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"teetered" poems
you had a chapstick tube stowed away in your bag of things you never put to use those scarred chapped lips scratching, tearing crevice of your mouth craved my heart bleeding, uncaring and subsequently my mango chapstick would serve it's purpose on your lips and never mine. among other things, you had a pair of white socks. you never wore them, too pristine (you'd ruin them as you teetered on slippery suspended logs) you reminded me of a cracked open window, always hoping you would be at the mullioned panes chapped lips, white socks and all but the only thing that pushed against the glass was the scent of mango air. and mango never smelt so bitter. when will you come home replace the mango air with your feverish cologne. a swaying of the breeze and your tee shirt wraps a cotton arm around your waist the bitter aftertaste your tongue like grapefruit wedged against my teeth i missed the smell of burnt bread bottom, when we were in the kitchen and the gown of silver hemmed water that danced down the roof, tapping again and again and again but, when you come home next month. I will be gone. the mango around our home had long since turned bitter and that brown picket fence no longer bends around my heart i am somewhere where the mango still smells sweet and boys give my their chapstick for i've long since run out of mine.
0
Oct 15, 2017
Oct 15, 2017 at 2:30 AM UTC
Chapstick
Floating, drifting, Slowly it passed from his hand To the cold, hard sidewalk. It once was a pretty flower, With petals bright and cheerful And a stem green and healthy. Johnny’s night had not been great, As was anticipated by his mom. “You’ll have fun!” she said. “But what about…” he trailed off, Remembering the hulking ex-boyfriend Of Lily, the girl he thought he loved. “Just have fun,” she soothed. Walking- no scuffling -down the street, He remembered those last words she had said. Even though this hadn’t been the night of his life, He could still have a good time, right? Five minutes later, Johnny exited the nearby hardware store. Four cans of spray paint in hand, He drifted into the community center downtown. All Johnny needed was a blank canvas And about an hour before they closed for the night. *I thought I was going to get my first kiss. I could have sworn she was going to be my girlfriend this time. If only I wasn’t such a dork, Then maybe she would be interested in me. I hate everyone and everything!* The paint sprayed and splattered onto the canvas. Johnny was breathing hard now. Now he was ready, he was energized. Ready to take on the world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With a cover over the painting, Johnny headed back to the dance. He hadn’t even entered the building before, Which meant he still had his ticket. Johnny threw his ticket to the usher And made his way over to the DJ. “Turn off the music for like five minutes. Please.” “Why?” “Because I’ll give you three dollars And whatever else is in my pocket.” “Fine. Five minutes. No more.” “Thanks.” Johnny smiled. As soon as the music was off, Johnny dashed over to Lily And her giant boyfriend. He set the painting on the floor And grabbed her in his arms. Johnny then kissed her As passionately as he knew how. Lily, stunned and confused, Teetered back onto a chair. Then, just when the huge brute was about to punch him, Johnny swiftly clutched the picture and ripped off its cover. The boyfriend gazed, along with the rest of the crowd, At the beautiful girl on the canvas. “You painted this?” “Yeah.” “You really love Lily, huh?” “Yeah.” “Then you need to kiss her again.” The ex-boyfriend smiled at Johnny and Johnny smiled back. He looked over at Lily. He handed his painting to the ex-boyfriend. Johnny reached for Lily’s hand, Wrapped his arms around her. “Will you, Lily, be my girlfriend?” Lily gazed into Johnny’s eyes, Leaned in, And whispered in his ear, “Yes.”
0
Dec 9, 2014
Dec 9, 2014 at 2:48 PM UTC
Paint
Floating, drifting, Slowly it passed from his hand To the cold, hard sidewalk. It once was a pretty flower, With petals bright and cheerful And a stem green and healthy. Johnny’s night had not been great, As was anticipated by his mom. “You’ll have fun!” she said. “But what about…” he trailed off, Remembering the hulking ex-boyfriend Of Lily, the girl he thought he loved. “Just have fun,” she soothed. Walking- no scuffling -down the street, He remembered those last words she had said. Even though this hadn’t been the night of his life, He could still have a good time, right? Five minutes later, Johnny exited the nearby hardware store. Four cans of spray paint in hand, He drifted into the community center downtown. All Johnny needed was a blank canvas And about an hour before they closed for the night. *I thought I was going to get my first kiss. I could have sworn she was going to be my girlfriend this time. If only I wasn’t such a dork, Then maybe she would be interested in me. I hate everyone and everything!* The paint sprayed and splattered onto the canvas. Johnny was breathing hard now. Now he was ready, he was energized. Ready to take on the world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With a cover over the painting, Johnny headed back to the dance. He hadn’t even entered the building before, Which meant he still had his ticket. Johnny threw his ticket to the usher And made his way over to the DJ. “Turn off the music for like five minutes. Please.” “Why?” “Because I’ll give you three dollars And whatever else is in my pocket.” “Fine. Five minutes. No more.” “Thanks.” Johnny smiled. As soon as the music was off, Johnny dashed over to Lily And her giant boyfriend. He set the painting on the floor And grabbed her in his arms. Johnny then kissed her As passionately as he knew how. Lily, stunned and confused, Teetered back onto a chair. Then, just when the huge brute was about to punch him, Johnny swiftly clutched the picture and ripped off its cover. The boyfriend gazed, along with the rest of the crowd, At the beautiful girl on the canvas. “You painted this?” “Yeah.” “You really love Lily, huh?” “Yeah.” “Then you need to kiss her again.” The ex-boyfriend smiled at Johnny and Johnny smiled back. He looked over at Lily. He handed his painting to the ex-boyfriend. Johnny reached for Lily’s hand, Wrapped his arms around her. “Will you, Lily, be my girlfriend?” Lily gazed into Johnny’s eyes, Leaned in, And whispered in his ear, “Yes.”
