A self betrays
It dances through the maze
A sly saboteur within our core
Destroying dreams we once held dear

It whispers doubt, it fuels our fears
Tempting us with wasted years
A saboteur we cant evade
For in ourselves, its roots are laid

But hope still flickers, a steadfast flame
A chance to rise and break the chain
Embrace our flaws, learn to forgive
And self-sabotage, we shall outlive

A whispered thought by choices past
Regret's burden I now hold fast
Fleeting moments, lost in time
I yearn to undo what once was mine

A symphony of chances gone
Echoes haunt, remorse lives on
Bitter taste of what could be
Regret's cold embrace envelopes me

Yet wisdom sprouts from lessons learned
Resilient heart, it softly yearned
To greet tomorrow with open eyes
Regret's shackles, I shall defy

For in the tapestry of my soul
Regret's threads are woven whole
But from this tapestry, I'll rise anew
Embracing life, and starting anew

In the still of the night
I find myself alone
But I am not afraid
For I have overcome

Depression used to hold me down,
But I have found my way
Through the darkness and the pain
I have found a brighter day

So now I stay up late
With nothing but my thoughts
But I am not alone
For I have fought and I have wrought

A life that's worth living
A life that's full of joy
And though I may be by myself
I know I'm not a lonely boy

For I have learned to love myself
And to find solace in my mind
And now I am free
From the chains that held me confined

The weight of burdens, a heavy shroud
Tugging at my spirit, like a tempest loud
Every step forward feels like a fall
As I stumble through life's endless hall

The road ahead, a winding maze
Where dreams dissolve in a sorrowful haze
Fatigue engulfs my every bone
As I yearn for solace, to be left alone

The stars above, once shining bright
Now flicker weakly in the darkest night
Their distant glow, a mocking tease
Amidst my longing for inner peace

To release this fight
To surrender to the consuming night
To lay down arms and concede defeat
In the embrace of silence, find retreat

But deep within, a whisper remains
A faint flame of hope that still sustains
Though weary, battered, and scarred, I see
A glimmer of strength, still resides in me

For life's trials, are a test
To push us further, to our very best
Though darkness looms, I'll rise anew
Embracing battles, both old and new

I'll cast aside the thoughts of surrender
And find strength within, fierce and tender
For even in moments of doubt and strife
I'll persevere to embrace this precious life

With the pendulum's sweep, my heart did weep
A soul engulfed in darkness keep
Depression's weight, a heavy plight
Concealed the stars, veiled the night

But from the depths, a spark arose
A flame of hope, my spirit chose
With weary steps, I ventured on
To find the dawn where peace was drawn

Alone I stayed, as midnight's guest
Embracing solitude, unrest
The moon, my guide, whispered in light
"There's strength in darkness, just hold tight."

Each lonely night, a battle fought
A testament to strength, I sought
With every breath, I rose anew
Conquering darkness, spirits grew

So let the night befriend your soul
Embrace the hours that make you whole
In solitude, find strength untold
As stars align, let light unfold

I'll be your guide when shadows fall
A protector strong, through it all
From whispered secrets to shared dreams
In this sibling love, forever it gleams

Though paths may differ, and years may pass
Know that my love will forever amass
For you, dear brother, my heart beats true
Forever and always, I'm here for you

In shadows cast, I stand alone
An outcast in a world unknown
Misunderstood, a soul apart
I bear the weight of my wounded heart.

In crowded rooms, I fade away
An echo lost in the disarray.
Invisible threads, they pass me by
A silent tear, my whispered cry.

Yet, in my solitude, I find solace
Embracing uniqueness with fierce promise
For within these depths, a light will shine
A beacon of truth, no longer confined.

Though different paths, we all may tread
I'll wear my outcast cloak with grace, instead
For it's in the margins where I find my might
A symphony of colors, painting my plight.

So let me wander, let me roam
An outcast's spirit, forever my home
For it's in this journey, unbound and free
I embrace my truth and claim my destiny

Often have dreams been frightful
Seldom are they delightful
Elaborately a world created
Disastrously that world faded

Opening eyes to witness nothings changed
Closing eyes to hide how it's pained

In that moment that was dreamt
What could that dream have meant
The gaze was true as it had been
A dream brought to end

Drawing back the sinew
Tension silently increasing
Bolt of betrayal, crashing within you
Impaled with a feeling never ceasing

Dampened, darkened, and discarded
Forged a world, now laid to rot in

Joyous sung our choirs verses
filled with vile sicken curses
From those once loved
Now we share their song

Results may vary,
Among the wary.
Life is seamless,
Until you're dreamless.

