Talking to the devil
On the edge of the Earth,
Watching as we  c r u m b l e
Because we're more than we're worth,
He says
I don't see the point of living in hell
When we're just as tormented so I might as well
Bring the pain and the terror up here
We can watch together as innocence disappears.

I shoot him a glare,
And draw in a breath,
And I sighed in fear
Like I awaited my death.
I said
Oh silly devil you can't be so quick
We do that already
Do you not get a kick?
Out of lies, war and drugs
Famine? Disease?
If so, I just have to say
You're sick in the head
I don't want you to stay.

My hands grab his neck and I throw him into space,
Writhing in agony and fear on his face,
I waved him goodbye and got to my feet,
Releasing my wings and my halo,
And savour the victory and conquered defeat,
This world can be saved,
But I'll teach it a lesson,
To show some compassion,
Like we do up in Heaven.

Caught in the wire,
Tangled and trying to escape,
From lust and desire,
I need to get back into shape.
Entwined in the thorn bush,
Stabbed and bleeding out,
From malice and reluctance,
I need to patch up these wounds.

Tie me down,
A rope around my neck,
Hanging by a thread,
Holding my last breath to fall again and again and again.
Hang me out to dry,
In the middle of a hurricane,
Battered from the gusts of anger,
It's selfish to feel this pain.

Although the hate will still haunt,
I'll love who I want,
My heart only belongs to him,
Push me and try,
To change my mind,
But love was never a sin,
Push me and break me,
But you'll never take me,
I will never give in,
The gay guy will fight,
To have his own rights,
Equality will win.
I won't hide who I adore,
Or expect an applause,
I want to be with him,
So excuse me and be quiet,
Because I won't even deny it,
I'm just as gay on the outside as within.

We latch on to the things
Which destroy us:
Love,
Vanity,
Wealth,
*But what is the price we pay?

Black and blue eyes
From rolling with the punches,
Another lonely night
From relying on the hunches,
Flicking through the channels
And hoping for a sign
That tonight will the night
He won't walk another line,
Shielding his face from the red and blue,
Slurring his words
Because he hasn't got a clue,
Where he is
Or why he's behind bars,
A night in a cell
Because he's written off his car.
He wonders why women walk away,
Why they give him the finger
Or why he never gets their name,
But then again he enjoys the rush,
Of taking them to bed
With another heart to crush,
Of sleeping in sheets
That still smell of Chanel,
From the woman before
Who said "go to hell".
He puts on his shoes
And walks through the door,
Hoping tonight
He'll once again score.

It is always difficult to describe depression,
There are so many interpretations
That people hold,
This is my own.

You're standing on the cliffs edge,
Looking out towards the horizon of life,
Then you see the storm clouds rolling in,
The thunderous roars of trepidation
And the lightning bolts of painful reminiscence
Mirroring the silver scars on your skin,
Then the mighty winds of worthlessness
Hauls you over the edge.
The cool air brushes against your face
As you descend towards the black water below,
Every inch of you is screaming for you to stop
But you can't,
You have lost complete control and you are weak,
Defenceless,
Vulnerable,
Amidst the whistling winds in your ears
You hear the names, the bullying,
The cries of disappointment,
The reminiscent sound of ***** against porcelain,
You hit the water and shatter the surface
And you pray that you have stopped,
Things will bet better ,
But instead you continue to sink,
Numb, cold, aching,
You want to cry but you feel so empty,
Like the bitter sting of the salty ocean
Has clinged to your skin and draws out
The last ounce of feeling you had left to hold on to,
You stare at the surface,
Wide eyes desperately searching for rescue,
The fractured refraction of a flare in the stormy sky,
A hand to plunge into the water and pull you out
And revive you.

I have been fortunate enough to be pulled from
The ocean,
Revived countless times
After feeling like I will spend eternity
Living in the shipwreck of my insecurities.
It is my duty to scour the world and throw a life ring
To every lost soul who deserves to be atop the
Cliffs edge where they can once again watch
Another hopeful sunrise of hope break on the
Mundane horizon.