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73
He sat in a small compartment by The window, on a train, The passengers huddled around him Saying, ‘Tell that one again!’ He spoke in a low and measured voice As they held their breath, to stare, Watching his hands, as they described Vague circles in the air. There wasn’t a sound outside, except The carriage, clickety-clack, A sound that would tend to hypnotise As the train sped down the track, In every one of his listeners Was a picture, in each mind, That spoke to them of that better life Which had been too hard to find. And seagulls circled the skies above As he primed their minds with ‘If…’ And led them all in a straggly line To stand at the top of a cliff. The sea was blue and the clouds were grey And the rocks below sublime, As they teetered there for a moment where They stood, at the edge of time. For then he’d show them a garden, with The form of an only child, Who seemed to be so familiar That most of them there had smiled, The scent of a pink wisteria Had wafted the carriage air, And then their tears rolled back the years As they whispered, ‘I was there!’ He showed them a woman in mourning With a cape, and a darkened veil, Who knelt alone by a headstone, Each listeners face was pale. The bell of the church began to toll As it sounded someone’s knell, His face was the face of the gravedigger As he held them in his spell. The carriage was filled with waves of fear, The carriage was filled with joy, He’d tell of the death of a mountaineer, Of a child with a much-loved toy, Their tears they’d dry as the train came in To the tale of a Scottish Kirk, And one by one they would rise to leave And head off the train, to work. But the Storyteller would stay on board And close the compartment door, His restless hands were trembling still As his eyes stared down at the floor. The train heads into the future while The past is deep in his well, He sits and weeps in the corner for The tales that he doesn’t tell. David Lewis Paget
0
Aug 22, 2014
Aug 22, 2014 at 8:25 AM UTC
The Storyteller
He sat in a small compartment by The window, on a train, The passengers huddled around him Saying, ‘Tell that one again!’ He spoke in a low and measured voice As they held their breath, to stare, Watching his hands, as they described Vague circles in the air. There wasn’t a sound outside, except The carriage, clickety-clack, A sound that would tend to hypnotise As the train sped down the track, In every one of his listeners Was a picture, in each mind, That spoke to them of that better life Which had been too hard to find. And seagulls circled the skies above As he primed their minds with ‘If…’ And led them all in a straggly line To stand at the top of a cliff. The sea was blue and the clouds were grey And the rocks below sublime, As they teetered there for a moment where They stood, at the edge of time. For then he’d show them a garden, with The form of an only child, Who seemed to be so familiar That most of them there had smiled, The scent of a pink wisteria Had wafted the carriage air, And then their tears rolled back the years As they whispered, ‘I was there!’ He showed them a woman in mourning With a cape, and a darkened veil, Who knelt alone by a headstone, Each listeners face was pale. The bell of the church began to toll As it sounded someone’s knell, His face was the face of the gravedigger As he held them in his spell. The carriage was filled with waves of fear, The carriage was filled with joy, He’d tell of the death of a mountaineer, Of a child with a much-loved toy, Their tears they’d dry as the train came in To the tale of a Scottish Kirk, And one by one they would rise to leave And head off the train, to work. But the Storyteller would stay on board And close the compartment door, His restless hands were trembling still As his eyes stared down at the floor. The train heads into the future while The past is deep in his well, He sits and weeps in the corner for The tales that he doesn’t tell. David Lewis Paget
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57
Clean it up. trash, littered glass glitters smash delivered mouths quiver blood slithers roads killer people stiffer lives teetered eyes tear cars peered windows cleared bodies feared clean it up.
