You were the pain
A child is never supposed to feel
Wrecked that child's life like a hurricane
And expected them to heal
You held me in your arms
Your body was so warm
That is the feeling I want to experience
Over and over and over again
lips as soft as a summer breeze
The color of the sea
When they're looking at me
You've got this smile that shines brighter than the stars
So beautiful and bright
I'll love you until my dieing night
I wrote a poem for you.
But you might never see it.
When you're happy
Baby's got no storms
When you're happy
Happy, happy boy
Golden heart full of joy
He's got these blue eyes
Giving me butterflies
I lost a friend yesterday to suicide.
He drove through a telephone poll.
This is for you Jake.
I've never felt so lost or so broken
I can't even think of words to write a poem
My heart goes out to all of his family and friends
Who knows if the pain ever ends
I wish he was here
Why did he have to disappear?
We love you Jake L.
It’s the bits and pieces that I let you see
The parts of which fall from me
Like the ****** tears from the crying stone
Gathering around, but I’m still alone
Smiling and laughing as I die inside
Nothing to gain nothing to hide
Wishing that someone would just care
Seeing that no one is really there
Am I just a ghost or really here?
Not knowing the answer is my worst fear
You see me, you see through me
No acknowledgement no apathy
This is all that’s left of me…
Please take time to read this <3
Few people know that I have come close to ending my own life, at least 4 times. At the time that is what I wanted, to die. Mostly because I thought it would take Away the pain and suffering I felt. I never fit in, kids at school would find any reason to make fun of me. When I was eight years old my sister and I were sent to a foster home. I was told on many occasions that my father wanted nothing to do with me. So I became depressed and lived by a label known as emo. One night I felt extremely depressed and I took a razor blade to my wrist. I watched as the blood ran out of the wound I had made and at that moment I realized I was addicted. Not only to cuting but to the feeling I got when I saw my blood. I knew I had a problem, I would cut every night just so I could feel something I could control and that I knew was real. My friends in middle school saw the cuts and tried to get me help but it only made it worse. I was put into therapy but that doesn't help unless you talk, in which I didn't. I didn't feel safe. The foster home my sister and I were living in was not a very good one. The guy was a creep. So we were forced out of that home and got adopted by my uncle. We tried many councilors and therapists but nothing seemed to help.
I eventually got an 18 year old boyfriend and I was only 15. He got me drunk one night and took advantage of me. He stole my innocence, and gave me something else in return. A baby. But that baby died. Know matter how much it hurts I know that baby is better off with out me. I was so young.
To this day, I still think about hurting myself but I am proud. I have gone a little over 4 months with out self harm, and with every day I grow stronger and stronger. So to those who took the time to read this, thank you. And if you are going through the same struggles, find a clear path and stay on it. Doesn't matter if you're an alcoholic, or a druggy, or even a *** addict. The only way to get better is through steps. Start with a week and slowly move up. I believe in you. Every single one.