I'm sick of this place I call my nation
Politics
Riots
and
Discrimination

Held down by the Government in a state of oppression
While they squander in a financial depression
The greed they conceal in their castle's so high,
While we sit in the dungeons and watch our dreams die,
Eaten by poverty and stripped from our bones,
Are the last dreams of hope you so reluctantly bestowed,
Two men cannot marry
A whole religion is ******
We'll take all of your money
****** it from your hands

But I dream for a place where we are able,
As two married men or women to sit at the table,
And feast on their success with their own children,
Who will slay the dragon of the political institution,
Who'll wave the flag and say yes we have won
And rip down the boundaries and make us all one.

Pulling at heartstrings
Like a harp,
The delicate tremors of angels' voices
That cascade between metal and emotion,
Raw, vibrant crescendos of tears
In the back alley,
Mascara hitting the concrete
Like the raindrops,
Stale and scattered
By the storm that was stirred
In the bedroom the night before,
Passion flashing like lightning
Between the rolling clouds of
Bedsheets and bare skin,
All to wither like the retreating tide,
The rising of trouser legs
Like the Sun,
A walk of shame down a lonely road,
A seagull flying out to sea,
Wings spread beyond vast waves
Of boring bricks and patchwork ***-holes,

*Only to flee from the filthy hot mess of another conquest

The things we imagined have been lost
On the way to discovering
The reality of who we really are,
Reminiscence is deadly,
Poison
It will drive us both insane
As we try to drag up the past,
Recapturing our youth,
Trying to fit together
The jagged puzzle pieces
Of how we went wrong.

Before we lost our path,
Before we crumbled into ashes,
Before we pressed the gun against our lips
And spat bullets into the sky at night,
Remember the pact we made,

If we have nothing now, just promise me in the future we will still have nothing.
I promise.

Do you understand?
I let the memories erode,
The sickening feel of nostalgia fade,
The glowing embers of what we had extinguish
**Into wisps of smoke.

These orange feathers wither
Beneath the scorching heat of the sun,
I am weak, dying,
Life slipping from my body
Until I am an empty shell,
A desolate carcass,
And finally I drown beneath the ashes
Of my own weakness.
But inside my lifeless heart
The embers are still smouldering
Until they breathe smoke into my veins
And I come alive,
Rising from the ashes,
The feathers aflame with radiant
And glorious beauty,
My wings spread wide
Like a sublime inferno.
I am captivated by my beauty,
Perplexed by my ferocity
And perfection.

He waits for the wind to carry him home,
Across waves that rise and fall with
The pulsing of his aching heart,
She waits on rocks by the shipwreck,
Wondering how he got away,
He counts his blessings and clutches his chest,
The lurching feeling fading with the haunting
Visions of the flames in her eyes,
She cries and buries her face into her hands,
Tears forming shallow bodies of water
Like the rock pools where she dreamed of
Capturing  his heart.

There are so many beautiful souls
That I have encountered this year,
All of which I am thankful to have,

The girl who lives in the North,
Slaying her dragons as they come,
Battling the tide,
Fighting strong,
And has a heart much purer than Gold.
I am thinking of you, always.

To my friends across the pond,
The girl in New York
With a breathtaking sense of creativity,
Manages to face her days despite being
Dragged down by anonymous cowards,
Appreciates every single thing in her life,
We rarely talk, but I'll always care.

The guys in Virginia,
Headstrong beyond compare,
Working hard to get where they want to be,
Love each other and have so much love to give to others,
Funny, sensitive, caring,
We exchange cultural differences,
Inquisitive  minds and amazing souls.

