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  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
I didn't know you were a piano player.

This fact only came up while my palms burned
with anticipation as I reached out into the stillness,
searching for your hands. I found them beneath sheets
and cold promises, where the fingers were dancing
and the nails were scratching and you were looking to have a good time.
You're good at playing the blues.
A man by the name of Skye told me you knew all about snatching secrets
from the moon, and as I felt the scars and scratches along your callous, quick fingers, I knew this was true.
Your eyes never looked down at what you played, which is probably how they ended up this way: scarred and burned and stained a dark red. I
never found out why you liked to play music so dark that it did
nothing but leave bruises, ones you tried to wash away with
old wash cloths and chardonnay. Or why your nickname was *****
even though your mother named you Vivian. Or why you sold me those
tickets to that band you dreamed of seeing. Or why your hands started
shaking whenever you were near me. Or why I'm in love with your fingers,
and all the notes they've played and touched and stole.
I don't mind the fact that their skin is burdened with slices of depressed,
quiet peace, or the way your eyes turn blue even though they're supposed
to be green.
I can only hope in the wake of all these sad revelations, that your fingers will remain on those black and white keys, and tomorrow you'll still be playing.
I've got a terrible fascination with hands
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
I am not suicidal.
But life has lost all meaning.
While I may not go looking
for Death's hands,
if He found me,
and wrapped his fingers around mine
I think I just might
fall
     in
          love.
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
I tried to explain the concept of stars
to a three-year-old, who couldn’t quite fathom
why we loved what we did.

He held onto his stuffed rabbit and asked
‘what are those lights in the sky’, with wide eyes
and a genuine interest in human nature.

I explained to him that they were stars, and
when he asked what that meant, I said
‘they’re just ***** of gas, light, and hope’

and these vast spheres of gas and light
and hope, govern us. Tyrannize our tiny
existence with their somewhat larger indulgence.

How we worship supernovas and eclipses, how
we wish on things that merely embellish the moon;
that glow. How we loved to watch things, and pretend

that they were of some sort of importance. We could
spend whole nights lying on our backs with lovers
watching still shots of the void. Figments of imagination.

I tried to explain the concept of stars
to a three-year-old, who couldn’t quite fathom
why we loved what we did.

And unfortunately, neither could I.
NaPoWriMo #2
Weird, but I'm trying something new
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
I tried to smudge your name out of the
playbill of my life, but I couldn't. Somehow,
I'd convinced everyone around me, and even myself,
at some points, that you were nothing but a mere what-if

in my life of absolutes, and I didn't miss you.
Of course, day in and day out, words and lines for unwritten poems
would submerge my thoughts deep in murky, unfiltered tubs of
darkness, and I'd find myself haunted by your existence.

I tried to get over you, but I'm a poet, and the fact
of the matter is that poets don't get over much of anything. So
I'm sorry for this facade that I've so grudgingly constructed,
but I've never been too good at saying goodbye...

..or sorry, for that matter.
NaPoWriMo #1
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
These rain drops won't leave me alone. It's not
the clouds that torment me, it's the ******* rain.
The rain drops like to see me miserable, and
the clouds are just their chauffer

I still love the rain, though.
I still love you, though.
terrible, but a ******
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
Remember how you said that
only God will judge us
and when I told you my secrets,
you left?* I do.
******
  May 2015 antxthesis
Enigmuse
I lit a match and swallowed the flame
the taught, warm light allowing me to glow
a distant orange, and you watched me.
Yet, your stare provided me with more heat

than I could ask, and I found myself wanting you
more and more again, but you didn't realize what you
had done; that you, for a brief second, illuminated me.
And you pressed your fingers to the glass,

your hands were shaking, your mind a mess , and I cried out
at the heat from your touch, but the indirect contact,
it wasn't enough. Not enough for you to luminate me.
You remain behind the wall you've painstakingly constructed.

You reside behind truths and life and love, and
I should not have to swallow a flame
to feel the warmth from your resounding gaze
in the night, please take me in. Even, if only for a moment,

I need it. I need you. And
I beg of you, illuminate me.
bleh, so many innuendos
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