestry.

Then I'd take a ball of soft, white wool and stitch a mass of daisy chains
Around the lush green meadows and up the sides of winding lanes.
I would stencil on the marshes, just like pure white china cups,
Some fragile water lilies and by the ponds, sweet buttercups.

I'd mix orange, reds and yellows planting poppies wild and free
Onto nature's coloured canvas, my own rich tapestry.
eliana Jul 18
I come when pain
Becomes too much to take.
I come when you're sad,
Or your heart starts to break.

I might come when you panic,
I might come when you're mad.
I'll show up here and there,
When enough is what you've had.

I'm salty and warm,
I might be big or small.
Sometimes when you're strong,
I don't come up at all.

I fill your eyes with moisture,
I roll down your cheek.
Sometimes I mean joyous,
Sometimes I mean weak.

Sometimes when you're scared,
I come as a sign of fear.
You can feel when I'm coming,
Whether far or near.

I may come along
When you hear your favorite song.
Sometimes I show up
When you've been strong for too long.

I know you want to fly away.
I know inside you're a mess.
You long for a brighter day.
Tears are words the heart can't express.
i wrote this after crying. :)
eliana Jun 21
Tell me it's okay
To just want to cry.
Tell me it's okay
To never say goodbye.

Tell me it's okay
To be afraid to be strong.
Tell me it's okay
And that you're comin' along.

Tell me it's okay
And that you're staying by me.
Tell me it's okay,
And that this life is meant to be.

Tell me it's okay
To feel how I'm feeling.
Tell me it's okay -
The way that I am dealing.

Tell me it's okay -
That there is a reason for it all.
Tell me it's okay,
Even if I fall.

Tell me it's okay
To lose control today.
Tell me it's okay.
Just tell me it's okay.
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