Should I drive you from my mind?
Shall I stop my heart?
Or are you even close to me?
Do you play a special part?

I forget to think of you
When I am alone,
And I can't say I like to say
Our names in a loving tone.

I admire you, I know that,
But are you in my soul?
Have I even written your name?
Or imagined us on a stroll?

In fact, am I infatuated?
Or do I fancy it
So that my heart longs to feel,
And yet, it doesn't?

I don't know what I'd do
If you suddenly loved me,
And I don't know what I'd say
If your eyes began to see.

Perhaps my heart's run out of love--
Perhaps I am a yawn:
Too tired to think romantic things
And to friendship go beyond.

Finally, I have defeated
A meaningless urge:
The wish to be your only one,
Under tiredness submerged.

There is one I hold to,
One whose love is strong;
Strong enough to hold me
When he’s been deeply wronged.

For when I find I’m empty,
He fills me up with love,
And strength enough to carry on—
Much more than just enough.

He keeps me from despairing
For he’s never too busy for me;
His every waking hour,
He’s attentive as can be.

I know no other as righteous:
He’ll never do me wrong.
I wish I was more like him, but
The process will be long.

When no one makes me special,
When I’m selfish and want my way,
He’s patient, quiet, humbling:
He takes my breath away.

He’s not just something to hang on to
Because ‘nothing could heal this pain’:
He is the only solution,
The sun above the rain.

My faith isn’t blind, here—
It’s more than justified;
My Savior keeps me going.
To Him I owe my life.

I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

Miah is the girl I was:
And in a way I envy her.
She only felt artificial pain
That the character creator gave her.

Ben is the one who was my friend,
But who showed his true colors later
When I needed him most, he left me alone
As a character, he was barely even hated.

Connor, well, his story's not told
While I'm still reeling from his counterpart's words
I plan to write it soon, and then
I will spare her no allegorical hurt.

The closer I became
The further I fell away
And the harder I began to fall  
The further I was from it all.

So I came back to the sea
It's always had a hold on me
You drew me closer to You
As the tide pulled, I was too

The forests were drowning in shade
I knew they couldn't hide me anyway
The sky was everywhere
When I plumbed the depths, You were there.

Even if I should flee this world
I couldn't slip from Your grasp, Lord
Even when the oceans roar
I hear Your call more.

The beginning was suspenceful
The middle was too
But in the end, I saw
The story was all about you.

I couldn't escape reality
And reality kind of hurt
You were every character, every symbol
The high mountain and desert.

I wanted to run, to hide
But you met me there
I tried drowning in the depths
But it just wasn't fair.

I think the reason for this accost
Lies within my mind
That's where it all began, and someday
It'll be what is behind.

So many people all around,
I'm crowded in this space;
Noises, voices, endless choices,
Mind starts to erase.

Walls start closing in on me,
I'm trapped inside this place;
Cries, surprise, I realize,
I'm just another face.

Get me out, let me go,
My blood begins to race;
Shining, pining, no declining,
Breaking out with no disgrace.

The box they put me in is gone,
I'm a circle in this square place;
Blinding, finding more, reminding
The trapped to find escape.

(And Reasons Why I Have It Pretty Good)*


2. Starving people in Africa who have nothing that even resembles a stable govermnent to keep them safe and fed and alive. 

3. Couples going through divorce or recovering from divorce, and their poor children. =\

4. Drug addicts living on the streets without a family or a hope. 

5. Women and children caught up in human trafficking and slavery who have no one to save them. 

6. Would-be-mothers who cannot have children. This is heartbreaking for many women. 

7. Children abused by their own parents who then have to go through foster care and withstand the constant reminder that they do not have parents that love and care for them. 

8. People who have no hope and who believe a bottle of pills is the only way to take away their pain. Life is never a curse, and it is not one's responsibility to take when it becomes unbearable. 

9. Fathers who can't find a job in our economy and who feel like a failure because they can't support their family's needs. 

10. People who sit in a church and believe they are being good enough to go to heaven, when they've never heard the true gospel spoken to them before. 