0
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 9:54 PM UTC
Make a mess
I haven't been here in awhile. This section of Wonderland is almost foreign to me, after all this time. I have teetered upon its edge for ages, but now I have finally fallen in, down the rabbit hole, and I do not know when I will be able to get out. The dark parts of Wonderland, where the Jabberwocky roams free, have terrify me and always will. The simple thought of that monster lurking in my head brings a slew of tears to my face, a torrential downpour of my own misery. I do not trust the Jabberwocky, for it brings ideas, hallow, dark ideas to the front of my brain and causes me to wander in the frozen desert or extract my blood from my own skin, and I do not know myself anymore. Each word is shaky, I cannot feel it on the tip of my tongue, I am numb. No one here in New Wonderland understands the Jabberwocky; hell, only the White Rabbit and the Dormouse really understood it in Old Wonderland, and my heart still broke relentlessly, like tides on a beach. Those not from Old have rejected the Jabberwocky side of me, and that terrifies me. What if everyone here fears the Jabberwocky? I understand that fear; no one expects sweet, innocent Grace to also be the monster screaming under their bed, but I need people. I need people who know and understand and accept that tough I can be broken and horrific and abhorrent and repulsive that Grace is still there underneath it all and she needs love. She needs it more than she'll ever admit. Words. I have lost them. I haven't the faintest clue what's left to say, for the Jabberwocky is ruthless and hateful of my words, and I'm lucky to have gotten this far. In my dreams I am whole, in my imagination the Jabberwocky was gone, but I know now it has not left me. It never will.
0
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 10:58 AM UTC
My Wonderland pt. 8
I haven't been here in awhile. This section of Wonderland is almost foreign to me, after all this time. I have teetered upon its edge for ages, but now I have finally fallen in, down the rabbit hole, and I do not know when I will be able to get out. The dark parts of Wonderland, where the Jabberwocky roams free, have terrify me and always will. The simple thought of that monster lurking in my head brings a slew of tears to my face, a torrential downpour of my own misery. I do not trust the Jabberwocky, for it brings ideas, hallow, dark ideas to the front of my brain and causes me to wander in the frozen desert or extract my blood from my own skin, and I do not know myself anymore. Each word is shaky, I cannot feel it on the tip of my tongue, I am numb. No one here in New Wonderland understands the Jabberwocky; hell, only the White Rabbit and the Dormouse really understood it in Old Wonderland, and my heart still broke relentlessly, like tides on a beach. Those not from Old have rejected the Jabberwocky side of me, and that terrifies me. What if everyone here fears the Jabberwocky? I understand that fear; no one expects sweet, innocent Grace to also be the monster screaming under their bed, but I need people. I need people who know and understand and accept that tough I can be broken and horrific and abhorrent and repulsive that Grace is still there underneath it all and she needs love. She needs it more than she'll ever admit. Words. I have lost them. I haven't the faintest clue what's left to say, for the Jabberwocky is ruthless and hateful of my words, and I'm lucky to have gotten this far. In my dreams I am whole, in my imagination the Jabberwocky was gone, but I know now it has not left me. It never will.
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6
Love has given up. It was the wrong religion. And London did not melt into the Thames. You teetered on the edge of a golden world, and then fell suddenly— accused of sortilege, ****** and treason. And at his pleasure— or was it mercy?— Was it for the sake of your seven years, or perhaps for the little daughter?— in which flowed the royal blood, spoiled by *** and lineage. Whatever it was, no matter. He would spare you the pain of being burnt at the stake. Instead, to be executed like royalty— dispatched by a French swordsman. The prophecy must have been of little comfort as your ladies helped prepare you to meet Death, newly betrothed. A gown of dark grey damask floated over a blood-red petticoat. Your mantle was trimmed with ermine. Queenly, you stood and addressed those who had come to watch you. And then you knelt and began to pray, and quickly and mercifully, the blade carried out its trajectory.
0
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 10:52 AM UTC
Threnody for Anne
Convent detour Covenant deviance Context raconteur Sterilized meat threads Over deviled straight legs Sharks breath beast head Maximize.... Left alone - best unsaid maybe off better spread way out O--- Rrr - way dead Casually concave bird chest, shock waved cheap threats, threadbare leaflets, Modern day Old hex Big space and cavity baking ovens full of clutter extended hand and logic tempest temporarily teetered toward a soft chair and ice cold vanity savaged manually... Or, Womanually, for that matter
0
Sep 4, 2013
Sep 4, 2013 at 11:41 AM UTC
Markham Bandaid Sandwich
There once lived a family of rats, caught up in wires and tubes and they probably thought they had it good until the car started. That car’s air conditioning smelled like death stench for weeks, until we got it looked at. Who knew we killed a family, who knew they ate their way under the hood, who knew we killed a family and they reminded us of it for weeks. —— My mother and father killed my dog, barely big enough to not be called a puppy anymore, they ran over her, as she slumbered in the tall weeds and grasses of a field. —— We had a chicken named Thumper, his body grew big but his head never did, and he teetered and tottered on ballerina pointed feet, and the other roosters wanted to eat him alive. When we sacrificied him, my parents plucked his back, and they saw that his skin was a green-purple secret, hidden by a humpback and so many feathers. —— Our third horse got caught in the river. Big Mama got caught in Little River. I guess it’s not surprising when big things die when they get caught in little things. —— The coyotes got the rest of the chickens. —— The rattlesnakes almost got the rest of the horses. —— Most people don’t know that farm-fresh eggs are covered in blood. —— We had two of the largest, ugliest geese. They flew away. —— The cat died under the hot tub, we couldn’t find her for days. —— The forest is always a graveyard, is always hallowed ground, is where we buried the animals. Then they built a subdivision.