Through all beauty and all fault.
Never stop, never halt.
Learn from when you fall.
Until Death makes his call.

The world's evolving around me into a place I no longer belong...
Or maybe I've evolved in a way I no longer belong in the world...
If we could only unEvolve back

Wait..wait.. wait..
Who's in these shoes?
Wait .. weight..? wait!!
I feel my sole ripping

Weight?  Weight!? Wait....
A stranger behind the wheel
Wait.. Wait! No Wait!
He's caused all this pain I feel

The wait for this weights extinction
Has rot the strength to stand straight
Only to question if the weight is fiction
Or is it that I just have to wait to feel great

Grabbing that wheel can be hard at times
So some choose to fly auto pilot style
Closing their eyes and failing at their primes
Crashing when the auto pilot style dies

Was it the weight? Or the wait?
Who's to say?
We all wait for the weight of Death's arrival day

Growing takes time,
So does healing.
The scab began to itch
And with it removed
A wound inflicted upon us both

Open wounds bleed.
We slowly walked together in beautiful metronome
Until you felt the blood trickle down and the burn of pain rush through you..

Breaking two promises at once
Both mine to you and mine to myself
So I became a recluse
And alone I sat

And with that this may be
The last entry I'll be able to scratch down
For I might be thrown into a dark place
Which is something deserved, but not for the crime they say, but the one I feel inside.

Breaking the heart of an innocent's love causes so much damage.
After ripping off my own scab, I gave you one too and now both of our hearts have bled.
And I am to blame.
and I cannot take on another-

When did it become hard to write of beauty?
This life's wonderment has been annulled from me,
As if a punishment for some crime.
Now each day slips from the last, melting into a sea of foggy memory.

I only blinked to find the words have all disappeared.
Replaced by a much darker absence of beauty.
Silence is in abundance here, yet no tranquillity.
All that spills out are the cries and pain.

Has time sped up? Or am I just phasing out of it?
Has time slowed down? Or am I just slipping into it?
Where did the time we spent go? Was it wasted time?
Where do we keep our memories? Are they in that time?

What I felt
I felt alone
It wasnt until
The realization hit
When I looked down at the pain
Emitting from where the heart should lay
That the feeling was singular
Signaling in for a brutal winter's arrival.

The next could be us,
Ponder the connection?

Soldiers of Lives
Peons of the Eons
Messengers of Millennia
Souls of Seasons

Hands; smooth, tender
Eyes; sensitive, splendor
Heart; calloused, hardened
Soul; damaged , darkened

Two kingdoms, one Land
Reign of Heart, leads to hand in hand
Monarchy of Mind, breeds chaos in the silence
Duel kingdoms, inner conflicts under one alliance

The next could be us,
But not quite us.

Am I to be insulted?

heh heh

Correction; my love.....no.. no-my lust for knowledge is insatiable
Proud to be, in the ways that I'm stuck, to ponder the who's, the when's, the why's and the whats. I thrive to pursue the touch of intelligence to quench the aching must. A combination of patience, self-discipline, determination, and dedication will construct any road you wish to travel in this Nation.
So call me a Nerd, oh i know, I take pride in the fact that I know facts, in fact I bet that that fact alone is why you react by recalling that: I'm a Nerd.

Sabotage is one
The other carbon
Sometimes it'll ache
Others will harden
Balance is found
But destruction follows
A fool laughs
While his world crumbles
The Jester's smile
never fumbles
Yet it may be a daunting task
to finally see it's just a mask

Blood is thicker than water they say
Forget to mention it drowns you faster they may
But through all the discomfort and dismay
Blood is thicker than water they say

If you want to live, water is a must
Your own blood is what you should trust
Seems my family's bonds were rust
Upon which I submit it to dust

Like a stab wound with no knife
A house with no knight
Your lifeline rope, tied in a hangman's knot
At no surprise to me for all this I knew.

Love and support were always lacking
I'd watch as families shared smiles
Just to be envious to walk those miles
Instead I got a much different love.. Trials.

Write, written, wrote, and rot
Speak, spoken, spoke, and draught
Life's lessons, soon forgot
Another chapter laid to thought

Chances not given
Chances taken away
Two different edges
On this sharp blade

Both cut deep into different victims
Same blood spilled,
but drip from different wrists.

One and Twenty-Six
Has always been haunting.
Two and Twenty-Five
Has always been daunting.

Three and Twenty-Four
Was his last year to see
Four and Twenty-Three
Will this number take me?

