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Jul 2015 · 1.3k
Fading Away
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I feel like
the people I'm used to talking to..
Are fading away
I'm alone again
Jul 2015 · 5.1k
Trust
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Trust: confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others.

I've trusted people.. But never again...
Jul 2015 · 840
Flower
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
You pull and pluck
All my petals
While chanting your little song
Does he love me?
Does he not?
You **** me slowly
One by one
But you don't care
Because I'm just a flower
Jul 2015 · 553
Slowly Die
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
It's dark
I feel at peace
With myself and the world
But I still feel sad
I still want to cut
I still want to see my vain split open
From the metallic blade I possess
I want to watch as my life pours from my wrist
I want to watch myself slowly die
Jul 2015 · 253
Love (10w)
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I could never fall in love
With someone like you
Jul 2015 · 561
My Appetite Ran Away
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
My appetite ran away
The other day
I have seen it in awhile
This was supposed to be longer but I can't think of  the words to say. My mind is wack right now....
Jul 2015 · 808
More Pain Killers
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
These pain killers
Are just not doing the trick
My head is still hurting
And I still feel sick

Please numb the pain
So I don't feel anymore
Just numb the pain
I don't want to feel any more!!!!
Jul 2015 · 288
Heaven and Hell
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I feel so insane
I don't believe
So why try to make me
Don't ******* pray for me
If I'm going to hell
At least that's what you say
Heaven or hell
It doesn't matter anyway
Jul 2015 · 3.3k
Lonely
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I don't complain very often
But I hate being lonely
Jul 2015 · 319
Untitled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
You've forgotten about me
And it hurts so much
The pain in my chest
Is far too much
The emptiness inside
Is growing bigger
Maybe one day
It will become to big
It will explode and **** me
Then maybe I'll be happy
Jul 2015 · 417
You
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
You
You're distant
You're gone
You don't talk to me
Anymore

I opened my heart
And let you in
You left me
Hanging by a thread
Like a loose tooth
In a child's mouth
Jul 2015 · 1.7k
Useless
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I'm the white crayon
The third wheel
The odd ball out
I'm the one who has to walk behind when the side walk gets to thin
And I'm the least important friend
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Neither
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I am not Christian
Nor am I an atheist
I do believe
In both god and Satan
But neither rule my heart
I prey
Before bed
Or before every meal
But I also do worship the devil
I like pentagrams
And I wear them
But I do not follow satan
Jul 2015 · 983
Filled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
My nights have been filled
With sleeplessness
With pain
With suicidal thoughts
My heart has been filled
With agony
And hate
And pain as well
My face has been painted
With a fake smile
I haven't seen a real one
In awhile
Jul 2015 · 576
Not Okay
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
It's safe to say
I'm alone again
You acted
Like you had a hand to lend
You acted
Like a friend
But you disappeared
You went away
You're no longer here
I don't think I'm okay...
Jul 2015 · 262
Conversation With a Friend
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Can you see me? I need a friend to talk to.. And no one is here but you. Can you see me?

"No.. No I can't..."

so you can hear me?

"Okay.. Yes I see you.. And I hear you."

Will you be my friend? Can we talk?

"Sure, why not?"

Do you know where my mum is? I have seen her in a long time?*

I look down at my shoes

"No, I'm sorry.. What's your name?"

When I look up she was gone. She vanished.
Jul 2015 · 1.7k
3 AM
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
3 AM
Knows my deepest thoughts
3 AM
Sees me when I cry
3 AM
Knows that I selfharm
3 AM
Sees me sleepless
3 AM
Knows all about me
3 AM knows
Jul 2015 · 318
Talk
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I need someone to talk to. Anyone?
Jul 2015 · 459
My Love
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
It's crazy to say
But I love him so much
Thing is he's much older than me
He's just so flawless
He big beautiful blue eyes
That are sometimes green
His perfect smile
Oh so stunning
And his voice
His voice
Is oh so beautiful
It's safe to say I fall in love too easily. For I spent on day next to him and I was enchanted by his beauty. Does he feel this too? I will never know.
Jul 2015 · 281
Spirits
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
There are spirits here
I can feel them
I can see them
and so can my dog
I guess I'm not alone after all
Jul 2015 · 510
Doesn't Need Me
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I want to give you my all
but that's not much at all

