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"rereading" poems
Sep 15 2 0 15 your poem read, awoken by lightening flashes of morning notifications arriving, postmarked from "I liked it" but it does not end there, continues, to a new ending who and why, who and why, did this one find their own worthy in it that was writ unknowingly just for them and you look them up, guessing who and why, rereading your hand's work, which verse was it, was it for a blessing or a curse, that touched them, that made them touch you each "like," a work in itself re examined, re searched, re imagined in the light of who they are and why they are liking words I wrote a single poem bring hours of imagination, each "like" individually gift wrapped, each human liking rapt, each imagine a rapture, each "like" a new poem about the who and why each name a disguise to unravel, each name a title of a new different, imagined poem, who and why, we like each other ~~~ 6:53am
0
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 7:01 AM UTC
imagine likes/who and why
ken not the vive la différence! entre les deux, these two bed and head chambers, for all poets are seducers, regardless of *** race, creed or color when first we employ our working, yeoman vocabulary, we plain start, to relate but not to regale, the whom we are, hoping our moments unique, will breach the boundaries of our collective commonality connectivity, and find human receptivity thus, the seduction of self commences though every possible combination of words has somewhere been inscribed and committed, we ****** ourselves (the seduction of poetry) with potions of notions that we are and always be our first, and now soon forever, yours as well of course, we are, it's true, our very own first admirer & lover, having conquered the hillock of self, see the universe expanding and the ****** need to conceive and prowess to please beyond the beyond with the poetry of seduction do not want your body, heart or soul, commitment, allegiance, vows, sacred or profane, all such in vain crave your everything, not even a legal nine-tenths satisfactory dare not call me arrogant or presumptive, gaze upon the mirror that cannot lie, rereading thy words assemblage, and deny to lie to yourself want you, you want me, my adoration, we want to be in a poem together, lovers at the molecular level where words dissected into letters, then again, into guttural sounds where a simple outcry is an elegy, a love poem, a wound, a denouement, a preface, a tear, a welling, a heaving, a sigh, an exhalation, all, an entrance to where the need for words is long since past the sin and crown of seduction completed, unanimously now breathe out and then, breathe in
0
Jul 3, 2017
Jul 3, 2017 at 3:54 PM UTC
the poetry of seduction, the seduction of poetry
ken not the vive la différence! entre les deux, these two bed and head chambers, for all poets are seducers, regardless of *** race, creed or color when first we employ our working, yeoman vocabulary, we plain start, to relate but not to regale, the whom we are, hoping our moments unique, will breach the boundaries of our collective commonality connectivity, and find human receptivity thus, the seduction of self commences though every possible combination of words has somewhere been inscribed and committed, we ****** ourselves (the seduction of poetry) with potions of notions that we are and always be our first, and now soon forever, yours as well of course, we are, it's true, our very own first admirer & lover, having conquered the hillock of self, see the universe expanding and the ****** need to conceive and prowess to please beyond the beyond with the poetry of seduction do not want your body, heart or soul, commitment, allegiance, vows, sacred or profane, all such in vain crave your everything, not even a legal nine-tenths satisfactory dare not call me arrogant or presumptive, gaze upon the mirror that cannot lie, rereading thy words assemblage, and deny to lie to yourself want you, you want me, my adoration, we want to be in a poem together, lovers at the molecular level where words dissected into letters, then again, into guttural sounds where a simple outcry is an elegy, a love poem, a wound, a denouement, a preface, a tear, a welling, a heaving, a sigh, an exhalation, all, an entrance to where the need for words is long since past the sin and crown of seduction completed, unanimously now breathe out and then, breathe in
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54
to more than I can be... a sad isolated man, throes of an agonizing, stretched by her for painful revengeful gain, kissed with pointless avarice, divorce. children deeming him alienating, his faulty insensitive sensitivities, to easy blame little do they know of the piercing lowliness, the looniness of nights he listened to sad-eyed singers, and his late-of-mid of night scribbled scripts, where he off loaded the agonies of a midlife disaster, not entirely of his-own sown making, but still his to bear and bare alone... some accidents happens for unintentional, unintended intentional new seasons appear, stumbled, tumbled, fumbled his way onto this H~oly P~lace, where someone might listen to his explanations, expiations, excoriations of his all too common tragedy, and said: this broken human, he's got his reasons, read his overly long treatises, his entreaties, to those that prowl, rowing, in this corner of the silence of the internet, where only the trolls, the cold, the easier to-be-meaner oft thrive, and found none of that, but an oasis of sheltering, embracing comforting, those who actually admitted his writings could be loved, and perhaps the writer himself, was deserving of a second chance, a verbal embrace. a rereading forgiveness, a pat on his natback, a sympathetic sensory intaking, and perhaps-this debt, eternal, that put the for and the fore in a new baby born, named - new forever came into existence the very same e that begins those conjoined words ***e~ternally grateful "and now  I sleep in peace when the day is done" but the night time is still the write time
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Sep 13, 2025
Sep 13, 2025 at 11:42 AM UTC
lest you forget, you raised me up...