0
Sep 27, 2012
Sep 27, 2012 at 2:22 AM UTC
Morbid Farm Life Anecdotes (or The Only Things I Know How to Write About Lately)
There once lived a family of rats, caught up in wires and tubes and they probably thought they had it good until the car started. That car’s air conditioning smelled like death stench for weeks, until we got it looked at. Who knew we killed a family, who knew they ate their way under the hood, who knew we killed a family and they reminded us of it for weeks. —— My mother and father killed my dog, barely big enough to not be called a puppy anymore, they ran over her, as she slumbered in the tall weeds and grasses of a field. —— We had a chicken named Thumper, his body grew big but his head never did, and he teetered and tottered on ballerina pointed feet, and the other roosters wanted to eat him alive. When we sacrificied him, my parents plucked his back, and they saw that his skin was a green-purple secret, hidden by a humpback and so many feathers. —— Our third horse got caught in the river. Big Mama got caught in Little River. I guess it’s not surprising when big things die when they get caught in little things. —— The coyotes got the rest of the chickens. —— The rattlesnakes almost got the rest of the horses. —— Most people don’t know that farm-fresh eggs are covered in blood. —— We had two of the largest, ugliest geese. They flew away. —— The cat died under the hot tub, we couldn’t find her for days. —— The forest is always a graveyard, is always hallowed ground, is where we buried the animals. Then they built a subdivision.
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41
I wept a tear for you A single, glistening droplet Shunned from my eye it cried as it fell left me with a memory as though it had a tale to tell As it teetered on my nose gravity ended its sovereignty of sorrow and it fell again this time to greet my pillow There it remains I can't believe I wept a tear for you
0
Dec 6, 2011
Dec 6, 2011 at 11:32 AM UTC
Sovereignty of Sorrow
The vastness of the summer field Has lost its innocence to autumn yield From whence the green has turned to brown A once joyous day returns a frown But with spring’s planting, revived and healed Refrain oh urgings of wanderlust past My sails have lost the wind, on teetered mast The hearty bellows of a nor’easter gale Has caused my depth to weep and wail And fear the evil my spirit amassed I am a farmer’s soul; born to seed and harvest A reaper of words, and mortal darkness I seek from all around, and all within And dream of a life that might have been Where love past is all but heartless
0
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 8:57 AM UTC
The Farmer's Soul
Venus of Willendorf You seemed so distant Cool and aloof on slide Perhaps I was projecting In the warm dark womb Of Lecture Hall B A silent world but for fan racket From the Kodak Modal 4600 Eager to please on stiff little legs Nosing toward the screen Where you teetered On impossible feet Fighting a losing battle With gravity I found Touching, ******* No one could ignore A chassis built As the bluesman said For comfort not for speed. I hear Willendorf is nice This time of year Hint of fertility in the alpine air Your crazy braids beckoning Braille to a blind man.
0
Sep 20, 2016
Sep 20, 2016 at 7:41 AM UTC
Venus of Willendorf
And as the sun shone I whistled a melody It's notes were laughter. And as the wind spoke I teetered 'long the pond's edge whistling smiles. And as the clouds roamed I wrote poems in the sky Whistling his name.
0
Feb 28, 2014
Feb 28, 2014 at 10:53 AM UTC
Whistling
Circa 2005 & for some reason, (unbeknownst to me) they trusted a student with the keys to the high school auditorium. Two, thick, metal keys engraved with three words that would tempt the whole of my disguised devilry: 1. DO 2. NOT 3. COPY Eve to fruit Pandora to box Me— to a couple of squeaky doors. I’d hush you as we teetered the catwalk. We’d speak in whispered contraband. Forbidden acts in the high up off-limits. “The taxpayers don’t have to know.” There was something so fine about making self-discoveries in the untouched spaces above the lights.
