Love
World peace
No hate
Friendship
Greatness
A better life
New days
No stress
Blissful mornings
Cures for diseases
Increased vocabulary
New creations
Imagination
No more sadness
Thoughts
Dancing
Laughter
Light through darkness
Maturity
Equality
Paradise without Hell
Forgiveness instead of grudges
A world where 'beautiful' is
A brighter tomorrow
Hope

I feel like I have lost my words.
Once they flowed so easily
Time has ripped my mind from the flow of my mouth.
I fell in love with a someone else's soulmate.
I became selfish and jealous and pushed myself to a point that my words became useless.
When you choose emotions over words instead of bringing the two together
you create a self destructing version of yourself that lives on the outside while the true version of yourself watches on the inside.
Hiding writing is the hardest thing I chose to do with my life
I would look around at creation and say to myself, 'that's nice.'
Only my insides are screaming, 'describe it! write it down!'
Or something dark would encompass my being and instead of fighting with a pen, I cowered, crumbling.
I allowed myself to be swallowed, digested, and even parts left behind, scattered around a crime scene where my words made a difference
Instead I chose a cowards way, pretending I was incompetent
And my words slowly dwindled down as short as I could possibly make them.
One day, I saw a baby chicken have a seizure, and I started to cry. And as my tears flowed, I thought to myself how would that chicken describe me ?
It seems extremely odd I know, but in that moment I couldn't think of a single word. My lungs tightened as I continued to hold this now lifeless creature.

Lifeless
Breathless
Speechless

I thought I could walk away from writing by falling in love.
I have not touched a piece of paper in so long, I forgot how it felt between my fingers, and even what it smelled like.
Now my heart is hurting and I run to the paper. A lover that simply sat and waited on a desk, collecting dust.
I could be rejected from paper, but He opens up to me.
'I have missed you,' He says.
His perfect lines as straight as before I left.
'Ive been gone too long. May I.....?' I pull out my wooden ink pen.
The paper suddenly sticks to the desk.
'Of course. Always for you.'
I lightly touch the paper with the tip, and my mind is already flowing out the hurt and pain. All my feelings have pulsed through my bloodstream, into my fingertips and to the end point of the writing utensil.
My pen scratches, and I can already feel the two of us sighing, releasing against one another

To share my dreams with
To sleep next to every night
To laugh with everyday
To have children with
To love and cherish
To marry one day
To watch endless movies with
To spend forever with
To simply BE with
I would choose you
Every single time
EVERY SINGLE DAY
*ALWAYS

I is such a selfish letter.
Always I
Do this
Can
Will
Know
Only it is never just "I"
When you discover that two halves of 'eyes'
Make a vision
When they come together

Have you ever felt your soul break?  
Ever had to watch one shred slowly,
Hearing tthe rrrrriiiippp of each piece?
Have you torn one yourself?
Felt the weight of each section crumbling under your fingertips?
Taking the love out of someone does not **** them right away,  it simply drains the light from their eyes.
What once was joy and love, turns to despair and hatred,  all because of  "giving in to a temptation"
You plus him equals love
You plus another man minus him equals ******.
I have murdered before, only once, and the look on his face was enough to make the tearing echo last for months.
He was my soulmate, a partner, and when we first met I realized I would follow him anywhere.
Only I destroyed that chance for a decoy desire, and accept the haunting that is to come.
I will see him everywhere,  hear him in each room of this house, and at night the bed will sink from my guilt.
As the morning sun rises I will look over to his side that will be empty
I made my bed; I will lie in it.
My soul will alone accept the punishment, bear it,  and carry it until my heart gives out.
I love you--everything physically from head to toe, and mentally by the words you have given me(encouragement)-all of what makes you the man I fell in love with, and the soul I'd die for.
Again I love you, and I am so sorry for what I have done.

I couldn't smile today, of all days.
I felt so mad,  angry,  at the routine of everyone.
Hating someone then pretending to love them irritates me.
Christmas is supposed to be joyous, a time of smiles and joy with memories.
Getting mad when you don't get the gift you wanted?  Grow up.  
I watched someone I love not be able to stand up to hug his family at Christmas!
Angry because someone took your ***** Santa gift and you had to pick another one?  
Grow up.  
I had to pick up my hearts pieces--for falling in love with a drug addict--and now that I have chosen someone else, I am having to learn how to love all over again.
Unwrapping presents is a subculture beneath the societal continuation of "Christmas"
We don't know the true meaning,
All we know is there are gifts involved.
What if you truly sat back and watched everyone else open their presents?
Watch their faces and reactions to something you made instead of something you bought

I surprised him on Christmas Eve.
I made him think I had to work all evening,
Only I pulled in his driveway, called his parents to let them know I made it, and then I asked him to Skype with me via text.
He obliged, and as the camera turned on I saw his eyes twinkle,
You look beautiful
So do you
What are you doing?
Sitting in my car, you?
In a sun room,  waiting for family
Well, could you do me a favor?
Yea,  sure,  what? *
(stepping out of my car)
Could you turn behind you and look out the sun room glass and add one more person that can wait with you?

