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Feb 14 · 367
Yellow converse
When I was 14 years old, I went to a thrift shop with my best friend.
It wouldve been late September, early October.
We were talking about our futures, when he mentioned that he didnt know my favorite color.

I told him to guess.

He pondered for a bit and then picked up a pair of pretty yellow converse and shouts out "Yellow!"
He looked so happy, I just nodded and said yes.

I would wear those converse every single day for the next 6 months, they would see as I fell head over heels in love with him.

I stopped wearing them in 2025 after my first attempt of the year.



Yellow is my favorite color.

i saw bits of it in everything after that.
saw it everywhere.

eventually that friend and i would grow apart.
meet new people
stop talking entirely

i will be told that i was an awful person

yet... yellow remains my favorite color.

those shoes still sit in my closet.
a testament to my unspoken love.
i will wear them periodically for the next 5 years until they burn in a fire i caused.

until then

yellow will always be my favorite color.
thinking of making this into a song
(a dream i had)
we used to walk downtown
close to Christmas
you would be stoic and quiet
I would get excited over anything we saw

you wrote poems about me
you told me the most wonderful stories
I always listened
when you called me your little Sunlet

I loved you
I still do

to love a poet is not the same as to be loved by a poet.
to be loved
is so much more fulfilling
I loved you

moon

-L
to my sweet moonbeam
you are loved
you are missed
I walk toward the door
Lights getting brighter by the second

'i was hoping youd stay'

I
Hesitate.

only for a moment.

and then i am gone.

when i think about that day, i wish i had stayed
closer
to
you.

i wish i had hugged you tighter...

i wish i had said more than 'goodbye'


i wish



we





hadnt



grown














distant.

-Liam
a poem for a friend. even though he will never see it.
Feb 11 · 173
No response
"I love you"

I love you more

"I miss you"

I miss you too

"We need to talk"

What did I do?

"It's me, not you"

Is it really?

*no response
I thought they loved me
Feb 10 · 276
Hallway
I sit on the cold tile
outside my class
people walking by
cold digging into my ***

the squeak and buzz of basket ball boys
girls laughing around the corner.
I work on my project
my poems
my life

and somehow it doesn't get any warmer.
currently in the school hall because I had a panic attack again IN ******* CLASS
Feb 10 · 1.4k
wet
wet
all alone
im in my bed
lights so low
and my family gone

i washed my hair
scrubbed skin for hours to remove his touch
yet he
clings
on.

but im barely hanging on
and i dont think anyone else is
sometimes i think about you

and
         i
             am
                      wet.
hypersexual disorder
Feb 10 · 383
Cuts II
i want to cut again
make pretty little lines
i want to take the razor
and make it my demise

i want to cut again
watch the red pour
i want to cut my legs
behind a closed door

see, i used ro cut daily
before my friends found out
i made another promise
"what was that about?"

my parents used to yell at me
my friends used to try
the worst reaction that i got
was seeing Moonbeam cry

i want to cut again
now that moon is gone
i want to hurt again
its really been too long.
guess what? im 7 days clean.
Feb 9 · 232
Hatuk upa eho
in my native language, this is my name.

it means "Cannibal Woman"

it is well deserved

I am chickasaw.
my ancestors were right about me
Feb 7 · 243
Sleep Patterns
September 9th, 2001
Gary and I were skating at a hospital on top of a huge hill, overlooking a valley
An ambulance came and took out a dead woman
Gary asked me why she wasn't moving or blinking
They hadn't closed her eyes yet
She must have died on the way

A car full of family and friends came in with the ambulance
They were all crying and hugging each other
One woman screamed hysterically
And grabbed at the woman's body asking her to wake up

I had to tell Gary that her soul went to heaven
I didn't believe a word of it, but I knew it'd be easier for him to understand
Two days from now, at 9 a.m., the planes will hit the World Trade Center
Killing over 3, 000 people
I will tell Gary that there is no God, and all of this is meaningless

But today, there is a God, and He has a plan for him

He doesn't know it, but a year from now, our family will be torn apart
And I will move far away and won't see or talk to him for five years
And as we sit on the hood of our car, the sun goes down
And he asks me what I wanted all my life

I tell him, "I don't know"

On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid of
On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid of
On and on we run away
From the things we are afraid

I don't tell him about the dream I had the night before

Where I'm riding in a car full of strangers
And singing to some song I've never heard and smoking a cigarette
We swerve off the road and hit a tree
I go through the windshield and hit the edge of the fence
Dislocating my jaw and flipping me into a wall
Where my neck is broken, and my skull is fractured
I bleed to death in excruciating pain

I will have this dream periodically until I meet all of the strangers one by one
Introducing them all to each other until we are a close group of friends

I will set these events in motion and I will die
But today in the warm light of the sunset
I don't see it, I just see the sunset
I smile back and shake my head

I have absolutely no idea, I am afraid.
this is such a meaningful poem to me.
Feb 7 · 191
crybaby
I wanna hear you say it
Don't want to need to rephrase

You love to feel this way
So you scream, could it be?

You give it all away
Admission free, could it be?

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

I want you to write it down
It's not you, it's me, why I keep coming around

I can hear but I cannot see

Crybaby

Abdicated, celibate
More than had enough of it

I can hear but I cannot see
Crybaby.
credits to destroy boys
Feb 7 · 181
Savior
I am a child of God.
I am human.
Made in 'His' image.

If this is true, than why go by 'she'?
Why am I confined to this body?
I wont change, for it is not my choice.
I have strayed. Led by a voice.

If I am 'His' child, than why
Why o Why God
Why have you placed me on this forsaken planet?

I wish to be with You.
I wish to be free.
Free at last.

