A letter came in the mail
For you today
Don't they know
It's been nearly four years

I remembered the way you'd throw out
The junk mail
And I tried to hold
Back the tears

They say time heals all
But I'm still waiting
For the day when I pass your old house
And don't get the chills

Or when I can finally smile
Or maybe even laugh
At the fact that we still get
Your bills

For now it's still hard not to feel
The guilt for having fun without you here
At family dinners with an empty seat
I always feel such shame

With each holiday
Your seat gets lonelier
And it gets harder for me to breathe
When I hear your name

They don't understand why
I still get chocked up
While thinking of you
Because three full years have gone past

Sometimes I forget
They only expect you to be sad
For as long as the flowers
Last

We live by the words "be perfect don't fail"
About us we should see what that reveals
We obsess over numbers on a scale
Expectations are set by these ideals

When did portion sizes become so small
It's hard to think of but needs to be said
Put my health first vs. do I care at all
A constant battle inside of my head

Strength and will-power silence the voices
My body shaming can finally stop
Pushing myself to make the right choices
In this battle I will come out on top

Because the exact moment I give in
I'm choosing to let society win

A high-five received from a new friend
A conversation where you don't have to pretend
A head nod or even just a "sup?"
A "good job" or a thumbs up
Acknowledgment that is sudden or unexpected
The feeling that you aren't being neglected
A compliment on the outfit that you are wearing
The impression that someone is actually caring
A single smile from a random stranger
These simple, undervalued moments could be someone's life changer

My mom never let me play in ball pits
She said they were filled with germs
If it were up to me I'd have played in them
But I had to live by her terms where
As healthy baby born and raised
Only germs would get me sick
So I chose to stay away
Although I thought it was a trick

My mom never let me play in ball pits
She'd say they are covered in bacteria
And that's all the criteria needed
For her method of protection
Against the risk of infection
But correction
What about the protection
I needed from my own reflection

Pinching and tucking and *******
In my stomach to make the image in the mirror hurt less
Fighting and crying and trying
Did my mom really do her best

Now I'm not blaming her for the absurdity
For it was me who created my insecurity
That I failed to overlook each day
But it's ok
Because my mom never let me play in ball pits

Each of us our has own struggles or disease
Not just the flu or strep throat
Mine was the desire to please
Let go of all the worries
But I could not let the war cease

We can hope for the best and pray
But if we all get sick anyway
I must admit
That sometimes I wish I played in ball pits

But what do I know
I'm only nineteen
And I probably can't hear clearly
Over the caffeine

Smothered in jewels
And chains of gold
The life most desired
By the inferior

Glamor and money
Become the dream
But the real dreamers
Think beyond the image

The chains reflect the rays of sunshine
Gaining the attention
But blinding the way

They hang heavy
Constraining each move

The outside voices
Control the opinions
And the money
Hides the truth

Red wine spills
You should know
It stains

When the lights eventually grow dim
The inferior become the superior
Left with true opulence
Or a lack of

I hope you're satisfied

We were teenagers
Sun kissed
Surrounding a bonfire
That burned the marshmallows

We roasted working all day
Sinning all night
With a blazing connection
That made me wonder
What you were waiting for

I was falling harder for you
As the leaves turned orange and red
With the fading warmth
Your feelings faded too

I thought there was still hope
As winter approached
But you got just as cold
As the weather

It was me, you and
Her
And what was meant to be
But you chose her
Leaving me to freeze alone

In the dark with my thoughts-
the what ifs
I told myself I was over you
I kept a distance too

But then the flowers returned
And so did you
Springing memories and empty promises
Like whispers in the breeze

The subtle sun rays
Rolled in
Just like the charm
Behind your smile

And it was summer again
We were still teenagers
Making the same
Innocent mistakes

The seasons continued to change
You changed seasonally too
But no matter the damage it sprung in my heart
I'd always fall back to you

Holding onto something that doesn't exist

Easier to pretend I don't care

Everyone wishes for peace
It's all the talk
These days
******* up
Means everything

Meanwhile, armies are dispersed
Waves crash over land
As time stops
And lives are lost

Families torn apart
Left empty
With a gaping hole

Finally, it ends in agreement
The fighting begins to cease
Sudden calmness and relief
Sweeps over the land

The calm before the storm
Is only false hope
For peace
Is the calm after the storm

It tastes sweet
The relief of the land
A weight lifted from its shoulder
A feeling so hard to obtain

It's universal
We all know what it is

Still we're all left
Wondering

Why does peace only come
After war

I watched you walk away
From me, with all your lies
You didn't even look back once
So I knew this was the last of our goodbyes

You used to call me your princess
Said we were living in a dream
Where one day we would find our castle
But I guess reality wasn't as good as you made us seem

In our story there's no glass slipper
It's just as poisonous as an apple
To think of what we could have been
Had we made it to the chapel

I thought our love was a fairytale
But in the fairytales the prince stays
To live happily ever after
For the rest of the days

I could build a house of straw or sticks
Or build one of bricks in red
That wouldn't protect me from realizing you were just as bad
As the wolf hiding in grandma's bed

For this pain there's no magic kiss or spell
And it cannot be cured by laughter
No one will save me with a magic flying carpet
This is our unhappily ever after

You
The whitest of white
Me
The darkest of black

My mind painted you gray
Just to ruin perfection

I wondered how we fell in love
You'd say opposites attract
You being my inhale
Me being your exhale

But for you
Falling in love
Was just as easy
As falling out of love

The missed calls and ignored voicemails
Ached in my heart

So I would check
And check
For a message
That never arrived

But getting no message
Was also a message

No longer did
I believe that opposites attract

You made the jokes
I was the punchline

Maybe I still regret the pain
For all the tears you didn't see me cry
And all the cold nights
That ended in sweat

Thinking you were the spark of life
In my world of death
Or maybe the spark of death
In my life

The words I never got to say
Still sit in the back of my throat
Aching, burning
Like stale *****

I haven't purged in years
It crosses my mind
Each day
You're not here

Sometimes
I'd wish the memories could disappear
Almost as quickly as you did

Other times
I dream of us
Or what was us

Then I wake up
Mascara running down my face
Think of how you'd say opposites attract

And remember you
left
So I
write

She is her own worst enemy at times,
As if she’s become a different person.
She got this way through telling all her lies,
And her condition persists to worsen.

