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Apr 2015 · 1.2k
Dear Future Boyfriend Part 2
Ria Apr 2015
dear future boyfriend,
last time i talked about how i may cry randomly well i may also want to hurt myself at times too.
It's not because of you, but what's inside of me-
i can't control it, i feel like it's taken control over me in fact.
i'll need to be alone on occasions, i'll just be reading or scrolling through
social media sites, doing "nothing" really but in fact,
i'm just trying to distract myself from my thoughts.
they eat me up and swallow me whole.
your love doe the same for me but it's really hard
to listen to other people than the voice in your head
that's telling you to die and leave everyone alone.
So here are some tips I have for you:
if I need to be alone, please give me my space
if it looks like i'll be unstable by myself, just hold me and tell me a story i'll be okay afterwards.
if I can't sleep at night, just hold my hand. I'll figure the rest out.
i just need to feel safe that's all
and you're my home; forever will be
Apr 2015 · 512
an apology
Ria Apr 2015
it's funny how i never expected to be the one apologizing.
you see, i'm usually the one who gets hurt and the one who is left wondering what I did wrong. What made them leave me?
But it's the other way around now, I didn't mean to hurt you.
I think there's just so much sad in me that I just exploded like a grenade hurting everyone around me. This sounds like an excuse and I don't want it to be. I truly am sorry for everything that I have caused you.
I think I've been hurt too many times in the past that I've built a wall surrounding myself to prevent me from getting hurt more. I don't expect you to understand or accept my apology.
I think I should leave but you see, I feel like poison ivy, I'm wrapped around you and I can't let go.
But you can die from poison ivy so I think you're just going to have to cut me off.
I won't want to leave and I don't think I ever will. But I'm not healthy for you.
I'm sorry, but I don't think those words will ever do any justice.
The other people don't matter to me, I was just trying to fill up a void. To try and find a muse but it failed miserably. I hope you know that.
I should leave, I'm rambling and I probably am to stall time because this hurts me too even if you may not see it.
i'm sorry will never be enough unfortunately
Feb 2015 · 305
Ria Feb 2015
i'm so sorry i hurt you
and him and you
and i just caused grief and pain to so many
and i know you don't want to have anything to do with me
that's understandable,
i don't even want me
nobody does
but that's not the point,
i'm sorry
i ******* apologize.
I'm sorry, i mess up a lot
and it's in my nature and this isn't okay. I know, it's an excuse
but the truth, the truth let me tell you hurts and it feels like an avalanche
back to the point. The truth is you'll never like me
and it h u r t s
but i'm okay
i'll be fine like usual
i hope you're doing well
Feb 2015 · 447
Ria Feb 2015
He's got a grip on me
Tighter than my father ever will
He's attached and prone to jealousy
I can't help the fact that we're a dynamic duo; we're a pair
But the thing is, he's not even mine.
He's on lot of people's minds, eating their souls out.
He's Depression
this wasn't supposed to be poetic. i AM NOT trying to glorify mental illnesses in any way shape or form. This is just my personal struggle.
Feb 2015 · 317
i should've said:
Ria Feb 2015
running away from reality gets tiring after awhile
i wonder if you ever felt like that
the clouds seem happy today but i miss you,
i didn't know this is how you felt like
"i'm sorry"
"did it hurt?"
"i'm drowning again, how about you?"
Far too often than not, I want to jump and fly; however, i'm falling instead
Feb 2015 · 641
random thoughts pt 1
Ria Feb 2015
the light touches me and i'm in pain; i feel hurt everywhere,
i look at you and i feel the bruises start to form:
you're glorious and i'm miserable
you're a god while i'm a wilted plant
you took the wrong -or right in your opinion- turn and i was your fork in the road
Sep 2014 · 419
Ria Sep 2014
he wrote poetry for her but she laughed and called it silly, he burned his ink-stained fingers and cut his hair, he picked up a circular object with lines rimmed around it and threw it around in the air.
he aimed and shot,
she started to pay attention and started to laugh with him, not at him
but his ink-stained fingers started to grow back
if you're a male who loves to write poetry, don't ever it's pretty hot
Aug 2014 · 318
Ria Aug 2014
"we aren't in love!" she shrills, his mouth open slightly as if to say something closes slowly,
he blinks and she moves swiftly out of the room.
He looks up and inhales sharply,
"if we aren't in love then why did you smile at me at the diner? why did you make me believe that maybe, something in this godforsaken universe pulled both of us together in that ****** breakfast food diner? And when i asked if the seat next to you was taken, why did you say no? We exchanged numbers and eventually went on a real date. I bought you things like a normal boyfriend and you collected them all.
When i first saw you- you were almost electrifying, it's as if my heart finally found its' pulse and it started beating after seeing your wonderful face. How come you kissed me first at the park when it was my family's barbecue, ever since you poisioned me with those lips i can't erase them out of my brain, out of my lips.
I-I don't want this to end, whether it was real or not. It was real to me. Please, darling, don't leave.
But you're gone and it's just the four empty walls and I now.
You and I went to our first concert together and we saw the sunrise but more than that we made love, 5am and in a cheap hotel.
Whether we were just tired and filled with adrenaline, i truly loved you then. We fell asleep after but we made love again as soon as we woke up and we were filled with life after.
I don't know why you had *** with me if you didn't believe what we had was real. Maybe it's because I wasn't your first or last, but darling,
I miss you so.
I love you so,
and what we had was real,
at least to me."
He looks at the door it's slightly ajar
hoping she heard, but deep down he knows she's gone
this is not a poem, it's something different
not in my perspective either
Aug 2014 · 1.2k
the father diaries (I)
Ria Aug 2014
today my father laughed aloud and i jumped at the sound of it
it was such a foreign and cacophonous melody
my estranged father and his relationship with me withers like the leaves in fall
Ria Aug 2014
words are so complicated when trying to describe someone who you really adore and admire
there are 26 letters in the English alphabet but why does it feel like there should be more?
so here are several reasons why i cherish bianca