to more than I can be... a sad isolated man, throes of an agonizing, stretched by her for painful revengeful gain, kissed with pointless avarice, divorce. children deeming him alienating, his faulty insensitive sensitivities, to easy blame little do they know of the piercing lowliness, the looniness of nights he listened to sad-eyed singers, and his late-of-mid of night scribbled scripts, where he off loaded the agonies of a midlife disaster, not entirely of his-own sown making, but still his to bear and bare alone... some accidents happens for unintentional, unintended intentional new seasons appear, stumbled, tumbled, fumbled his way onto this H~oly P~lace, where someone might listen to his explanations, expiations, excoriations of his all too common tragedy, and said: this broken human, he's got his reasons, read his overly long treatises, his entreaties, to those that prowl, rowing, in this corner of the silence of the internet, where only the trolls, the cold, the easier to-be-meaner oft thrive, and found none of that, but an oasis of sheltering, embracing comforting, those who actually admitted his writings could be loved, and perhaps the writer himself, was deserving of a second chance, a verbal embrace. a rereading forgiveness, a pat on his natback, a sympathetic sensory intaking, and perhaps-this debt, eternal, that put the for and the fore in a new baby born, named - new forever came into existence the very same e that begins those conjoined words ***e~ternally grateful "and now  I sleep in peace when the day is done" but the night time is still the write time
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50
old school rap, you always tried to tell me and i couldn't listen until you were gone. sunny open window naked romping music moving forward from your empty body music pale skin but not as pale as yours was. when i met this new person , he said                                           it's time for new songs                                           something to mark this page with but i just keep rereading your obituary
0
Jan 11, 2012
Jan 11, 2012 at 3:40 AM UTC
leukemia
Is a million memories ... Like your favourite Beatles track, Like breakfast coffee in a Turin bar, Like the old friends that never grow old, Like your favourite Italian pasta in Rome, Like summer swims in warm sea with cold rain, Like the aria which sends shivers down your spine, Like the magical taste of Gaja Barberesco for lunch, Like coming home to a smiling face after a long trip, Like your child buying you dinner for the first time, Like how beautiful she was on your wedding day, Like your first date movie being on TV again, Like capturing a moment in a photograph, Like rereading your favourite book, Like watching Casablanca again, Like publishing your first book, Like living every moment... ... And a million more to come.
