Forget his name
Forget his face
Forget his kiss
His warm embrace
Forget tge love once knew
Remember he has someone new
Forget him when they paly your song
Remember when you cried all night long
Forget how close you once were
Remember he has chosen her
Forget how you memorized his walk
Forget the way you used to talk
Forget the things he used to say
Rememeber he has gone away
Forget his kuagh frget his grin
Forget the dimples on his chin
Ftget the way

Memories cant be chosen. Memories just come and go as your brain pleases. Whether you want to remember something or not. Its not really up to you. Those times when you really want to remember everything you studied for a test or when you want to forget about the guy who broke your heart.

In my case the memories of people calling me names, tripping me, making me feel hopeless. I want to forget, but my brain wont allow it. They will always be there. I will never know when i will remember those times. They might come when im at my happiest. I tried making myself believe its like that for a reason, but i dont know anymore.

Those memories of your first kiss or those of the time you went to your first school dance. Those are the memories you want to keep. The good ones. The ones that make you smile when you think its physically impossible. Write them down and put them in a box, because maybe one day when you forget to smile and you also forget them, you will rememeber.

Treasure the people you love. Forget the people who make you cry. Ignore those who hurt you.  And love like there is no tomorrow. Make memories. Make some who make you laugh and make some that make you cry.

And rememeber.  Be who you want to be.

Memories cant be chosen. Memories just come and go as your brain pleases. Whether you want to remember something or not. Its not really up to you. Those times when you really want to remember everything you studied for a test or when you want to forget about the guy who broke your heart.

In my case the memories of people calling me names, tripping me, making me feel hopeless. I want to forget, but my brain wont allow it. They will always be there. I will never know when i will remember those times. They might come when im at my happiest. I tried making myself believe its like that for a reason, but i dont know anymore.

Those memories of your first kiss or those of the time you went to your first school dance. Those are the memories you want to keep. The good ones. The ones that make you smile when you think its physically impossible. Write them down and put them in a box, because maybe one day when you forget to smile and you also forget them, you will rememeber.

Treasure the people you love. Forget the people who make you cry. Ignore those who hurt you.  And love like there is no tomorrow. Make memories. Make some who make you laugh and make some that make you cry.

And rememeber.  Be who you want to be.

I'm sitting on a break with my hands and my feet in space and time, but my thoughts in another dimension

I only remember the taste of a cupcake being a little bit salty but still so sweet that I don't think about the cavities I'll incur while enjoying what I conclude to be the best thing in my life

And hands in time, and feet in space, I used to watch you putting on your watch but never checking it because you always knew what the moment was

My cupcake is gone, and it has been for a little while, but at least I still rememeber the taste, and I have pain in my teeth as a reminder to a memory I'll never forget

I'm sitting on a break, and im breaking

I only want you to come back to me

i find myself unable to sleep,
crippled.
lost
confused
this anxiety riddles me with questions
memories
& fears.

i rememeber the first time you touched me
i felt needed
i felt at ease
i felt comforted
your hands felt like home
your words sounded like a song
i felt alive.
i felt love,
or atleast, what i thought to be love.

why did i find home in your hands?
why did your hands offer me a place my father never did?
why did my fathers hands feel like foreign land
and his voice sound like an empty room?
i found missing pieces of my father in you
in your touch
   your voice
   your laugh

the moments of touch felt like pleasure unleashed
but when you would leave
i would cry and try to scrub,
scrub my sins away
scrub my hate away
scrub the distaste away
scrub my own skin away,
because it felt foreign.

why did i find pleasure in sin?
why did i find joy in the pits of hell?
why?

why are you here again,
touching me.
loving me
searching for a release in me.

i should have said no,
but i never knew how to turn down love
or what looked like it.

Words
words to say
words to say for those who possess a quiescent soul
vibrations forming into susurrus breathes,
spun by Love.
Love is an oxymoronic, overly celebrated,
seemingly sempiternal happening that is eternally ephemeral,
lasting
a
very
short
t
i
m
e.
Love speaks with words that no matter how
dis-joint-ed
sound wonderfully euphonious -
a sonic euphoria
a billet-doux made from absolutely nothing
but
the very
rawness
of being absolute.
Love is a little more than
chimerical.
Love is a clinquant aubade that requires redamancy.

redamancy.

Love requires love to exist in it's eternal shortness,
to exist
in the mere seconds that are allowed
to exist in the ephemeral time frame of a blip in space
of decades and decades that no one will rememeber and that will not matter to the masses
and
will mean
absolutely nothing to everyone else except
for the one that is awake enough to look directly at
Love.

