I see the skyline of the city at sunset. Smoke from my cigarettes rises, Dancing around us.
We sit in silence,
Watching the sky darken.
I look at you,
Take in every strong line of your face.
I notice in the fading light,
Just how stunning your carmel skin looks intertwined in my milky white hand.
I inhale in the darkness,
Letting it envelope me.
Fireworks start to erupt in the distance. I exhale,
watching as they glow in sympathy. Stardust and sprinkling colors surround.
I smile,
It's so magical with our mountain view. You kissed me tonight,
as I thought you should.
Perhaps it was the whisky,
That made us so bold.
I don't know why it is,
That I couldn't help but kiss you back. Even though I knew,
It wouldn't last longer then fireworks and a cigarette.

I could learn,
to tolerate your imperfections.

Microwave you fish sticks for dinner.

But you won't talk to me.
Angry over something I carelessly said.

I've only thought of you naked a few dozen times today.

I googled you,
and was disappointed by the lack of ****** in your image search.

A mind is a beautiful thing,
but I always liked your body better.

I don't know when it was I fell, but I think I just hit solid ground. Those arms I wanted to catch me, are nowhere to be found.

I thought of strength as I fell, the beauty of his soul. Disregarding what I knew, that love can take a toll.

It's my own fault, I hide away so well. Secrets tucked down deep, that my lips refuse to tell.

I can't help but feel so broken, as I hit the floor. Delicate hearts made of glass, I heard mine crack as he closed the door.

As if it blossoms in the moonlight, white flower tainted red. Poisoned by the lies you told, wishing it where dead.

Beautiful flower it once was, so delicate to touch. Who could ever fathom, that a lie could destroy so much.

I watch it wilt, and fade away under the burning sun. The truth is barried within itself, in this battle no one has won.

It struggles to keep strong, but it only controls so much. It wilts at the very thought, that another could have your touch.

Its petals fall without your care, you left it here to die. This flower once full of beauty, was destroyed with a single lie.

I don't know why you're so painful to me.
Breaking me down,
every time you come and go.
I'm regret to you,
a sore spot on your heart.
You only see your past when you look at me,
A reflection of the destruction your leaving caused.
Ultimate ruin in your wake.
I can never shake these shoes,
Worn Maryjanes of a girl who doesn't know how to stop loving you.
I reach for you and you pull away,
So I stopped wishing,
Learning that it never has been about me.
You called today,
6 years of absence leaving me hollow.
I don't want it,
This time I just can't.
I don't know why you're always so painful to me,
Or how I can be so forgettable.

I would like
to forget you.
But your fingerprints
are now
carved
into my skin.
The imprint
of once having you
claiming me profoundly.

Your name
stains my lips.
Only to contaminate others.
I choke
on your absence
thick and lethal.

I whispered
that I love you.
But you wouldn't hear.
I said it
only in part
silence swallowing me whole.
Creating an abyss
of words
left unsaid.

Now it seems
that days are hallow.
I sit wringing
my tenacious hands
counting seconds
that slip
into unforgivable hours.

He kissed me again,
without warning.
Uninvited lips
trying to push mine apart.

Forceful hands,
On my waist.
He pulled away just slightly,
Eyes hard and dark.

He said my name.
So softly that,
It could not belong to me.
It just didn't sound the same.

I thought of someone else.
A flooding of guilt and need.
Making my heart ache,
And my stomach sick.

Drink to forgive or forget?
Let need consume reason.
I'm trying not to fall apart,
while defending dreams.

I speak for him
in  soft  whispers
delicate annunciations
     that linger
on my   craving   lips.

I lust for him
With   trembling   hands
    ineffable
             anticipation
    of feeling him
under my   eager   palms.  

I breathe for him
  in   breathless  gasps
startled by    his   disposition
   inhale and
exhale
swollowing profound ecstasy.

I hope for him
When   his  world
  Crumbles
bleak and desolate
      Amity discovered
a beacon of   immense   light.  

I love for him
beyond   comprehension
and far   past    reason
    Invoking
this rectified heart to beat
only
   for him.

A fortune cookie once told me, I must choose my way. It never did occur before, that it had nothing else to say.