You see
Someone took my all about a year ago
left me with nothing
Now I cry
But he's okay
I don't need him anyway
He defiantly didn't need me
Jul 2015 · 229
You Don't Care
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I cry
You don't care
I could die
And you still wouldn't be there
Alone death sadness cry
Jul 2015 · 600
Tired
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I lied
When I said I was fine
I'm not
I'm not

My heart hurts
And I think too much
I'm not worth
your love

Because I'm broken
yeah my wrist is open
I wasn't worth it anyways
I don't matter anyhow

Because I'm tired
I'm so tired
Just.. so tired
Jul 2015 · 460
Free
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I think I'm broken and I can't be fixed
I think I'm forever alone because no one wants this
My nightmares stare deep inside of me
They won't let me be free
Jul 2015 · 273
I Think I Can
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I think I'm done
Life is what I want
After years of pain and sorrow
And depression
This is what I want

Of course I'm not going to be happy everyday  
And of course there's going to be days where I'm down in the dirt
But that's okay
There are going to be days where all I feel is hurt
I just got to work through it
Because I'm stronger than it
I can do it
At least I think I can
Jul 2015 · 253
Goodbye
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Death is near
I hear it whispering in my ear
It's breath is cold
But very bold
It's almost here
My time is near
I'm sorry
Goodbye
Jul 2015 · 494
Lightning Bugs
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
You broke my heart
Into a million tiny pieces
But it's okay
Because those pieces are the lightning bugs
That light my path.
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Disappointment
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I stopped eating because I was tired of gaining weight
I stopped weighing myself because I was tired of disappointment
Jul 2015 · 847
Him
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Him
"Do you still think of him?"

Yes I do.
I miss the way he held me tight
and when he'd say "I love you"
I miss his beautiful eyes
I never wanted to say good bye
but i had too
you see his love was toxic
it was tearing me apart
I loved him very deeply
from the bottom of my heart.
Jul 2015 · 3.2k
He Won't Let Me Disappear
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
How could I be so selfish
As to take my own life
I didn't think anyone would miss me
But it's clear now
I've got an angel
He's not quite here
But I'm happy
Because he won't let me
Disappear
Jul 2015 · 418
Already Dead
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I don't regret it
And I don't regret you
I understand
You're a guy
It's what you do
Find a broken girl
Make her trust you
Lie
Just to get what you want
Tell her you love her
Then tear her apart
You told her you loved her eyes
But now she cries
You said you loved her smile
But she hasn't in awhile
You told her you will always be there
But where are you now?

You got what you wanted
Took all that she had
Why did you have to leave her
So very sad
She's broken inside
Now she wants to die
But she's already dead
Jul 2015 · 226
All
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
All
I don't regret it
And I don't regret you
I understand
You're a guy
It's what you do
Find a broken girl
Make her trust you
Lie
Just to get what you want
Tell her you love her
Then tear her apart
You told her you loved her eyes
But now she cries
You said you loved her smile
But she hasn't in awhile
You told her you will always be there
But where are you now?

You got what you wanted
Took all that she had
Why did you have to leave her
So very sad
She's broken inside
Now she wants to die
But she's already dead
Jul 2015 · 226
Untitled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Constantly thinking of suicide
Is not a way to live
But I do it every day

People tell me
Suicide is not the answer
But it's the only way
Jul 2015 · 272
Can You Hear Me?
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my silent screams?
Can you hear my hollow weeps?
Can you hear me?
Scratching on the walls
Can you hear my endless calls?
Jul 2015 · 285
What Would You do if I Died
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
What would you do if I died
You can't reach through the screen
to touch my pale face
because of course I'd say good bye
Jul 2015 · 304
I Try
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I try
to be happy
to smile
to breathe
to laugh
to sing
to feel
to fix
and to believe
but its hard
when the only thing you know
Is betrayal

I try
to forget
to move on
to act like I'm fine
but it's hard
when you're dying inside

I try
so hard
To forget the pain I feel every day
But it's hard
when it constantly reminds you that it's there