number one: she is so understanding and easy to talk to, like at first i thought she was an untouchable force; some sort of female celestial being you know
i was shocked she followed me via twitter and that's how we met
we both were sad
yep, sad that's the word to describe it
a gloomy looming figure standing on top of your heart

number two: she told me who she wrote about, (i don't know if you remember lil' sunflower) but i asked her once
-and mind you, i was terrified of how she'd react because i was so interested and i usually ask other writers, poets, artists who they wrote about.
however, bianca answered truthfully and calmly
in fact she sad nobody asked her this before and i was perplexed why people didn't ask her before in the past

number three: she's like a sunflower,
why? she is such a darling, she's so sweet and she brightens the day by smiling right back at the sun. she needs to rest at night though, so she reads and listens to music and rests just like a sunflower
she also has a knack of cheering me up just like a sunflower

number four: this reason may be stupid but i actually remember her name, so many people i meet i forget their name quickly but hers sticked
i remember her, this is important: i feel like this is my subconscious trying to tell me something. it may seem farfetched but i believe she's special somehow, i may be crazy for saying this....but yeah lol

number five: she has goals in life
this darling has real aspirations in her time here, which i admire about her

number six: her fashion/makeup factor is so on point
we have similar tastes in fashion and makeup hence we watch the same youtubers and such, i really like this about her
it shows more of her quirky and interesting personality

number seven: lucky seven, she loves tea
i don't mean she just drinks it, she breathes tea,
we like the same types as well: none of that nasty berry tea (sorry)

number eight: she can understand me, she listens
bianca listens to my ridiculous little rants all the time even if they're stupid and tedious and i really thank her for this, i go to her when i feel like the four walls are closing in on me and she really does listen to what i have to say

number nine: we plan on meeting someday...
when we both gain some self-confidence and when a jolt of adrenaline kicks in, i'm super excited

number ten: i know there are more reasons but this is where this letter shall end today
she puts up with my stupid imessage not working and the dms on twitter suffice for our friendship, sigh it's annoying but true

i love you darling dear, i hope you have a wonderful night!!

