You were there
inside a train trapped in a moment
of confusion and despair -
with so many faces
that you don’t want to see.
in a busy station
where everyone was rushing chasing the time,
not knowing that time chases them.
You were keeping your balance,
leaning in that shabby pole,
in that nauseating situation
where escape will never be an option,
Weighing the pros and cons of your dreams,
together
with all the other passengers
who are facing
some of their life’s secret and silent battles.
You inhaled all those bitter thoughts of grief
and exhaled the air of fake relief,
wishing you’d exited the train of melancholy.
But
your heart was a liar,
you’ve pretended
that things will be the same
after all the sheet of ***** you’ve discovered.
When you’re puzzled
you don’t really know
how to explain what you feel or perhaps,
you really don’t know what to feel anymore.
It’s like
anxiety and despair
has enjoyed their company
with you.
You endured all those pain for years,
you suffered with your own fears
who have loved to visit you at night.
You befriended those sorrows,
you were even wrapped in their misery embrace.
And for a moment,
you thought you should have gone home.
You should have rested all these thoughts,
you should have played your cards properly.
You even made escape route
on your own chaos,
but that route can only be taken
when you had a cigarette on your right hand
and a cold bottle of beer on your left.
But,
crying yourself to sleep
won’t be enough solution,
You were so tired
of living with the real truth
that people’s
words
sting.
You looked from afar
and wondered
when will the time come
when you will no longer feel
being
left
out?
when will that morning come
to an end
when you will no longer see
tear stains on your pillows?
When will those nights end
when you would eat dinner
alone
in your own room?
the thing you opted to do
when you started
to withdraw yourselves from people.
You tightened
your gripped on the train handle
and convinced yourself
that if ever someone asked if you were hurt,
you would tell them you weren’t.
but all of these thoughts vanished,
when you heard someone say
“Next station Pureza, ang susunod na istasyon ay Pureza”