Queen of the Highway

Queen of the Highway May 2017

24 hour sign posted outside of the over night pharmacy in a town
where it seems to be night the majority of the time
he sits in his room and counts the cars that hiss by his window
anxiety starts at his feet,
and numbs them as it makes its way up to his neck
and strangles him in the high of another attack
his mind is a galaxy of concoctions
his pain meds, cough syrup, happy pills
swirl around with the blood on the white marble sink
until it creates an unsaturated rainbow of a man's grievances
the 24 hour pharmacy is open
to satisfy your 2 a.m. needs of a fix
when you suddenly decide you can't continue
the 3 a.m. decision to end it all
the 3:30 a.m. promise that maybe if you just get some sleep,
it will go away in the morning
the 4 a.m. insomnia that leads to bloodshot eyes at 5
and the overdose pharmacy will still be there
as you struggle to breathe;
drowning in the ocean you've created

I just want to know you're ok

#anxiety #depression #sadness #tired #insomnia #sleep #sleepless #haiku #freeverse #freeversepoetry #jimmorrison #overnight #night #trump #overdose #blithe #razor

Queen of the Highway Apr 2017

it's a sickness

for more than a year,
I have been stuck with the indecision to
call you.
and it's as if I torture myself with the thought
of what I would do
if you were to bump into me at the grocery store
hair grown out past your chin,
bloodshot eyes; you smell like beer and ****.
would I have the courage to confront you?
or would I take on the "little girl lost" persona
i oh so often do
and crouch behind the stand of sunflowers,
waiting until you have finished fishing through to find your favorite muffins from the display
and go on your way
i just can't fathom
after all these months of trying to change myself,
i can't change the fact that you are still plaguing my body
the bruises on my lips can still be felt.
your scent fills up the room that you refuse to walk into
and it must be some kind of ******* sickness
that no matter what you could have said to me and make me cry
it won't be enough to scare me away
Stockholm syndrome for the ones who keep themselves imprisoned in another's memory
you have made me sick and perverted
but I love you for it.

i saw you and i turned my head away because in that moment i vowed that i never wanted to see you again. but now i sit in my bed and i wish that i had done something- gasped, cried, smiled back... anything other than the empty gaze i shot your way as we passed each other- you leaving while i was entering.

Queen of the Highway Apr 2017

the songs you wrote

one day I will listen to your words harass my ears in song,
and those words will no longer be about me.
instead it will be white noise,
the static enemy that murmurs paranoia through the stale air
of a room left unkempt
a knife stabbed in the lower abdomen
pull it out and let me bleed out
and maybe you'll be able to apologize after i'm gone
or maybe not
in the early hours of dawn
it is a challenge to vigorously write your name down on the paper
that lays crumpled by my bedside because I can't get the "A" in your name right
it reminds me of the day I didn't want to get out of the car but did
you spot me, i hear a gasp from my friend
but i keep on walking
because i know if i look back
I'm a goner.

it was so hard to see you. so so hard

#jimmorrison #love #breakup #breakups #relationships #depression #sadness #happiness #hurt #blithe #amour #earth #trump

Queen of the Highway Apr 2017

140 characters

i have 140 characters to tell you how i feel
in my aggressive manner
but with 59 characters left
and 60 thoughts in my head;
I am struggling

it wasn't enough

Queen of the Highway Apr 2017

a figment of my dreams

he keeps me
trapped in a prism prison of different shades and tints of red
crimson, scarlet, marlot
follow me down into some kind of thing we'll drag on for months
keeping the dead animal of our situation-ship around until the neighbors complain of the stench
i dont know, dude.
i open myself up and i see the same shades of red flowing out
the stench is there as well- i smell like a gun
anxiety chews away at the rest of my body,
gnawing on my ear, feeding me more information i didn't need to hear
you say i'm trigger happy when it comes to jumping to conclusions
if i'm a gun, you're the smoke from the shot.

you're difficult. this is going to **** me

#gun #haiku #boyfriend #rain #guns #snowflake #storms #breakups #freeverse #jimmorrison

Queen of the Highway Mar 2017

unclean.

your words stick to me like wax
it leaves an icky feeling
like milk turned solid on my tongue
I can't speak I cant speak I cant speak
I'm thinking of things I could have said but the cat's got my tongue
now picture my mental state as a white marble bathtub,
water dripping from the golden colored faucet
now you enter the bathtub, dripping blood rub
rubbing the blood on my clean marble bathtub
the white tub is now in need of a scrub
you have messied up my bathtub.
the sins of your day rinse off your naked body, and into the water, turning brown
do you see what you have done now?

words hurt a lot but take a bath and don't think about it too much

#depression #living #death #anxiety #mind #music #*** #universe #nightmare

Queen of the Highway Feb 2017

galleria of memorobilia from a lover I can't seem to get over

(a conversational tone, because I'm sick of being mature)
I have resorted to living under the four gray walls and ceiling
because even though this room still reminds me of you,
It reminds me of a lot of things.
therefore, this room isn't primarily of your memory...
****.
Last year around this time I'm sure you were still prodding around
I revisited the place I was on my birthday when I got a text from you
you said I was being an attention *****
but then you proceeded to ask to come over
you were weird.
the field of the festival
where we escaped for a second to breath
the graveyard we went to
and there were two headstones, side by side
that had my name, yours
we laughed about it,
you joking that we were going to burn each other out so much
that the gravediggers dug our ditches early
i drive past your place all the **** time
how is that good for my mental health?
mental health
I've been thinking about my mental health a lot lately
it shouldn't be healthy that after almost two years
i'm still hurt by you
my friends don't say i'm crazy
but i see it in their eyes
the shallow glances they give each other
i know i'm losing it;
one simple push away from a mental breakdown
lol, it's coming
once i fall, i'll fall back to you
who knows if you'll be there to catch me after all these months of not talking
of you wanting me dead
of me wanting to be
of you finding other lovers
of me not
of me knowing you're out there, that you're in my head
no,
how do i recover from that
when my entire head has been dedicated to the galleria of memorabilia from a lover I can't seem to get over

as long as you don't see it i'll be fine

#heartbreak #haiku #anxiety #relationships #relationship #mental #breakup #breakdown #mentalbreakdown #jimmorrison