The echoing of a voice I once knew, it bounces off my mind. Leaving me exposed and vulnerable, there's no comfort I can find.

Dip into divinity, just to find your godly right. Baffling how concepts blurred, when we all know wrong from right.

Judgment calls and everyone stares, as I kneel but never cry. Angels falter on broken wings, before they fall to earth and die.

Old wounds reopen
the pain
suffocating.
The conversation
between us is so small.
How can someone
I keep so close
be so far away?
Lost in physical form
but haunting
In spirit.
He's a ghost
and I'm just
a person
he never really knew.

I recall his voice sometimes when it's late and the world is quiet.
Longing for it to once more say my name.
I feel it vibrate through me.
It plays like a song,
focusing not on the words but the sound.

When I close my eyes I can see his face.
Handsome and strong,
a smile that lights his essence.
I could gaze at him forever not wanting time to continue,
knowing that he is a masterpiece.

I sometimes start to drift to things left unsaid,
silence and missing him always echoing the same.
Our souls are tangled in this unexplainable way,
curiosity and wonder always setting my skin on fire.

I could go to him...
but I've built walls that would crumble,
spent so much time stacking this house of cards.
We all share a moon I once was told.
Yet I never counted falling stars until he left, and took a piece of the sky with him.

I keep lullabies on my lips at night,
At those times when insomnia lays on the side of my bed,
Right where he should be.
My skin burns and my heart aches,
but I know now he's just a ghost.
He once was as real as touch,
only to become as strangled as my breath.

This is when I turn to rock, emotions mold to stone. I could never give you my heart, for its not my own.

I drift away with regret, I know I let you down. I cant take back the things I think, when your not around.

I feel it pulling in my chest, rise up and come to tears. I took a chance to make this work, and it ended with my fears.

I disapear now like the wind, I fade into the trees. You think I will forget you fast, but pain is hard to ease.

Dont look back and see me, a shadow of who you once knew, for I was never fully here. I make it look so easy, but the scars are always there.

I patched the sails with paper bags, and headed on my quest. Searching for a new tomorrow, I laid my past to rest.

Blessed pennies in my pocket, and holy water strapped to my belt. I shattered all that held me back, the curse I've always felt.

Tattered ropes hold me together, I've got this map that's made of dreams. With ruin all around me, moving on is best it seems.

I'm going but not forever, as I start along the way. Taking bits of memories, that will never fade away.

Blue sky's
Hold witness
to grey days.

Light shines
upon me.
But I do not feel it.

Just this
heavy weight
in my chest.

Just this
dark void
that's swallowing me.

Just this
Need to
Run from everyone.

I begg you
Pull the sun
From the sky...

Blind it's eyes
From witnessing
My destruction.

I untie my hair from its knot, I just want to be set free. Place my bare feet on the earth, and allow it to heal me.

I could not stand by anymore, stolen sentiments in fist. Waiting for a sign from him, wondering what I've missed.

Long hair flowing in the breeze, I now turn my face to the sky. Wind reminds me as tears fall, that it does no good to cry.

So instead I dance to feel the universe, for joy to fill me once more. Wild and unobtainable, I've felt this pain before.

Gypsy souls are meant to wander, forever too be free. My heart is struggling just to find, why he means so much to me.

I untie my hair from its knot, I just want to be set free. Place my bare feet on the earth, and allow it to heal me.

I could not stand by anymore, stolen sentiments in fist. Waiting for a sign from him, wondering what I've missed.

Long hair flowing in the breeze, I now turn my face to the sky. Wind reminds me as tears fall, that it does no good to cry.

So instead I dance to feel the universe, for joy to fill me once more. Wild and unobtainable, I've felt this pain before.

Gypsy souls are meant to wander, forever too be free. My heart is struggling just to find, why he still means so much to me.

Hands wonder to warm places,
eyes closed and pleasure building.
It's just an innocent stroke.

But his voice sets my skin on fire,
and I can feel it building.
His hushed commands leaving me wanting more.

I want to be good but I can't help myself.
Fingers sliding faster,
My body responds eagerly to it's rhythm.
Pleasure builds as his voice sets me on edge.