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Nov 25, 2012
Nov 25, 2012 at 8:35 AM UTC
Happiness
*for Joe A., who wishes me that "may your best days be in love's sight" your kindness in words, over the top, unduly undue "my best days" très charmant, mais aujourd'hui students surpass the teachers, cause sad, bad and life tag trending and we~me, are simply Sunday~done with those nowadays, grandpa's tools outdated, shelved, in their final resting place, blades dulled, the technology of his verbiage, rusted by old age the reads diminishing, his touch, antiquated, his best days, resting on top of the ocean internet waves his summertime buddies, sand sun grass and sea air perfumes, singing, awe we got ya, cosy and comforted, awaiting you in your chair, overlooking our truest sheltered applause my best words turned inwards, collecting recollections, rereading my solaces, and content that my body, still stirs, when joined by Barry White and Lionel, forgot like me, yet happy, in bed with us so you see, Joe, you are half right, the right half *on my bare chest, blonde tresses, blanket, keeping me warm, easy like a Sunday morning so turns come and go, no more down the slide, running to the back of the line, up and down again and again time of the tool and die maker, to cut loose, learn by crafting daily, and not from the books* ***Ooh, that's why I'm easy I'm easy like Sunday morning That's why I'm easy I'm easy like Sunday morning^*** write for me, write for her, for with her, in love's sight, life is easy like Sunday morning, and that's why I'm easy, like Sunday morning
0
Mar 23, 2014
Mar 23, 2014 at 9:13 AM UTC
easy like Sunday morning
*for Joe A., who wishes me that "may your best days be in love's sight" your kindness in words, over the top, unduly undue "my best days" très charmant, mais aujourd'hui students surpass the teachers, cause sad, bad and life tag trending and we~me, are simply Sunday~done with those nowadays, grandpa's tools outdated, shelved, in their final resting place, blades dulled, the technology of his verbiage, rusted by old age the reads diminishing, his touch, antiquated, his best days, resting on top of the ocean internet waves his summertime buddies, sand sun grass and sea air perfumes, singing, awe we got ya, cosy and comforted, awaiting you in your chair, overlooking our truest sheltered applause my best words turned inwards, collecting recollections, rereading my solaces, and content that my body, still stirs, when joined by Barry White and Lionel, forgot like me, yet happy, in bed with us so you see, Joe, you are half right, the right half *on my bare chest, blonde tresses, blanket, keeping me warm, easy like a Sunday morning so turns come and go, no more down the slide, running to the back of the line, up and down again and again time of the tool and die maker, to cut loose, learn by crafting daily, and not from the books* ***Ooh, that's why I'm easy I'm easy like Sunday morning That's why I'm easy I'm easy like Sunday morning^*** write for me, write for her, for with her, in love's sight, life is easy like Sunday morning, and that's why I'm easy, like Sunday morning
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77
I still you as the last page The previous chapter Even after... I still go back to read it Maybe its because its Christmas Maybe because its the Philippines But each time i recall The more faster i forget I keep rereading, i just keep forgetting   I don't know why i brought it up Maybe this will be the last melancholy song My broken heart will be able to play Each word a note Each sentence a string of notes Strung to form a melody; A joyful sad one It's Christmas and the Philippines Love fills the air, its infectious Saddening as its uplifting
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Aug 3, 2019
Aug 3, 2019 at 6:43 AM UTC
Christmas in the Philippines
The time has come for me to let go. I must close these chapters if I have hope of ever feeling whole again. I will never forget and I will always love, but the time has come. Leaving these chapters open will only haunt me. Time will not change a **** thing and I need to accept that. I find it strange that as I close these chapters, I am opening a chapter that I thought I had closed forever. Silence is painful though and hope is a dangerous thing. This old chapter has been reopened and added to over the past month. These chapters I am closing hold some of my most precious memories and I will carry them with me always. I just cannot keep rereading and waiting for more to be written. It won't. I have one more planned visit...after that I do not know when or if I will be back. If my presence is desired and it is made known to me, I will make every attempt, but it won't be and so I probably won't be either. My love is for always, as is my friendship.
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Jun 22, 2016
Jun 22, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
Closing Chapters
"Rereading her texts doesn't bring her back from the dead." And I'm dead anyways. So read my texts all you want. Somebody pick a fight with me. Set this all ablaze and watch the photos burn. No. I can't do that. I will not give the world the satisfaction of being right about me. That I'm this monster... Rereading her texts doesn't bring her back from the dead. But she's not dead. So let me rephrase: Rereading her texts... doesn't bring her back.
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Apr 28, 2017
Apr 28, 2017 at 3:51 AM UTC
Stop Me.