0
Aug 20, 2013
Aug 20, 2013 at 11:44 AM UTC
in trespassing
. The branches of the trees bend and sway as the breeze plays its tickling games. Sitting beneath the mighty Oak he closes his eyes and drifts back home. His thoughts, like his arrows, true, finding its destination with consummate ease. A figure, a face, a smile, he sees. The portrait of Her. Burning a cold image in his mind. An alien sound he hears, and startles, intruding on his moment of reverie. A bird lands on a tree, close, giving him the eye, akin to the intelligent stare of the capricious corvid. It whistles and takes flight calling him to follow. Thoughts of Her portrait, now wisps of smoke, disappear as intrigue beckons. Insistent chirping, the clever eye, leads him hither and thither, ever away from home. Caught in the enchantment, of following the Never bird..... The mist crawls and curdles and climbs in a rising, coalescing film of fog. To befuddle the unwary, alone in the Trees. His nerves, his eyes, captivated as the Never bird commands attention. Leading him on, deeper. Home is but a distant sigh in his heart, ignored with intensity, unloved. The journey steps take him far, wayward with no direction, no destination. Singing sweet, swooping swift the bird stops. Disappears into the gloom, not once looking back, abandoning he who followed. Lost. So very lost. So very lost. Moments fly, rustling, footfalls, an apparition. A Goddess of beauty unveils herself, and steps, soft and gentle into the light. Enraptured he takes her into his arms, they sink and rut like animals, primal, on the cool mossy carpet. Banished are the thoughts and portraits. Caught in the enchantment, of loving the Never bird..... The cobalt sky in a haze of heat swirls about before his eyes. Laying beneath a Mighty Oak. Goose-bumped skin. Alone. He wakes. The forest still and silent. His thoughts like drunken dogs blurred by memories that excite and disturb. The Portrait of Her. Awakening a fuzzy, picture in his mind. Scanning the trees, the lady is gone, and missing is the Never bird. Unknown magiks have been worked on him, he felt, rather than observed. The sigh in his heart for home, broke forth, strange noises burst the mood. The ache in his heart, constrained within by abnormal form, teetered on the edge of pain, sorrow. A song of hope escapes, a decision made, as wisps of smoke form a Portrait. He spreads his wings, caught in the enchantment, of being the Never bird. © Pagan Paul (2016/2017)
0
Dec 23, 2017
Dec 23, 2017 at 8:51 AM UTC
The Never Bird
. The branches of the trees bend and sway as the breeze plays its tickling games. Sitting beneath the mighty Oak he closes his eyes and drifts back home. His thoughts, like his arrows, true, finding its destination with consummate ease. A figure, a face, a smile, he sees. The portrait of Her. Burning a cold image in his mind. An alien sound he hears, and startles, intruding on his moment of reverie. A bird lands on a tree, close, giving him the eye, akin to the intelligent stare of the capricious corvid. It whistles and takes flight calling him to follow. Thoughts of Her portrait, now wisps of smoke, disappear as intrigue beckons. Insistent chirping, the clever eye, leads him hither and thither, ever away from home. Caught in the enchantment, of following the Never bird..... The mist crawls and curdles and climbs in a rising, coalescing film of fog. To befuddle the unwary, alone in the Trees. His nerves, his eyes, captivated as the Never bird commands attention. Leading him on, deeper. Home is but a distant sigh in his heart, ignored with intensity, unloved. The journey steps take him far, wayward with no direction, no destination. Singing sweet, swooping swift the bird stops. Disappears into the gloom, not once looking back, abandoning he who followed. Lost. So very lost. So very lost. Moments fly, rustling, footfalls, an apparition. A Goddess of beauty unveils herself, and steps, soft and gentle into the light. Enraptured he takes her into his arms, they sink and rut like animals, primal, on the cool mossy carpet. Banished are the thoughts and portraits. Caught in the enchantment, of loving the Never bird..... The cobalt sky in a haze of heat swirls about before his eyes. Laying beneath a Mighty Oak. Goose-bumped skin. Alone. He wakes. The forest still and silent. His thoughts like drunken dogs blurred by memories that excite and disturb. The Portrait of Her. Awakening a fuzzy, picture in his mind. Scanning the trees, the lady is gone, and missing is the Never bird. Unknown magiks have been worked on him, he felt, rather than observed. The sigh in his heart for home, broke forth, strange noises burst the mood. The ache in his heart, constrained within by abnormal form, teetered on the edge of pain, sorrow. A song of hope escapes, a decision made, as wisps of smoke form a Portrait. He spreads his wings, caught in the enchantment, of being the Never bird. © Pagan Paul (2016/2017)
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68
Before you, I had friends but was often alone. I was entirely unaware of the void. I didn’t know your name or your face. It was me, myself, and I. I did all my school work and tried to be stable. Before you, I was just fine. ~~~ When I met you I didn't feel so alone. Our friendship put a light in my void. With every corner I turned I looked for your face. No better friends than you and I. With wobbling feelings, it was hard to stay stable. I figured having a crush was fine. ~~~ With your arms around me, I never felt alone. I'm full and fuller of you, the extinguished void. Every night dreaming of your shining face. The world revolved around you and I. With you by my side, I felt nothing but stable. Forever with you would be just fine. ~~~ You started pulling away, I couldn’t help but feel alone. As you removed yourself I began to remember the void. Every once in a while I got to see your face. You were here but you weren't and for that, I cry left without a dry eye. Our relationship teetered for you were not stable. I told myself "forget it, it's fine." ~~~ You broke all your promises and left me alone. Grappling for pieces to fill my void. Tears streaming not on mine but your face. You didn’t want to go…but you did and I then poured out my eyes. Wanting you back and wanting you gone, my thoughts were never stable. I cried myself to sleep each night, but all others heard was "I'm fine." ~~~ Forgotten, discouraged, all I feel is alone. No matter how hard I try to make them fit no one else can fill this void. I can't think of my own best friend without seeing your face. I'll never forget your beautiful smile, it's so perfect in my eyes. You're no longer mine, the thought leaves me unstable. For breaking a promise is there such a fine? ~~~ I'm trying to not feel so alone, to fill the void with self-love. To direct my love to my own face, to the shine of my own eye. I won't lie I'm still unstable; I'm not ok right now but eventually, I will be fine.