Please can I burst now?
As he grants permission I erupt,
toes curling and breathless.
I lose myself,
lingering for a moment between gasping fireworks and bliss.

I wanted to fill the cracks of his mind, and breathe his very breath. Need consumed by deep desire, leaving me scared to death.

I hung a rope on that tree, where I used to kneel and pray. Struggling to keep my head up, waiting for something he refused to say.

I wanted to slip and fall into arms, eager to break my fall. Scattered hopes cast about, that are just shadow puppets on the wall.

I cupped my hands to catch his tears, but the favor was never repaid. Slip the rope around my neck, in hopes to repair this mess I made.

I wasted all my saved up wishes, just in the end to tie the knot. I finally took that step and hang myself, with all the promises he forgot.

I wanted to fill the cracks of his mind, and breathe his very breath. Need consumed by deep desire, leaving me scared to death.

I hung a rope on that tree, where I used to kneel and pray. Struggling to keep my head up, waiting for something he refused to say.

I wanted to slip and fall into arms, eager to break my fall. Scattered hopes cast about, that are just shadow puppets on the wall.

I cupped my hands to catch his tears, but the favor was never repaid. Slip the rope around my neck, in hopes to repair the mess I made.

I wasted all my saved up wishes, just in the end to tie the knot. I finally took that step and hang myself, with all the promises he forgot.

I packed my bags and left a note, I'm headed for the moon. With luck tucked in my pocket, I'm bound to get there soon.

I've heard the moon was made of cheese, not the stinky kind. If there is a man up there, I won't leave him behind.

I know the sun could be a problem, my rockets old with rust. So I'll go at night instead, singing "to the moon or bust."

I have a plan you mustn't worry, It won't fall apart. With fairy dust and this old rocket, hope fills my once cracked heart.

He always comes back,
reeking of regret and apology,
Hands unsteady and shaking.

Soft knocks on my door,
one..two..three,
I always pause for four,
bracing myself as I answer.

He looks the same,
carmel skin and strong jawed,
Silence forgotten in embrace,
yet intimacy is stale.

Flooding with tainted memories,
He pours out tears I can't catch,
broken promises I can't mend,
wishes I can't grant.

This is the last time..
please he breathes into my hair,
pleading for refuge.
I know he is seeking sanctuary,
but he's already left me in ruin.

He always comes back,
for that desecrated relic of a heart,
that he won't leave behind.

Exhausted yet I carry on, boots grind with each heavy step I take. I trudge through bones of fallen men, whose hearts I had to break.

Wings that used to carry me, now lay as a reminder on my back. Haunted by the ghosts of lovers, who once counted all I lack.

The wind whispers names of honorable men, who survived yet I left broken. Names not worthy of my poisoned lips, that have parted but not since spoken.

Beautiful in reflection, but color fails to hide. This heart of frost that beats within, that so long ago shattered inside.

They stand in line and follow me, yet I tell them with regret from the start. If this was a fairytale, I'd be that twisted witch without a heart.

Exhausted yet I carry on, boots grind with each heavy step I take. I trudge through bones of fallen men, whose hearts I had to break.

Wings that used to carry me, now lay as a reminder on my back. Haunted by the ghosts of lovers, who once counted all I lack.

The wind whispers names of honorable men, who survived yet I left broken. Names not worthy of my poisoned lips, that have parted but not since spoken.

Beautiful in reflection, but color fails to hide. This heart of frost that beats within, that so long ago shattered inside.

They stand in line and follow me, yet I tell them with regret from the start. If this was a fairytale, I'd be that twisted witch without a heart.

His love is like a unknown depth, that strangles till she's blind. The truth that he hides in glass and nails, is embedded in her mind.

It chokes her essence, cages her sanity, as his lovers come into view. Now when she sees her reflection, it's of someone she once knew.

His wicked games of dark deceit, truly drive her mad. Why it is she chooses to stay, the answer seems so sad.

They lay intertwined and intimate, on sheets of silky blue. He whispers words of loyalty and love, that she knows in her heart aren't true.

His love is like a demon she craves, it draws in every breath. Even though he breaks her so, to leave him would mean death.

I struck a match and held it close, setting it all a blaze. Watching it on bended knee, observing through the haze.