Ria **
this is a letter to one of the sweetest people i know on this odd lil planet
Ria Aug 2014
there are 10 things you may need to know about me
if you'd like to get to know me better
if you care about me

1. i love thunderstorms
i love the way lightning looks against the sea at night
i enjoy the presence of crazy rain and
the arguments the clouds seem to have
i am a pluviophile

2. i hate small talk
i do not care for my feelings on this particular time of day which is why if you ask me how i am or "how i'm feeling" i will provide a bland answer
this is such a boring step for you to get to know me better
you probably don't even care how my summer went
tell me your fantasies, childhood fears,
tell me things you wouldn't tell your best friend
ask me questions about my former lover

i am curious to know

3. i am quiet a lot
i ponder about life and odd little ideas pop into my head randomly
like: i wonder if you can naturally change your eye colour or
why is it quiet only at night?
i think about people i haven't met or people in my past
those whom i care about and those whom i hate

4. people with sad eyes are attractive
i do not know why
the roundness and dull sparkle in their eyes arouse me
it creates me to gravitate around them
i do not pity them but i am somehow attracted to them

5. the internet is amazing
i have gained so many friends from here
different photos and art has inspired me
i lost fears through the internet
it's fascinating really

6. i have a fine appreciation for art
there are so many different forms of art and i love all of them
whether it's poetry or dance or drama
i have experimented and flirted with them all
they are unique and brilliant in their own way

7. i do not love myself
no matter how hard i bring myself to it
there are so many flaws and dents in my skin
that i cannot do it
i am shameful of myself
afraid of myself
and most of all
i am saddened by my own soul

8. i long for a soulmate
one to appreciate good food with
one to travel with
whether i am in love with this person or one whom i am
very fond of
i long for someone to be there for me at all times

9. i cry easily
i am sensitive and this is hard to admit
i am overemotional at times and the tears fall easily
most of the time it is because i can relate to the certain emotion
that is being depicted