I will always remember your smile
I will always remember your kitchen tiles
I will always remember
Your daring witt
I rememeber your love
every single bit
I will always remember your last call
If i could i would record them all
I will always remember your laugh
and how it made me laugh too
I remember it all
I will always remember you.

empty rooms, with walls of mold and smoke
fridges with wine and beer
the halls are littered with empty nights and bottles
work filled days
drunken stumbling nights

we live in a bubble you say
an empty bubble with nothing but liquor soaked emotions
and stress filled minds

please come make something real again
please take me to your single bed and give me something to hold onto
dont mind my craziness, and wine breath
ignore my empty cigarettes packs
and my faded suntan and freckles

i just wanna sleep in nothing
be my warmth
dont let me fade into the bubble

take me out into the world
show me all ive been looking for
remind what ive forgotten ive lost
show me the mountains ive missed
and the grass i used to lie in
rememeber when
i was good at something
that didnt mean sick in the morning

but you saw the faded suntan and the freckles
you saw my empty cigarette packs and tasted my wine breath
so now ill fade back to where youll never find me
in my liquor soaked dreams

I miss Buffalo Bill and Jersey Lil'
Jesse James among other names
Like Hopalong and Big John Wayne
Cooper,Cagney and,
What's that Indians name?
Oh yes
Cochise.
The man of war, the man of peace.

Jimmy Dean and Johnny Ray
Otis,Sammy and Doris day all yesterday
And yet
I bet there's no one quite like them
Not like Borgnine,Heston or Glen Ford.
Rememeber West and Ward
The caped crusaders
Or Roy Thinnes and the Martian Invaders?

I miss them all
The magic of the casting call and Lucille Ball.
Where did they go?
Moved on no doubt to another show and more greasepaint
Ain't life dull Without it full
Of these great stars.

Paper, pen, paper, pen here we are again. unable to meet cuz there is too much to write. Lost in my mind about life. Struggling with always wanting what I cant have. never knowing if that path less traveled by is right.

Sitting here as the sun shines on scars of years past. Small little reminders of the pain endured.
lessons learned.
   tears shed.
Relaxing, thinking "what if". dreaming dreams outta reach just to keep hope.

A million obstacles to overcome in life. with so many choices to make to put yourself where you want to be.
Attempting to keep faith that in the end you'll end up where you're meant to be.
Who you're meant to be.
All of which can happen if you rememeber life will pass you by if you dont accept it.

If your heart breaks,
Life goes on.
If you loose a job,
Life goes on.
If you fail school,
Life goes on.

The world has gone this long without you. But there is always room to join.
First you have to try.
try to change
try to take a chance.
try to be happy with the choices youve made and will make.
You just gotta try.

It's only when your alone do we forget what a true pain in the *** people tuely are.
Maybe for some it's just missing waking up next to warm body your face burried deep within her hair.

Others may be something altogather different and for others it is a true friendship far beyond a cheap **** it's the laughter i miss.
Thoose moments I took for granted i guess it's just her I miss.

It was nine years of hell mixed with touches of heaven.
I had tried to erase the memorie with gallons of ***** and cheap flings
Forgettible faces *** can be empty at times and can do more dammage than we know.

The bar that sits only a few paces from her door is still there.
The places all the same yet they seem cold as I am no longer welcome there
Or was it just me and a paranoid refletion.
portsmouth is a strange place indeed where on one side of the street are people sitting outside in the summer sipping cocktails eating overpriced meals.
and right across the street people wait in line at the soup kitchen.

niether group looks towards the other like the old color lines during the times in america we'd all like to forget guilt is a ***** indeed.

Still no matter the problems in this world it always goes back to are own simple lives why you may ask?

Cause we cant solve the worlds problems and thoose who belive they can seem.
to have this habbit of always getting shot.
So here I sit in thumpers the local yuppie bar I used to look at from her window.

the view was a lot better  from her place but the drinks are a lot better here.

Do I miss her?
Yes.
Will I knock on her door tonight and beg her for her love like some desperate love struck fool?
No. I just sit here get drunk talk to some woman and if I'm lucky get laid close my in the mist of passion and pretend it's her.

Maybe I'm a coward but I'm  also a man and we all need that contact even if for only for one night.
If only I could reverse that view maybe then I'd just sit there and remember just what a pain in the *** she was.  

And rememeber why I'm in this goddamed bar to start with.
So I'll drink to her in my seat by the window underneath the neon sign.
And pretend that my life was misery with her so I can stand this crap i'm  living now.