When all this is finally over, I'm hoping that I can cry. Been waiting to escape for so long, that I can't remember why.

Smoke fills lungs to steal my breath, choked I can not breathe. I know that I am absolute, to love is to deceive.

I see it all in ruin now, as fire erupts in euphoric waves. Every dream I ever had, now lay in empty graves.

Wild it burns with furry, warming my pretty face. Smoldering all the hope I had left, leaving me cursed to this lonely place.

To see beauty by definition, when you gaze upon your reflection. To uphold an image of society, exhausting is perfection.

Lost in trance by magazines, she's never made the cover. But I guarantee her beauty, is unlike any other.

There's sunshine in her smile, freckles bless her face. She's got a light about her, that consumes this whole space.

She says that she's not beautiful, until someone places value to her worth. But she's to blind to realize, she's art upon our earth.

Blessed in individuality, she holds her head up high. Not knowing that her beauty, radiates outward and inside.

Transitioning from then to now, she contemplates her place. But time that passes proves evident, by the wrinkles on her face.

She looks down at her worn hands, as they reflect her tears. Free Yourself branded on her wrists, so it may absorb her fears.

Place it in a basket, flowers bloom of lust. Building walls impenetrable, bricks made of magic dust.

Fairytales they faded out, so many years ago. Buried in the person she sees, yet her reflection doesn't show.

He took something from me that I never wanted to give him.

Intimacy abandoned with secrets uncovered.
Burning new scars into my skin,
I'm left hurt and raw.

Tears fall without permission.
Flowing from me until I'm submerged enough to drown.
Oh please...just let me drown...

Tea leaves scattered in my cup cast the same pattern thrown along the floor.
The aroma of desperation so strong that he wears it like Cologne.

I won't let him kiss me anymore,
As I'm tired of the lies his lips tell and the metallic taste they suddenly hold.


Now I falter on broken wings.
He's a thief,
but I don't know how to stop my heart from loving him.

He slips softly into thought.
Causing my stomach
to turn
and
my heart to ache.
I don't want to love him anymore.
Times passed
and I'm void of comprehension,
a lack of understanding
on how he still has
such a profound impact
on my soul.

I know that he's probably sleeping,
but the space beside me just confirms,
it's not next to me.

I extend my arm,
squinting my eyes in the dark,
reaching to the shadows.

Softly I whisper his name,
it just echo's,
settling into silence.

Wrapping covers tightly,
I think of his arms,
always wanting them around me.

I know as I begin to drift,
he's my last thought before I sleep,
I can only hope I'm his..

He stands
Firm
An immoveable foundation
That shields me
From a darkness
That seeks to claim me.

He lights my way
It spills forth from within
Illuminating the farthest corners
When I am blind
To the world
and consumed
I look towards the radiance
That he himself holds.

He stands next to me
Lending me strength
Finding a courage
Within myself
That never existed
Until now.
Doubt erased
And replaced with the knowledge
That I am capable
And Divine.


He loves me
Uncertainty never forms
His affection never held
Always in abundance
It wraps around me
Cementing me in a place
Of comfort
And peace
This intimacy
A gift
That I have never known before.

I captured a part of him in poetry, put it down to hold against time. Praying with a small part of me, that through art he would always be mine.

Words that pour through ink inspired, he must be a muse. The outcome is always fates desire, because they never let me choose.

For fear of memories of him fading, I scribbled them down with pen. Not knowing where this journey is headed, only where it did begin.

I can place a finger to hold a page, and remember him through verse. Every emotion scribbled down, will he be a saviour or a curse?

My lips could never form the words, to capture what it is I feel. He must be meant for Poetry, so my heart would know it's real.

His name was whispered but soon forgot,
as I drew in all my breath.
He is what I want
..at this moment...
Both exposed and uncovered.
A casual encounter where he like others would want more...
I put my fingers to his lips,
shhh.
Linger in this moment.
Let excitement be electric.
Your name is invalid.

I stacked you up so wonderfully.
Hand poised,
Fingers light.
Made a beautiful home to call my own. Yet it all so quickly fell apart. A
King and Aces lay dead at my feet, Slaughtered by my instability.
Murdered by the very hand who built a home and promised love.
Shuffle the deck,
Count the endless possibilities.
Ironic that hearts are my favorite suit, Yet I always pull spades.
Compose and begin again.
I keep building homes with cards,
Then become shocked when it all falls apart.

