I'm currently 2,500 miles away
Sitting on a rooftop in the city on a cloudy day
Yet, Nothing felt more like home
Then being alone.
Alone in this...
busy,
crowded,
untamed,
relentless,
world
with
you.

You can skip me across time
like a pebble dashes across the water
change my
attributes,
experiences,
physical features,
the person who i once was,
until time and gravity decide for me to sink.
but no matter the space and time,
my love for you will be a reason I traveled so far.

I've wondered lately..
where your words
will take me
how you made distance
feel so close
and how easy it might be
to trust another wounded heart
it was a pleasure seeing you crack a smile through years of despair.
yes the feelings are mutual,
& I take into account how different
we lived before meeting;
two somber poets,
turning pain into beauty..
cheers to you
here's to Life
thank you for the next chapter,
with or without you.

i was given Light
the moment your voice hit my ears
i was taught life
when seconds with you turned to years
your personal wisdom
gave me patience and strength
The Stages of time
brought me fear of its length
whether it be natural causes or Abnormal Cells
I never bid,
      the moments we lived,
                               my farewells.

when I was in Japan,
I reached in my bag for yen,
I drew a coin with the Zia on it
given to me by a gem
as I stared at the cold breezy mountains of Japan holding this, I  was reminded of
The deep Roots of cracked hot concrete I would work out on
The smell of albondigas Nana would be making
The bright yellow and blue tile mismatched on the lining of the kitchen
The simpleness of living in a "this'll work" architecture
the tumbleweeds, the dry cacti landscape, vast dirt reaching to the dark amber mountains, painted with fading perfect blend from the sunset, homemade meals, la raza, tias and tios, the stray cats and dogs (and family pet names)

My Arizona desert was so hot that everything did its best to share being in the Cool casted shadows.

yet here I was in the complete opposite wishing for that sun
holding this coin brought be back to when you thought I would Judge where you were from
but your "Land of Enchantment" will always remind me of being one step closer to home...

When I play music from my phone,
I delete songs
not because you were apart of that moment
I just don't like the left side of my chest
feeling like I'm falling out of the sky

When I'm trying to pick up the pieces...

I don't understand terrorist, their purpose;
It makes me binge, makes my eyes red, my heart shake.
I get this tingle sensation down my spine
when there's a headline that revolves around the word 'Attack'.
like i should be watching my back.
Genocide.
I've read books about that guy,
and its done nothing but boil my blood.
What could you do but mourn...
& I hate to leave you off like this;
but in moments like these,
all I ever feel, only last so long.
then time takes over
and I'm stuck in these loopholes of epiphanies
realizing what I have compared to what the world once had
and then,
Life just continues.
it drifts me
into this dark. deep. abyss of questions,
purpose, & fate.

so please, stop the hate.

It's not the fact that you are gone,
It's that the world
didn't stop
turning,

When mine did.

and I thought I spoke delicious words?
yet here you are,
making me come back for thirds.
sweet as blueberries on a beautiful breezy sunny day
one by one, devouring every word you say.
the sentences glimmer, they are rare, rememberable yet short
& reading your name is like watching a butterfly float around me
brings peace,
pauses time,
takes me back to myself,
(with sincerity of course)
you make me ******* own words.

Since when is it okay
To feel indifferent
I've kept my heart away
And now my mental health is distant
I am lost.

And that use to be fun
But its gone too far..

Who have I become.

why not let out the ideas in your head before you die?
so it can live on
and you can go peacefully.
but what is this pool of ideas in my head?
What if I drain it out?
What if I let it out So Much that I have nothing left of me...
?!
maybe that's the point.
there won't BE nothing left of you.

So, You let it out Until you die.

Without you
   I could Touch the sky
& my mind is free
With you
   I was dancing with the stars
& my heart,
was already floating in space

The way you looked at me use to be a sun rise.
as the world turned,
i was not the one
to keep it
from
sinking
into
the
darkness.

I was your friend
you had a name for me.
it represented what you could see.
We made bonds in time that could last an eternity...
yet,
I became just a face with a list of attributes
instead of a known identity.
and "Everywhere at the End of Time"
made remembering, your enemy.

Worries on hold
Time, feels timeless.
Anxiety is gone
when actions are mindless

Like coal in the flames
The people I love-
Give me the warm feeling
             I won't die out so soon.

And,
a piece of me still
Wishes u we're apart of that.

Whenever I hear new music,
its like the artist knows
Missing you hurts.
out of all The Life my heart holds for you
I don't know how to let it out..
for now,
I just bleed words that cant rhyme
Lyrics, melodies, beats and time-
and nothing can tame my heart

but hopefully My poetry will reach yours

In a world full of moving souls
behind perspective eyes
I looked for you.

and it hit me:
Even when I was with you
I could not find you..
you NEVER let me FIND YOU.
In the end and tomorrow,
I will always look for you.
every time I see a resemblance
I am a dog looking for a ball with his ears up
having a little hope that it is YOU,

but no
no one is you.
no one will ever be what I looked for in you.

looking at you
is like
staring down a open road

creation
nature
clouds
sounds
architecture
raging sunsets
dancing flames
broken reflections
running crashing water
movements of wonderful bodies
visual dept of the vast marvelous mountains
the breathe taken away from me out of appreciation
in complete shock of how beautiful things can be in this world


yet I wonder...
why don't I look at myself like that?

stop looking outside.
focus on where it starts
discover yourself in ways
no one can find for you.
let the world spin,
go back to your roots
and dont let yourself get the best of you

She helps me forget about you.
She keeps me up
    With her air
With her intoxication
She
She helps me

But not like you did.