0
Feb 12, 2019
Feb 12, 2019 at 12:31 PM UTC
The Void You Left
Before you, I had friends but was often alone. I was entirely unaware of the void. I didn’t know your name or your face. It was me, myself, and I. I did all my school work and tried to be stable. Before you, I was just fine. ~~~ When I met you I didn't feel so alone. Our friendship put a light in my void. With every corner I turned I looked for your face. No better friends than you and I. With wobbling feelings, it was hard to stay stable. I figured having a crush was fine. ~~~ With your arms around me, I never felt alone. I'm full and fuller of you, the extinguished void. Every night dreaming of your shining face. The world revolved around you and I. With you by my side, I felt nothing but stable. Forever with you would be just fine. ~~~ You started pulling away, I couldn’t help but feel alone. As you removed yourself I began to remember the void. Every once in a while I got to see your face. You were here but you weren't and for that, I cry left without a dry eye. Our relationship teetered for you were not stable. I told myself "forget it, it's fine." ~~~ You broke all your promises and left me alone. Grappling for pieces to fill my void. Tears streaming not on mine but your face. You didn’t want to go…but you did and I then poured out my eyes. Wanting you back and wanting you gone, my thoughts were never stable. I cried myself to sleep each night, but all others heard was "I'm fine." ~~~ Forgotten, discouraged, all I feel is alone. No matter how hard I try to make them fit no one else can fill this void. I can't think of my own best friend without seeing your face. I'll never forget your beautiful smile, it's so perfect in my eyes. You're no longer mine, the thought leaves me unstable. For breaking a promise is there such a fine? ~~~ I'm trying to not feel so alone, to fill the void with self-love. To direct my love to my own face, to the shine of my own eye. I won't lie I'm still unstable; I'm not ok right now but eventually, I will be fine.
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45
It was a whisper in my day, seven quick words against stark white to remind me who I am: I am the words spilling from the point of my Pilot XGrip, carefully ordered to represent my wandering mind. I am a mess, the pile of laundry huddled next to an overflowing dresser, a muddled sea of organized chaos. I am movement caught in the stillness of a photograph, the buzzing blood flow of finding moments. I am summer, a sticky shirt and 4 am with your arms draping over my shoulders for the second time. I am flapping wings and shattered thoughts, a kiss, and eyes one inch from mine yet I have no idea what color I am. I am you. And even still I am him, the you that came before you. I am six months ago, the night I teetered on the railing long enough for him to tell me how pretty I looked. I am the stairs he joined me on, the hide out from the party he invited me to and I couldn’t quite fit in with. I am train seats and crossword puzzles, strange professors and picnic tables. I am orange cheese puffs and little kids answering grown up questions. I am you, the other you, the better you, the you that got away.
0
Sep 20, 2012
Sep 20, 2012 at 12:04 AM UTC
“You are what you think about all day long.”