In the end
what hurt the most
wasn't the confirmation
of how much he hated me.

It wasn't the verbal abuse
the words that linger
and haunt
causing pain all this time after.

It wasn't the emotional abuse
the neglect
or the cold heart
that cut
and left frost bitten scars
on my soul.

It wasn't the mental abuse
of how incompetent
how worthless
I am as a person
or how his voice still rings
in my head
trying to convince me
that I am not worthy of love.

What hurts the most is the hope.
Hope that he will change
Hope that he will heal
Hope that he will see me
for who I am
and not what he's tainted
and twisted
into the memory of.

The hope that
some small part of him
truly did love me
before
he aimed to destroy me.

I know that I am beautiful, no matter what you say, I gaze upon my reflection each and every day.

You tell me that I'm simple, but don't mistake me so. for the fullness of my lips and the curves of my body show.

Long and slender, that I am. My height is hard to hide, brown eyes and hair are common but I stand with confidence and pride.

You want to say I'm not your type, on that we can agree. I already have to many men chasing after me.

What bothers me most I must confess, you can't look beyond what you see. If a man wants to know me best, he must read my poetry.

I search,
in every reflection of myself.
Try and define,
in every hidden compartment of my essence,
what beauty lies without and within my very person.
When I close my eyes just to listen,
I faintly hear rhythm in my heartbeat, melody in my laughter,
a sing song way that I speak my words. If I read my soul correctly,
words of pure intentions,
may over throw my ruthful disguises.
If I'm squinting,
I can see the gorgeous face people claim I have,
big brown eyes full of wonder,
delicate lips so softly kissable.
I've been thinking of this a great deal, letting it consume me in the night, causing sleepless exasperations.   Looking deep within myself the truth has finally been revealed.
I was born from the stars,
I am stardust,
nothing more beautiful then the beauty of existence.

I now am yours,
I give myself to you completely.
You say the most wonderful things, Your gift of words overwhelms me, rendering me      b r e a t h l e s s.

Allow me to lose myself in you.
to get swept away in the intensity of your love.

Your laugh like bursts of golden sunlight warms my very essence.
        You come so easily to me.

You tore down my defenses as if effortless.
Leaving me vulnerable and exposed. Please don't break me.

I resist the impulse to run anywhere but into your arms.
I am yours so completely yours.

I can live with out them.
The words that cut me.
The demons that haunt me.
The boys that couldn't love me.
I am enough.

I can live without the mistakes
they make my chest tight
they make me doubt myself.
The dirt on my hands that never
came clean.
I can cleanse myself.

I can live without distortion.
The twisted world I lived in.
The lies and manipulation
the contorted memories
and pointed fingers.
I can just be whole.

I can move on from my past.
Heal from the pain.
Heal my world of ruin.
Set aside what's been lost.
It's beyond me now.
My future is forward.
I can rebuild.

I carry the world on my shoulders, my back about to break. Determined not to let it drop, as the ground will often shake.

Earth is angered by the way, I sit here always kneeling. Pressed between the land and sky, my mind is always reeling.

Wind is my best company, sweet caresses to my skin. Soothing away my sorrows, since calamity did me in.

Light radiates and fills me with warmth, my heart always aflame. But when darkness begins to set, the shadows say I'm to blame.

I carry the world strapped to me, a vow I cannot break. Sacrifices made for greater good, praying for souls that are at stake.

I cry in secret,
silent sobs shake me.
Tears roll quietly
and    fall    wasted around me.
Leaving a taste of disdain from showing weakness.

I resent what you have made me become.
You can beat me
damage me with your words     and      hands.
Ill never expose the impact of you
c r u s h i n g    me.

I cry
In secret
quiet sobs shake me.
You will never have the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
Or the realization of how badly
you     have     broken
me into pieces.