;
beliefs are confusing.
Feb 7 · 466
bubbles
I am drowning in the bubbles that my father introduced me to.
sipping on things I never should have known about
at such a young age

I am genuinely scared about my very existence.
I am so, so exhausted.

I drink until my eyes blur and the world spins.
Then when I wake up
I am still tired.

bubbles.

what a funny concept...

tiny little spheres

floating

in the sips of drinks I should not have.
alcohol addicted.

I am losing my mind.
Hurting people is easy.

like throwing a *Rock

into a still pond

the glass *-breaks-


r i p p l e s

and
                             down

              sinks
                                  the
                 *Rock*


but...

youll never know.

                                             how deep it went.
this isnt about rocks.
Feb 6 · 364
Toys
When you were a kid, you had a favorite toy.
Be it a doll, a tiny truck, a car, a stuffy.
You did have one.

While you had one,
I was one.

I was played with.
Fed upon.
Made to be used and abused

Isn't it funny?
How some people are like like kids,
and Others are more like their pretty, little, shiny, toys.

"Oh mommy!" He would cry
"She is so pretty"
"So Cute"
"so wet..."

Malicious


I am not a toy
I am a real person
I am real

am I?
****** assault as a child
Feb 6 · 417
;
;
what does it mean to 'continue'?
;
Feb 5 · 522
Blue
You've ruined the color blue for me,
I'm surrounded by your lies.
You made me smile but honestly,
You ruined the color blue for me.

You took your dagger and stabbed it through,
jabbing it into my heart.
Tearing my
Itty
Bitty
Girl
Brain
Apart.

You infested my dreams,
ruled in my night terrors,
stole my peace of mind.

I can't believe there was a time I thought that you were kind.

YOU TOOK AWAY MY SANITY,
Ate away at my skin.
I itch and scratch and rip out chunks,
yet you keep filtering in.

You ruined the color blue for me,
I see it everywhere.
Your eyes,
Your fists,
Your bruised and strangled lips.

The blue is always there.
I am surrounded by pain and sorrow. I am drowning in colors people cant comprehend.
Feb 5 · 959
I want to feel you
I want to feel you
To sit in your skin
I want to wear you
To hide within

I want to be you
To let people know
You're an amazing person
wherever I go

I want to feel you
to hold you close
but now you're gone
like a ******* ghost...
goodbye max.life wont be the same without you and your pretty grey eyes.
I wish we'd just stayed friends and watched the stars til 3 am.
Feb 5 · 333
nicotine
nicotine
touching me
crushing me
its
hard to breathe
hard to see
im
screaming please
come help me
you
look at me
start to leave
what a ******.

youre always so hard to please.
yet i always want you when youre gone...
why is it so hard to quit? i miss when i could make it through the day without craving flavored freaking air.

(self censoring)
the wind picks me up
my thoughts all drifting away
i am free once more

my body is soaring
i am aproaching the clouds
i leave my cares home

welcoming the air
sweet release of oxygen
my brain is numb now

falling from the sky
plummeting towards the below
my bed jumps slightly

i look up again
at the distant sky above
i am wingless now
what would it really be like to fly? to be free.
Feb 4 · 292
cuts
why do people self harm?
why do I self harm?
I am only a child, after all.
do you like my cuts?
do you like my pretty scars?
I made them just for you...
oh.. mommy doesn't like my cuts?
daddy yelled at me too.
pretty red lines
dancing in a row
some deep, some thin
some still bleeding
oh
I've gone too far again.
I wrote this during an episode in my journal.
April 8th 2024
Feb 4 · 156
words, words, words...
You're speaking again.
I'm listening.
You're crying again.
I'm listening.
You're lying again.
I'm listening.
I'm still hoping.
I'm still trying.
Poor little Sunshine.
Not a clue what to do.
why.
words words words.

They're yelling again.
I'm listening.
They're hurting again.
I'm listening.
They're learning again.
I'm listening.
I'm praying.
Hoping.
Waiting.
words, words, words.

I'm hurting again.
who's listening?
I'm trying again.
who's listening?
I'm dying again.
who's listening?
who's watching, hoping, praying, waiting, trying, for me?

Words. Words. Words.

who is listening...
words.
Feb 4 · 321
trying
I'm hungry
I'm empty
I'm drowning
I'm starving
I'm cutting
I'm restarting
I'm failing
I'm crying
I'm flailing
I'm lying
I'm losing
I'm dying
I'm choosing
"I'm trying."
liar.
Feb 4 · 177
Monsters
if
there was
only a way
I could explain
to you
if
there was
only a way
to tell you.
She.
Is.
Gone.
You are all monsters.
I don't miss being a girl. but I know I cant escape it.
Feb 4 · 345
I wore blue
(I wore blue)

It was spring, I remember.
2022
My mother didnt wake me.
left it to the Sun's golden hue.
When she awoke, "why must you forsake me?!"
Thats when I knew.
We parked in a garden of stone,
So many things to do.
As she rested her grey head,
dressed up in red,
while I wore blue.
Would grammy have been cross?
She was always the boss.
I honestly have no clue...
But for all who may have wondered,
this much I'm sure is true.
No one as sad as I that night,
the night that i wore blue.
loss of life and color.

I will miss wearing blue.
Feb 4 · 1.4k
Bones
Not saying I don't like you.
Your skin, your hair, your eyes...
I'd just love to see your blood,
to taste your sweet demise.

I love your pretty teeth,
shiny, sharp, and red.
But oh they'd be so much sweeter,
tasting them while you were dead.

Darling, little Moon Beam...
shining so wonderfully 'Blue'.
Let me see your Bones.
Let me finally taste you.
cannibalism is a love laguage

— The End —