I am a writer, yet often the little daily goal box to "write something" remains unchecked. I am a photographer, but my camera has dust on it and my uploading sites are sparsely filled. I am an academic, yet for the most part I find myself only studying what is given to me while the material I've collected remains halfway read. I am a reader, but I keep rereading the same books and they don't get opened every night. I am a loner, but I have those I love and those who love me. I am quiet, but I must speak 80,000 words a day. I am a horse owner, but the leather of my saddle creaks and groans with disuse. I am a fan, but episodes are left unwatched. I am young, but I do not have much energy. I am in love, but I do not get to see her but once every few months. I am in a long distance relationship, but I'm not much good at setting up Skype dates or leaving her messages on Facebook. I am a performer, but I have not touched a stage in over a year. I am a gamer, but I only play one game. I am a dork, but I smoke cigarettes and drink black coffee. I am a nerd, but I was never much into comics and I do not wear glasses. I am mentally ill, but I talk to therapists as though I am upbeat and I am not behind on my schoolwork. I am a musician, but I cannot play an instrument though I've tried many times. I am a blogger, but I've let many die and I do not network well. I am of the computer generation, but I could not explain how a computer works. I am a daughter, but for many years I hated my parents. I am a sister, but I have to remind myself to speak to my siblings. I am a friend, but I prefer to keep to myself and I don't always have the right thing to say. I am American, but I don't know much about politics and I don't like apple pie. I am a vegetarian, but I have to eat fish sometimes. I am gay, but I don't know exactly how to explain so that other people who have questions understand. I am a student, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm much good at "critical thinking." I am sad, but I smile. I am an optimist, but I am cynical sometimes. I am guarded, but I spill myself. I am myself, but I don't know who I am. I am not much good at being the things I am.
0
Nov 8, 2013
Nov 8, 2013 at 11:55 PM UTC
I am not much good at being the things I am.
I am a writer, yet often the little daily goal box to "write something" remains unchecked. I am a photographer, but my camera has dust on it and my uploading sites are sparsely filled. I am an academic, yet for the most part I find myself only studying what is given to me while the material I've collected remains halfway read. I am a reader, but I keep rereading the same books and they don't get opened every night. I am a loner, but I have those I love and those who love me. I am quiet, but I must speak 80,000 words a day. I am a horse owner, but the leather of my saddle creaks and groans with disuse. I am a fan, but episodes are left unwatched. I am young, but I do not have much energy. I am in love, but I do not get to see her but once every few months. I am in a long distance relationship, but I'm not much good at setting up Skype dates or leaving her messages on Facebook. I am a performer, but I have not touched a stage in over a year. I am a gamer, but I only play one game. I am a dork, but I smoke cigarettes and drink black coffee. I am a nerd, but I was never much into comics and I do not wear glasses. I am mentally ill, but I talk to therapists as though I am upbeat and I am not behind on my schoolwork. I am a musician, but I cannot play an instrument though I've tried many times. I am a blogger, but I've let many die and I do not network well. I am of the computer generation, but I could not explain how a computer works. I am a daughter, but for many years I hated my parents. I am a sister, but I have to remind myself to speak to my siblings. I am a friend, but I prefer to keep to myself and I don't always have the right thing to say. I am American, but I don't know much about politics and I don't like apple pie. I am a vegetarian, but I have to eat fish sometimes. I am gay, but I don't know exactly how to explain so that other people who have questions understand. I am a student, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm much good at "critical thinking." I am sad, but I smile. I am an optimist, but I am cynical sometimes. I am guarded, but I spill myself. I am myself, but I don't know who I am. I am not much good at being the things I am.