Women are the worst drug you'll ever know.
But ****** there fun and I'll die befor I leave em alone.

Daddy, why are you hitting me?
It really hurts now, can't you see?
you are putting me in pain,
these secrets I hold I can't contain.
I am only four
there goes another glass you pour.
put the bottle down,
get yourself together, stop acting like a clown.
I just wanted your love, but my heart has a different kind of beating.
The kind of beating that's physical and full of shame,
daddy I am done playing this game.
who's that girl, what happened to mommy?
as you are seducing that girl right here in front of me.
I see your done too...
you move away
to become "clean" so to say.
those new kids of yours, sure love their dad.
do they know about the past you have had?
you don't hit them like you hit me?
you don't drink or smoke like you did when I was three.
I just wanted your love and affection
but you give it to someone else, why make corrections?
Do you still remember me, rememeber us?
the wife and kids you left in the dust?
Daddy, why'd you have to leave me...
leave me with this secret I can't tell anybody.
Mommy doesn't suspect a thing,
I am keeping the secret like you told me.
but if anybody asks,  I shall tell.
about the time I lived in hell.

Life and cigarettes burn to fast.
We waste are time.
So within the moment you bask.

A pretty face has to age.
Every story meets  it's final page.
When life breaks you over its cost.
Then you'll sing a lullaby to the lost.

The lights in the street hide all but the truth my
dear.
You can act.
But you can never mask your  fear.

In dark rooms you sell all but your soul.
A wicked moment a stolen encounter.
All things take there toll.

That sweet face has tuirned hard your so warm
to be cold.
A secret that the bitter have already told.

Can you wash away there stench as from
the past you are tossed.
In dark corners blood stained angles
sing a lullaby  to the lost.

Is this hell or a nightmare  that knows no end.
A cell to most.
To others the only refuge inwhich they
can depend.

she falls to the floor a lost look needle  
in arm.
Most will rememeber a doomed fool.
Others her wreckless charm.

She was  a ******  and a easy lay.
More bones are broken.
Over words others say.

She sold flesh but payed the ultimate
cost.
In a dingy corner of th world.
Were the angles sing a lullaby to the lost.

Teach me to love you right
So that I can love you best
Teach me to how to fight
So you can worry less

Teach me to care for you
By caring for me too
This mutual thing we do
It is what binds us two

Teach me to crave you more
So that I'll miss you when I bore
Teach me to hate you more
So that I can love you forevermore

Teach me to entirely forget
What and where broken hearts went
Teach me to rememeber sorrows, so I can cry myself wet
Teach me to smile for tomorrow, so I can laugh at memories when we met

Teach me to say goodbye
To you dear my heart still flies
Teach me never to pass by
So I can keep going on, 'til this heartache dies

What I see throughout time
Is people fighting
People not getting along
Not willing to admit
When they have done wrong

War is never good
It's not a winable  fight
Striving to succeed
Striving for what is right

It kills people
Like nothing ever before
It takes more life's
Then a gangster war

It takes innocent souls
It makes us a matter
It fuels the fire
Like wood
With a gas starter

In the name of justice
We go into other lands
We put our noses in it
Just to make a stand

In the end
It is always the same
It is not always the one that starts it
That is the one to blame

So what do we do
What do we say
To the lost soul of a child
That stood in the guns way

I am sorry son
Its not your fault
We are just doing our job
To get the bad ones caught?

Talking makes more action
Then a gun in the hand
Rememeber that next time
When you enter someone elses land

We cannot fight
The unwinable battle
Because in the end it proves nothing
Like a horse without a saddle

We send our loved ones
Not knowing the cost
The price is more then a penny
Because our loved ones become

Lost

we pay for freedom in blood and bone.
the lives of our soldiers, not only soldiers humans like you and me
and we treat them like s**t for following orders and them remember them in stone
when will we stand up and support them? when will we leave them be?
they make to the choice to pay for our freedom with there blood and bones
and yet we are ungrateful, i will rememeber your soldiers, and it won't be in stone

They left him there. On the open fields of misery. He didnt even know how to spell his name. The doubts and anger clouded his brain. He was just so angry. They brought him ashore and then they just left him there. It didnt make sense to him. Was it something he didnt do. For he couldnt rememeber why he deserved their tourture. They left him there and he didnt even know how to spell his name.