The girl in Kentucky,
Always there,
Happily married,
Struggling to make sense of her emotions
But still smiles

I am thinking of you all.
Always

This house, it breathes,
Beneath brick and plaster board,
Within the confines of creaking
Floorboards and closed doors,
It exhales the dreams of sleeping
Souls,
It inhales the stars and the clouds,
The distant echoes of car alarms
And the unmistakeable bark
Of a dog that is carried by the wind,
I lay in bed,
Nestled in the sheets,
Head on the pillow,
I feel the earth move beneath me,
I feel the expanse of a brickwork
Ribcage,
I am calm, I am content.

Don't stand within the shadows,
Step into the light,
I will drag you from the fire,
So you can open up your eyes.
The devil is in the detail,
Of the love you hold inside,
Just show some deep devotion,
Stop shrouding your emotions,
Tonight.

You're distant and you're lonely,
I know just how you feel,
But let me wrap my arms around you,
And let your heartbreak heal,
The devil is in the detail,
But it's me you can confide in,
Just set the wheel in motion,
Throw your doubts into the ocean.
Tonight.

Don't spill your guts for those you thought you could trust,
There is so much deceit behind their lying eyes,
So much deception and cruelty behind their lips
As they whisper
You can trust me. I promise.
Broken promises are scattered on the floor
And I have stepped on the razor shards,
I caught myself in the bear-trap
And I'm stuck in this quick sand
of repetitive regret and resentment.
It seems inevitable that I will open myself
Up to people,
But it is their own fault that I have closed my doors to them.
Trust takes months to build and only seconds to destroy.

When I feel sad or close to losing it, I write.
I need to write otherwise I start to think,
When I think I begin to imagine,
When I imagine I start to feel scared.

There are two sides to me,
Like Jekyll and Hyde,
But one has been silenced by the other.
Inside my body is the real me,
My skin, bones, flesh and organs are just the shell
Of what lies inside.

It's like there is another person,
Screaming and writhing in sheer anger,
Restrained by a straitjacket,
Throwing himself against walls,
The veins in his neck throbbing as he curses.

I never expect people to care,
In fact I nearly don't want them to,
I want them to be distant,
To stand in the bleachers and watch
The two sides of me battle it out.
I don't want them to be in the middle when the swords start to clash.

"You can't be lonely"
"You need to talk"

Talking only feeds the flames of feeling like a burden,
Being the thorn in a persons side as they try to tackle their own problems,
Another straw that hangs in the balance of completely and utterly destroying the camels back.

The car glides through the night,
The gentle roll between rubber and tarmac
Just inches beneath my feet,
Backseat dreaming,
And as each lamp post casts its amber
Gaze upon me through the fogged up window,
I begin to wonder how they stand there,
Through darkness,
Wind,
Rain,
Scorching heat,
Bitter cold,
And yet they still shine bright,
Throwing a luminescent sublimity
For hundreds of wandering souls
To find their way home,
To trace the tarmac veins of the city
Until they are nestled in the brick red hearts
of their homes,
And I sit here, a freight train of abnormally large
Thoughts passing through my fatigued and stretched mind
Whilst I am drifting under these street lights,
When I could be curled up in bed,
Sleeping through blissful dreams or stormy nightmares,
Eyes closed until another dawn spills over the horizon,
But then it occurred to me,

*I am a creature of the night.

You were too preoccupied
With trying to stitch your
Heart back on to your sleeve
To notice that you became undone.
The seams had burst and your soul
Unravelled,
And with each step
You fall apart.

I want to cry.
I want to cry,
Cry,
Cry,
And hope that the tears are the 500 calories I didn't want.

Nobody is listening,
I beg them to stop giving me unhealthy food,
I'm trying to cut down
But they continue to give it to me.

Wow you've put on weight, getting a bit porky aren't you?

The cycle starts again.
Cry,
Wallow in self pity,
Feel so much shame because of the ice cream someone made me even though I said no,
Then they wonder why I get so angry and frustrated,
Then tell me to stop being silly and that I need to eat.

Don't tell me one thing,
Then call me another.
Believe
it
or
not,
It's hard to eat the food in front of me when I know that each bite equals to another unneeded remark about the shame that hangs from my bones that I am desperately trying to shift.