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31
I reread the same books over and over And I don't care how many reasons you have to hate the series These books are like people Sure, they have flaws But I love them for everything they are I see their beauty, not their mistakes I will always love them Because they were my escape When everything was crumbling They were my friends When people weren't And rereading them Reminds me Of how beautiful it was To escape I don't care if you hate them Just like people, if you don't like them, leave them alone No on is forcing you to associate yourself with them You don't need to go around spreading news about their flaws Because you have many of your own My emotions Are connected to those books Because they saved my life So leave them alone
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Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 11:59 AM UTC
These books are my friends
Combinatrax. Anything of this persuasion is considered ageless beyond the matrix. Beyond time displacement, space and spaceships beyond the reach of human contemplation. I battled evil spirits when temperatures were frigid with no mittens crossed wooden bridges over rivers just so these words can be delivered. Combinatrax. Anything of this persuasion is considered ageless beyond the matrix beyond time displacement beyond the oasis for nothing is complete without every piece. who's receptive to this message? The tree of life provided me the weapon inside the zodiac divided in sections, categorizing five elements if i wrote this backwards you will still understand my penmanship ***** Lets show them what I see, the letter C, the sea of tranquility, Yemeja proof read this read for me. Pardon me but i must beacon your attention for more then 10 seconds, this effective mass burial method is so well measured. She calls it the ocean. I started the trends must I show you again?  Normal configurations are dismembered and disconnected self execution methods occur after dawn but before breakfast. Blood red moon. Lilith said death is the adjustment to her mood. Timeless writes rereading keeps you updated destroying frustration **** your favorite this is not a statement but a vibration for those are who are lost but made it..
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Mar 17, 2016
Mar 17, 2016 at 9:02 AM UTC
The Tree Of Life Provided Me The Weapon
People say I'm "in"sane but if losing myself in what makes me happy and drinking exactly 3/4 cup  of coffee every morning and only stepping on the white of zebra-crossings for luck and always having my music volume up to the maximum and spending my saturdays reading and my nights rereading and my mornings pretending that my life is a musical and having extra happy days when birds replace my alarmclock if all these things are what make you call me "in"sane I would never want you to even consider calling me "out"sane.
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Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 3:53 AM UTC
out sane
laugh at me You are normal Popular psyche exam You forget me so easily Oh How the mighty have fallen If I use that trite expression Would you still listen to Jazz and shooting stars Slipping through the confines of your eyelids I was the master Now the Slave Once a biochemist- Now blind children divine the future with my finger-bones Where is the peace i deserve? How dare this life pour itself out upon me! I have spent too much time inside this mind Trying to understand your question marks Rereading your sentences-learning to read between lines I am a young god or a soul I am an aged demon full of electrons Draw the line here I am a poet to snakes Dreaming of becoming a bird Birds dreaming of mouthfuls of insects
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Sep 30, 2012
Sep 30, 2012 at 6:34 AM UTC
Copper Coins
Trying to write poetry again after months and months is like rereading all my Shel Silverstein poem books & attempting to create a time machine to go back to my good old days
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Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 4:17 PM UTC
Impossible and improbable
Its 2 am, I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe I don’t want to remember the way you held me After too long apart I know that nothing is real anymore It’s all just pretending I’m pretending to be functional And you’re pretending you won’t get tired of my unintentional games This coffee is pretending it can wipe the sleep from the back corners of my insomniac brain In my mind’s eye I keep rereading your snapchat You have yet to open my sarcastic reply I have to be sarcastic in my replies to you I’m afraid if I’m real You will see how you can break me Snap the last whole piece left in the cavern of my chest I don’t want to be broken anymore Its 2 am, I’m learning how to breathe through the pain Of being alive when everything in me rebels against it I’m learning how to live with the sound of my heart beat In every moment, even though all I want is a bit of peace Quiet, in the way I never want to be with you again
0
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 1:16 AM UTC
This is my April
Receding back to my usual corner only passing time til I'm introduced to my coroner attempting to inject fine knowledge into semantic memory when a sudden wave of parinoier washes over the scenery Unfortunately having drank all this coffee with enough caffeine to **** the energizer bunny my parched throat compels a leathery thirst so I take another sip and act as the hearse but as I'm throwing the soiled cup away the coffee didn't quite go the way ...I had planed As I begin coughing out loud in quiet public spaces a disastrous look comes from their squinted little faces as if they've been trapped and caged liked vermin too long is some building deemed antiquarian attempting assertion over upcoming coercions I must admit I'm rather enjoying this disrupting there gathering of information with my uncontrolled vocal insertions but enough with my cynical social actions I must return to my work with which I have no passion and because I've become bored with rereading these lines I must retire to my higher cognitive confines