I cry in secret
silent sobs
  shake me.
Tears roll     quietly  
and fall
    wasted
around me.
Leaving a taste
of disdain
from showing
weakness.
I resent
what you
have made me become.
               Damaged
Beyond repair.
Ill never expose
     the impact of you
crushing me.
.....repeatedly.....
I cry
in secret
quiet sobs
   shake    me.
You will never have
        the satisfaction
of seeing me cry.
Or the realization
of how           badly
you have broken me
               into pieces.

I find him in stillness.
When the world's silent
When I finally find a moment
To stop
And pause everything.

The ache in my chest
Returning
When I stumble
On memories
On music
On the realization
That I miss him.

I beg my heart
Plead reasoning
Denouncing how it feels.
We don't belong together
We can't pull stars from the sky
We can't change fate.
He didn't want me
For better or for worse.
Why after all this time,
Does it still hurt?

I don't want to love him
Anymore...

I drowned once in the bottom of a bottle.

The infinite possibilities weighing over me, endless as the sky.

But he beat me..

So I prayed for strength.

I drowned twice in the bottom of a bottle.

Regret a heavy burden.

All the things I could have done, counting the casualties of my blindness.

I drowned three times in the bottom of a bottle.

Rock bottom never hurt so bad.

Realizing fairy tales don't come true.
No prince can slay my demons.

I surfaced when I realized,
That I must free myself.

Now I count my days and still I pray for strength.

I fell apart.

I guess it was time,
There are so many cracks already...

I shattered unto myself like a stain glass window,
Bits of color fading into shards.

Tears came and I may have wept a river,
I just want it to wash away.

Wipe my hands clean and carry on.

Promises of tomorrow seem exhausting, when you realize that it's all just the same in the end.

I wonder if I could just let myself shine.

But you see, I hold back all my light.

Always being fearful, that I would shine to bright.

If I could linger in a moment long enough to find,  where it is along the way... That I lost my mind.

If I could dance across the endless sky, wrap the wind around me in a tight embrace.. Maybe I could be complete in that time and space.

If I could find a loving soul, then maybe the magic walls would fade.

If I only could for once, find shelter in a home that I have made.

If I could count the endless stars in the night, and let the light alter my view..

If I could just let it all go, and fall in love with you.

There are no words to describe what's come over me.
Waves of emotions   crash  
dragging me down    to drown.

I struggle to suppress the pain,
        to not give into it.

Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue     wraps    itself around my body.

Tears burn my eyes
stinging   with   salt.

I give up allow myself to drown.
Sinking fast,  tears    choke    me.

My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing constantly....

I let it drift away,
no one can save me...
I let them drift away....

I sink
    suffocate
           my weakness disgusts me.

I'm to tired to fight,
to hurt to care anymore.

I give into water.

Consume me,
take me to the ocean floor and drown me.
I offer you my life.

I give into water.

There are no words
    to describe
                what's come over me.
Waves of emotions crash
       dragging me down
to drown.
I struggle to suppress the pain,
       to not give into it.
Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue wraps itself around my body.
       Tears burn my eyes
stinging    with   salt.
My stupidity brought this on.
     I broke my own rules.
               I knew better.
Why struggle if it's deserved?
I    give    up
allow myself to drown.
         Sinking fast
water   and   tears      choke me.
My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing           constantly.
I let it drift away
you can't save me this time....
      I let you drift away....
I sink
suffocate
    my weakness disgusts me.
I'm to tired to fight,
        to hurt to care anymore.
I give into water.
     Consume me,
take me to the ocean
      floor
drown me.
          I offer you my life.
              I give into water.

I miss him so much it echo's through me,
vibrations taking over because,
Some days I'm blinded with longing.

The tingling in my fingertips,
just a reminder that his hands,
are missing from mine.

He had this way of making me laugh,
that shook me,
filling me with bursts of goodness.

Eyes so knowing,
they saw right through me,
leaving me bare and comfortable.

I look at the aftermath,
it could have been love,
because this ache is so real it stuns me.

I miss you.
Like the desert longs for rain,
I like the dry    clay    ground am cracked.
Music holds different melodies,
the beauty of it    rings less    in my ears. My heart beats a different rhythm,
as if    missing a note.
I'm wondering   not yet    lost,
but found.
This is me        partly whole,    
saying   I     miss    you.