Five and Twenty-Two
Was his end, not mine
Six and Twenty-One
My beginning, I'm fine

Seven and Twenty
May he rest peacefully
Twenty and Seven
May he rest in Heaven.

To see the air
Would make me smile
But to feel its touch
Would make me shiver.

To embrace the fire
Would keep me warm
But I tried to get to close
Only to be burned.

To hold the Earth
Comforts within
Must be cautious
Rocks can crumble too.

To swim with the Water
was fun, until she got to deep
Her current pulling and dragging
I couldn't breathe but was kindly in peace.

The one within is an adversary like no other
He tells me I'm nothing and I cant help but to listen
I know that hes wrong but I cant think of another
That could fit the words given

Worry clouds logic as I lay alone at night
Sometimes I feel like I'm losing this fight
Even as I try with all my might
I stand shaking in fear of that sight

I feel lost in this battle of not knowing
Logic says you'd tell me if I was wrong
But that voice chimes in and says that I'm not glowing
In the pupil's of your eyes I'm just crowing.

I've tried my hardest
To show you where my heart is
Anything I could
You know that I would

Never have I had such fear
For that which is so dear
Knowing I could crush
If I had no right to see your blush

That blush so peaceful and powerful
It is a fable among the faeries
It would smother even the War Flames of Aries.

These battles within hardly shared
A war between what I fear and what I feel
I wish I knew how you cared
To help these scars start to heal

You'll always win and you'll also lose
When you decide it's time to go war
Which weapons will you use
To fight off this adversary that is you but more

Glister of the glasses shattered
The dream state of the masses scattered
Picture perfect was always tattered
But even so I pray my praise mattered

Others see what I adore so much
But none as I, all they seek is touch
I would too, but I seem to crutch
Because through this lens I can see a hutch

I wrote instructions on how to live and strive
But I cant read my own handwriting on how to survive
Without certain knowledge how can one thrive?
I know if I continue an end will soon arrive.

These once renown lenses shown a world
Kinda rose tinted but slipped and hurled
Cracks on the lens, the glass was curled
Disorienting sight that was swirled.

I'll leave the glasses there on the shelf
Until I can get up and find it myself
Nothing is perfect and no one is either
I guess it means this is now a breather

Silence is heavier than one would imagine
But sometimes you're not able to say the words you feel
So remain silent.
Even if you build up the courage and strength, you see only pain ahead.
So remain silent.
Use words only if you know they'll be heard. Remember what you went through. Extinguish the vex that holds you.

A rock and a hard place is nowhere to reside
But a heart and soft face will warm you from inside

No page long enough
No word eloquent
Pain in all avenues
Love in all hearts

Memories or dreams
Neither it seems
Only mind's fictions
Tear me apart

The what woulds
The what coulds
The racing thoughts

Time not spent
is time repent
Chances aren't fair

Some stay warm
while fires form
Others die of cold

Progression cease,
Oppressive Peace
A sea of Love ebbs

Stagnant I stay
Idle the way
and silent everyday

Not a Hero
Not a Villian
Just a Man with Love and Pain
A formula for either

When the Lion roared
It scared the mouse away
To a corner of the Earth
Is where that mouse will stay

A corner far from the Lion is safe
The Mouse pondered and paced
Until he was again face to face
with an unsure worry that illuminated the place

That poor corner now plagued with Rat
The Lion won't return to that
Not until it's time to cure
That which made the corner unpure

Poets are maze runners
Navigating an infinite labyrinth
To find an end of expression
A guide to those who can't see the maze

Poets are wordsmiths
Melting of ideas; painstakingly choosing where to bang and bend
Forging tools used to help others understand
Sharp or dull; the verses of the poet make his sword

Poets are warriors of words
Finding new strategies on the battlefield
Heart and mind alike
To say what is right

Stringless lays the bard's lute, as he remembers the mistake of strumming to fierce during his story of the ages.
He has shared his story upon deafen ears.
None heard the tale of an incredible task done by he.
His song dances with the wind as he weeps.

Farmers and warriors alike seek the smith for his skill. Yet none find the tools they sought.
Undesirable guilt follows the smith.
His creations are misused and abused, never was war an interest of his.
Regardless of his intent to protect, his responsibility is to his people.

Becoming lost in the story can cause damage to your song
So lift up your shield, just in case it's too strong
Guilt and pain aside
Every comet has its demise.

As long as my hazel-glazed eyes
Can be a witness to the pale cyan sky,
feel the dew covered blades of green grass
between my toes and under my dirt covered feet;
the sense of comfort of a loving home will overwhelm me.