0
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 1:42 AM UTC
Because Defining in vitro Didn't Sound As Good
I wanna get really drunk and tell you all the things I'm too afraid to tell you sober, and I want you to call me drunk and whisper my name and tell me that you've been in love with me all along but we both know how stubborn i am and how proud you are and we both know that you deleted my phone number a long time ago and you're not planning on calling it any time soon but that's okay, I'm okay. I'm fine without you, no matter how much my heart burns and my head aches of your absence and how I find relief in my own puddle of tears, mixed with blood, bled only for you. You were my sunshine when i wanted rain, and my star when I wanted clouds and I guess I was just the skip of your heartbeat, and just a mere breath taken away, I still think about kissing you all the time, but it seems to hurt much more now as my hopes turned to cigarette butts and you being mine turned to dust. I guess you were just the fog polluting the air, and I found it hard to breathe around you, you were the summer rain nobody wanted but I liked summer rains, they washed all my pain away, while the sun was still shining. Maybe I was just the dirt on your shoes, you cleaned me over and over again, making me disappear and I always came back on rainy days where you accidentally step into a puddle of mud and I'm once again stuck on your shoes. The frickle of sparkle in your eyes has me thinking and everytime I look myself in the mirror and focus on my dull eyes, all I see is you. I wonder what kind of thoughts cross your mind every time you lay your eyes on me, and it's so wrong of me to be satisfied with the smile of pity on your face everytime you see me. And i keep rereading all the sad poems I ever wrote you and it made me realize how much I was in love with you and how that unrequited love is slowly dying and fading away, the wind taking all the dust and broken pieces you left of me and making them sink into the sea. Maybe this is your way of showing your power, the control you have over me, to brag to your friends about the pathetic girl who is in love with you and sees you through different eyes and finds you eternally fascinating. And as i look through the window pane of my dad's car while we‘re driving through town, i see you in my own reflection and I see you on the sidewalk holding some other's girl hand and I see you in the moon and all the stars and rushing cars and I can't help it but you're my every thought, you have possesed me and I don't think I'm gonna survive this storm and I'm not even sure that I want to. You're the fire and flame and I'm just a melted candle under your stare.
0
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 4:05 PM UTC
fire and flame
I wanna get really drunk and tell you all the things I'm too afraid to tell you sober, and I want you to call me drunk and whisper my name and tell me that you've been in love with me all along but we both know how stubborn i am and how proud you are and we both know that you deleted my phone number a long time ago and you're not planning on calling it any time soon but that's okay, I'm okay. I'm fine without you, no matter how much my heart burns and my head aches of your absence and how I find relief in my own puddle of tears, mixed with blood, bled only for you. You were my sunshine when i wanted rain, and my star when I wanted clouds and I guess I was just the skip of your heartbeat, and just a mere breath taken away, I still think about kissing you all the time, but it seems to hurt much more now as my hopes turned to cigarette butts and you being mine turned to dust. I guess you were just the fog polluting the air, and I found it hard to breathe around you, you were the summer rain nobody wanted but I liked summer rains, they washed all my pain away, while the sun was still shining. Maybe I was just the dirt on your shoes, you cleaned me over and over again, making me disappear and I always came back on rainy days where you accidentally step into a puddle of mud and I'm once again stuck on your shoes. The frickle of sparkle in your eyes has me thinking and everytime I look myself in the mirror and focus on my dull eyes, all I see is you. I wonder what kind of thoughts cross your mind every time you lay your eyes on me, and it's so wrong of me to be satisfied with the smile of pity on your face everytime you see me. And i keep rereading all the sad poems I ever wrote you and it made me realize how much I was in love with you and how that unrequited love is slowly dying and fading away, the wind taking all the dust and broken pieces you left of me and making them sink into the sea. Maybe this is your way of showing your power, the control you have over me, to brag to your friends about the pathetic girl who is in love with you and sees you through different eyes and finds you eternally fascinating. And as i look through the window pane of my dad's car while we‘re driving through town, i see you in my own reflection and I see you on the sidewalk holding some other's girl hand and I see you in the moon and all the stars and rushing cars and I can't help it but you're my every thought, you have possesed me and I don't think I'm gonna survive this storm and I'm not even sure that I want to. You're the fire and flame and I'm just a melted candle under your stare.
