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it's so ****** up but
I see him in you
same face, same hair
but the eyes
the eyes do not lie
and he is not in your eyes
i miss him a lot.
it is all naïve but it pains me
his beady eyes track me down from across the motel parking lot,
making a perfect triangle between
me, you, and the car that stands as the only means of escape
the motel is humid, dumpy
it is clear a young lady from suburbia Georgia does not belong in these neck of the woods
he knows that.
on me like moths to a flame,
but more viciously
an aggressive beast in the early hours of dusk
(this is where I see the primitive side of men- the man attacks, while I am still deciding to fight or flight)
I can choose to keep walking, disregard his uncivil pursuits
but I was Orpheus in the fire pits of Hades' fortress
this only provoked him more
licking his lips, he was on me
...
..
.
Mom?
Mom can you hear me?
Mom I don't know where I am and
and it's so cold
I can't feel my legs, I don't know what's between them anymore
I'm bruised, I'm bleeding
No, I don't know where I am
it's all
dark
and we're moving
The stars don't shine here, it is all rough and concrete slums
I can't find our northern light to find home
no, there is no batman sign projected in the sky to assure me I will be located soon
Mom, the night is endless
If I am not in this realm anymore, you know who took me out of it
I can only hope you can find my empty shell that once held my spirit and energy
i'm by the grasses,
I spoke to the night owls through the screams that startled them
but they were not too upset, I would only feed them later on
my fingers are holding onto the grass like a tiny blade of green can support my 119 pound body
i'm in a shallow area, I just want it to be morning
Mom, I wish I was a kid again
because mom, look at who I am now?
who the **** have I become?
my face swollen, chopped into bits, the literal, physical definition of scatter brained
and i'm sorry you had to read about it in next week's paper
you couldn't catch me in time- tag i'm it
but the line was cut short,
phone connection dropped
and now i'm gone.
shallow graves for shallow ladies
I've met Sapphire -- she was like the sea. She could appear as a raging storm or the complete embodiment of tranquility. Graceful, calm, comforting and yet at the same time tempestuous, untamed and misunderstood. Those who wade in the shallow would never know the unfathomable depths of her being. For beneath her unstable surface lies untold understanding, wisdom, and a love that is both unimaginable and sincere.

I could have laid there in the sand for Eternity, enclosed in the gentle hush of her misty words, letting her waves crash upon me in hopes that I’d eventually be pulled under.


I've met Ruby -- she was like a wildfire and I the dry tinder, all too eager to satisfy her audacious passion and unquenchable desire. I was the moth; the unshakable temptation of her aura's alluring danger was too tantalizing, too enticing to resist. Bewitched by her crimson lips, sultry figure, blazing eyes and seductive gestures, I was foolishly fanatical to be her dancing marionette, my strings effortlessly compelled to be wrapped around her finger.

Yet I could never find contentment in feeling her warmth from a safe distance. I yearned for the uncertainty of smothering the flames for a chance to be engulfed in the immortal inferno of reckless devotion.


I've met Topaz -- she was like the sunlight and the stars. Joyous and blindingly shining with youthful exuberance, her childlike innocence was a boon that beamed upon every soul she touched. Spirited and seemingly teeming with a never ending supply of infectious laughter and a smile that could melt even the most frostbitten heart. Hopelessly trying to keep up with her fervent spontaneity proved as futile as trying to catch a shooting star with a butterfly net.

I am forever blessed that she shone upon my life. A single day basking in her radiance was worth more than the perpetuity of a solitudinous existence.


I've met Emerald -- she was like a lush forest. I sat beneath her trees in the shade of her leaves, embraced by the gentle caress of her touch. Her serene ambrosial breeze carried soothing whispers of kindness and compassion that were unrivaled by any earthly delights. We planted seeds that took root in our hearts and entangled our souls with the everlasting abundance of euphoric elation, harmony, and deliverance.

Yet every flower that flourishes in the spring will willingly wilt in the fall, and the seeds that lie dormant beneath the snow bear no commitment to bloom. What we hoped would blossom through the passing of time would only amount to us growing apart.


But I've never met anyone like you -- You are a Diamond. Given just the smallest glint of light, you shine with the complete spectrum of incomparable quintessence. You encompass the entirety of all the different colors and hues of every jewel I have ever known. Unparalleled and peerless in your very nature, unprecedented and unsurpassed in your beauty.

You are ineffable. All my attempts to describe you will only prove to be ultimately inadequate, but you are the most precious gem to me and I will be, forever and always,
yours.
Will you be my Valentine? <3
smoke fills any negative space between the two of us in the back seat of your car
your face is changing, love.
morphing and melting into sludge dripping down my inner thighs
you said i'm cold in nature
but god, when you touched me,
it burned
each night I find trouble staying asleep
eyes closed, broken mirrors, headlights on
a snap back into reality
and i'm crashing
my head hits your steering wheel
the seatbelt tries to contain my heart beating out of my chest
but it isn't until the airbags come out
that it stops beating entirely
and my eyes are unengaged
and there's rubble for miles
but even after I'm thrown in plastic white
zipped up
I do not immediately awaken
instead I stay for a while and walk around
until I turn around to see your arms outstretched towards me
and that is when I sit up, back to the realm of the day dreaming
cleaning cars until you aren't in it
I dream of the one day where we meet again; anew
two from the same soul
seeing you, a past lover
as a new individual
different in appearance, different in mind
maybe we will meet once more
when you no longer support your temper
and I my immaturity
we will be cloaked in a new moon's light
seeing each other through skin and bones
forget insecurities; forget past disagreements
oh, but I am humbled
such prideful thinking it is to ever imagine another chance in this life
to get things right
I am not yet developed to receive you
so for now,
I will dismiss this as naïve thinking
until we meet again, until you forgive me
your gaze follows my fingers down to the edge of the seat, clinging.
i dont love you.
but there will always be an **** that wont heal, and you are one of them.
so how do i confront you when i am nothing but a selfish fiend?
i know you are unmeasurably joyful
and i should be too, bc im out of that situation
it is possessiveness plauging over me
making me remember how i am only human
and after today i will be able to put this to rest.
but for one last night,
let me bathe in my self pity
out of the fact that i have lost you.
it was my cigarette break
when i wrote down on a lipstick stained napkin
every sight of the smoker's lounge
i fought so faithfully to make out you face through the mask
of smoke you hid behind,
but since i could not tell who you were
i made up who i wanted you to be
and now i can pretend that i'm the one running the game
after my last hurrah that ended in my typical
hissy fit that a man did not worship me
(even when i ignored him and gave him my cold shoulder, i expect the world)
but it is you with the eyes that taunt
i, your cigarette,
wrapped ever so intricately between your index and middle
i- your drag
but you are the fire that boils my water
the force behind my words,
my fear,
the ruination of my reputation
for being closed off so much so
but these are too complex of thoughts for an afternoon smoke
and you seem to pick up on that, too
easing me back to my state of cold, bitter
your cough the only thing that echoes on.
i hope you'll excuse me for being so jittery, it does not happen often that i come in contact with one that makes me this way. return to your cigarette, and please, would you be so kind as to light it?
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