I tried
but I can try no longer
because the pain and the misery have taken over
Jul 2015 · 612
Mother
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I was alone
when I was sad
when I was scared
I was alone
because you were never there

I woke up at night
crying
looking for you
but you were not insight

I spent night after night hurting myself
Blaming myself
for your absence
but it was all your fault

I remember the night
when those people came and took me from my home
do you? or were you even there?
I don't recall seeing your face
just a self-loathing woman
who never even cared  

You're just a cruel woman
who deserves to be alone
but you're not alone
the ones who are hurting
are ones left on they're own

It's sad to say... You were once my mother..
Ever since I was eight years old my mom would sleep with other guys that wasn't may dad. She lied to him and he became mean. He eventually went to jail and we moved states. Then child services came and took me and my sister away. We've been in two different foster homes. The first was abusive, and the second was sexually abusive. Nothing actually happened except for inappropriate words from the foster dad. We were then adopted by my uncle.
Jul 2015 · 222
I Let You
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
You lied to me
And took my innocence
You said you loved me
But all you did was lie
Now spend my nights awake
Slit my wrists and cry
You took the only thing I had left
The one thing I'll never get back
And sad thing is... I let you
Jul 2015 · 456
Untitled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
The pain
Is too real this time
I wanna slit my wrist and die
Jul 2015 · 312
I Want You
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
We live so far apart
But I feel as though you're here
I want you to hold me through the night
And chase away my fears
I want to be you're only dream
The only thing you'll ever need
I want you to be there
Whe n I'm sad
When I'm happy
And when I'm scared
But most importantly I want you
Jul 2015 · 316
I need you here
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Lay me down
And hold me in your arms
Make me feel loved
If only for the night
At least be mine
Till the sun comes up
Because baby I need you here
Jul 2015 · 297
Untitled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
The pain is getting stronger
The days are getting longer
My body feels colder
She just wants someone to hold her

She's alone at night
Fighting a painful fight
Crying herself to sleep

She slits her wrist
As death whispers in her ear
Waking up in the morning
Will be her biggest fear
Jul 2015 · 1.2k
I Don't Deserve Goodbye's
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I feel alone at night
Feel like I'm losing my fight
I feel weaker by the day
Feel like I'm fading away
I feel like I should die
Without saying goodbye
I don't deserve goodbye's
Jul 2015 · 239
Why
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
Why
I don't belong here
No one needs me
I'm just a waste of space
Why was a put here
Why do people hate me
Jul 2015 · 5.1k
Funny Society
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I feel alone in this world of society
Feeling captivated by what everyone thinks of me
Thinking I have to this or that to fit in
I've come to realize this world is full of sin
Bringing others down
To feel like the alpha wolf
Why do people think it's funny
When others frown?
Jul 2015 · 2.8k
Antidepressants
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I refuse to take antidepressants
I refuse to be who I'm not
I'm not a happy person who wants nothing but joy
I am a person of selfhate
That's just me and I'm not going to be a fake
Jul 2015 · 354
Imortal
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
My body refuses to die
So many time I've tried
The blood just refused to run dry
I've decided I'm imortal
At least to myself
Jul 2015 · 305
Can't
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
My hands shake and my mind becomes numb
How in the world could I be so dumb?
Anxiety has taken over my once simple life
I used to go to school happy
But now I get nervous when someone talks to me
I can't order at a restaurant
Or introduce myself
I can't smile at a stranger
Because I hate myself
I can't ask the teacher a question
For the fear of being wrong
I can't run in the hall
Because I'm afraid to fall
Then watch as every laughs at me
I can't wear short sleeves
Scared of what they think of me
Laugh at my scars that bury deep beneath my flesh
I can't laugh without feeling like an imposter
I simply just can't
Jul 2015 · 173
Untitled
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
I feel drained
Blocked out from the world
There's too much pain
I think I'm really going to do it this time
Slice my wrist deep enough
Take my own life
No one would miss me
There's no point
Jul 2015 · 480
Painkillers
Darlene Chavez Jul 2015
These pain killers I hold in my hand
Will either numb me
or **** me
Either way I win
No more pain of yesterday
No wondering about tomorrow
No more laying in bed awake
With endless thoughts
No more crying
and wondering why
As I swallow these painkillers
I make my final choice
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