*Fathered by a fantasy of ideal expectation Nurtured by the fallacy of promisory’s sought, Living out the lies of appearance as priority Content in the hollowness of misconceptions taught. Wafting through the days in a cloud of preconceptions Drifting in a lifetime of falsehoods rendered loud, Teetered on the brink of a precipice, precarious, Arguing malfeasance in empty tones of proud. Blinkered to collapse of society in freefall Unseeing of the seething fraud which permeates the globe, Blind to the bombing and the gunshots in the avenues Sadly unseeing of unsightly flanks disrobed. Perilously cloistered in a crowd of like admirers Jostling for position in this flimsy house of cards. Sipping pink champagne in a plume of sick pretentiousness Ignoring words of warning with a haughty disregard. Slipping to a flagfall in a shocking fall of failure Slipping to a flagfall in a pall of choking dust, Slipping to a flagfall in the hues of sad surrender Sagging to oblivion in a staining sea of rust.* Marshalg Auckland NZ May 1 2014
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May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 1:42 AM UTC
Slipping to a Flagfall
On wed. My 49/yr old nephew died of a sudden blood clot. My mother is  93 and has 12 children 40+ gr. Children 40-50 gr . grandchildren  dozens of gr.gr.  and some more beyond that and this is the first of any to suddenly pass thru .   I spent all nite writing and preparing clothes so as I posted what I wrote it was the replies and attention given that allowed me the fortitude to stay out of the dark hole I teetered on so to all my most gracious and heartfelt  appreciation for walking with me as I stumbled along in what was only a dim light. Thanks so much.
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Jan 8, 2016
Jan 8, 2016 at 10:17 AM UTC
Untitled
Sweeping falsetto Wood shined Somber glow Curving phantoms Bowed over bow Cream candlelight Wonderful frights Hems Sweeping over the dance floor Perfume daintly teases cologne
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May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 2:57 PM UTC
Teetered Steps
It's been light years since my heart strings were touched, gently plucked in artfully arranged cacophonies of 'I love you' and 'Come closer' and, whispering, 'baby' sweetly, in his waning symphony. The fade-out drags at my feet, while I move through moments now, slowed down, talking loud, as though words are my only means to stretch moments out. These are the 4am secrets I cling to most, sunlit smokescreen memories of a spaceman still haunting me, you see no matter how loudly I speak smaller volumes are still volumes and his whispers were still words like 'baby', hurtling through moment after moment and I wonder why it still hurts. An asteroid of his voice ricochets through endless stretches of space and solar flares only spit flashes of his face until even supermassive black holes seem comforting, perhaps they would transport me to a different dimension of blanket fort dreams where I am held again, amongst whispers wistfully meant and this time I don't forget to contain all the stars in my eyes, cocooned in second chances on Solaris, the planet where lost loves come to life, where droves of the lovesick go to die. I couldn't escape past the moon forever but **** I could still crash land whenever These unearthly dreams created space for me and in that space, I found my sanctuary realising that with all the space that I need the spaceman no longer had a hold on my dreams. See, love was soaring music, elevation, no metre, just levitation, almost timeless, but it teetered on the finish line to be stopped too soon by a volume dial and a frown, I bottled up from bottle to cup and kept my voice down but time has a way of showing you that shutting people out isn’t profound, but the absence of sound. Endings quietened my universe, but I stopped believing in the relief of silence and since, I have become a crushing crescendo, I think even the cosmos could hear me screaming. The volume turns up and I burn and I glow feasting on feelings, wasted on whispers I'll break waves against wistfulness, Fling fists against fitfulness, the spaceman can fight me for all he's worth, I will not fade out.
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Jan 29, 2016
Jan 29, 2016 at 6:32 PM UTC
Endings No. 1
It's been light years since my heart strings were touched, gently plucked in artfully arranged cacophonies of 'I love you' and 'Come closer' and, whispering, 'baby' sweetly, in his waning symphony. The fade-out drags at my feet, while I move through moments now, slowed down, talking loud, as though words are my only means to stretch moments out. These are the 4am secrets I cling to most, sunlit smokescreen memories of a spaceman still haunting me, you see no matter how loudly I speak smaller volumes are still volumes and his whispers were still words like 'baby', hurtling through moment after moment and I wonder why it still hurts. An asteroid of his voice ricochets through endless stretches of space and solar flares only spit flashes of his face until even supermassive black holes seem comforting, perhaps they would transport me to a different dimension of blanket fort dreams where I am held again, amongst whispers wistfully meant and this time I don't forget to contain all the stars in my eyes, cocooned in second chances on Solaris, the planet where lost loves come to life, where droves of the lovesick go to die. I couldn't escape past the moon forever but **** I could still crash land whenever These unearthly dreams created space for me and in that space, I found my sanctuary realising that with all the space that I need the spaceman no longer had a hold on my dreams. See, love was soaring music, elevation, no metre, just levitation, almost timeless, but it teetered on the finish line to be stopped too soon by a volume dial and a frown, I bottled up from bottle to cup and kept my voice down but time has a way of showing you that shutting people out isn’t profound, but the absence of sound. Endings quietened my universe, but I stopped believing in the relief of silence and since, I have become a crushing crescendo, I think even the cosmos could hear me screaming. The volume turns up and I burn and I glow feasting on feelings, wasted on whispers I'll break waves against wistfulness, Fling fists against fitfulness, the spaceman can fight me for all he's worth, I will not fade out.
