All I do is drag myself along the days
Hoping I won’t throw myself off a building along the way
I don’t feel the need to exist anymore
and I don’t see the point of being

All people tell me is that I’m stupid for saying such things
and that it’s just a fase
I’ll grow over it
and I’ll learn to deal with life along the way

Why should I learn to deal with a corrupt place
Why should I cope with being treated like ****

I don’t believe in this facade any longer
I see past the smiling faces
I don’t believe this lie we’re told to believe
I don’t enjoy being alive anymore

I’m lying to myself to keep me going
I don’t have any hope for the future anymore
Tell me why I should even try
All this does is make me unhappy

All I care for is keeping my social life going
Getting ****** up wasted so I don’t remember the pain
This system is a hoax
I wish it was simple

I wish I was dead instead

Alluring eyes
Good enough to hypnotise

perpetual grace
    Not a movement out of place

The wolf yearning

Thirsty
                              Greedy
            Lusting
                                                Craving

Twinkeling desires
Breed up like wildfire

Now that we've grown
All that we learned
Was the list of things
we had in common
Had only grown
And blossomed
Into a riper piece of fruit
For us to consume

The scent of your hair still lingers at my fingertips.

I hadn't felt **** like this yet. Soft caresses and sweet kisses turned bitter by your doubtfulness. Doubtful of yourself initially, eventually landing on my doorstep like an eviction letter. I had to escape. I didn't feel held in your arms. Your touch felt cold as tears fought through stubbornness. Waves of nausea clash below my heart as it desperately tries not to drown. I can't stay.

Now I'm filled with the gaping hole that you today filled and made whole. You leave me cold, dead, exposed, naked. Lay me out on the icy steel table and cut me open for examination. Do you like what you see?

Today is one of those days where I don't feel like I am.
I am aware of my existence but I wish I wasn't. I feel like I would be better off as a mere thought, drifting through life for a while and eventually disappearing into nothingness. A forgotten memory.
I'm too simple to drift along this earth as a person, and sometimes I can't feel things the way others do. Everything makes me think I am too different. Too useless, too distracted, too alone, too selfish. I wasn't made to live like this.

At times I feel happy. Happy with life, happy with any twist and turn life would take me on. I feel like I could accept anything, and anyone could be my friend.
Today is not like that.

Today I have trapped myself in a bubble and I don't wish to come out. I wish I could go back in time, fading from teen to child to infant and eventually I'd crawl back in to my mothers womb until I vanished into nothing but a memory.

Sweet baby
Forgive me

I have sinned
A strayed from your love

Tenderness like a nightlight
In the darkness at the age of five

You give me warmth
I give you butterflies

Without you
Dispair is but an endless routine

Life filled with
Broken rose petals

Glitters
Fluttering hearts unseen

Lean your head
On my chest

I promise you
My heart will beat

10 AM, train

How do you deal with other people if you don't know how to deal with yourself?
How are you supposed to tell someone you're broken?
How do you explain to people that you never meant to hurt them, and you know all too well how it feels to hurt the way they do?

How can you ever expect someone to understand?

This morning
I feel like
Kissing you

I want to run my fingers
Down your cheek and
Taste your lips
I'll run my hands
Through your hair and
Deepen the kiss
As our tongues meet

Can I be yours?

Kiss my neck and slide
Your hand
Under my shirt

Touch me
Feel me
Taste me

Push me down
On the bed and
Undress me
Play with me

I'll be forever yours

Kiss me
Lick me
Tease me

I'll roll over
And climb
On top of you
Our lips break
Contact
But our eyes meet

I need you

Alone never, forever, always my choice
Mindset blown to pieces, losing my voice

Is it up to you, up to me? Why do we dwell?
Who knows, can time really tell?

Time, destroyer of all
Attempting to heal us until we all fall

Sticks and stones, they hurt our bones
Words **** you, kick us from our thrones

Lost, desolate, insane
Rain engulfing me, drowning in pain

A sucker for the remedy
Drugs be the medicine, allegedly

The battle ongoing
Have I lost or are we growing?

Forever unknowing
Feelings nothing more but slowing

Days filled with nothing else but rowing
Grey times, the hurt overflowing

I feel in pain
My soul aches
My mind is tired
And my heart can no longer keep up

Traveling some place yonder
"What brings?"
I wonder
For I can no longer
Keep up

I can feel it
I can taste the taste of poison
Lingering in my mouth
My lungs filled up to the brim
And with every breath I let out

Black thorns entwine my heart
Leaving barely any space for it to beat
I dream of being taken by my sorrows
Dark winds swaying me off my feet
And numbing the pain eternally
I fantasize of being saved by death
Sweet nothingness taking me over
I wish to no longer be
This world is no place for me

You better be careful
You better beware
For these demons tormenting my thoughts
Taking over my sanity

For I have been broken so long
Unwilling to be helped
I pushed everyone so far
These demons were my only friend

Soothing me with hisses of critique
The lashes from fork-pointed tongues
Were the only reassurance I was alive

The sweet numbing was all I could feel
It was all that I deserved
Feeding my insecurities

Beware
For I am of no need to be helped
There is no need to rescue me
I'm not your ******* princess to be saved

I still hear them hiss
Beware
These demons don't like you

My face warm with tears
Loneliness hurts
But it's you who sparks my fears

Desire a long lost memory
Numb with guilt, we're so distant
Are you too blind to see?

Dreams of happy times
My mind wanders
My heart chimes

Future, forever bringing
The inevitable end
Or is there a chance of a new beginning?

Strangers no more
My heart beats
En-core

Beauty in everlasting form
You and I
We break the norm

Together we make the stars shine
I want nothing more
Than for you to be mine

I know you care deeply for me
We can make this last
Forever to be

Morning haze, after phase
Heart still racing, mind still spacing
Memories of dancing lights and smiling faces
My body fights tiredness of different cases
Light the green to put my mental to ease
Experience life the way that you please
Reminisce the nights filled with the unseen
Never to dwell on what could’ve been

Ashes to dust
You fade like the memory
Of us being happy together

I hate myself
I chased you away
Hurt you in the process
Hurt me in the aftermath

Did someone finally tell you
You shine brightest by yourself?

The sun is bliss
Truly it was you that I miss
Lying in your arms is all there is
Dreaming of you and I engaged in a kiss

Glad you gave me another chance
Didn't take my kindness in advance
Energy flowing in positive nuance
Baby just take me for a dance

Your brown locks flowing
Hazel eyes almost knowing
Cheeks flushed, glowing
Darling now is the time for showing

Allow me to embrace you
You pretend like you have no clue
My lovely, this is the cue
This moment is just for us two

I'm done reading this book
Again and again
The pages already seen
Nowhere else to look

Really, why do we still try?
You and I
Once an ocean of love
Now like a river gone dry

We loved too fast
And ****** too hard
Don't you feel it's better
For this to remain in the past

I

Insecure as ever
Unable to expose
I couldn't open myself up
Even if I tried

How many times
Do I still need to be told
"You're beautiful, really"
Before I can let go

Ugly isn't unattractive
It's a state of being
A feeling of shame
Why am I like this?

I hate my skin
My eyes are dull
How much longer
Will my bones hold?

I don't like myself much
What did you expect
I was your ashtray
Left to smoke out

Pretending I could be more
Is exhausting
I don't hold the energy

You

Shredded my heart
Ripped me apart

I guess it's up to you
Put me back together

What can I do
Nothing to say

Cold flesh
Warm touch

A lamb shredded
King of the jungle wins