Did they ever tell you about the magic in your soul?
did they ever tell you how ethereal you truly are?
do they ever tell you how even on your bad days,
you still shine?
do they ever tell you that you are a flower?
that will bloom at its own accord
according to its own rules ?
a wild flower?
did they ever tell you how beautiful you are?
or how the universe is captured in your eyes?
do they ever tell you about the stars that roam around your aura?
how your smile can cause planets to collide?
forgive them if they didn't,
because i am here
that baby you are a fire blazing,
never ever let them tame you
never let them extinguish you
never let them tell you that you burn too high
or your fire is too low
because you are enough.
here, now and today.
you are enough,
today, tomorrow and forever.
don't let them tell you anything different.
my pain was never easy
it never made beautiful couplets on a page.
instead my pain was danger,
it left me breathless and scared.
corners of my life lurked with shadows,
shadows of past experiences.
I prayed about it,
talked to a psychiatrist about it,
said a few chants about it
But my pain always knew how to enter
and take as it pleased.
my pain was never an aesthetic,
instead - it was me lying in blood stained sheets on a cold morning,
laying there while everyone continued their lives exploring.
my pain left me in bed,
with death tattooed down my left vein.
when sadness didn’t seem enough anymore,
my pain would ask for more.
it always demanded more,
& more is what i gave.
as you look in the mirror.
you say a prayer,
hoping God can erase this hate.
you hate you.
how did we get here?
you try to hide it,
hide the many tears and the scars.
you hear people say "she is so beautiful, so bold, so carefree",
your skin crawls.
you try and hide,
but everyone can see,
they can smell it.
your body is aching,
from all the stares.
your soul is rotting,
from all the times self-love was promised, but never given.
you have an enemy,
this enemy is you,
it has always been you.
i find myself unable to sleep,
this anxiety riddles me with questions
i rememeber the first time you touched me
i felt needed
i felt at ease
i felt comforted
your hands felt like home
your words sounded like a song
i felt alive.
i felt love,
or atleast, what i thought to be love.
why did i find home in your hands?
why did your hands offer me a place my father never did?
why did my fathers hands feel like foreign land
and his voice sound like an empty room?
i found missing pieces of my father in you
in your touch
the moments of touch felt like pleasure unleashed
but when you would leave
i would cry and try to scrub,
scrub my sins away
scrub my hate away
scrub the distaste away
scrub my own skin away,
because it felt foreign.
why did i find pleasure in sin?
why did i find joy in the pits of hell?
why are you here again,
searching for a release in me.
i should have said no,
but i never knew how to turn down love
or what looked like it.
In you i found solace
In you i found comfort
In you i found everything i knew
I have known you the longest
I have lived with you always
I have known you since i was a young girl
before the world stripped me of my innocence
When i thought everything was pure.
I have been engulfed in your maze,
Years and years of trying to escape,
But to my dismay i keep failing.
You are me and i am you ,
The day i met you
everything turned so blue.
I struggle to tear you away,
you keep chasing my happiness away.
You came at my darkest hour,
but now ,
Even at my brightest you remain.
// 26 - 9 - 15
despite what has happened to your heart
no matter how many times you have cried and begged for the pain to stop and your heart to heal
despite the pain you felt when your first love became your 20th and your 20th became your first
no matter how many times they keep walking out and banging the door in your face
even if you end up loving till time stands still and no one is there to bask in your feels
because no one deserves to walk away with your love and cause you to never love again.
no one deserve to make you stop loving.
if loving her was supposed to be easy,
then maybe she wouldn't resemble art.
because she was like a painting placed in a gallery,
a painting hidden behind the beautiful sculptures.
everyone always admired her from afar,
attention focused on the beauty that is easy to see.
no one ever got close enough,
close enough to see the beauty behind her madness.