Morning haze, after phase
Heart still racing, mind still spacing
Memories of dancing lights and smiling faces
My body fights tiredness of different cases
Light the green to put my mental to ease
Experience life the way that you please
Reminisce the nights filled with the unseen
Never to dwell on what could’ve been
The sun is bliss
Truly it was you that I miss
Lying in your arms is all there is
Dreaming of you and I engaged in a kiss
Glad you gave me another chance
Didn't take my kindness in advance
Energy flowing in positive nuance
Baby just take me for a dance
Your brown locks flowing
Hazel eyes almost knowing
Cheeks flushed, glowing
Darling now is the time for showing
Allow me to embrace you
You pretend like you have no clue
My lovely, this is the cue
This moment is just for us two
The scent of your hair still lingers at my fingertips.
I hadn't felt **** like this yet. Soft caresses and sweet kisses turned bitter by your doubtfulness. Doubtful of yourself initially, eventually landing on my doorstep like an eviction letter. I had to escape. I didn't feel held in your arms. Your touch felt cold as tears fought through stubbornness. Waves of nausea clash below my heart as it desperately tries not to drown. I can't stay.
Now I'm filled with the gaping hole that you today filled and made whole. You leave me cold, dead, exposed, naked. Lay me out on the icy steel table and cut me open for examination. Do you like what you see?
Melt me like butter with the toxic fire that resides within your fears.
Now that we've grown
All that we learned
Was the list of things
we had in common
Had only grown
Into a riper piece of fruit
For us to consume
You're the yin to my yang, baby.
Today is one of those days where I don't feel like I am.
I am aware of my existence but I wish I wasn't. I feel like I would be better off as a mere thought, drifting through life for a while and eventually disappearing into nothingness. A forgotten memory.
I'm too simple to drift along this earth as a person, and sometimes I can't feel things the way others do. Everything makes me think I am too different. Too useless, too distracted, too alone, too selfish. I wasn't made to live like this.
At times I feel happy. Happy with life, happy with any twist and turn life would take me on. I feel like I could accept anything, and anyone could be my friend.
Today is not like that.
Today I have trapped myself in a bubble and I don't wish to come out. I wish I could go back in time, fading from teen to child to infant and eventually I'd crawl back in to my mothers womb until I vanished into nothing but a memory.
Alone never, forever, always my choice
Mindset blown to pieces, losing my voice
Is it up to you, up to me? Why do we dwell?
Who knows, can time really tell?
Time, destroyer of all
Attempting to heal us until we all fall
Sticks and stones, they hurt our bones
Words **** you, kick us from our thrones
Lost, desolate, insane
Rain engulfing me, drowning in pain
A sucker for the remedy
Drugs be the medicine, allegedly
The battle ongoing
Have I lost or are we growing?
Feelings nothing more but slowing
Days filled with nothing else but rowing
Grey times, the hurt overflowing
Ashes to dust
You fade like the memory
Of us being happy together
I hate myself
I chased you away
Hurt you in the process
Hurt me in the aftermath
Did someone finally tell you
You shine brightest by yourself?
My face warm with tears
But it's you who sparks my fears
Desire a long lost memory
Numb with guilt, we're so distant
Are you too blind to see?
Dreams of happy times
My mind wanders
My heart chimes
Future, forever bringing
The inevitable end
Or is there a chance of a new beginning?
Shredded my heart
Ripped me apart
I guess it's up to you
Put me back together
What can I do
Nothing to say
A lamb shredded
King of the jungle wins
Insecure as ever
Unable to expose
I couldn't open myself up
Even if I tried
How many times
Do I still need to be told
"You're beautiful, really"
Before I can let go
Ugly isn't unattractive
It's a state of being
A feeling of shame
Why am I like this?
I hate my skin
My eyes are dull
How much longer
Will my bones hold?
I don't like myself much
What did you expect
I was your ashtray
Left to smoke out
Pretending I could be more
I don't hold the energy
I have sinned
A strayed from your love
Tenderness like a nightlight
In the darkness at the age of five
You give me warmth
I give you butterflies
Dispair is but an endless routine
Life filled with
Broken rose petals
Fluttering hearts unseen
Lean your head
On my chest
I promise you
My heart will beat
Good enough to hypnotise
Not a movement out of place
The wolf yearning
Breed up like wildfire
I didn't actually finish this but I don't know where it was going either. The feelings I had died out like a match in the winter rain. Sorry.
I can feel it
I can taste the taste of poison
Lingering in my mouth
My lungs filled up to the brim
And with every breath I let out
Black thorns entwine my heart
Leaving barely any space for it to beat
I dream of being taken by my sorrows
Dark winds swaying me off my feet
And numbing the pain eternally
I fantasize of being saved by death
Sweet nothingness taking me over
I wish to no longer be
This world is no place for me
10 AM, train
How do you deal with other people if you don't know how to deal with yourself?
How are you supposed to tell someone you're broken?
How do you explain to people that you never meant to hurt them, and you know all too well how it feels to hurt the way they do?
How can you ever expect someone to understand?
All I do is drag myself along the days
Hoping I won’t throw myself off a building along the way
I don’t feel the need to exist anymore
and I don’t see the point of being
All people tell me is that I’m stupid for saying such things
and that it’s just a fase
I’ll grow over it
and I’ll learn to deal with life along the way
Why should I learn to deal with a corrupt place
Why should I cope with being treated like ****
I don’t believe in this facade any longer
I see past the smiling faces
I don’t believe this lie we’re told to believe
I don’t enjoy being alive anymore
I’m lying to myself to keep me going
I don’t have any hope for the future anymore
Tell me why I should even try
All this does is make me unhappy
All I care for is keeping my social life going
Getting ****** up wasted so I don’t remember the pain
This system is a hoax
I wish it was simple
I wish I was dead instead
I'm done reading this book
Again and again
The pages already seen
Nowhere else to look
Really, why do we still try?
You and I
Once an ocean of love
Now like a river gone dry
We loved too fast
And ****** too hard
Don't you feel it's better
For this to remain in the past
We burned out, baby.
You better be careful
You better beware
For these demons tormenting my thoughts
Taking over my sanity
For I have been broken so long
Unwilling to be helped
I pushed everyone so far
These demons were my only friend
Soothing me with hisses of critique
The lashes from fork-pointed tongues
Were the only reassurance I was alive
The sweet numbing was all I could feel
It was all that I deserved
Feeding my insecurities
For I am of no need to be helped
There is no need to rescue me
I'm not your ******* princess to be saved
I still hear them hiss
These demons don't like you
Recovering is hard. I'm doing better now but I still find myself being pulled back by the demons of the past. I don't need them anymore, I found things that make me happy, instead of feeding me negativity. I'm no longer hungry for such things.
Strangers no more
My heart beats
Beauty in everlasting form
You and I
We break the norm
Together we make the stars shine
I want nothing more
Than for you to be mine
I know you care deeply for me
We can make this last
Forever to be
I feel in pain
My soul aches
My mind is tired
And my heart can no longer keep up
Traveling some place yonder
For I can no longer
I'm really no good poet, and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like
I want to run my fingers
Down your cheek and
Taste your lips
I'll run my hands
Through your hair and
Deepen the kiss
As our tongues meet
Can I be yours?
Kiss my neck and slide
Under my shirt
Push me down
On the bed and
Play with me
I'll be forever yours
I'll roll over
On top of you
Our lips break
But our eyes meet
I need you
— The End —