I wish that she bothered me
The absence of normal emotion
Gnawing at the very foundation of sanity
I don’t understand
the incapability To care
To feel
To love
Burrowing itself
Ruining everything it touches

It’s not all bad tho
The lack of a **** given makes it easy
Its as if I have one foot out the back door
Searching for a reason
To slip out completely
Being ignored is a good reason for me

out amongst the back yard I roam
Slipping ever so swiftly out the door
through the sweet garden of deception
It’s What lured me in
But looking back now
The flowers are all dead and withered

God I feel good
For now
Another dance with another white girl
The smell intrigues me
Grabbing my sanity
As if it were some leashed *****
Let me go
Please
I say the words
as I inhale the euphoria
Only tightening its grip
I could rip my nose off
The horrible pain would be a relief
A relief from such a outstanding high
But now I’m falling
Wait
        Wait
                WAIT
Where is my high going
Will I find the ground
Or will the bitter taste
of smacking rock bottom
Find me

Smack

So this is the cold floor of sobriety
A fall like that should of killed me
Oh well
I guess I’ll just finish the job myself

I wish I had
The armor you keep on your heart
I would not have to worry
About Cupid’s shots
Like shooting stars
That I wish I could wish upon
But no
Arrow after heart shattering arrow
Leaving my chest
Tender and full of holes
And those holes
If they were to heal
I wish created thicker skin
To not let the same voids
Be made again
But instead I find
The feather ends
Sticking out
Making my love hideous
Like highway roadkill
Dare not look
Dare not touch
Dare not acknowledge
For I wish your feelings sparred
But yet I yearn for the day
That someone comes around
And love this mangled heart

Mary Jane whispers my name
pulling me closer
with each breath I take
she’s pulling me in
she’s pulling me in

She’s taking control over me
Making things better
With every kiss
I know I can stop
But I’m not gonna stop

She introduced me to all of her friends
We have fun together
I don’t want this to end
Is this going to end
When will it end

Tooth and nail screams to the sky
Where is the laughter
Where’s the god that you seek
Your meeting him soon
You’ll be with him soon

Your fading away
Fading away

I don’t know why
These feelings I feel
Are so strong
Stronger than raging seas
During the thunderstorm that
Is my attraction to her
I wish I could look at her
As just another pretty girl
But I don’t think she can ever be
Anything less than the ray of sun
Shining through the darkest clouds
Making my days better
Every time I am graced by her Presence
But why does she do this
Steals my breath with a glance
Leaving me gasping
And begging for another look
Mind making a mess of itself
And a fool of me
As words attempt to leave my mouth
Hoping for even the smallest conversation  
But those conversations will be few
And I know it
this girl would never fall
For this world so different from her own
Tattooed
Pierced
Hopeless romantic Skater boy
Is no match for
This pure hearted flower
But sometimes I hang on
To the thought that maybe
Just maybe
That this opposit can attract
But I know
the graceful beauty
Won’t be mine
And I’ll be ok with that
As long as I can call her
A friend

Grip my heart
Strangle my wrists
Pulling, tugging
devastatingly ripping
Like tear soaked fabrics
How I wish I could split
To Give all to both
Keeping relationships alive
But all the while I die
Knowing that one
Must be made
To let go

If we shut our eyes
Closed our ears
Grabbed ahold
And followed our hearts
Where would we be
And who would we be there with

What if our beauty was
Defined by the size of your wallet
Or if it was determined
By looks and looks alone
Well it seems
That’s how this world is

But what if
Beauty was defined by
The contents of your heart
And the capacity of your mind
Who would truely catch your eye
And would you be able
To look in the mirror

There is no better feeling
Than when the person
That makes you most happy
Is yourself

A man sits alone
In a booth accompanied by
his own lonesome
But although ther is no one there
He is not alone
His nose is buried
In his book
Keeping him the company
That he really wants

Im Watching others pass me by
Watch closely to those who catch my eye
Although such beauty and such grace
I behold tho I shall not chase
For efforts are nonsense for the broken
No two words will ever be spoken
To the one with the beautiful smile
I’ve only see every once in a while
I Don’t care to know her name
Because if I do it will be the same
We may talk a time or two
But two weeks later it’s nothing new
For hopeless romantic such as I
I’m always faced with reasons why
Why I shouldn’t say hello
Or why I always watch her go
The Reasons why go on and on
But nothing except my hope is gone
She walks my way my heart will pound
But walks right past and lets me down
I walk away from the hopeless temptations
For I am a hopeless man with hopeless aspirations

Often times we let our heads
Grow so large that
We cannot fit through the doors
That are opened for us

What if I did without a thought
What sort of troubles would be brought
My fists would be black and blue
And The walls would never look new

What if I did without a thought

Money would be nothing more
But useless things to fill my drawer
Lines and art would surely drown
Every inch from the neck down

What if I did without a thought

I fear My anger will get the best
I could manage all of the rest
But my anger will send me through trouble
Leaving my life to nothing but rubble

What if I did without a thought

I would be homeless on the streets
With nothing not even bed sheets
To keep me warm through the night
For with my family I would fight
Kick me out all on my own
I’d loose my job which is something known
I’d be hungry cold and thirst
Which one would take me first
So what if I acted without my brain
It would be my life so full of pain

The chain around my hand
was getting too tight
So I let go
Knowing how bad
It was going to hurt

But I ponder
Does it hurt more
to hold on
Or to slowly forget
What you look like

I am sleeping
Wait, no I’m not
I can’t sleep
Staring at the blank white ceiling
Which is more than I can say
About the emptiness
which is me

Why would I do anything else
I don’t think my friends
Appreciate my presence
I don’t think my guitar
Wants my ***** hands all over it

But my bed
My bed lo-

“What?!”
...
“Yeah! I’ll do it later
I’m a little *******
At the moment!”

-ves me
It grips me up and never wants to let go
Similar to a mother
Or even a fa...
No no no
just a mother
Who you haven’t seen in a while

Ten texts and three calls
I leave my phone off of the charge
Hopefully it dies soon
Like with my desires
To ever leave my bed

Phenomenally broken but none to mend
Oh how I yearn for simple healing
Except I have found one medicine
Though this remedy cannot be bought
Read the first letter from each line
You will find what has brought me together

I notice when I leave my home
The beauty from across the way
Such perfection can not be mine
So small and petit
I apologize if I stare for to long
At the red worm proudly every day
I wish something so amazing could be for me
My heart stops when the dancing starts
Such grace cannot go unnoticed
beautiful songs pour filling the otherwise empty street
Captivating me and leaving me paralyzed
For any movement would ruin my listening
For some the ethnicity would intimidate
But for me it peaks my enthusiasm
The thought that such vibrancy comes from so far
But Gone just like yesterday, uprooted from my heart
I haven’t been graced by the magnificence in so long
I see similar here and there
But nothing like the beauty across the street

You shouldn’t worry
About the monsters under your bed
The monsters above your pillow
Are much more frightening

Dark and beautiful
I could play for hours
Running my fingers down
The strings upon the frets
Like a kayak
Floating down a strong river
Riff by riff Chord by chord
Played all day and all night
I play and sing by myself
Yet I am not alone
For with every string strummed
he is with me
But what I would give
Just to hear once more
My grandfather play us a song