10. i am filled with stories
i could go on and on about different rumors and secrets i have stored inside
i am in abundance with stories and good laughs
i have fascinating scary stories both fiction and non-fiction
many stories are mine and there are a lot that aren't
but both are entertaining and i enjoy telling stories
about me i suppose
i'm sure there's more
Jul 2014 · 381
Ria Jul 2014
maybe she closes the door gently so that she doesn't have to hear what the next argument is about
she hurries away from the blazing fire downstairs
her mother and father arguing once more
and she can't take it anymore
she has that look in her eyes
because she can't contain the lies
Jul 2014 · 1.5k
Dear Future Boyfriend Part 1
Ria Jul 2014
dear future boyfriend,
i might cry randomly in different periods of time
you may not understand why i cry
so i shall it explain it to you now
as a warning
i'm a sensitive soul and this is hard to admit
maybe you should just leave before it's too late
my memory is great and i remember things too vivedly
i remember events people have forgotten
places are planted firmly in my head
time stands still like a mountain
i reminisce into my old history
usually it'd be painful memories
i cry easily and it may be random to you
but to me it's not
please understand
this is a warning
i'm sorry
Jul 2014 · 1.2k
Ria Jul 2014
i should've known better
maybe it's the words you poured into me
it felt like alcohol and i didn't mind that
even though i was sober for 2 years and 2 months
there were whispers of panic and shivers of error
but i ignored them all
i shoul've known better
what happens when you don't listen to warnings
is that the storm comes faster than expected
you left faster than a hurricane racing a mustang on a highway
i should've known better
weeks after, feeling like centuries
i realize that she meant more to you than just a friend
she was your light; the sun
i was a mere shadow
i should've known better
he cheated and i finally found out so
here's this
Jul 2014 · 398
Ria Jul 2014
maybe the reason
there are flies wandering around in my room
is because they can sense the rotten piece of meat in the bedroom
they know it's dead
my heart: it's decaying already
Jul 2014 · 480
you said
Ria Jul 2014
i asked what you were up to one day
and you said "in love with you"
later you told me you wanted to be mine
you said a lot of things-
things i semi-believed
maybe because i knew better
or maybe it was because boys had said that to me in the past
and they left quicker than lightning kissing the earth during a storm
there were too many "maybe's"
but you did say you wanted to be with me
you left though
like everyone else
so i confronted you: "but you said-"
and you denied it and ran away
i had to get my thoughts out
Jul 2014 · 22.8k
to feel
Ria Jul 2014
the issue about emotions
is they cannot be turned off easily
i learned in psychology class
that there's this small part in your brain called the "amygdala" and it controls your emotions
i realized then and there
that i had to decide
"to feel everything all at once, or nothing at all"
Jul 2014 · 1.5k
Ria Jul 2014
when you left
all your belongings was with me
and i don't suppose how that may matter to you
on a Sunday morning in mid-July
but it mattered to me
because all the **** memories were soaked in the couch
and the stupid scent of you is still in the curtains
so i guess what i'm trying to say is
please take your furniture back
(please take me back)
Jun 2014 · 2.5k
Ria Jun 2014
it's not like going home
it's holding your breathe when i realize you're talking to me
and about me to others
not her
suddenly your lies are suffocating me
swarming me
i can't breathe anymore
i don't know why
you were the sea
but now i'm drowning
Jun 2014 · 411
The Lovers Part II
Ria Jun 2014
darling, those dreams turn into nightmares i'm afraid and the pockets become empty with distate
Then I'd share these nightmares with you and I'd let these pockets run empty than to lose what keeps me holding on
pockets are empty then what do we have to lose? we're together, there's nothing left to lose either than our souls
Then let's hold on and dream till we wake up.
I never want to wake up without you in my bed
If waking up is the nightmare than being with you is the reality.
This can't be reality, i'm not with you. I'm running in circles in my dreams, running to your arms but when i wake up you're never there
I am running through streets, screaming your name but all I hear are the echoes of your cries-I woke up screaming and I found you left the bed
collab with my friend
Jun 2014 · 2.2k
Ria Jun 2014
she was just a tad bit sad
in the way she walked
and talked
she didn't really know what was wrong
with herself
she just saw the world a bit differently
personal antidote on life
Jun 2014 · 288
Lovers (part I)
Ria Jun 2014
maybe i'm medusa because i want you to look into my eye and stay with me forever, even if it means turning you to stone my heart's already stone
Maybe I'm Atlas and the world is my burden but it would be to carry it as long as you're one of them
i'd love to be a part of your world but instead we're worlds apart you're the heavens that i cannot reach whilst in this hell
Then I'd grip the edges of the world to bring us together
but earthquakes rumble as i shiver and mumble under my breath "i love you"
The earth will quake and the seas will shake but that is not enough to stop me from bringing us together
of course i'll run to you and smother you like a hurricane because i can't help but be destructive it's in my nature
Be my hurricane, sweep me off my feet and take me away from this world
i'll lift you further than you could imagine, down the rabbit hole and into a wondrous land; the unknown
Bring me places where only you and I will be together, it may be at the bottom of the ocean or the tips of the skies, anywhere with you is heaven
darling, I'm no angel though (especially not in bed)
Then take me straight to hell and maybe we'll lose ourselves in the heat of it all.
the flames would consume me from the inside out because I'm so dangerously in lust for you
Then let the heat consume us and drown us in lust
but I'd rather just drown in general because life is so bleak without you
Then stay with me, in bed or in in light and the dark you will forever be mine
forever is a strong word, how long is that dear? seconds feel like years sometimes without you
Forever will last as long as you will it. Years feel like millenias without you.
we can be forever young and run away from reality with drops of fantasy in my dreams*
Let's get away and never come back, an adventure with nothing but dreams in our heads and wishes in our pockets
this is a collab
i'm the italicized part
Jun 2014 · 1.8k
Ria Jun 2014
i could tell
in a gaze like Medusa's
that when you
saw her
it was the way
i looked at you
that's when i realized
you never loved me
it was always *her
Jun 2014 · 7.5k
Ria Jun 2014
she had stormy grey eyes
and was enticing
when she kissed him
it felt like a hurricane
in his stomach
Jun 2014 · 855
galaxy (part I)
Ria Jun 2014
i fell for you as if gravity hit me for the first time
it's ironic though because you didn't
you left so fast
i could've named a comet after you
Jun 2014 · 265
young love
Ria Jun 2014
fell in love in spring
when things were abloom
and afresh
she was in winter for the longest time
and he was the sun

he made her warm
like the leaves in the sun
coming out the snow
the raindrops from the the umbrella

then the heat really poured on them
they fought
like wild animals
but like wild animals they got back together again

they forgot
they fell in love in spring
since now it's summer

but don't go love

— The End —