you will somehow reach a certain point where you understand certain things.

and after that, you'll realize how low and stupid you have been.

but if you focus on how stupid you were before, will it make any difference?

if you stay and continue to mourn for his death, will he resurrect from your tears?

if you dwell and drown in your sea of emotions, will anything change?

please don't use a tragedy to make yourself feel sad.

please stop this madness, this escape route you've been using just because you're uncertain of what you should feel.

just because you don't feel anything and you want to feel something makes you use tragedies and accidents to feel sad.

that's pathetic.

why do i feel heavy everytime i write?
is it such a burden to my soul to express myself?

it's like stuck between the skies and the earth
no ground to step on
and no hope to believe in.

i fear falling
crashing to the earth
meeting my end of life
i was never afraid to die
i guess maybe most of us
are just scared of how we die.

i cannot speak the right words
to express, to impress anymore
i cannot write a good poem
to relieve, to believe
it's like my mouth is closed shut
and my hands are sealed tight.

i wonder why people are
so in love with the moon
when it actually just reflected
the lights of the sun?

the moon decides the tides of the ocean
but still, why are we worshipping
the reflector?

yeah, maybe you can love the stars
because they shine a little bit
and, and maybe you can love the moon
because it was there during the lonely nights

but what about the sun?
maybe we are too into something else
to realize the ones that has burned for us.

if there's a place between the heavens and hell

that may be the place i belong to

i'm not good at expressing my thoughts.

i'm not good at picturing how the clear skies hugged my heart, or maybe how the storms drowned me into depression.

i'm not good at writing how lovely the sounds of nature, how it rhythms with our heartbeats when we lay down and watch the stars.

i'm not good at describing your beautiful smile, how it reminds me of the clouds, and how your company reminds me of the earthquakes around the world.

i'm especially not good in painting words about how much i missed you since everything.

but one thing i'm surely good at would be missing you.

i would love to lose my mind

my energy

my soul

just to be with you

artistically, i am the fragments of the glass you smashed on that cold concrete.

emotionally, you drown me in that black seas of darkness.

technically, all you did was you left me with memories.

but honestly?

i am broken beyond repair.

you said your love was a fire

and suddenly i was willing to be burned

you said your love was an ocean

and suddenly i was willing to drown

you said your love was death

and suddenly i wished i was dead

-c

we're living?

then why dying sounds very lovely?

i wanted to run away from the reality so bad i fell into the sea of my own thoughts

...

the water is suffocating me

...

i need oxygen

...

i need to brea...

today we gather
along in the crowds
said a son to his father
'dad, how to lose our doubts?'

his father smiled
and patted his son's head
'son, don't be afraid.'
'as long as the sun's there, we will never fade.'

i saw the moon
in the glorious day
she's dying soon
and there's nothing we all can say.

the moon is dying
the sun is blazing
earth is suffering
and we're still here, ignoring

today is the day
the moon found her death
this might be our last day
to inhale our breath.

i
  don't
    bother
      explaining
         myself
        to
      you
    because
   i
could
   definitely
     live
      without
        you












                          ­     maybe

MY WHOLE BODY IS SHAKING
OUT OF AGONY

but i'm sitting still
smiling at everyone.

MY HEART ACHED LIKE IT'S BEING STABBED BY THOUSANDS KNIVES

but i'm laughing along
pretending, faking.

I SCREAM INSIDE ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR**

outside, i'm quiet
my eyes began to tear.

it was simple.

i fell in love.

i sincerely
do not think that
i would ever
understand
the reason why my chest
is heavy
and the air is
so hard to inhale
without you here

and i sincerely hate
the fact that i love the way
how this could be
so comfortable
knowing that i am
indeed
in love
and in pain

never thought i'd be yours
and you'd be mine.
but here we are
****, you're so fine.

is this reality or fantasy?

because i am here
but i am quite flying
i'm shrouded with fear
but for you i'm fighting.

is this fantasy or reality

because i am here
quite dead but still breathing
quite alive but still dying
without you me heart is screaming
and with you i can't stop smiling.

one day

you'll forget

what hurts you

you'll forget

what killed you

you'll forget

your agony

you'll wake up instead

remembering

the reason why

you won't give up

since the beginning.

after all

we are temporary beings
living in a temporary world
surrounded by temporary things
and temporary souls

looking for eternal feelings

we are beings
looking for forever
in the ephemeral glimpse

looking under the shades of time
and through the mirrors of possibillities.

maybe we are going to spend our lives looking for forever until whenever.

maybe because
because we refuse to look at the right place forever.