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14
i did what they told me to. i sat down, closed my eyes, and breathed. in, out, slowly, repeat. in this silence, i felt the weight of That days, all Those days, on my chest and shoulders. i played music, like you said. half opened eyes and tears rolling filled the acoustics in my bedroom. i breathed, as if it wasn't already hard enough. i heard and felt my heart breaking over and over, slower and slower with every breath. it made me want to stop breathing at all. if this is what you call "helping me", i don't want it. the silence rings in my ears. i can see myself reading and rereading headlines and texts. the denial i felt, the emptiness i felt. oceans of sadness and grief washed over me, i wanted this to be my end too. i wanted to stay in bed for as long as i could, i wanted to drown in my bedsheets and muffled sobs. i did what they told me to, to breathe. i don't want to anymore.
0
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 11:55 PM UTC
breathe
I follow rainbow gutter rivers back to my empty downtown apartment. When I was young, I looked up at these buildings in awe. Shiny glass towers full of giants, staring down at me, ant-like and enamored. You looked beautiful in your wedding dress, they said. A decade spent selling disposable garbage to the masses, rereading Ogilvy on Advertising and wearing uncomfortable shoes. Today I’m one of those giants. Do you still throw darts at my picture? Do you ever think about me, at all? A thousand miles away, a little girl asks her mother, to make her a cherry pie for her birthday. She knows it’s my favorite. If we have cherry pie, maybe he’ll come to my party, she says. Seven drinks later, I told my dad I was miserable. A hollow shell of anything I’d ever planned to be. He didn’t believe me. After all, I had never let him down, before. The last time we saw one another, we ate dinner on the floor. You smelled like you’d been on fire. A week later, I found a strand of your hair in my bed, and sighed. It was nearly sunrise when I arrived, leaving a trail of clothes all along my floor. Lying in bed, I thought about how long ago yesterday was. All those slow summer mornings, and three-day goodbyes. I stare down at the streets below, as innocent wide-eyed dreamers shuffle their feet on cold sidewalks. Somewhere a young boy leaves home for the first and last time, and I think about how beautiful you still look, in photographs.
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Apr 5, 2016
Apr 5, 2016 at 2:32 PM UTC
You smelled like you’d been on fire
I’m my own assassin. Whether it’s rereading texts that I know destroy me, or purposely looking through social media that I know will negatively affect me. I don’t know why I enjoy making myself suffer.
0
Feb 23, 2014
Feb 23, 2014 at 1:05 AM UTC
Assassin
<> *“rootless in shallows of momentary mayhem and no matter the change in horizon, there is always some thing to be found that could remind me of the worst ways I have ever been.”* from “Harlequin Days of Fecund Fervor” by Victoria <> rereading these your words, upset forces me to break a recent vow, my own writing banished, now faceless in the ranks of just another poet, busted in rank, chose my own decommissioning but then your momentary mayhem plea, fecund you, your third harlequin, states construct! stay the constriction, the recalling of our worst worsts, for there is always something to be found, recalled, that the horizon’s only constant is constant change, especially the worst worsts I am colored by your treats, your word plums ripe even out of season, and the mayhem is mine only mine, robbed you for it is I, rootless, given up my planting, then the cobblestones of old new york, trip me up, saying even old things such as you, have a prime yet to come, stones fecund seeding, predicting I am not done, just undone, and fetuses within this dying body, may yet be carried to term, may yet, maybe, may be, but may be caesarean stillborn rambling this, mostly musty unclear, so summarizations a sensible thing, a pardon requested for clarity is a sometime thing. rare are the days that the terracotta colored soil darkens my fingernails, it is dried blood from my scratching deep beneath the skin’s topsoil, but nothing grows that’s whole, warped are the word fruits. my soup is hot water with salt, a tasty dish apropos for one whose growths are rootless in the shallow, infertile dirt of stones that reside in the shallows of a garden of mine own fecund may-hem of the grey fall sky autopsy turvy
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Nov 7, 2019
Nov 7, 2019 at 11:56 AM UTC
rootless in shallows of momentary mayhem
