If I wasn't scared to do so, I would have left the world.
It has given me more pain than not.
I smile less and less each passing day.
My mind shuts down with each ticking of the clock.

My soul keeps getting picked at by the crows who remind us that death is coming with each mindless caw.
They love to scream it to the skies.
As I lie there with my essence bleeding out I think to myself "can it come any sooner?"

I would do it myself, but I'm too afraid, and who knows, maybe there will be a light that clears my path soon or that lifts this unfair burden off of my shoulders.
Despite this naive hope I have, if I was "brave" enough, I would have left this place already.

You once told me that if you were to end your life, you'd pour chemicals on your car,
On yourself,
And maybe take a couple sips while your at it.

You said you would light that **** on fire and watch the world burn around you.
And I know that if you told that to our society, they would laugh and just say,

"Don't forget to put on your seatbelt."

I ache.
In this dreaded hospital once more, I ache.
I watch, as my mother lays on the bed for the sick, half alive.
I ache.
Sitting in the Chapel feeling like I have no one left, I fall to my knees and sob.

My damaged soul cries out for mercy and light, for strength and hope that has been leaving me all alone.

I ponder how I will get back on my feet and move forward when everyone is putting things in my head.
They make me feel like an abused rag doll, pulling me left and right.

I don't think I've ever felt so alone, overwhelmed or confused in my life.
But one day, I know that this will teach me a valuable lesson, I know that I will grow.

I must have patience, so I will keep waiting until the time comes when I can finally be at peace, and I finally will know.

I still feel your hands on my body.
I still hear your words.
I still smell your scent.
I still feel as helpless as I did 6 years ago.

The world is evil.
No lesson taught about it.
No way to prevent it.
"Boys will be boys"
No second thoughts about it.

"No wonder, your skirt is too short"
"What were you wearing?"
"Why didn't you scream louder?"
"Why didn't you fight harder?"

Almost every woman I have met
Has had their bodies stained and tossed to the side,
Almost every woman I've met still is kept up at night,
And like myself,
When they are sobbing in their bathtub,
They wonder "why is this world so cruel to us?"
"If God is a man, does he think it's okay too?"
And as they are held captive by the unfair burden of his filthy sins,

they scrub their skin, desperate to wash his touch away.

I want to live a little bit longer,
Love a little bit harder,
Feel a little bit stronger.

I want to bask in my emptiness,
Then fill it with you.

You make me feel like I can fly.

You allow me to be myself,
Let me feel comfortable when notes errupt from my core, flowing out in what ever Melody I desire.

You love when I'm in nature, because that's when I'm closest to you,
You let me vent out and be real with you,
You never gave up on me and never will, and I'll never give up on you.
You let me live.

I know if the world goes down how you have shown me, you will be with me and they will all know.
They will see who you really are, not what those ******* books say, not who those preachers preach, not who my father says you are...

And in return, I will let you be you,
I will give you a break, I will be your friend and I will listen and look for you, because in the end there isn't anyone who can fully understand us, that's something we have in common.

I feel your sorrow for the world, but in the quiet moments I feel your peace.
Thank you for standing by my side and giving me my imperfect, hectic, interesting and beautiful life.