He rolls his chair around, where I am standing in his backyard facing the sun room,  all dressed up for him.
His eyes water,  and he starts heading out the door towards me
Kat,  I thought you had to work
I had you fooled,  didn't I?
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas
You did Kat

He wraps me in a deep hug,  
Kisses my cheek,
And softly whispers in my ear,
Best. Present. Ever.*
That makes two of us.

Life to me is never about what you get from others but what you give to others.

'Bounce my face off the floor,  maybe then you will recognize me'
Burn my skin so you will remember my scream
Pull my hair to feel colors slide between your fingers
Punch me
Make me feel something
Other than a lie you built during the day
Making people believe you are charming and handsome
When the true you is conniving and distasteful
Your teeth are never white,  
Rotting yellow behind your pale lips
Your hair is thin, and in places on your scalp disappearing
(like I wish I could)
I dream of knocking you down
And breaking your bones harder than you ever snapped mine
And knocking your teeth out
While I pack my bags and watch you bleed on that new tan carpet you just installed
And even adding an extra kick in the head
Just for laughs.
If I am lucky you will be brain dead,
But alive just enough to where you can watch me live my life fully,  loving heartily, And most importantly,
Speak my mind without fear, or your voice replacing mine anymore

I hate my body
I walk five miles with my dog so that I can feel
confident one day,  to walk out in a bikini and NOT have the urge to run and hide.  
To look at myself in the mirror without judging
what needs to be changed
quit telling myself that I have to be in love to be loved
And for once, I could throw on a outfit and not change forty different times
I stretch, walk, push, lift
working on it
So that I can have the courage to take a picture of myself without editing or changing it,  
And actually keeping it
Instead of throwing it away

I'm not normal.
I find new words to say,  most are made up
Or I borrow a word or two from a different language
Dash it all,  forbearance, absotively (combo of absolutely and positively) or posilutely
I laugh in public, out loud, of things I say in my mind
Sometimes I talk to myself
I daydream--a world that I would fit in
For now I have made my own,
And maybe one day He will have the courage to pass by
and ask for my address
"Where do you live? "
And I can say
Myself

Just friends.
I don't really grasp the understanding of how you can simply place a heart on a pedestal and never look at it again.
Never mind the dust it may collect or the possibility of malfunction from not being used in so long--that is not the point;
that heart belonged to someone--me.
I stood in front of you, bearing my all, and I told you that I would never walk away no matter what, as long as you carried me with you always.
I would never walk away unless you commanded me
I was your dog, begging for an ounce of love as if it were a shriveled, discarded chunk of pizza crust.  
Truth be told you thought that if you didn't feel the same that you had to pretend so that "I would stay"
"Maybe one day we can be together"
"You are sso special to me"
"I care for you so deeply"
"More than you'll ever know"
"I'm grateful that you are always here for me"
I was always here--until you lied.
Lying to me as you slowly put my heart on a shelf to decay
A heart so ***** and dusty,  who will ever love an unclean heart?  
I loved yours didn't I?
Only now I can't hold on to what was never there, and I have to walk away.
Leave you and your lies to brush up the mess you made,  while I take my heart off the rotting shelf it's sitting on,  get in my car, and drive to an empty restaurant miles away so that I can order a new dish I have never tried,  and start over

I wish I could put my tongue
on exactly what I want
as much as I put it against yours.
I wish I could hold your heart
in my hands
instead of leaving mine in a ****** pile
in yours.
I wish I was addicted to my heartbeat
after three (or four) **** rips
instead of my heartbeat
when I'm dressing to see you.
I wish I knew my mother
as well as I got to know yours
when we sat side by side
waiting for you to wake up
after swallowing a bottle of aspirin.
I wish I cut up your letters
instead of my own arms
but I can't think of any other way
to get you out of my skin.
I wish I loved myself
as much as I love you
but I wasn't lying when I said
you are the better part of me.