<> *“rootless in shallows of momentary mayhem and no matter the change in horizon, there is always some thing to be found that could remind me of the worst ways I have ever been.”* from “Harlequin Days of Fecund Fervor” by Victoria <> rereading these your words, upset forces me to break a recent vow, my own writing banished, now faceless in the ranks of just another poet, busted in rank, chose my own decommissioning but then your momentary mayhem plea, fecund you, your third harlequin, states construct! stay the constriction, the recalling of our worst worsts, for there is always something to be found, recalled, that the horizon’s only constant is constant change, especially the worst worsts I am colored by your treats, your word plums ripe even out of season, and the mayhem is mine only mine, robbed you for it is I, rootless, given up my planting, then the cobblestones of old new york, trip me up, saying even old things such as you, have a prime yet to come, stones fecund seeding, predicting I am not done, just undone, and fetuses within this dying body, may yet be carried to term, may yet, maybe, may be, but may be caesarean stillborn rambling this, mostly musty unclear, so summarizations a sensible thing, a pardon requested for clarity is a sometime thing. rare are the days that the terracotta colored soil darkens my fingernails, it is dried blood from my scratching deep beneath the skin’s topsoil, but nothing grows that’s whole, warped are the word fruits. my soup is hot water with salt, a tasty dish apropos for one whose growths are rootless in the shallow, infertile dirt of stones that reside in the shallows of a garden of mine own fecund may-hem of the grey fall sky autopsy turvy
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Rereading conversations Remembering the past You love him You hate to say it I'm your metaphorical God You're depressed You want to go home You want to leave the town You already left You have to come back Life is rough Living as a misfit No one will understand Understand your depression Unless they have felt it Sadness for no reason Feeling like a freak Like a misfit Because of the way you feel Yet you have to appologize For the things they did They need to apologize to you For being an ignerent **** Expecting you to be happy When all you want to do is cry You thought you left this town Tear soaked bed Makeup smuged pillows Terrible memories Terrible mistakes Terrible guilt You thought you left it all behind But you didn't You have to be the stronger person Even though you're Breaking at the seams You aren't apologizing anymore For their ignorance They won't understand Just wanting to sleep Cry Cut Tear the skin off of their body The awkwardness The innocent watching You hate yourself And your feelings You want to go back to where you came from Leave this town Leave it a mystery if your coming back Ever Or never You're still stuck With the tear soaked bed And makeup smuged pillows You don't know if you can handle it I'm here I'm going to help you Help you through those terrible nights That, that I promise you will happen
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Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 5:15 PM UTC
Misfits
Hurricanes and foghorns mixing up a ranch on the outskirts of Nowhere The candlemaker doesn't seem to mind Reading and rereading collapsing tomes Cluttered desks, but all is calm inside. Twisted in corruption, knobbly fingers shaking Here's a man we'd call wizened. He's seen all sides of the foreground. There's a path around his house where nothing grows His soles made it Silent and statuesque he trod Quiet and calm in his solitude He fears nothing but unrest. Cryptic script mars the mahogany dresser A source of comfort, pride Mystery of bygone days of the infinite October When the sleepy sun would kiss the earth goodnight When the dust would catch the light A gift to the eyes as they lay themselves to rest.
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Feb 21, 2011
Feb 21, 2011 at 5:05 PM UTC
Candlemaker
This should not happen. I shouldn't be thinking of you. I shouldn't be looking forward to that day I will meet you once again. This should not happen I shouldn't be here lying awake At 1:48 Rereading all your messages. This should not happen. I should be able to leash upon these emotions. But they are starting to break free Against my wishes. This should not happen. Haven't I learned my lesson? Haven't I felt the repercussions That I brought upon myself before? This should not happen. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be building castles That one day are going to break. This should not happen. But I also tire of holding Everything inside me So should I just let things be? This should not happen. Not when I will be vulnerable again. Not when I will be miserable again Once things don't work out. I shouldn't let this happen. I really shouldn't. But I can't help it. Oh God I can't help it. I can't help it anymore.
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Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 2:07 PM UTC
This Should Not Happen