It's been plenty of times that I thought about you.
This is just to let you know I haven't forgot about you.
I hope you haven't forgot about me because I wouldn't be the man that they see, not without you.
I still rememeber the day we first meet.
I remember our first kiss better than my first breath.
And before you love seemed worthless but after you it all seems worth it.
On the road to the next you gave me these high beams
You're the reason for this wordplay and rhyme scheme.
Somehow you caused all of the red in my eyes and by surprise you were also my visine.
Now I don't have a destination so I need no GPS
But my favorite drug is affection and their is no CVS
But notice how I've yet to run
The best of me has yet to come
But when it does you still gon have it
If not then I fear you'll grab it.
But the first time you did it ended so tragic
But the force that connects us must mirror that of a magnet
Going back is clearly not an option though
Because breaking my heart was very optional
Yet you chose the road of a murderer by trying to **** my soul but you only put it in the hospital.
Since that day I still haven't made a full recovery
Now I got other girls out here loving me
But an injury sustained heart can only have so much to give which in turn makes not wanna speak on any of this publicly
With all this uttered and said
Hopefully this composition doesn't go over your head
Just know that I'll still love you for eternity and Ill find the heart to forgive you for all that you've done before I'm over and dead

old.... still,
kind,  
strength steps in,  
new paradigms to be created
all in long, past passion

yet still able,
yet ever will able,
to grow wisdom,


they...out there beyond
find new a rythmn
and  purpose
is it to be....

on all varigated,
arangements..... a new twist
perhaps....
some order, to the paradox
of the aboves.

what our...
never-ever-never world
should be,
we are a realm of
be all, end all, have all.

elephant's, we are to faded parchment memories.
the  mouse within,
loves a quiet,
realm of the wise....  
and careful, considered...
thought

but you...you....
fall beneath the thunder
of my steps...
in vain attempts,
to gain insight into
the hyperbole of my elephant's spinning dance

and the back scratching monkey's  never silent thought's
initiating as they be,
into the colour spectrum
of the latest...
popular...populace, fearful fancy.

be quiet as needs be,
says the mouse
the world will...
awake to wisdom,

spend fruitful time...
awaiting the calm to break

never is it above strength
allowed
the roles, the gifts,
we are given.

be  in on the  elephant's  new rythmn
and far above the monkeys purile, speculation

need, need, needs,rememeber awlays... quiet, desperate passion,  
and to fall gently
beneath the winds of change

be, find, do,
the extra-ordinary
see the kindness in the eyes
of all you encounter
and unfailingly,
return
the hopeful glace

burn, burn the oldest order
set the worlds,
infinite whorls......aright

and then
sing the stars
to sleep...
in the purple,
winkled, wrinkled hours
of the calm and pristine
shadowed span of the night.

MY UNCLE
You werent related by blood
But related by love
You made me laugh
But now youre making me cry
You left your life
Hanging on that rope last night
Im holding back these tears
Not wanting to get red blotchy patches
I dont want my sisters to see
because they dont like you very much
Because of some of the silly things you have done
Shut in my room
Thinking about the times
WE would be play fighting
You would pin me to the ground
Tickle me until I was in pain from laughing so much
i rememeber
When it was hot
The sun shining bright
You would get smart at me
And I would be smart back
You would pick me up
And throw me in the pool
I would try splash you
But fail
the time it was the night before christmas
And you came home from shopping late for your children
And got me to help wrap the girts
We woke
Not expecting anything form you
But you got us gorgeous earrings
I know it was little
But it meant alot
And IM holding back
Not letting these water warks
Fall from my eyes
Uncle
I miss you
And I know youve done bad
BUt youve done good too
Protected my mum
Had everyones bacl
Helped others out
Raised to little boys
But they now have to live with their mother
She wont look after them
Not the best home
But its their mother
But uncle
I love you
No matter what
I hope your having fun now
Happy
Watching your boys
Watching everyone
We love you

I spend most of my time alone.

I take all of the day
going over what makes me, me.
And what has made me, me.

I go over any memory my mind has
experienced, collected and preserved.

I pick them apart,
I try to see what when wrong
when I didn't walk away,
and what could've happened had I said no.

I pick apart the bad memories,
the memories that caused me pain,
and still do today.

I study them.
I cry over them,
I sometimes cut over them.

I rememeber the bad memories more than the good ones.
The bad memories seem to live
just below the surface,
while the good memories
I have to search a whole ocean for.

I question myself on this preservation of pain.
I let it sleep on my shoulders
and darken my eyes.
I let it enjoy me,
enjoy every piece of me.


I spend most of my time alone.

Sometimes I make no sense at all.

But to the memories inside me
that make me me
that controls every part
comes in pieces

pieces of me.