I know the risks when I said I loved you. I loved you as a person, as a friend, as a soul. I never lied to you about how I loved you. I loved you more than I ever loved myself but unfortunately you want more. You want more than I can ever give, and I'm sorry I can't do that. I'm sorry that half of my, half of my fiery soul burned out for someone else two years ago. I'm sorry that another half was taken by a goddess, and she turned my fire blue. I loved her, more than I loved me, more than I can ever love you.

i keep repeating
the same chant
in my mind

please stay, please don't go away
i know i pushed you away
but that's me lying to myself

i keep repeating

please fight
even if i am not worth your might

but i watched you walk away from me
leaving behind nothing
but memories and everything.

i don't love you with
butterflies in my stomach

i have dragons spitting fire in my chest

i don't love you with electricity startling me from your touch

i have knives stabbing me, or nails piercing me and such.

i don't love you with burning myself in that fire in your eyes

i scorched myself from the days i missed you and their rays of sunsets until their sunrises

i don't love you the way everyone else do

i love you the way i wanted to.

go, my child
let the river of words flow out of you.

go, my child
let the fire of emotions lights the path for you.

go, my child
do not fear, i'll still be here.

but remember, my child
the river is deep
and the fires are big

if you are not careful
you might drown
or burn to death

but hush, my dear.

run with your tiny feet.
and discover the world.

True love is not seasonal, as it will always be eternal.

This long road
Is going to be painful
If you're walking alone.

I'll lend you my hand
Sorry for the blood
It was from yesterday's fall.

I can share you my hope
My little tiny hope
If you're willing to accept.

My mind is currently empty but I wanna write something about you, even when right now I'm not with you. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I never really believed in God's plans before but I've decided to let you go; out of my sight and out of my mind. I've tried to make memories with you. I've always stuck with 'if it's meant to be, it will be' and also 'if you want someone, make effort' and they confuse the hell outta me. Should I proceed, or should I stay back? I've asked myself that question for so many times I got bored of myself trying to get the answer. Now, I've decided to stay back. I will continue loving you, and I will always remember you, as I can't unlove you or forget you anyway. I have decided to believe in His miracles, even though I was never a saint before or now. I hope writing this makes me calmer, and forgive myself for doing this. If He decides that we can't be together, I'll accept that reality because reality always hurts anyway. I will continue to remember that no matter how eternal my love for you, God's the only thing that can separate us.

Life is hard
But hey, we got each other.

Love is bitter
But hey, it's worth it.

Thoughts are sweet
But hey, too much sweet is harmful.

Friends are like
Distant stars
But hey, they always watch for us
Even from far away.

Whatever you're going through
Just remember.
You're you.

the ones should be worried about
are not in the present
seducing with their devilish smiles
and their soft, husky voices

the ones leaving their footsteps
in the sands of barren past
unreachable, devoid of closure
are the most dangerous of them all.

it's not the sweet laugh you hear
caressing your lips and your ears
that will hunt and drown you
it's the laugh of yesterday's loss
that will haunt, forevermore.

this is the time
when
love aren't anywhere near
pleasure and happiness.

love, we took it as heartbreaks, depressing, unfulfilling, rejection.

we view love as hostile, and merely pain.

we confuse ourselves of love with lust, and

we confuse our humanity and our unity with racism, and hate

and we confuse love with only being in it with someone.

we never took love as a symbol of our existence, yet we still think we love dearly of anything, or anyone.

we are the society that hoped for to be loved and to love, but never to share and do it among us.

we are the society to complain and rant, but to never act and move forward.

I listen to songs
I curl in my bed
I jumped around
I laughed alone
I cried alone
But my mind was truly only
Thinking about you.

The songs fade away
The bed felt hot
I fell down
I cried and laughed indecisively
But my mind was truly only
Thinking about you.