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21 years of waking up  with the bed half empty. The nightmare that haunts me as I lie there, awake, Is going through 20 more. More than death More than failure More than large bodies of water I fear being alone. I won't let the love that flows through my veins go untapped. Unused. I've already let too much potential go to waste. 'I mean, seriously, what kind of man scores a 31 on his ACT and only goes on to do a single year at community college?' The same kind of man who's worries have teetered on the edges of love rather than within the confines of success. The kind of man who'd rather be writing stories to the beat of other peoples lives than allow the tales of his own journey to grow dull with time. The kind of man who measures life in the amount of friends and loved ones a person accumulates rather than with stacks of green paper. Someday I'll meet a women who can see the world as I do. We will be happy in our tiny, cute  twin cities cottage. I'll walk down the street to grab the paper and some coffee, she'll watch the boys while trying to make her deadline. We'll be happy in our own chaotic, free-spirited, open-minded kind of way. Physical possessions poison the soul. Money has no value here.
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Jan 2, 2012
Jan 2, 2012 at 3:03 PM UTC
The American Dreamer
You sang me John Mayer in my ear Eyes half-closed from drunken drowsiness And happiness I teetered and tottered, young next to you A little rambunctious and uninhibitedly grinning Into your pupils, black holes swimming in blue It was not electric or chemical or explosive It was unpredictable but apparent It was real and it was raw and it was sweet Your whispers linger in my heart still The tender caress of your hand Urgency and gentleness I chose to leave It was my decision I understand this And I know I a built a wall, claimed the title of introvert But you know as well as I do It meant something One day you'll be famous and you'll have everything You ever dreamed of, exactly like you planned Your hopes, your ambitions, the one And I will too, though I waver on that belief right now I'll be wonderful too And in the back of my mind, I imagine you will still remember the sweetness
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May 29, 2012
May 29, 2012 at 11:46 PM UTC
You'll Be Famous
Numbness swept over her She hadn't even realized that she's felt that way For two days She knew she couldn't let it continue So she sat and thought Thought of everyone who has hurt her lately God, there were so many But it's because she always cared so much And for that, she was always broken So she thought of everyone who has been leaving her She thought of the words that made her heart ache She had to feel it all And suddenly the hot tears began And they stung her cheek as she wiped them away Knowing they wouldn't really stop For her, there was only the numbness or the tears But more than she hated those she hated herself for the urge The urge to slice into herself It had been four long years without it And all she could think about was the knife waiting At the bottom of her purse That someone left her for defense Forgetting she was weak Or maybe not caring So she teetered between the numbness And pouring her heart out into a pillow Hoping one day she will find something to stop it Hoping the thing to stop it, Wouldn't be the knife.
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Dec 17, 2016
Dec 17, 2016 at 11:48 PM UTC
Teeter Totter Numb Tears Knife
She stepped onto the silent stair, Her hair undone, her shoulders bare. The moonlight that shone down was where The sky fell in, a sad affair. The wooden steps she stepped on squeaked, The cobwebbed railing cringed and creaked. But yet her interest still was piqued, She moved on still while wind still shrieked. At the end of the endless flight, Where dark was darker than darkest night, And shadows stole every stitch of sight, Forward she flew and fled from fright. A dusty door was soon discovered. Nervous nerves were soon recovered. She opened the door and duly uttered, “Well!” and in the doorway hovered. The bitter room was bleak and blank. The décor dwindled, drab and dank, While shoddy floorboards skewed and stank. She ran away from the reeking rank. The second room proved prim and prime. Decadent dancers danced on a dime, While tiny toddlers teetered in time To regal rhythm and rhyme. The third room held a tiny door More minute than many before. Its smile its only stock and store, It motioned for her to move in more. Behind the door was brightness bright, Much lighter than the lightest light, And when she walked within the white She realized things were quite all right.
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Feb 22, 2012
Feb 22, 2012 at 5:39 PM UTC
Her Haunted House
By: Cedric McClester Across the front pages It drizzled He launched a big missile That fizzled From the repressed country He’s chiseled Down to the bone Or the gristle And it became a headline Feeder The man who they called The Great leader Who’s a half pack short Of a ******* Finally has tottled And teetered Perhaps because of His haircut Some think of him as A nut Be that as it may He’s the **** International jokes told You say what? And were he ever to Shed a tear Many more would follow I fear From his frightened people Am I clear Even if they were being Insincere Cedric McClester, Copyright © 2017. All rights reserved.
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Apr 16, 2017
Apr 16, 2017 at 10:37 AM UTC
THE GREAT LEADER