In her mind she is never good enough,
But to me she represents perfection.
She is just so beautiful, smart, and tough,
But she can’t see that in her reflection.

She thinks she’s too big and has to get thin,
But to everyone else, she looks just fine.
She has a goal in life to always win,
But is there even a real finish line?

Freedom of speech
Until we speak too much
They revoke it and
That's when

The waves start rising
Covering our mouths
They don't test for breathing
They test to see if we retained the information

You don't know what it's like to breathe underwater
Because if you breathe underwater you drown
But if we can read or memorize under the water
To them, that's all that counts

They'll check you for
Another score and another grade
But they won't check your wrists
Where you take out the pain

For the days when the workload
Weighs more than you do
And the more it weighs
The more you lose

Breaking down
Ran to the room
She knew too well

Afraid of the trouble
Of her old habits
Hands shook easily
Suffering an attack
With clouds of evil feelings

Determination could not change the pain
Too weak to succeed
Gates closed in
Again she wished for death

Suicide
Like a never extinguished flame
Lurked in the air
For two years longer

Then awake,
One morning
She found life
Not as bothersome
As in the past

Still, She did not know
If the pain was shrinking daily
Or if she grew used to the suffering
And neglect

Hardships arise when custody is joint
They'll tell you two homes are better than one
They can say what they want but there's no point
If having two homes feels like you have none

The train rides back and fourth from mom to dad
Make me feel like I have to decide
Is it really worth it if it makes me sad
To think where should I stand and on whose side

Aftermath of war is a cruel reality
I don't want to become a casualty

When I look at the word tired
I see the word tire
And it all makes sense

When we say we feel tired it’s bad
But car tires never stop
When they get flat or “tired”
They don’t stop no matter how low it gets

And maybe that’s why I still identify as tired
I am a tire

When life keeps pulling me forward
No matter how weak I get
I keep turning
Keep going

And it all makes sense

Everyone's alive
Until they're not
But some die
Before their heart stops

You hear these words all the time
Mind, body, soul
You need all three to align
To get you to your goal

You're a different type of person
One who is motivated from within
Your journey has just started
This is where you begin

To others it may seem
As though you have an obsession
But you just think differently
Seeing school as your full time profession

Assignments pile up
Readings have to get done
But meeting the deadlines
Is just part of the fun

Pressure builds up
Expectations are made
You will do anything possible
To get that good grade

The odds may be stacked against you
But you know you can't stop
Because this is what it takes
To be and stay on top

At first, I blamed my clumsiness
I laughed at it too
but deep down I knew
willingly, I slipped back for you

One day you realize you survived a civil war
In a battle field where both parties have home field advantage

Everyone's alive
Until they're not
But some die
Before their heart stops

I love you, he said
As the hanging wall pictures tumbled down
Knocking me in the head
Piece by piece

I devoured each lie
And asked for more
Craving the attention
That was his love

I'd walk home in the dark
As delicately as a bruise
Blooming from the imprints of
His cool hands

He'd hit me up for a plan
The next day
Throwing a private party
Where no one could hear

My silent screams
Sometimes I couldn't even hear
Them over the slamming
Of doors

He'd play and twist me
Like his little doll
But it was our
Special game

His scent
Like pepper spray
Burned my nose
So I inhaled deeper

He'd set fire to the house
Or maybe just to my heart
Clawed at my thighs
Got drunk off my blood

And that's how our love worked
He'd break my bones
And I'd insist it was
My fault

But then I met you
And found that love isn't measured
By the number of bruises
Down my spine
Or even by the scars
He'd give me on my wrists

With you
I'd never even think
To apologize for being me
When that's all he'd ever hear

So no he didn't really love me
And that realization
Hit me harder
Than he ever could

This is the part
Where you and I become
Something
Whether it be
We, us, our
Or just a memory
Passing in the breeze
This is the part
Where we meet
For the first time
In 4 months
The part where just friends
Is just a safety term
If I look at you
Will I feel it too
Will you make my heart jump
Like the dynamic we used to have
Or will it ignite flames of the past
I'm in critical condition
I can't afford to inhale more embers

Your day starts off differently
From all of the rest
5am workouts
Are how you remain the best

Always pushing forward
You can never look back
This is what helps you
Stay on your track

Judgements are made
But it won't slow your pace
Because nothing can keep you
Away from the chase

Sore muscles lead to ice baths
Training and recovery take time
It's not the destination that matters
But rather the climb

Running across the finish line
Is just where you begin
Hard work and determination
Makes you a champion

I see your mom more than I see you
It wasn't supposed to end like this
After all you put me through
It's 11:11 and you're still my wish


Tears fall slowly down my face
I end up wiping them on my bed
I was able to give you space
I guess these truly are the words never said

You might think you are an average person
The one on the street we walk by and miss
But to help somebody's life not worsen
Is a thought no one should have to dismiss

Struggling people fighting for their lives
Want their suffering to come to an end
Their pain is unbearable like sharp knives
The least we can do is just be a friend

The agony dealt with could be relieved
With a simple smile or a high five
If we all came together and believed
It would be great to see the fighters thrive

The need of more helpers is essential
You can help, don't limit your potential