1. And most importantly...the great number of individuals who have not heard and those who have rejected the Good News of Jesus Christ. It's nothing that I have done that makes me any different than them, but only the grace of God that I took hold of. I won't stand by while my fellow man lives on less than I do every day. I am blessed with food, a better government than many in this world, and parents who love each other and the Lord. I have a life of hope that sustains me better than drugs, a life worth living, and the financial support that only God could supply. And I have a church that preaches the gospel each Sunday and reminds me of how much I need Him. 

Lord, never let me forget Your many blessings. Self-pity, worry, and depression keep me from my true potential as Your daughter and servant. Show me how to share my blessings with others, so that I can spread Your Word to everyone I meet.
Amen.

Step into my journal
My life before your eyes
Come step into my world, dear
It's sure to be a surprise

What you thought about me
Disappeared without a sound
I liked to hide behind my walls
Whenever you came 'round

I'm not perfect, not even holy
I've got scars that I love to hide
If you come and look closely, you'll see
That I have more than just one side.

...Welcome.

Because I'm scared, and, I guess
I have a lot of shame
And fear of shame
Which is sometimes worse
Because the only thing you can do about it
Is somehow stop being afraid
And how in the world do you stop being afraid?
Especially of something like shame
Shame is a fear
A fear of rejection
A fear of making mistakes
A fear of your true, self-centered soul being bared to mankind
You're afraid to be opened wide
Before the audience
All who watch you
You believe that if they ever saw the person you are on the inside
When you're alone
At your worst
When you're a failure at best
And outcaste at worst
Because they would!
They would scorn your soul!
No! No! Nothing but perfection can stand here!
You are horrible and we cannot tolerate anything but crystal
Pure and undefiled
Never messing up
Never admitting defeat
That's what you fear
You're afraid that they would denounce you
But you can't see
Well, why should you
That you are not alone
This masquerade invited everyone
And sadly, everyone came
There's truth waiting in the shadows
If you know to call its name
Wait for the calling!
Where we all rip off our masks
Proud as we are human
Prone to make mistakes.
You have to let go of fearing
That you won't measure up
'Cause hey, join the club, we've got t-shirts
That say, “Cover me with His love”.
Shame is your slavemaster, you know it
You are bound by its fear and its hate
So break your bonds of imperfection
Live your life before it is too late.

THOUGHTS
Leave me alone,
I'm sick of your venom
You seek to steal, ****, destroy
Why haven't you killed me yet?

WALLS
Be silent, don't speak
I know the words you'd have
Never let me listen to your spite
You would have me tremble at your threat

DARKNESS
You took ahold of me
And you were far too strong
I am stepping out of fear tonight
I haven't since you and I first met.

MEMORY
Stop reminding me
Of the things I had forgotten
I know I was such a bad person
But to change, I really need to forget!

PAIN
Stop pulling me
You're stifling my voice
If you only would loosen your grip
You would see that I am just dead set.

SHAME
You take hold of me!
You drag me where I go!
You control my actions, my words
I am slave to you, drowned in sick debt

EYES
You see the world
Creating my habitat
You connect visions and secrets
But then, you lie just as often as me.

DREAMS
You captivate me
Taking me somewhere else
I believe your twisted reality, then
My world awakens, I—disoriented—flee.

LOGIC
Oh, you bound me
Locked me within your walls
I fear there is no escape from here
But I was always a slave to conformity.

TRUTH
Come on, shine!
Blind their eyes, even mine!
Glow and rip the bonds from me
I am searching, seeking, just set me free.

SKY
Open...move the clouds
Give me that heavenly chorus
Look for me in the city on the hill
I'll be the one with no more suffering.

My heart is open, speak Your truth
I’m waiting for Your word
For I know that You’re the only one
Who can heal my every hurt.

My eyes are open, show Your face
I’m waiting for Your love
For I know that You’re the only one
Who can fix my heart up.

Open me, I’m asking You:
Take and break these chains;
Flood my heart with mercy
And blind my eyes with grace.

My hands are open, take Your glory
I was stealing it all for me
But I know that You’re the only one
Who deserves my bended knee.

My mouth is open, take Your praise
I’m tired of praising my own name
For I know that You’re the only one
Who can make that claim.

Open me, I’m asking You:
Take and break these chains;
Flood my heart with mercy
And blind my eyes with grace.
Open me, I know it’s You
Who holds a hurting heart
Drown my soul in Your love
And heal my every scar.