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mint Jan 22
I have felt the weight of so many feelings pile up inside me over the years
The top layer of myself is composed of a loss for words
I fell in love once and back then it was as if the words would never stop flowing out of me
Poem after poem pouring out of my soul about a girl who i ended up falling so completely out of love with
Ever since then i have looked at my notebooks, stray post it notes once equipped for a passionate flurry of words to be smattered onto and then neatly folded into an origami heart  
I’ve looked at them and felt only loss
Falling out of love overtook me as slowly as falling in
Shy moments persistently becoming noticed until i realized that
I wasnt who i used to be when this all began
And honestly?
I dont know who i am anymore
I really don’t
And perhaps that’s why i havent found the words yet
These past few months i have been urging myself to write, write, write,
You know you will want to remember what this is like so write
But i looked inside myself and all i saw was a confusing blob, a living person with questions for organs and i didn’t know what to do
What had become of who i was
And so i pushed writing away
Words that so easily poured from my fingertips, trapped behind a self made dam
I felt silly
I feel silly
How to i begin to describe that i no longer recognize myself
That the image of who i was
A scared angry depressed teenager has been smeared at, scratched away with rough greedy hands
And i am left looking at an empty husk of an adult
A living breathing ‘what could be’
And i am lost
And i dont know
I must really admit, i know nothing- at all.
i havent written a poem in months. I kept stressing and worrying so i decided to just, let my brain do what it wants. And this is wat it did.
mint Aug 2018
flat washes of ink in blue and pink
dragged fingers across the sky
leaving fuzz and glitter in their touch
heavy colors leave me feeling light
the trees give me breath in the morning crisp light and i am mist
floating and twinkling in the air
feet touch the floor
the cool air with its hands
interlocks with my fingers

my hand wishes for yours
it reaches and it falls
empty promises that i’d wish you made
so maybe i can hope for someday
the sky wasnt made- with its pretty pastel shades
to enjoy on my own

pretend with me
take my hand like you can
walk with me like our feet can eat the miles between us
let our lungs fill with freshness
let your lips touch mine
i know you cant but
please step into this painting of a world with me
hold my hand and smile at the watercolored sky
dont tell me yes or no or why
just kiss me under inky pink skies
apparently i wrote this 10/13/17. Things are different now, yet startingly the same. I dont know how to fall out of love with this person and I think. I’ve accepted that. Im ok. Me and her. Are ok. Even when we arent, i know we will be.
mint Jul 2018
slowly everything that we once were drips out of me
i know it will take time
for when you loved me you embedded yourself into every part of my being
i will wait until it falls below me
like i’m the top half of an hour glass
i will wait with time dripping at my feet
i will wait to be ok
i finally got closure fellas. And shes my friend now and im happy with how things are  i just need to wait. For now im still,... in love with her. A part of me feels like there will always be a tiny cell in my body that will always love her. I dont know. I know that i need to move on and that I will move on. Its time to work towards happiness again. And I trust it wIll come soon.  Its only a matter of time
mint Jun 2018
im so sorry
i miss you so much
i didnt mean to miss you this much
but i dont know how to *******

stop
mint Jun 2018
moments when i can run my fingers against the fogged up windows and see

the glass feels so thin right then
like we could just make one synchronized move together and it would break

through the glass i can see calmness
ease
love
there is no wall anymore, no glass
only surmountable obstacles we know we can endure

just past this glass

the glass isn’t going anywhere anytime soon though
it will stay no matter how much we pound at it

our hands are still bleeding from the last time we tried, remember?
of course you do
it feels like you take pride in never forgetting

i know- this never can be
i know it’s just pretend
but i like to wipe my sleeve across the glass anyways
eyes squinting
heart racing
just to see a glance of what could be
i’ll press my lips against the glass
pretend we’re kissing
hold my hand
imagine it in your head
while i place my hand on cold hard glass instead
imagine the heat was able to transfer through
imagine how warm my arms would feel around you

but that isn’t what we do

you love to fog up the glass
standing there from the other side
you love to push this away
even though i’m already as far away
as i could ever be
and while you hastily breath a puff of vapor into the freezing air
i watch as it blurs my view
distorts your face
and i turn away from the window
push my back against bricks
and wonder how i could shake the world so the glass would shatter and lead to a path
right to you
but there’s nothing i can do

we stand on opposite sides
wishing left and right was just
Here.
yeet im being angsty for no reason. Long distance cruSh ****
mint Jun 2018
I want to focus on the good with you
I want to simmer all of what is us, and wait for the excess to evaporate
with all it gone I can see the basics
you make me smile
making you laugh makes me feel warm
the sound of your voice is one of the best sounds on earth
my world feels aligned when I’m with you

you make me happy

these are the basics
the bare essentials of what makes up you and I
And it’s all I need
am i talking about the same girl i wrote a break up poem about??? Uuuuuuuh. Yes.
mint Apr 2018
you felt like an eternity
beating hearts
desperate need
an hour long conversation-

perennial

why... can’t I remember the sound of your voice anymore?

you made us into mayflies, love

an eternity looped into one day

you were so skilled at that
twisting time to suit you

and i was always here thinking that it just wasn’t our time

but our time was forever
but our time
is nothing
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